Even If I Don't Win, I still have won : )

Today is the cut off if you plan on participating in the essay contest over at JudithHeartsong.  Check out some of her art work on her profile page.  She is very talented.  I admit I would love to have one of her prints hanging in my home and have the boasting rights but there is some stiff competition out there.  The one Braxton wrote about his daughter is very lovely and I certainly see it worthy of winning.  Some ppl wrote about their beloved pets or spouses and even one wrote about a forest and someone about Love it's self.  Journal Land is full of talented writers.

As far as I have read my essay is the only one where the object of affection is God and some how I think that puts mine at a disadvantage of winning.  I may be wrong but I have gotten used to my journal being over looked because of the Jesus Factor.  I am almost positive that my journal will never be featured again on the Editors List because of my abortion entries lol.  And that is just fine with me.  I do not write for a mass audience and am not a people pleaser.

When I wrote the essay it never occurred to me to write it on anyone other than Jesus.  Truly he is "the object of my affection".  Sure I could of wrote a banging one about my husband and what he means to me or about my blessings I call my children.  But above them my heart still belongs to Jesus, The Lover Of My Soul.  It is because of my love for Christ that my love for my family and friends and others can be what it is.

Many people have told me how they have been touched by what I wrote. Some one called it more of a love letter than an essay. I have been visiting a prayer room in the chats that one of my friends runs and was encouraged to share it there.  I also read it for my friend Becky who was one of my best online friends who has gone off line but we still talk on the phone.  She wants me to send a copy of it to her so she can read it at her home fellowship.  It goes with a theme they have been studying.

I did finally read it at church Sunday.  I org. wanted to read it Wed night but my Pastor insisted it should be read Sunday when more people would be there to hear it.  I gave him a copy to read and he couldn't believe I wrote it.  Yes, that came from me, I told him as I blushed.  I have gotten used to getting up in front of my church family and speaking, it is not such big deal as some people would think. It is even easier for me if I have what I am going to say printed out in front of me.  I don't share what is written on my blog that often with them but I really wanted to share my essay with them. When Bill spoke of my webpage as he called it (funny to hear your Pastor Pimp out your blog) and how it was a blessing I laughed.  I got up and said, "Yes, I am a blogger" like you would in an AA meeting.  But I doubt that half the people know what a blog is. 

I did not anticipate the reaction it would evoke in some of them. Reading it out loud is different from just reading it in your head.  I found my self emotional on some points, the inflection in my voice was not planned. But the passion I spoke with was the same passion my fingers typed it out with.  When I stepped down and saw that grown men had tears streaming down their cheeks because of what I had read I was in awe.

It made me think that maybe I should get it published some where.  I have no clue how to go about that.  I spent a good part of the afternoon yesterday looking at magazine websites that I might send it into.  But then I think of rejection, how it would break my heart to see something I put my whole heart into be deemed not worthy of print.  I am told that is part of being a writer and to expect it.  If any one knows of a good place I should send this essay into let me know.  I do not read many magazines or newspapers.  Not because I don't like to read but because of the money a subscription would require.

So as my title of this post states, even if I don't win a contest I still have won because I got to share what I wrote and many ppl where touched by it in some way or another.  No bigger prize than that!

When I wrote it I did not know where the words came from, they just poured out.  Reading it over now, I must give credit to some of the inspirations; the song "Jesus, Lover Of My Soul" and a book I read a few years ago called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Elridge and ofcourse God's Word, The Bible.