School Daze

I remember, but not in great detail because either I have blocked it out or I have healed from it and have choosen to leave it behind me, but I remember how it was for me in school. Like I have said before my parents moved alot, so this ofcourse ment I went to many differnt schools.  Josh and I have vowed not to do that to our kids. But I remember how it was with kids teasing kids or that big jerk who for some reason singled you out everyday, I also remember having some realy good friends and learning life lessions about friendship and how the world works.  When I lived in Wis. for my elementry school days, I dont remember being picked on too much, I remember fun days on the playground, making snow forts and playing king of the mountain, I remember GirlScout meetings and selling cookies and having sleep overs. I remember jump rope with silly rymes and one fight I had with two friends that I went right to my journal our teach had given us and wrote each detail about it.  I remember taking Viola lessions but quitting because I couldnt learn to read notes.  I remember that yes I did have to go to the special ed class for reading and math, but it was great, no one teased me cuz of it, and I had friends there too.  I think my nightmare days of school started when we moved to Vegas and I started 5th grade.  Ofcourse moving and going to a new school was hard in the first place, but it wasnt the first time we have ever moved and I was somewhat used to that game of being the new kid.  But this was differnt, all of sudden it didnt matter who I was, it was all about my clothes and my shoes. I had no clue about those things, getting shoes at PayLess was not a crime to me, yet to the girls in my class it was the funniest thing. Then the other teasing started in about my hair and hygine and peeing in my pants. Most of it all right out lies, but you know once you get a lable it takes forever to get away from it.  For 5th and 6th grade I mostly stuck to my self, I dont remember having a best friend in school. At home Consuelo was my best friend, she lived in my apartment complex but she was older and in a differnt school. I was the little girl on the playground that sat by herself at the wall or when there was a class party prefered to sit by the adults and listion to them talk.  I remember once contimplating my sueside and that I would clean out my desk and just leave a note there to be found and read to thewhole class telling them Thanks for being so mean to me or even better to make them feel real bad, tell them thanks for being such good friends.  Can't believe I am about to cry here, I guess those hurts are not fully healed. Jr High wasn't anybetter.  It seemed like I had a double life from school me to at home me. What friends I did have like Tonay and Consuelo, they was out side of school.  I did have one friend who I stuck to nicknamed Cricket (her brother was my first but she never knew about it). She was one grade ahead of me and I would hang out with her all the time and she would come to my house for sleep overs and all the fun stuff girls do.  But after I had gotten jumped after school, she some how didnt want to even talk with me and cut me out of her life.  I HATED Jr High!  There was the one girl who I always wished I would wake up and be her. Melissia.  She was cool and popular. She was tall not bone thin but not fat.  She always had on the cool clothes like the ganster nikies and the starter jacket (that was the thing to wear at the time) She always was with a big group of friends and allways passed notes in class. She always had some one to go with her to the big dances. And she was the biggest one to be a Bitch to me. I always wished for a freaky friday sort of thing to happen to us.  Where she would wake up as me and I would wake up as her.  More so that she could walk one day in my old worn out shoes and see what my life was like.

My point here is I dont ever remember telling my mom how misrable I was.  I know my parents loved me but they had to work and it seemed like I didnt want to bother them with how it was at school. Ofcourse when I got jumped after school my dad took action the best he knew how and got me peper spray to carry. But that back fired. I kept it on my key chain and carried it with me all the time. At luch one day one of those horrible girls pretended to be nice to me and fooled me and took my keys when I wasnt looking and she sprayed it in the caffiteria during passing time. OMG I wanted to die. I got suspended for 3 days because of it, aperantly it was considered a wepon and I wasnt even supsosed to have it at school.

Highschool was better, with each move I reinvented myself and stayed under the "Mean Girls" radar.  I was somewhat cool. But I never forgot what it was like to be the outcast and I spoke up for those who was being teased when I could.

What has brought up all these thougts is my son.  We was having a conversation about school and I had a pang in my gut "what if he is the kid that gets picked on" So I asked him if the kids at school liked him.  He said oh ya, that he was kinda popular, everyone knows him and likes him except for on the bus. His little face got sad.  Annie knew just what he was talking about and gave him a nod. Those kids are bad they went into explaining to me, the kids from the trailer park that is behind our street. They can be mean but dont worry we talked to the Terry (the bus driver) and she takes care of it.  Those kids brag about how manytimes they have been suspended from school and tickets they get for being out after curfew.  I asked what was some of the things they would say and Zane said oh just stupid stuff like saying I farted and smell, but don't worry mom I told the bus driver and she is good.  Then he says I wish my one friend from school rode my bus, they would never tease us then, they would be scared of him cuz he would beat them up if they messed with me.  I patted my son on the back and asked him why didnt he ever tell me about all this, then he starts to cry and says he didnt know why he didnt say anything but its ok, the kids are going to be taken care of by the Bus driver. I hugged him and told him I loved him and knew just what it was like to be teased by mean kids at school.  I told him these are the kind of ppl we have to pray for and love even though they are mean.  The reason they are mean is because they have something sad going on inside of them and they lash out at the kids who they think are too nice.  Later that night I told Josh of the conversation and he kinda shruged it off saying well you know he is something of a target, he wears glasses, he is a book worm, and lets face it he doesnt have the newest clothes that fit right as they should. 

 I guess we will just have to pay closer attention to him and make sure to let him know he is loved.  What else can I do.