Thursday, December 29, 2005

And a Happy New Year..

I still have to add my pictures to my computer from over Christmas... I have plenty!  They will be coming soon. I just havnt had much time to be on the computer.  We had a wonderful Christmas and everyone seemed to of gotten just what they wanted.  I am now apart of the technology revolution and have my very own picture cell phone.  That was one of the big things Josh got me.  He tried to make me crazy too.  He would call it and it would ring under the tree.. I at first asked him if he got me a phone.. is that MY package ringing.. but he insisted I was hearing things or it was off the tv. And I am so blond... I believed him too lol. 

Now Josh is back to work.. he left Monday night so he could start Tue morning.  I feel cheated but we are planning on going up there to see him for New Years.  We will go and pick him up Saturday and drive up to Wisconsin and spend New Years Eve with our friends who live in Port Washington and then Sunday afternoon go over to my families house in Milwaukee.  Then its the drive back home... with alll the kids.  I am looking forward to doing some traveling but I wish everyone would just come to me you know.  I didn't exactly have the big home Christmas that I wanted and we went down to the In Laws for Christmas day instead of everyone coming up to our house but that is ok.. it was still nice and we are all healthy so I can't complain.

Yesterday was a pretty nerve wracking day.  I had some things to do in town and was rushing when I should of been taking it slow and easy.  I had to exchange one of the girls presents and then make a deposit and do some looking for a new/used refrigerator.  Ours is officially dead.  It acts like it is unplugged when it is turned up to the highest.  Thankfully not much is in there to go bad but still.. if only this had happen before Christmas.. I would of had the money to get the new one we had wanted.  I have never bought an appliance... that is hubby's department don't you know, so I know nothing ofcourse.  The used appliance store in town had two nice side by sides with ice makers for just around $300.  I don't think I can get away paying more then 400 for one right now.  I told Josh about them last night but he insists that I ask a guy.. any guy.. to come in with me and ask the questions that should be asked before I buy one.  And the place delivers and will take the old one away BUT they wont install it.. they only drop it off and pick up at the front door. Like I can haul ours outside and bring one in all by myself.. ugh.  And ofcourse I can't get ahold of anyone who can come over and help me pick one out and haul the old one.

So when I went to the drive thru ATM I had all that swimming around my head.  I was making a deposit and the kids in the back where being loud and fighting.  I had cars behind me.  I feel so stupid.. I drove off with my receipt but NOT my card!!!  I didn't even realize it till we were at the check out at a store.  So of course I had to call the bank ASAP and report it lost and order a new one.  It wont be here till after Monday.  That is the main way I pay for everything, credit/debit.  I don't like carring cash and I HATE writing checks and plus we are going out of town this weekend!  The lady on the phone seemed to think I could go to my branch and ask for a temporary ATM card to get me threw the weekend but I have never heard of them doing that. Have any of you??

I guess this is just one of those things that tests you.. to see if you can stay at peace and not let the little and big things frazzel you.  I know I am not going threw all this alone really, even if my husband is hundreds of miles away.. my bride groom is always here by my side to take each step with me and he always provides a way and for each need.  Lord You know the way and you know my needs.. HELP!




Thursday, December 22, 2005


The decorations are all hung.  The cards mostly all sent (sorry to those who get it late) ALLLLLLLLL the presents are wrapped! (and that is a feat in of it's self.. I went nuts on the kids this year for once) AND JOSH IS LESS THEN AN HOUR AWAY FROM HOME!!  It is beginning to look alot like CHRISTmas!

This has been a crazy week and I have not had a chance to be online much.  So much so that when I logged on I got a message saying my mail box was FULL and I could not get any more mail till I went threw what I had!! How often does that happen huh? ! lol  Sorry I am so behind with you my online friends but I know you understand.

I just wanted to say to you allllllllllllllllllllllll, my online friends and family.. I LOVE YOU AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!  Jesus IS the reason for the season and dont you forget that.  As we celebrate his birth may he be reborn in your heart this year!  I love you all and you are a major blessing to me.  I hope and pray that you all will have a blessed weekend and are able to reflected on the Miricle of Jesus Christ. 

The chances of me being back on before Monday are slim to none so this is my last journal entry till then.  All my love to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. BIG FAT ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I expect really great pictures posted to your blogs and I promise the same to you all. 



Monday, December 19, 2005


Thank you friends who prayed for me yesterday.  I felt them and I know God heard them.

So why did I need the prayers in the first place you may be wondering.. well... lol..  Last Thursday I got a call from Amy M., she is my contact person for Silent No More. We have been touching base with each other about the planning for January's event(s).  But she was extra excited in this conversation.. TIME Magazine has been here and doing all the angles on the abortion issues here in MO.  Amy was one of the people they interviewed and they wanted to set up a time Sunday for the photographer to come in and take some shots.  She was inviting ME to meet at her house with some of the other ladies so the photographer could take our picture.  Needless to say that is all very exciting and nerve wracking.. MILLIONS will read this article and possible see our pictures.  Threw it all we just want God to be gloried and people's hearts and minds touched.

I think it went very well.  Since we were not at an event the photograph, Steve Liss, did not want to stage anything with the signs we normally hold, so we did a prayer circle and got on our knees holding hands praying over the events coming up and for each other and for the article being written. It really was an awesome time if just for that.. we were on our knees praying for almost two hours it seems. I hope some of the shots make it in, the one he took of Kim crying and being comforted is going to be a powerful one I think, showing the heart of the matter.. ABORTION HURTS WOMEN.  So keep that in your prayers about what shots the editors may use and also pray for the writers who will be writing the story.. it is suppose to be a balanced article showing both sides of it but we all KNOW how the media can be.  It is supposed to be out sometime in January so keep an eye on your news stands lol you may see me!


Sunday, December 18, 2005


I can't give the details just yet but RIGHT NOW, pray for me.

Pray that God will give me the words I need to say when asked, that he may be glorfied, that many will be effected.  That when the story comes out the one writing it will be fair and honest and quote correctly.  THANK YOU!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The answer to my CDROM probs..

You may remember me freaking out about how all of a sudden my CDROM drive AND CDRW drive just vanished into computer thin air?  I really have tried my best to stay calm and not complain too much.. I could really go on and on about how irritating my computer and *ahem* some of the service I have been getting in regards to things connected with the computer but I wont..BECAUSE THERE IS GOOD NEWS.. well at least a little bit of good news.


Last month I was sooooooooooooo excited to get the new Neil Diamond CD and beating my mom to the punch.  I couldn't wait to load it onto my computer and possibly get it on my Journal and have Oh Mary as my journal song.  Sony deflated that idea with their big bad copy right protection software and I couldn't up load it to my FTP Space.  At the time I didn't think it was a big deal and just went on with my life and dealing with the drama of AOLHELL.  But then I started hearing things about how Sony/BMG's software could mess ppl's computers up and make them vulnerable to hackers and viruses.  I was so pissed because after JUST buying one of their CD's it was being recalled, I was too busy to investigate it more and put returning it on hold but I did go to their website and put in a request for info on how to get the problematic software off my computer.  After two requests and e-mails later they sent me instructions on how to get it off but insisted my fears were unfounded and bla bla bla.. butt covering jargon.  The instructions they sent were too complicated for this blonde and I was getting sick of dealing with the computer as it was because of the up roar in J~Land at the time.  Again I let it all go for later.

When I wanted to install my digital camcorder so I could have Video IM with my husband there was even more frustration with the computer and I discovered a major problem... I could not install new software because some how my CDROM had disappeared off "My Computer".. you know the story.  I did not suspect that my Neil Diamond and Sony/BMG could of caused such damage.  I asked my tec friends for advice and help but you know Christmas is the busy season and they just never got over here to look at it but after some reading my friend's husband found a story about some one who had a similar problem as me with their CDROM and how it all started after they installed a Sony Music CD.

So with that info I went back to looking for a solution on my own and after reading more about Sony and BMG software I went back to their site (I still have to exchange my corrupted cd and needed the directions on how to)  There they had software you can download that would fully remove their programs.


I did that and checked "My Computer" again.  My CD drives where there but had big red ! over them and still would not work.  I did the help suggestions from Windows and un-installed them and after figuring out how to, reinstalled them.  It all seems to be back to normal and I have use of my CDROM and CDRW back.    

Whaaaaaaahooo!! HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY JOY!!   One thing checked off my list of things to do.. 50000 more to go.  I do feel some pride that I was able to handle this problem and fix it myself (with a wee bit of help from my friends).  Maybe I am ready to tackle adding the other hardware we were talking of installing before we handed this computer off to the kids?? HAHAHA! NOT!.  

So there you have it folks.. if your CDROM drive goes missing.. check to see if you recently installed any of the Sony music CDs that had the new copyright protection software on it.. that may just be your problem.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sad Weird Dream

One of the saddest.. strangest and goriest dreams I've ever had.

I was in something like an office but it had an exam room.. maybe it was a hospital setting.  Not sure what I was doing there or what my job was.. was I a nurse or a detective working a case?.. it had a CSI or Law and Order feel to it if you know what I mean. I was interviewing or talking to staff members about a girl who had come or was about to come in. There was some conversation about a Planned Parenthood and the Pregnancy Recourse Center.

The girl was in early adulthood.. bitter and mean, hard heart but in so much pain, yet seemed like she really did not care what was happening to her.  I saw her deliver a dead fetus.. it was cold and grey and black and blue but it was full term.. my sense was it was a murder or an abortion that was taking a bad turn.  This all happen in flashes and something about the number 8.. this was her eighth one?  She was taken away into another room and the dead baby was taken to a pathology lab to be examined.  I followed into the room where the baby was  being dissected.  The body parts had already been cut up and laying on a tray or small table and there was food crumbs all over it.. I remember cursing out who ever was working in the room that they could of messed up the phroensic evidance and how very unprofessional.  I remember looking at the baby's skull and it was cut in two and I was looking at the grey tissue of brains.  I was looking for something specific.. some kind of markings or an injury.. maybe I was looking for an explanation for the child's death.  Then a nurse brought in another dead baby.. smaller then the first but from the same girl.. like she had just had it.. it was still bloody.  I remember feeling bitter towards the girl and disgusted.  Then I was in a hall outside the girl's room and could hear her screams from labor pains again.  A nurse brought out in a hurry an even tinier baby that was just delivered.  She was going to leave it to die but the premiere was struggling for life.  I remember taking it to an incubator.. like you see in the netalnatile units but I also was trying to give it CPR.  I remember the small small fingers and even being able to see the baby's blue veins.  I was trying to save the baby and from my innier being I knew I had to do something.. this child needed to live.. I was giving it mouth to mouth and praying and crying.. very very emotional..

Then I woke up with my heart racing.. the phone was ringing and woke me up.

I get the sense that this dreams has many meanings on many levels.  One is that maybe the girl was the same girl that was in the recovery room with me after I had my own abortion.. I remember the nurse telling her that she could not come back there anymore.. it was her 7th or 8th abortion.  Maybe the first dead baby was a late term partial birth abortion.. because the way the head was cut up(to cover up the puncher wounds)and I was looking for effidance of it because it is suppose to be illegal now.. it was a botched job because there was still grey brain matter.  Maybe the second smaller one was another one of her children she had aborted.. I think the dream was out of sequence and the first baby was her last abortion and the second was one in the middle and the first.. the smallest was the first one.  Maybe I was fighting so hard to save the last one because if it had lived she would of not had the other ones. 

This was a very intense dream.. I can not fully put into words all of it.  I have an idea of what brought it on but I don't normally have dreams like these or even remember my dreams so I always write them down when I do.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Counting the hours to his return and getting ready for Christmas

It has been hard keeping from the girls that Daddy is coming home tonight. LOL  Zane knows and has played along.  As far as the girls are concerned their Daddy is not going to be coming home till Christmas but they miss him dearly.. as do I.  We got donuts for breakfast today and Lilly insisted we should save some for daddy but then Annie chimed in.. that would be a waste of food.. he wont be here till Christmas.  Zane and I flashed each other a knowing grin.

While the "Man of the house" is not home I must say I am proud of the little things I do that are normally what you would think of as the guy's job.  I DID get my Christmas lights up and braved the roof with out killing myself.  Ok I didn't do the VERRRY TOP of the roof like I wanted but at least I do have most of the light show that I wanted.  I will post pics soon.. promise.  I still have to take some.

Josh had said he will leave tonight around 11.. so he should be home about 5 or 6 depending on the weather and his speed.  Just enough time for him to be home in the morning and have some snuggle time and then get ready for church.  I have plenty to do today to keep me busy and occupy me till the morning.  There are a few hot spots I need to put out in the house cleaning wise.  And the children have their last rehearsal this afternoon at the church for the Christmas play tomorrow. 

I plan on going out and doing some shopping or at least looking.  Top of my list is two FlyPens and docking stations.  That is Annie and Zane's big gift this year and of course that seems to be the hot toy this year and hard to find.  I am still unsure what big gift to get Lilly and Sophia.  I have plenty of ideas but not sure what will get the BIG WOW from them.  I know in the end they all will be grateful and happy with anything they get this year as they always are.  They know it is not all about the gifts.  The biggest thing they are looking forward to is time with their Daddy.

I also have to start filling out my Christmas cards for those who I want to give at church.  After the play tomorrow the church is also having the traditional Christmas Fellowship Dinner.  That is normally when the cards are given out.  I am glad I also already bought the rolls I signed up to bring for the dinner.

And of course tonight after everyone is nestled in bed I want to take a nice longggg hot bath with a few glasses of wine and shave my legs lol (ok.. wine after I save so I don't slash myself into a bloody mess) I may even get some color to refresh my hair color.. my roots are starting to show.  I AM a natural blond but a few month ago I started coloring it lighter and once you start doing that, it is a vicious cycle to keep it up.. unless you like your top being darker then the rest lol.  I got a new body wash that smells like rose pettels, one of Josh's fav smells.  Depending on how I feel about my body I may or may not wear one of the lacy lingerie Josh bought me mail order.  I tried them on right when I got them but I was on my period and felt like a fat cow and hated how I looked in them.  Maybe now that I am not so moody I will feel better about myself and how I look in them.  And of course the new silk sheets he got for our bed are washed and ready to be put on the bed.

Ohhh Also.. the question of what happen to my CDROM and CDRW drives may be solved.  Talking with my friend who builds computers as a hobbie and who also happens to be married to a nice guy who works for Microsoft.. they say it sounds like it died.. that is a common thing or it may be something that happens on rare occasion, a loose wire on the inside.  They have offered to help and look at my computer. We have suggested a trade of sorts.. they help with the computer stuff and when Josh is home and has time he'll help with some painting they want done.  So it looks like I may be unplugging in the next few days. *GASP* I KNOW!  But if I want to get this computer ready for Christmas it is all for the best. (we are planning on giving it to the kids to put up in our loft and then around tax time getting us a new one for the office.)  Besides the last week or so I have not been on all that much because it has been so irritating. 

OK.. OFF to do work on that big list of things I just said I had to do today lol.  Hope everyone is well and is getting all ready for this busy time of year.  Miss you my friends and will catch up with you all very soon.  Also if you want a Christmas Card from me, e-mail me your address like ASAP before I my computer is unplugged and before I get finished with the cards I have.  (((HUGS)))

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Mostly Positive Things

I miss writing and reading.. don't know why I haven't been around.  Maybe I am trying to be good and not do the complaining thing and since I am used to letting that fly here and some of the stuff that has been irritating me is computer related I have just been avoiding?? LOL Maybe.  So I am going to try and make this a positive post.. ok? Can I do that? LOL Maybe.

First... HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY MOM!!!  I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY I FORGOT.  I'll make up for it at Christmas.. promise *wink* You look so good for your age.. I can't belive you are the age you said.. you have to be in your 40's lol because you look so darng GOOD! LMBO

 Also when I think of my mom's birthday it reminds me of the day I got baptized.  6yrs ago now! WOW.

Second....  I loveeeeeeee my husband *big drooling grin here*  This separation is not all bad.. some good has come out of it. lol He treats me sometimes like we are courting.. surprises here and there.. nice silk sheets in the mail.. requests for pictures for his eyes only  heehee.. teasing on the phone late at  night.. other things I can't say in public with out blushing deep pinks and reds.  Having an online love affair with your husband is really romantic.  But as always.. I can't wait till he is home and in the flesh.

Also I am starting to get into the Holiday Spirit mode.  Some decorations are up here and there and we got a wee little bit dusting of snow this morning.  My favorite is my fire place.  The fire blazing nice and warm and cozy with all the stocking holders I just bought (I have never had a fire place before).  I would like to warn you though.. if you do buy pointsitas.. they do NOT fair well outside when it is freezing.. they will wilt and die.. who knew.. I thought they were Christmas plants and would do well with cold weather and look cute on my porch.  The porch has a fake tree decorated with red lights and I tried to hang these star lights on the porch but the clips are some what flimsy and they fell.. have to find a better solution.  I also got 8 boxes of icicle lights to put on the outside of the house but haven't worked up the courage just yet to get on the latter and put them up myself.  My son Zane is chomping at the bit to help with that project lol.  Also a favorite place with CHRISTmas decorations is my dinning room.  The Nativity is out on the hall table with a gold runner.  The dinning table has a festive table cloth and a wreath like candleholder as a center piece.  My chandelier has greenery around it.  If I do entertain this CHRISTmas the dinning room will be very pretty.   Ofcourse I have tons more decorations I can get out from the garage.  I still have to find a place for my Teddy Bears and we have more ordainments.  I want a real CHISTmas tree for the living room.  I am hoping when Josh comes home for this weekend we can get one and trim it as a family.

The children are practicing hard for the play they are going to be in at church.  Zane has an important role and has alot of lines.  Lilly is only wishing that her Daddy can be there to see her up on the stage.  I haven't told them that he is coming home for it this weekend.. trying to surprise them.  I know they miss him so much but try and not complain.  Last Sunday after their practice at church we had a little Christmas party for the kids and volunteers.  They had a family game of Bible Bingo.  Lilly chimed out.. but my daddy is not here.. so we can't play as a family... awwww breaks your heart huh.  But we did play and she forgot quickly and when she talked to daddy on the phone she excitedly told him about the prize we had won.

I have yet to start ANY of my shopping.  I have alot of ideas and a list of who I am shopping for written at least.  Next week Josh's vacation check should be here in the mail and I am planning to do the big shopping then.  I did buy cards but I like to put pictures of the kids in them but I have yet to get any printed up or even taken a nice one to print.. it is on that list of things to do you know.  Josh says he has done some shopping for me already... and loving teasing me about it ofcourse.  He said he had to put the seats down in the back of his car to get it in and he had to lug it allllll the way up to his room.. humm what could it be?? He said it is JUST for me.. not something for the house or something for me to share.  And that is all the hints he is giving me.

Anticipation that grows around this time a year is starting to come on thickly.  I am unsure what our final plans are for Christmas or where we will be spending it but I just know what ever happens as long as we are all together as a family it will be wonderful.  I would love to have a BIG celebration at my  new house and have everyone over for a big dinner.  I am still unsure if Josh is going to be working that weekend and just have Christmas day off or not, so it is hard to make plans.  We say if he is still up there for that weekend we will go to Milwaukee and to my family there since they are only a hour away from Josh's work.. but still I really want to be home on Christmas.. opening gifts in front of my fireplace and serving the traditional cinnamon rolls in my kitchen.  I am trying to convince my sister and her girls to come down here instead of us going up there.. so we will just wait and see what happens and how it all plays out.

Another exciting thing going on is the planning of January's Silent No More Awareness Event.  January is going to be here so fast it seems and we need to nail down a plan.  There is some talk about holding it at the state's capital and maybe even getting in to see the governor.  Please keep that all in prayer for me and the ladies who are planning on speaking.


There, that wasn't sooo bad.. pretty positive : )

Friday, December 2, 2005

Not complaining... just telling it like it is. HELP I need a tecno geek to read this!

What is going on with my  computer!!! I am so frustrated with it that I have had to walk away from it so I wouldn't toss it out the window more than once.

It started simple enough.  Josh wanted me to do a video IM with him.  He has a nice new lap top and while he has been gone we have enjoyed talking to each other online.  We talked about getting web cams (not my favorite idea but I know the kids would think it cool to see daddy on the computer).  We have a nice digital camcorder that some how or another you are supposed to be able to use as a web cam as well. We wanted to test it out before we went ahead and bought web cams thinking we if the the digital camcorder worked we would only have to buy one (save money).   I haven't bothered to hook up the camcorder to the computer in like 2 yrs lol because to take video off of it uses alot of memory space and we are running low.

I thought it would be a simple thing as plugging it in using the USB port cable it came with.  LOL FIRST I HAD TO FIND THE CORD.  My office/den is a mess and the last room to be unpacked.  Found it in a box of cords all tangled together.  Plug and play is apparently not the way it goes.  Ohh software.. ya I must need to install the software that came with the camera?  So I went on another hunt threw all my back up disks in a different box.  Did I meanten that this was at 4 in the morning?? LOL  My cat thought he should help look too.. getting in front of me in each box.

I am thankful I found it or else I would of not figured out another problem my computer is having.  I ask you.. how does your CDROM drive that came with the computer and CDRW drive that you installed over a year ago JUST disappear off of showing up in "My Computer"????????!!!!!!!!!!!  A horrible virus?  A sign your computer is about to crash??? Or very very very naughty children messing with things they never should be near in the computer????? I have no clue but it seems to me it would take a lot of clicks of the mouse to uninstall TWO drivers off my computer and I would of caught the kids doing it in time and I have done all the spy searching and virus checks.

I did a system restore of course.  THANK YOU POWERFUL COMPUTER TEC GUYS who ever thought of system restore!!   LOL How many of you have had to do that and it has saved you?? It solved my trouble for the time being with the CD drivers disappearance and I was able to pop in the CD with the camera's software.

I KNEWWW the software was already installed on my computer but since it was over two years ago I could not find it anywhere.  I had to uninstall and reinstall.  I figured ok.. NOWWWWW  we are in business.  Plugged the camera back in.. still nothing.  Found the directions that came with the software but the instructions I found for the camera it's self.. well I have versions in Spanish, and French.. but my English addition is no where to be found.  I tried following the instructions for installing "USB Video Streaming driver for Windows XP users"  I must of been having a blond brain fart because they seemed very confusing to me.  Nine steps spelled out clearly enough but it all hinged on when you plugged in your USB cable the "New Found Hardware Wizard screen popping up"  And you guessed it.. it wasn't popping up.  I tried to get it to come up manually from the control panel.  This was one of the points I walked away and decided to give it another shot later.

Ok so when I went back to do it all over again..... my cd drivers went missing AGAIN!!!!!!! Poof.. vanished.. no where visible in My Computer or in properties or any other place you can think to look on your computer's hard drive.  WHAT THE HECK?  I tried to look at event viewer to see if maybe I could determine what happen. No clue how to read those.. but interesting to know I have a bad block of memory on my computer according to it.  I have spent countless time trying to figure out what should be a simple thing.. hooking up  my digital video camera for a Video IM talk session and still have no fruit.  I WOULD just go out and buy a cheap webcam lol but hey, you  need a CDROM driver to install that software too.  = O

*Sigh*  So I am going to do another system restore.. the good it will do me I don't know if I can't figure out how my CD drives get taken off in the first place.  Technology is a wonderful thing.. IF you can figure out how to keep it running properly and use it. 

BUT I am thankful I can still hook up to the Internet in the first place and that my computer even turns on.  THEN I really would complain. LOL