Thursday, July 24, 2008

When it rains... it pours : (

And I'm not talking about today's rain storm. gurrrrrrrr

Yes a car accident, the crowning event that put a dark high light on an already gloomy day.

To start, it was laxative day at work ugh.. I always dread that but some one has to do it.  Another reminder I am not paid enough (my client is a quad). All day I was looking forward to getting off and making my way to the book store to pick up book #11 in The Wheel Of Time.  And time went by fast today until I got to my car.  It wouldn't start.. dead battery...again!!  I had already planned to go to Auto Zone to get a new one but we had charged it up last night and normally that would carry me out threw the next day. It was on my list of To Do's today.  Josh has  been using his car since he has been home and he was at the docs getting an MRI done.  None of my friends were available to come and jump me or pick me up. I normally keep jumper cables in the car but I guess I left them in Josh's or in the garage.  But my client's sister called some one to come over and jump me thankfully.. I guess she didn't want me sitting around her house anymore lol.

I went directly to Auto Zone after the jump.  I am not ashamed that I am ignorant of cars and such and think that is a man's job lol that is why I hate having to deal with car stuff.  I had them test the battery and the alternator (some one suggested that it may be the starter draining the battery).  Thankfully I just needed a new battery, $75 that I really didn't want to spend this week. But I soothed my self by thinking it could of been worse. n I hate to imagine how much a starter or alternator would cost to fix.

As I was pulling out of my parking spot in front of Auto Zone I was sighing with relief and looking forward to getting my book.  Then not two seconds out in the isle a truck starts to back out into me.. I tried to swirve out of the way but it was too late.  As you can tell by the damage she hit me starting on the driver door so I was already well behind her when she started pulling out.. she says she didn't even see me (my big van must of all of a sudden been invisible)  I think I would of been better off if I just slammed on the brakes in stead of trying to swerve.. I think there would of been less damage.. and the truck only had a broken tail light!!!  We just exchanged insurance info but in hind sight I should of had a police report done.  Especially when she said this is the second time she had a car accident on her birthday and the insurance info was in her parents name.

No book store today.. I headed right home and called my insurance company and now I am dealing with that back and forth and waiting on a claims adjuster and estimator to call me back to set up an appointment for them to come out.  And that maybe some time next week.

On a happier note.. Josh went to the doctor yester day with good reports on his health for the most part.. his heart is in top shape and blood pressure is perfect.  She sent him to get an MRI today because his shoulder has been messing with him real bad for a few months and they wanted to make sure it was not a rotator cuff or torn ligament.  Turns out he has arthritis in his shoulder and he needs to go see a specialist (ugh more money) and his blood results shows his cholesterol is getting high and he needs to switch to a low fat and low carb diet.  His 32 Birth day is Monday.. a little young for arthritis I would think but his job can be repetitive.  As far as the cholesterol goes.. its not from what I feed him.. I almost NEVER fry food and I never put salt in anything.. I am a very bland cook.  So I threatened him that if he doesn't eat better while he is on the road I would make him come home and all he would have is tofu.

We have talked about Josh going back to school.. maybe online.  The time he spent in apprentice school counts towards collage credit and it wouldn't take but maybe a year part time in school for him to earn an associates.  Still he isn't sure what to go to school for.. not too much would pay any more then what he makes now or enjoy as much.  I remember in High School he liked painting and airbrushing but artist don't get paid much unless they are dead lol.  Zane suggested maybe go and become a mechanic but that is something you can't do online and it would be full time.  I suggested maybe Seminary/ Bible Collage and be a minister.. not that pays well but plenty of rewards in heaven.  Ya that didn't appeal too much to him and I know it's not really his calling.  I don't know.. but I am sure some kind of change is inevitable.

Tomorrow can only be better.. I hope.


Monday, July 21, 2008


The sermon Sunday revolved around drawing closer to the Lord and the purpose and meaning of Communion, having a covenant meal, self examination and the benefits of doing it often.  The hammer hit and it was as if I was being called out.. Mary you luke warm, pulling away from your first love, stagnant Christian... yup.. THATS ME.

But it's everyone I have been pulling away from and actually I have felt fine with it.. its comfortable, safe, lazy, easy.  I haven't felt too compelled in making an effort to go to church.. basically because I just can't take all the questions about when is Josh coming home and oh how hard it must be when he is gone for work so much.. If I don't think about it, I don't have to deal with it and just drift threw till his next home coming... is it so much to ask that people just accept this is how it is right now and stop being so pushy about it.. even in love.  There is more to me than Josh and his absence..although it is just a fact of life right now that we have to do everything over the phone or computer and when he is home everyone clamors for his time and I just want him all to myself.  And I have let it fester in to anger and complacency for well over two months.  Gas is crazy so I let that be an excuse too but really its just a convenient explanation.

And when I feel anger I tend to fall into a rebelous state and backslide into old patterns that keep me away from being close with God.  And while that is an ugly place to be, not pretty of me, I haven't felt like reaching out to come out.. I know it's my own choice to be this way.  I keep saying to myself.. oh next week I will get out of my stupor, tomorrow I will straighten up and be the Me I know I should be.  Monday I will put away foolishness and go to church for the weekly communion service they are starting to do.  Monday comes.. I plan to go..but I know.. if I do go I have to really be sincere and let my wall down with the Lord... because you cant take a convent meal with that and if you do with out willing to give up what is impure in your life it is detrimental.

So I hide in my books (been reading the Wheel Of Time series.. waiting on book 11 to come into the bookstore) and catching up online on shows I have missed, avoiding the News because I am so sick of hearing about bad things and about the elections and I yell at the kids for fighting too much with each other and getting into things while I let myself be distracted.  I dread going to work because I am feeling like a medieval servant  and am paid wayyyyy tooo little for all that I do.. so I skirt on some things and haven't given my all and even not been very good company.

So there ya go if you were wondering. My downward spiral laid out.

It's not like we haven't talked about Josh finding a job that will keep him in town but what it boils down to is less money, less security, and we are holding on to the house by a thread right now as it is.. we would have to give it up and we are not to that point where we can just do that yet.

It may be out of our hands soon enough.. Josh is coming home tomorrow (he was just home a week ago) because he needs to see his doctor.  Apparently our wonderful UNION insurance doesn't cover him outside our area and he really is scared because he blacked out with out warning at work a few days ago.  He says he doesn't think it was because of the heat or being dehydrated and he just hasn't felt right since.  It could be something as simple as blood pressure or it could be he has developed a sensitivity to working in the heat.. and that would mean he would prob have to change jobs.  I don't know.. I know it puts a kink in some things... he has to use his free ticket we have been saving for me to use to see him because his work doesn't want to pay for his travel unless it does turn out to be a work related condition, and he looses pay to come home.  But it will be nice soooooo nice to see him even under these circumstances.