Good thing for the extra charter limit. I just may need it today.

I have been a stay at home mom for four years now and happy and even proud of it.  It has not always been easy, we have had to go without some luxuries but I think our family has benefited from having me in the home and being with the little ones and being able to stay on top of the older ones school stuff and clubs.  Now granted, I am not the best of house wives.  I am not the most faithful at house cleaning and laundry.  But I have praying that part of me would change and that my attitude about house work would change.  But more often then not I feel like just the maid on the verge of being fired.  And I feel like that is just what my husband has done.  No, he didn't say in the Donald Trump voice "You're fired" but that he wants me to go back to work.  We have gone round and round with this topic for the last year.  All the pro's and the con's.  In my mind the con's way out weigh the pro's.  Now don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to return to the work force, be around adults all day long and have normal adult conversations, and earn money, do something that society actually sees valuable.  Cuz lets face it, when you tell ppl you are a stay at home mom these days they give you a funny look and you know what they are thinking, oh you poor suppressed women, or oh what a lazy women who makes her husband support her.  It's that constant struggle women face in these modern times, Work Vs Raising the children.  When I grew up it was the norm to me that my mom worked. I can only remember when I was a very small child did she stay home with us 24/7.  And honestly looking back, I wish she had been a stay at home mom, keeping an ever doting eye on us.  She would know what trouble I was getting myself into, and not be so shocked when I came home a pregnant teen.  Me and my siblings really had the wool pulled over on our parents cuz they worked ALL THE TIME and had no clue what we really was up too.  So when my husband suggested afew years ago that I stay home permeant I was a bit shocked, because I just assumed my role would be me working too but happily I let go of the stupid job I was working at the time.  It was only Wal-Mart. But then after about a year or so of that I went back to work on the weekends at a Banquet Hall as a server.  I enjoyed it very much and was happy to be making extra money for the house.  But then I had our third child and myhusband could not handle taking care of all three of them on the weekend himself.  He would always find ways for me to call into work and keep me home.  You can only do that so often before your employer gets rid of you.  So when they did I again became a stay at home mom full time.  My husband now has a wacky schedule, its basically an on call type of situation.  He could be working first shift one day and third the next and then the next week second.  It is never a set schedule and would be impossible for me to work around it without enlisting baby sitters or day care.  And we all know how costly day care is and I really don't want to put my babies in daycare, when I could be raising them myself.  Why work and then fork over more than half of it over for childcare.  Plus there is the other factors of extra gas each week, and depending on what job I get, the clothes I would have to buy, and also my own lunches or dinners. And now, I have been out of work for so long, who wants to hire me anyway?  What kind of job could I possibly find with the little experience and education I have? One that is for low wages for hard work, make you work the weekend shift kind of job I bet.  So here I am a broken women who finds herself with the dilemma of what to do.  Sure we are going threw a rough patch right now, and really do need the extra income but we have gone threw these times before and God has always provided.  Here is where submission sucks.  He pulled out that card, not in so many words but he knows I want to be one of those submissive wives who listens to her husband. To top it off he even said this is what he thinks he is hearing from God.  Realllllyyyy?  What else has God been telling you dear? Cuz this is the first time you have said anything about hearing from him on anything.  And don't you think God would be telling me the same thing? I would be hearing it loud and clear in prayer too?  Can you tell I am hurt?  I feel like he doesn't think much of what I do, and I know he doesn't, he has told me so.  I have made my whole identity as a SAHM, under his request mind you, and now he wants me to change all that.  I know he just wants some help and this is the best way in his mind.  *Sigh and with a tear* So folks, looks like I am going to go and find me a job.