Monday, June 28, 2004

Does a loving God send people to Hell???!

Oh boy here we go.  AOL J~LAND is all in an up roar over the religion thing and offended by a couple of comments someone left about it.

When I got the alert for Editor's Picks "Celebrating Gay Pride Month" I was less then happy about it.  I was ready to go into all out rant mode in my journal.  To say I was slightly offended by it is an understatement.  Celebrating a sin, humm what a good topic for us to highlight on AOL.  Should we also celebrate those who Murder, who steal, who commit adultery, and on and on?  That was where my rant was going anyways but I never wrote it.  I have bigger things going on in my life than to focus on what AOL does for editors picks.  I just never visited the highlighted journals, as is my right to do, my freedom to choose how to spend my time by who I read and don't read. And I was going to just leave it at that.  Then I started to follow a line of journals attacking each other and comments about religion and statements that made me want to scream.

"A loving God doesn't send ppl to Hell"  "Don't force your morals on me"  "all religions are truth" "you have no right to judge" And all the typical PC CRAP and Lies people like to hold on to justify their sins and turning away from The Lord.  Normally I don't let these comments bother me, it is the same ones over and over, and they have a right to their opinions.  I recognize my fight is not with the person but with the spirit behind the actions.  We wrestle not with flesh and blood but with spiritual principalities. It is the same war that has been going on since the foundation of the Earth and will be fighting till the Lord returns.  I still love these people who make these comments, and I pray for their souls.

My response to those arguments:

A loving God doesn't send people to hell: God doesn't send people to Hell, people choose to go there.  Hell was never intended for us, it was not created for us.  We was created to live with and have relationship with God.  But People are the ones who choose it by turning away from God and rejecting him. Can't blame God on that day if you find yourself there.  He did everything to keep you from it.  He sent his only begotten son to die for you and to cover your sins, if only you would receive that gift and follow him. He sent people to you who told you the Truth, because he loves you so deeply, yet some still choose to reject that truth.  God isn't going to make you follow him or live in his Will for your life.  God is a loving God, and does everything possible to Save you from HELL. The fact is we all deserve HELL, we all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.  He sees all sin the same, doesn't rank it or put it in categories.  So you could have just lied once in your life time and you deserve the same hell as the person who went on a mass murdering spree. And if you think Hell is going to be a big party, you are in for a big shock.

Don't force your morals on me.  Well, the same could be said to the people who says this one.  I am always being told I HAVE to accept your morals or moral-less society or I am intolerant.  Tolerance goes both ways I think.  Pushing your sinfilled lifestyle on me and shoving it in my face is the same thing you accuse me of doing to you.

All religions is Truth.  This is that objective truth thing that says one truth is right for one person and another truth is right for another.  That there is no absolutes truths except that there are no absolutes.  This is just another excuse people give themselves for rejecting God.  God never changes, he is always the same, people and their theologies change.  There are absolute Truths in this world, you see them everyday.  Gravity, DNA (with out man monkeying around with it), things that don't change and are a constant that rule our lives, and God is in each detail of them.  All religions cannot be right, there is an absolute truth out there that is for everyone.  You hold to yours and we will see on Judgment Day what "truth" is correct.

You have no right to judge.  This one ppl love to use, especially when they know deep down they are in the wrong and they will say and that is in your bible, so there.  Please read the whole verse and if you don't believe in the bible, why do you quote it lol.  I agree I have noooo right to judge anyone's heart, that is totally up to God, yet we are to call evil, evil and not give it other names.  I don't judge anyone's heart, but I do judge the actions or the fruit if you will. I don't go around pointing out anyone's sins either, yet I also am a watchmen who has to sound a warning.  Is it more loving to let a person stay on the path of destruction without a warning?  If I really loved you I would tell you the truth, and not pander you and tell you lies.  All I can do is warn, what the person does with that information is up to them, if they receive or reject it, that is their free will.

I love and care about each person here in J~Land.  If you are offended by all this that is your choice.  If you reject me and my words, that is your choice.  I know God loves and cares about each soul here and weeps over those who choose to reject him and his words.  It is nothing to me if you hate me, because it is expected.  They Hated Jesus too and he told us we would be hated for his sake also.  The world rejects truth and clings to lies.  Those believing in those lies will lead you to hell, Not God sending you there, you choose that for yourself.


Saturday, June 26, 2004

updates and weekend assignment

Today was kinda a bummer.  It was a scheduled field trip to the Zoo with the G.S.  To be our last meeting of the summer.  I was really looking forward and at the same time dreading it.  I was looking forward to spending the day with my daughter and the troop and it being the last meeting. I was dreading the heat and all the hoopla that comes with going on a big field trip.  But today was the perfect day for a trip to the zoo. Wonderful weather *Sigh* Josh had to work today and I didn't get sitters for the rest of the kids, so off the troop went, leaving me behind.  Zane did get to go over to his friend's house for the day so it was just me and the babies for most of the day.  Annie got home around 5:30.  Josh didn't get home till almost 7 and Zane got home at almost 9.  I feel like I have been stuck at home and everyone is off living in the real world, doing things and bla bla bla.  Do I have the summer time blues?  I am looking forward to mom coming next weekend and the 4th of July fireworks.  Josh's mom called this evening saying she can come down while I am gone for Thur. evening threw the weekend.  So that takes care of a few days. Still have to talk with my friend Amy about her maybe watching the girls the other days.

Best summer time song:  Will Smith's "Summer Time".  An oldie but a goodie.  A song that brings me back to the haydays of my youthful teens. 

Best end of summer song:  From the soundtrack of Dirty Dancing, "I've had the time of my life".


Friday, June 25, 2004

Who knew..

Wehhhhew.  *wipping sweat off my brow*  Finally got my entries in my study journal.  Who knew you could fit 3 pages from a Word program in to one journal entry!  I thought for sure I would have to break it all up.  I am glad it worked out and the entry flowed.  And the pictures I made in paint even went on the journal smoothly.  I stayed up the better part of last night working on it all.  Good way to get it all to memory by reviewing it all.  Have to remember that when I do go back to school. lol

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Thanks for the prayers!

Somewhat irked today.  I have attempted twice now to add to my study journal my notes from Wednesday night's class from church.  The first time, I got kicked off AOL and the second time our power went out for a few hours.  I was well into it each time too! I think before I attempt to post again I will write it all out in my Word program, save me the frustrations. Oh well, such as life with the net huh.  I somewhat hesitate to do the next entry because I know what will be written will not sit well with some.  The lesson was on The Rapture and 4 big lies about it.  I envision the neg comments I am about to get and hoping it will not turn everyone off to this study.  All I ask is when you do read the entry, read it threw first, question what your thinking is and why you believe this or that way, and then go to scripture.  And even if then you still disagree with the entry, stay tuned for the rest of the study.  It is not all laid out in the first lesions because it is an in-depth study.  Ofcourse I always encourage comments and healthy dialogue.  So if you do read it and want to talk about it, feel free to e-mail me.

Moving on so I can get to that journal next..

With the stuff going on with my mom I am going threw many emotions and growth I am sure will come of it all.  I really do appreciate all the prayers and support from my friends here and off line.  Some times it is hard for me to take it, since I love to be the one on the other end, praying and uplifting others.  I much rather be the person who is giving the encouragement, as I am sure you all are too.  But God puts us each in a place from time to time or others more often, where they need to be in a place where they have to look to him and live that faith out, not just say you believe but to really live it.  I have questioned my relationship with God, is it that close?  I talk a good talk I know, but do I walk the walk?  Most times my spirit is at peace and it is easy for me to say God is Good and he is my strength.  Right now I feel like I am hanging on the edge, waiting for a shoe to drop, I am restless and not at peace because I don't know what is going to happen next.  Sure this is supposed to be a simple surgery with minimal risks, yet there is still risks.  Thoughts of my mom not coming threw it and the next time I see her after it will be in a coffin, is what I am battling.  I don't feel positive about this surgery at all.  And it is not cuz I don't trust God to bring her threw it, if that be his will for her I know he will.  I guess I have been questioning my prayer life and how effective prayer is Vs the will of God.  We do not get everything we want you know, only what we need and what his will is for our life.  Yet I know we are supposed to pray and petition him.  I love to do that, to talk to him and bring it to him.  I love doing that for other ppl.  Having others pray for me and my mom these last few days has had an effect on me. It makes me see the other end, how when I do that for others, how it comforts and helps us be closer to God.  Yet when it is said, "Don't worry, God will bring her threw it and everything is going to be OK," my spirit and my emotions don't line up with that.  (yes I know don't live by emotions, and I don't) Usually when a word is spoken on behalf of God, my spirit will confirm it, and take it in, but that just has not been happening.  I don't have Peace when it is said "she is going to be OK."  Really I think the only thing that will bring me Peace is knowing for a fact she has salvation.  Then the question if she lives or dies is kinda not such a big deal.  Either way if she is saved and dies, then I know I will see her again, and if she lives and is saved, I will still see her and talk with her again.  If she dies and has not Made that heart choice to make Jesus Christ Lord of her life, I know I will not see her again in Heaven.

Her surgery is set for Wed. July 7th.  She is coming down here 4th of July weekend and spend it with us and then Monday I will go back with her.  Ofcourse you know I will be having many important conversations with her.

The only snag is we have to find someone to watch our kids while I am gone. The older two will go with Josh's Dad and Step Mom. It is someone to watch Lilly and Sophia that is the prob.  Josh called the daycare place by our house and they said, if they had space it would be over $300 for the both of them!! That is JUST for one week!  Really how can ppl afford that without government assistance??  My hope is that my friend Amy can watch them that week.  I will ask her when she gets back to town Sunday.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Not my will but your will Father..

I don't know why it ever surprises me, when things don't go the way I WANT them too.  Here I am wondering, did I not pray hard enough, was I not sincere in my requests, did I do something not to be heard, is my faith not strong enough??  But what it all comes down to is God's will and not my own be done.

My request, my desire was that my mother be healed.  That God would touch her heart, and heal the aordic valve with out surgery. At first the tests looked good, that surgary would not be needed, if at all for maybe two years. 


My mom has been scheduled for heart surgery July 7th.

I am in the process of trying to figure out how and when I can get up there to visit with her and be there for her.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

From a daily devotional..

A soldier's point of view
by John Fischer

On Memorial Day, my wife and I watched the 15th annual memorial service from Washington, honoring men and women who had died and been wounded serving their country from World War II to the present war in Iraq. It was extremely well done and very moving. We wiped our tears away often as we watched soldiers tell their stories and actors speak for those who could not speak for themselves.

What made it especially poignant was the current controversy over our involvement in Iraq and the scandal of the treatment of prisoners that has dominated the news recently. Regardless of ones position on the current occupation in Iraq, the soldiers who serve don’t get to have an opinion, or if they do, it doesn’t really matter—they just take orders and do what they have to do. So much depends on your perspective. Seeing through the eyes of a common citizen at home and seeing through the eyes of a soldier in combat are two entirely different things.

When it comes to our mission here as followers of Christ, we can see things through the eyes of a regular guy going to work and trying to make it in the world, or we can see things from the perspective of the Holy Spirit and God’s work in bringing people into his kingdom. In light of spiritual truth, we are all soldiers in combat. No matter how people debate the issues of life, religion and politics, we know the ultimate question is a person’s eternal state. We must keep focused on the central issue: do the people in my neighborhood and my circle of friends know Christ? Do they know God is not counting their sins against them any longer and is welcoming them through his forgiveness, no questions asked? (2 Corinthians 5:19)

We are ambassadors of the greatest news the world has ever known. Regardless of the reasons that keep us functioning and busy in society, the real issue is on the spiritual front lines. We can have all sorts of points of view when it comes to the way our country is operating, but when it comes to the big issue of the souls of men and women—and why we are here—we need to ask God for a soldier’s point of view.

John Fischer is an author, speaker, and songwriter based in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:place w:st="on">Southern California</st1:place>.  His latest book, Love Him in the Morning, is being released this month by Revell Publishing.

Monday, June 21, 2004

The Weekend Report

I really get behind on journal reading on the weekends.  I have like 20 journal alerts in my in box. Do I read too many journals or do ppl just post more often on the weekends lol.  This weekend seemed to of flew by.

Highlights of our weekend was Sat. we kinda just sat around like bumps on the log.  We should of take advange of this wonderful weather and been out side, mowing the lawn and such.  Josh rented a few movies.  Seems he had a Vegas theme to them.  Shade and The Cooler.  We watched the Cooler first, and it was kinda sad but with a twist ending and Shade was kinda neat also.  My mind just isnt as twisted as it used to be or else I am sure I would of figured out the Mechanic was working with the Dean along time before the end of the movie lol.  We also rented Catch That Kid for the kids.  That one is a big thumbs down from me.  I will not go into a rant about it but let's just say there are many bad messages that movie sends to pre-teens.  Is it impossible to put out a good family movie these days!??

Sunday was a busy day ofcourse. Father's day.  The kids made cards that are way cute and gave them to Josh.  Then we went to church.  The message wasn't about Fathers, but there was some readings about Fathers and each father in the church got a gift(a plastic red tool box).  I enjoyed church very much and the worship music and the prayer.  I requested prayer for my mother.  I get teary eyed still thinking and praying for her.  I havn't heard anymore from her.  Hope she will call me this week.  After church we went home and had some lunch and relaxed a bit.  Josh did make some vanilla cream pies to take to his dad's house.  We ate dinner over there.  This week has a lot of celibrating going on.  It was our anv.  Josh's Dad and step mom's anv.  Josh's dad's b-day, Father's day and also our friend Jared's b-day.  We had a nice visit over at his dad's.  Ohh and Josh figured out how to save that moviemaker project! gurr I am glad he got it to finally work but frustrated that he was the one to figure it out and not me.  After all that work!  So we will be giving that to the Grad as soon as we see him.  After dinner at the in-laws we stopped over at our old friend's house.  These are the friends we never really see or talk with anymore since we became Christians.  It is notfrom lack of effort on our part either.  It was nice to see them and let the kids remember them but you could feel a tention a bit, aleast I did.  It was like the Elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about.  God being that Elephant.  Instead we talked about trival things, the growing Zoo they have over there lol A baby grey Fox, and a mixed bread dog with wolf in it, the fish, the cats, and dont forget the big snakes they keep and the mice and rats they breed to feed them.  I was glad to of seen S & B after so long and wish we could be close friends again, but  I know that won't happen.  PPL grow and move on I guess.  I will stop banging my head agenst the wall for thier sakes.  I love them always and pray for them.

Tonight VBS (vaccation bible school) starts for Zane and Annie.  A full week whahooo something for them to do besides get on my nerves lol jk.  We have been doing vbs since they was old eng to start going.  I usally find 2 of them for them to go to each summer. Our church is too small to host one but one day I am sure we will have them too.  Tonight is also when the prayer group at church meets, so I am hoping to go there after I drop the kids off.  I love corprate prayer.  It is only a handful of us that do it but where two or more are gathered in his name he is there.  I am still praying for the needs of the online prayer group in my private prayer time.  I am still looking for an online faithful prayer partener to meet with me to pray over the needs of the group once a week.

Tue I am hoping to spend some time over at Amy's house while the kids are at vbs.  She is leaving Thur out of town for one of her son's baseball tournments and will be gone threw Sunday. 

I am aslo looking forward to Wednesday at church.  The next session on our study for the endtimes.  I will probly be updating my study journal Thursday Are YOU ready for all this?.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Tears and Jeers

Yesterday was one of those days, full of things I can post about but unsure how I will get it all out and flowing into one post.

I shall start with what is on the top priority list. My MOM. If it wasn't for IM I may never know what's going on with her.  She IM me yesterday afternoon saying hi but she couldn't talk really cuz she had to a doc. apt.  She informs me that for the past 4 days her heart feels like it has been doing flip flops (and not in the good way) and she can hear and feel each heart beat.  Some of you may recall how last month she went for tests for her heart and they found her aortic valve was weakening but not so bad that surgery will probably not be needed for maybe 2 years.  I ofcourse pray for her total healing.  Mom did call me this evening with the update.  Her doctor is going to refer her to a Heart Surgeon for a second opinion about when surgery may be needed.

This brings up so many emotions and I don't know where to begin with it.  First off I totally trust that if it was the Lord's will to heal her, he would.  But I also know my mom isn't as trusting in the power of prayer as I am.  I know she has said she is a believer, but I often wonder about her faith and how real it really is.  I know God is working on her and he will do what ever it takes to bring his chosen to him, so I have to wonder if this is one of those things he is going to use.  I want soooo much to go and see her and visit with her.  I get the feeling that I may not have many chances to talk with her and visit with her and have those long conversations that need to be had.  This is the same feeling I have gotten before with other relatives before they passed away.  I would get a burning desire to go and see them but circumstances prevented it and with in six months I was at their funeral.  There is no way at this time I can just go off and see my mom up in Milwaukee. Our car would not make the drive. We don't have money to take other forms of transpiration.  Basically no where for me and all my kids to stay up there without getting a motel room, and we don't have the money for that.  Josh HAS to work while there is work to be had so that is another factor.  So knowing all this a trip just isn't possible, but all I want to do is hold my mommy, hug her,and love on her.  I am fighting that emotion called Fear.  I know that is not from God.  Thoughts of living a life so soon without my mom in it come to me, when all I want to say is she will be OK.  She is all I have left besides my brother and sister.  My dad is gone, and all my grandparents.  Mom has always been there to fall back on ya know.  I think the one thing that would totally settle my mind is if I had solid confirmation that she was Saved.  If I saw fruit of it.

Moving on..

Today was a beautiful day out.  I got to drive to the store for some shopping and I had all the windows down (no aircondioning) and the radio playing.  When I pulled in the drive way I sat for a few min. enjoying the green grass and the flowers that are blooming. I watched the bumble bees buzzing from each flower to the next.  A thought came to me to enjoy each site, that one day everything is going to be different and this time shall pass and I will want to have these memories. So I slowly got out of my car and gazed up to the house, seeing my 2yrd in her bedroom window waving at me and smiling.  I could see her exclaiming mommy is home and she met me at the door. It was very nice and peaceful, until I got threw the door.

All the kids jumping up excited, DAD IS LETTING US WATCH WRESTLING! (FYI we don't watch wresting in our house and for plenty of reasons.)  Josh said there was absolutely nothing on TV.  I said everything was worse than this? He told me to lighten up, its entertainment, and the kids know that.  OOOKKK then. About 10min. later Sophia, my cute little baby who was looked so much like an angel from her bedroom window when I pulled up, comes up and HITS ME! My jaw drops and I immediately turn off Wrestling with proof of what just transpired as why we have a rule about such entertainment.  MOMMA AINT HAV'IN IT! Wrestling and Jackie Chain are banned from the house lol.  Then Josh teases me cuz he knows for a fact my family used to watch and be very into WWF wrestling. ( a sad fact I love to forget from my childhood) Remember the cartoon with the good guys Vs the bad guys from WWF wrestling? LMBO I am ashamed to admit my dad even paid for pay preview events on cable.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Another Journal

I am very excited this week. : )  can ya see me jumping up and down? lol jk

This summer our church is studing the Endtimes and the Return of Jesus Christ.  A very exciting topic indeed.  A few years ago we had an indeath studing and I learned alot.  This summer we are going deeper and have dedicated Wednesday Nights to this study.  And you know me, always love to share and write, I have started a journal for keeping my notes and thoughts on it all. Now, Now, I know, some of you are reminded of the journal I started when I was going threw the Purpose Driven life and how laxted I was in on writting in that one.  But I promise you! this one is differnt.  #1 it is not like I am reading a book own my own.  I will have weekly notes to share, and this is a subject we all can get excited about. I also know there is a bunch of differnt ideas out there about the Endtimes and Return of Christ, but we are going threw the Bible, not another book or off the theories of men.  Scriptuer on Scriptuer, line upon line, precept upon precept.  Building on all scriptuers, not one taken here and there out of its context.  Anyway, check out my first entery and stay tuned for the updates.

Are YOU ready for all this?  is the name I choose for it.  Was trying to think of a title more witty than My Study of the Endtimes.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

8yrs ago...

Yesterday Josh and I passed another milestone. 8 years of marriage.  I don't know why this year I am all gushy and sentimental about it.  But you have got to admit 8 years is a good amount of time these days, especial since we was 19 when we got married and you all know the statistics on teen marriage.

You may have read my previous entries about how we met and became a couple. So I will pick up where that one left off and also give the fun details of the Big day.

We both lived in Vegas with our families and things was on and off again, normal teenage stuff.  Then my dad started his battle with Cancer and I found out I was with child.  It was decided that we move back to Wis. where my most of our family lived.  Mom could not handle it all on her own and needed that support.  We moved the beginning of the summer of '94.  Josh finished up what he had to do and moved out there with us at the end of the summer.  Zane was born Oct 10th '94.  My dad was the most proud grandfather ever.  He loved and cared so much for him, called him his little buddy.  He was healthy engh to help in taking care of him while I was in school.  Then in January he got worse and it was decided that no further treatments would help, he was coming to terms with dying.  I think it was a blessing from God that my dad got to see his first grandchild. By February he was very bad and on his death bed.  Josh had been making payments on the ring he had wanted to give me.  A full carrot diamond heart cut, but he decided he didn't want to wait, and went down to a 1/2 carrot diamond so he could give it to me right away.  He proposed to me right away, in our bedroom while I was holding Zane.  No, it was not a surprise but it helped take my mind off how bad dad was.  I rushed downstairs to show my dad the ring and tell him I would be taken care of by Josh forever.  My dad was almost a zombie by then, he was so drugged up, but I think threw the haze he saw it and understood and it helped in him letting go.  It was a few days after that he died with all his family gathered around him. I was barley 18.

That summer Josh and me and Zane got our first apartment.  You never forget how terrible your fist apt. is do you lol.  We never really talked about a wedding or set a date.  When I turned 19 it was the cut off age for me to beon my mom's insurance and she insisted that Josh and I should get married so I could be covered under his insurance. Josh had a very good job with good benefits. If Josh would have had it his way we would have just gone to the court house.  You know my mom wasn't having that! lol I was her first born daughter and I deserved a real wedding.  She was going to see to that!  So we set the date, I org wanted a March wedding cuz that was when Josh and I had gotten together the first time.  But nope, it had to be June, on a Sat. so everyone could come and the weather would be nice.  We went the cheap route and did everything we could possible do ourselves.  Josh's mom made my dress.  Mom and I did the flowers and head vale and center pieces and decorations.  We rented out the Knights of Columbus hall and did cash and carry food.  We just had beer on tap and champagne for the wedding party.  Got the cheapest DJ (you get what you pay for folks).  The invitations was about the most expensive thing I think, but they was wonderful.  Our colors was Purple and White.  Someone who knew someone did our cake for a very good price.  And someone who knew someone did our pictures.  Josh's cousin Heather did my hair and make up.  The brides maids dress was from JC Penny outlet store. A family friend did recorded the wedding for us (THANK YOU TODD) We opted to go with the Unity Church for the ceremony.  I was raised Episcopal but for us to get married in that church Josh would have to take a bunch of classes and join that church, we wasn't interested in doing that.  Josh's Dad and Step-Mom was apart of the Unity church so he was familiar with it somewhat and the Minister wasn't expensive.  I watch the ceremony now and see how watered down it was and how superficial it was and want so much for our Current Pastor to remarry us on our 10th anv.  One that makes God the center of it all.

My Uncle, my dad's brother, walked me down and my sister and Josh's sister was the bridesmaids.  Josh's best friend Jared from HighSchool was best man and his brother was the other groomsmen.  Consuelo was org going to be my maid of honor but she couldn't get out there for the wedding from Vegas. Zane was the ringbearer and my cousin's daughter Bailey was the flower girl.  The flower girl's dress was one that has been used in several weddings, we just changed the ribbon.  The church was kinda strick on what we could and couldn't do.  Perty much no decorations of our own.

Watching our video tape of the reception I chringe! lol We was such Hoosiers (Hoosiers is a slang term for white trash if you didn't know) We all was drunk, especially Josh! But we did have a good time.  Josh fought tooth and nail when we tried to put the ball and chain on him.  I got grass stains all over my dress from that.  When we cut the cake, he HAD to throw it in my face.  There is no pic of me with it all over my face but its on the video!  I was very upset!  He let me mush it all over his face in return.  For the toast he could barely stand up, and in the Anderson family Tradition I belched.  Josh wouldn't dance serious with me, and we was all over the place. Yet he was a perfect gentleman with his mom.  After all was said and done the reception hall was trashed.  A sign post pulled up, cig butts all over the grass, cups all over, um mash potatoes on the wall (I threw them at josh).  My mom and her friends cleaned up as much as they could but needless to say we lost our deposit.

Josh and I had a two night stay at the Country In Suites, in a very nice room. But that was all of a honeymoon we had.

Last night we watched the video with our four children.  My son looked away each time Josh and I kissed embarrassed.  I promised Annie her wedding would be classier cuz this was not how a wedding is supposed to look like lol (meaning the reception). Josh made us a nice stake dinner on the grill and we shared a bottle of wine.  It was not a grand celebration but it was nice and we have eachother and that is all that counts.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Matthew 5:14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Watching the service on TV for Ronald Regan and I am moved to tears.  What comes out clear to me is Mt.15:14 was his life scripture.  His theme for his life. 

The other day there was a journal assignment.  Write about the person who has the qualitys you wish you could possess. Someone you admire.

I did not know who I could write on besides Jesus, who I long to be more like each day.  But listioning to the stories and the service of Ronald Regan I saw many things he was that I wish to be.  Standing firm on his beliefes yet being compasionate.  They say there was not a mean bone in him.  That at the end of the day, no matter the political divide, he could still be friends with those on the opposite party.  I was touched by the story of him praying for the one who shot him before he prayed for himself.  That Hollywood and Politics didn't change him from his humble beginnings.  That he was not proud or puffed up but generous and gracous. Assured that his faith was real, not something he used for political gain or void words spoken.  He ment what he had said and I am confidant he is with The Lord right now.

Matthew 5:9 Blessed [are] the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Ofcourse funerals make us all think of our own death and how short and fleeting this life is. I wonder what will be said of me at my own funeral?  I am no grand leader like some, I do not have a big career, or do big things. But that is ok, because I know that is not what will be looked at by God.  I know firmly who I am in Jesus and am ready to meet him if he was to call me home today.  I only hope that is reflected in all I do and say and THAT is what will be remembered of me.

If you was to meet God today, are you ready?  Could you stand before him?  Do you know with out a shadow of a dought that you would enter into hevean?  If the answer is NO or not sure, please e-mail me or IM me.  We are not promised tomorrow.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

From My InkBlot Test Results....

Mary, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

Tuesday, June 8, 2004

He is always there

Peacy and Becky posted about how God stepped in for thier children and answered prayer.  Amzing stories and very touching.  I also have one, well I have severeal but this one is about my daughter AnnMarie.

At the time we lived in a small upstiars 2 bedroom apartment.  We just had Zane and Annie.  Zane was 4 and Annie was barley 2.  They shared a bedroom.  Annie slept in the crib and Zane had just gotten a twin size bed that was under his window.  It was just the start of spring.  It was the first warm day and nice day in a long time. We had played outside and opend up the aprtment.  Josh and I was warn out and wanted to relax after all that play.  We put the kids down for naps.  Ofcourse they didnt want to and tried to play with each other.  So we separated them putting Zane in our room and leaving Annie in her crib.  She was being very stubern and kept wailing and crying. I went in a few times to calm her down but decied it would be best to let her cry it out.  Josh and I had just gotten a new toy called WebTV so we was playing on it and tuning her out.  After awhile she stopped and we both breathed a sigh a relief figuring she had finnally fell asleep.  Not very long after that our downstairs neighbor was knocking on our door.  He said I think your little girl is outside playing.  We laughed at him and said No it must be some one else, she is taking a nap in her room.  I went to check on her just to settle our neighbors mind.  As I opened the door to my horrer I saw the screen to the window pushed out!  I ran to it and looked down and screemed.  Annie was at the bottom of the very long drop from the window.  There was a women there holding her and comforting her.  We ran downstairs and to the side of the building where she was and scooped her up.  There is a very thin strip of grass and leaves on the side of the building where she fell.  Thankful she landed in that and not on the wide sidewalk.  It looked like she had been playing at the window cuz she had her dollies and a blanket down there with her.

In our apartment we inspected her for any broken bones or bleeding.  Nothing but a few scrapes under her arms (had she been hanging from the sill and tried to hold on?) I called the docotor asap and got her in to see her.  I was freaking out.  On the way to the doctors Annie started to fall asleep.  I kept trying to keep her awak cuz I thought it was bad if she had maybe hit head, that she should say awake.  The doctors said that was normal for a child to sleep if they are in shock and she was ok.  No broken bones, only a few bruses and scrapes under her arms.

She really didnt talk yet so she couldn't tell us what happen.  But I fully believe that an angel caught her as she fell.  I had never been so greatful to God.  I felt such guilt too.  This was before I had a relationship with the Lord but this is one of the things he used to draw me to him.  This was two weeks before Easter.  Then the week before Easter I had gotten very sick with high temptures of 104.  Threw my fever I had a vision.  A very long one.  I will have to post on that at another time, but let me just say I saw the Lord and I had angels speaking to me and I saw my future.  When it was done I woke up and the fever had broke.  A year later almost to the day is when I said YES to him, you can read that in more detail in my testimony webpage.

Part 1 but read the background entry first

Subj:joys testimony
Date:6/6/04 5:09:57 AM Eastern Daylight Time
, Adia1269X

OnlineHost: Adia1269X has entered the room.
HopeToCome87: this woman wants to pray
HopeToCome87: JOy
Job 30 17: have to get some water, be right back
HopeToCome87: may i introduce to you all joy
HopeToCome87: adia
HopeToCome87: she wants to pray the prayer of salvation
Hunybea4him: *waves hi
HopeToCome87: she wants our help
Adia1269X: Hi
HopeToCome87: would you all pray with me
Hunybea4him: |o/
HopeToCome87: and her
Hunybea4him: yes
SPYDRMONKEY001: {sitting qitely while youall pray with respect to you}
HopeToCome87: mary
HopeToCome87: lead in prayer
HopeToCome87: my hands are shaking
Hunybea4him: Lord Thank you so so much for this blessed night
HopeToCome87: thank yuJessu
Hunybea4him: for bring this time and place to be
HopeToCome87: yes LOrd
Hunybea4him: for answering our prayers for this friend
HopeToCome87: yes
HopeToCome87: thank you God
Hunybea4him: Lord I am overwhelmed
Hunybea4him: by your mercy
HopeToCome87: thank you for drawing  her to you
Hunybea4him: and love
Hunybea4him: your divine plan
HopeToCome87: thank you for your Word of Truth
Hunybea4him: My heart is beatting so fast, and I am breathing in you
HopeToCome87: Father God
HopeToCome87: may joy p;ray this prayer to you with all sincerety
Hunybea4him: adia ready?
HopeToCome87: and hy;mblenss
HopeToCome87: yu go
Adia1269X: yes
Hunybea4him: Just talk from your heart, read and pray it
Adia1269X: ok
a1269X: go
Hunybea4him: Yes I want to know you Jesus
Hunybea4him: Yes I need you in my life
Job 30 17:
yes Lord
Hunybea4him: Yes I have am a sinner and I am sorry for all my mistakes and I turn them over to you for forgivness
OnlineHost: Freewolf01999 has entered the room.
Hunybea4him: I believe threw you and only you may I recive it
Job 30 17: Hello Freewolf, welcome please join us in prayer
Hunybea4him: I belive that Jesus came to earth, died on the cross for my sins, and on the third day raised from the Dead
Hunybea4him: and I am putting all my trust in him right now!
Freewolf01999: hello job ty
Job 30 17: your welcome
HopeToCome87: sam pray please for adia
Hunybea4him: I ask from this day forward God that you would change me into a new creation, a new nature, and that you would give me your HolySpirit to teach and guide me

Hunybea4him: Show me how to grow in this new relationship with you
Hunybea4him: Thank you
Hunybea4him: If you prayed that prayer
Freewolf01999: sure will carry
Job 30 17: yes Lord
Hunybea4him: and ment it from your heart
Hunybea4him: and God does know your heart
Hunybea4him: you are now a new baby in the family of God
Hunybea4him: and on your way to growing, but much better, a new life
HopeToCome87: joy
HopeToCome87: did yu pray that prayer?
Adia1269X: yes
HopeToCome87: Amen
HopeToCome87: oh thank you God

Have to break this up into two posts. part 2

Hunybea4him: Thank YOU Lord
thank you Jesus
Hunybea4him: my sister!
Job 30 17:
Praise the Lord
the Angels in heaven are rejoicing
HopeToCome87: my heart is overwhelmed with Joy
HopeToCome87: yes welcome to Our Family
HopeToCome87: joy?
Adia1269X: yes
HopeToCome87: confess with you mouth
Hunybea4him: yes
that Jesus Christ is Lord of your lIfe
HopeToCome87: and that you will follow Him
HopeToCome87: not man
HopeToCome87: no the words of man
HopeToCome87: but His Words
Adia1269X: Jesus Christ you are the Lord of my life, I will follow only you
ia1269X: Jesus Christ you are the Lord of my life, I will follow only you
HopeToCome87: thank you God
Job 30 17: thank you Lord
Hunybea4him: This is so awesome!  Thank you Lord for allowing me to be here
HopeToCome87: you are so wonderful
HopeToCome87: to save a sinner like me
HopeToCome87: and heard my cries for this young lady
HopeToCome87: opened her heart to the Truth
Hunybea4him: baptiz her Lord
Hunybea4him: with your spirit
Hunybea4him: bring the teacher and the comforter
Adia1269X: My Lord, I trust you with my life, my future
Hunybea4him: bring her into your presance and teach her to hear and listion to your voice

The back ground info for my next post

click for song

Saturday night I had no intentions of going to chat.  I was very frustrated with all that was going on with Windows Movie Maker and wraped up in that project.  I only went online to see about finding how much an update would cost for my cd burner's program.  Almost as soon as I got on Hope2come87 IM me asking that I PLEASE come into the room.  Joy wanted to pray the prayer of salvation!

Adia12969X(Joy) started coming to the same chat as I did last week. Carry (Hope2come87) the room host has been talking with her alot over these days.  When Joy came to the room she was not heaven bound.  All she wanted to do was sit and listion to us chat and ask questions.  She was intrested in religion and was checking them all out is the impression I got.  She was very respectful and ofcourse we was happy to answer any questions she may of had.  I dont think we was pushing anything on her and she was truely seeking something to bring her peace and joy. I got to IM with her a few times and we had wonderful conversations.  But Carry really took it upon herself to minister to her.  She got to know about her story more than I did.  She even felt compelled to call and talk with her on the phone, something no one does often in chats.  Carry had asked us Friday night to pray while she was in IM with Joy and pray over the conversation. And the whole room did.  Threw the spirit I got the impression that Joy would come to the Lord, that I would have her as a new sister.  She was drawn to him, yet kept pushing away at the same time and the more she pushed away, the closer God was drawing.  So when I came on Sat night and Carry asked me to come into the room to pray with Joy I knew just what she was talking about and was overjoyed I could be apart of it! My thinking is God had this planned all along and thus my computer problems with the project I was working on, or else I would of never gone to the chat.  Joy has given me permision to post it here in my journal and share it with you all.


Sunday, June 6, 2004

Venting about my very frustrationg Day!

You all know that   and like to think of myself as having it together on the basic knowlage and maybe a bit above novice. LOL at least in my own household and with my own puter, I am the expert. Also you have got to know that I love taking pictures and have become a.  I was elated last October when I was playing around in my Accessories Folder and found I had WindowsMovieMaker in my arsenal of programs.  I quickly learned how to take my photos and put them together in creative ways set to music and subtitles and other cool things you can do with that program.  I had the feeling that could be something I would Love to do as a living.  When I got the invitation for a friend's son grauation open house, I was compelled to make one for them to play for the party.  At church they just got a new "toy", a projection monitor and it would of been perfect to show off my creation.  My friends thought it would be too much work and asked are you sure more than twice. I assured them it would be NO problem, my gift to them.  So they gave me all the pics and I got them all scanned into the puter, over 200 pictures! But Wow, what an awsome son they have and I felt like I got to know him so well.  This boy was National Honnor Society, Junior and Senior Class President and also Prom King to boot! He didnt only have brains but he is also a little Hottie lol. I admit I grew a bit jelous, for no way was I even in that kind of preppy class when I was in school, but it is not like he is snobby, he is the nicest kid you can come accross, probly why he was so popular. I really wanted to do it right and honor him and his parents, also I wanted to show off too, I admit it. I threw myself into the project for over two weeks. Tweeking and molding and making it almost close to perfect.  Some nights I would sit at the puter for over 3 hours on it with out even batting an eyelash. The end result was 15 min. of a life threw picuters and music with witty captions and meaningful scriptures.  I was perty much done with it at the beginning of last week but put off adding the ending credits till Sat. night and saving and converting it into a file that would play on windows media player.  I had been assured by the brother who runs the puter and projection screenat church that if it would play on windows media player it would be able to play on the projection screen.  I had even taken a sample movie to church to make sure it would, but didnt get a chance to get it up because you know how ppl are so busy after church and it is hard to get the "puter" guy's attention.  He just said ya it will work, I will show you later how to put it up there.  So yesterday after the picknic I came home to tweek the project into perfection and was ready to save it to disk, I knew I was cutting it close cuz the party was Sunday afternoon but I had all confidance that it was just a matter of saving it and waaaallaaa.  I think it was about 11:30 or so when I was finished and then that is where my nightmare started.

In WindowsMovieMaker you have the project, and it's not finished until you save it to your computer.  Then it converts to the kind of file for playing on a media player.  Before you do that it will only play in the program it was created on. duh that is simple and I knew that.  I finished, clicked the save wizard and then it started to save, then it seemed like it had froze.  Then you know when it says how many min it will take to save and counts down and you have progress bar, well instead of the number of min. getting smaller it grew and got bigger and bigger. 100 min. to 5,000 min.  What The!! So I canceled and tried again.  Same thing.  So I figured I will leave it run and save while I watched a movie.  I watched They call her Osoma, great movie by the way and I will have to post on it some time.  I came back to the puter and no progress.  Then it comes up with the alert that I didnt have engh virtual free memory space, it was creating some and I would have to wait and some access to other programs may be deniyed at that time. UGH!  I need more memory all ready? I have not done that much yet for my memory to be gone, I havnt even gotten into keeping my dig movies from my camera on the puter yet.  Granted this was a longer movie than i had made before, all of the other what 4 movies was just 3 or 4 min long. But We have only had this puter 2 yrs.  The most I do with it is save pics from my camera, and do the internet.  I rarely have to create and save documents and I dont have much as far as games is concerned on it.  So then I tried to save it to disk and convert it that way.  We got a cdrw for christmass the year before last and I have only used Roxy, the program it came with to create cds but in the movie program it had a button to save to cd, so I tried that to no avail.  I thought, ok, maybe cuz I dont have the update for Roxy, so I go online to see how much that would be and thinking maybe I would download that.  $75 for the update, they must be on crack!! I will say, I know God had a reason for this and while I was online I did get to chat with some of my friends from that new chat room I wrote about in my preivious entry, a great thing happen and I will make that my next post.  So by what 3:30- 4 a.m. that is where I was. It accured to me that church has the same OS as I do and they will probly have WindowsMovieMaker too.  So I saved the project to disk and all the pic folders too with hopes that I could just go in on church's puter and convet it there. About this time Josh gets up, scoulds me for still being at it, and he tries to see if he could "help".  Remeber I am the expert here lol and he leaves the puter stuff to me, so why he thought he would know more than me is a good question. He tries for an hour and comes to the same conclusion I did.

Yesterday at the picnic I asked the brother who does the projection screen if he could show me how to do it for the party after church.  He said sure but he would rather show me before church than afterwards.  So we make an extra effort to get to church before Worship Practice and before service.  A friend snickered at us and asked,"what did you guys set your clock back?" we are notoris for coming just as Worship starts.  The computer guy at church is also on the Worship team and also makes the bullitons for Sundays.  He gets there just as practice starts, and practice runs till 10 min before service starts.  There was nooo time to get him aside and ask him to show me the projector stuff and for me to explain what was going on with my project.  So after church he shows me the programs that i needed to open and how to turn the projector on from the puter.  Then he wants to put the file I have into the program for the projector and when he opens it up he gets perty frustrated with me.  YOU CANT use this kind of file. (duh) And I try and explain what all I was dealing with and what I wanted to do.  He is rushed and his wife peeps in reminding them that they have to get going. I told him, dont worry about it and go, it I will figure it out, at least I know how to turn it on and how to get a file into it.  But I get the feeling that he thinks I know nothing of puters. So I look for windowsmoviemaker on the puter and YESSS they do have it.  So I open up my file from disk into it, but ugh, since I only had saved the pics and not the music it wasnt going to work.  It  needed the org scorce and bla bla bla computer talk.  Ok so I thought if anything I could have just the pics play and go and save and finish the project to the hard drive.  Then I turn on the projector and run the program for it and go to put the file into it. Another problem. It wouldnt read the file, even though I know windows media player would play it and reconize it as I was told that was what kind of file i had to make it.  So that idea was chucked.  The party started at 2:30 and it was only 1:00.  So I took each pic and draged them to the projection program.  But it would only hold 100 pics, so I had to go back and be selective of what pics to put in.  This took awhile.  So at 3:00 I go to play it and it wouldnt just loop.  I had to manualy click each pic so it would play and come up on the screen. UGH.  But better than nothing.  I told my friends they HAVE to come to my house some time and see what I had org made for them, cuz it was much better than this.  The thanked me and told me not to worry about it and they was very happy with what i did at the party.  My pastor saw me in the sound booth and came over and talked with me.  He said it would be a good thing if I also learned the computer stuff for church so that more than one person knows how to run it and that a women would probly pay more attentoin to som details lol.  You know I am all for that and I love to serve in anyway possible.  So perhaps that is why I had to go threw all that.  Am I mad that everyone didnt get to see what I had org created? Not so much mad but disapointed, but I think I am getting over it.  So much for me having a carrer at making movies for friends and faimly.


Saturday, June 5, 2004

This and That

I am stumpted with the assingment for this weekend.  Name a book that describes you (excluding the Bible and Koran or other sacred religous texts).  So I will have to keep thinking on it.  The last book I got to sit and read I think was "Let's Roll" The Todd Beamer story.  Wow and that was last summer??  I will have to make an effort to read more books, but I tend to lean on the thinking that I dont have time for fiction and the Bible is what I mainly need to feed me with.

Anyways updates and such.  First of all I am very sad, but I guess I will get over it.  I have talked before of my dential problems and how bad my teeth are getting.  This is a very sensitive thing for me to admit to ppl, and I am leaving myself open (be kind).  I lost a front side tooth the other day. : (  Gawwshhh I really can't smile now!  Josh said it doesnt look too bad, kinda cute and my friend Jess who lives in KY (countrybumkin) said I could move down with her and fit right in.  I think I may stick with the story that I am a hockey player.  I feel such shame over it.  I know half of it is my fault for not heeding warnings and take better care of my teeth.  Other half is from having a family with bad teeth to begin with and having 4 kids, you know if you dont get engh calsium during pregnacy, your body will take it from your teeth for the baby.  I know, just go to the dentist and get it fixed right? Wish it was so simple.  I have resinged myself to thinking by the time we have the money and time, I will have to get full denchrers.  Sad for being only 27.  I really do miss my smile, I used to have such a big one.  I miss expressing my JOY with out having to think, oh I better not smile and laugh too big, cover my mouth or some one will see how messed up I am.

Moving on..

This morning Zane and Annie left for Church Camp.  They are so excited! They about forgot to give me a hug good bye!  Sophia and Lilly are upset.  After Zane and Annie left they kept waving out the window saying good bye and we will miss you and then Sophia started to cry, I mean really cry about it!  So my older two are gone until Tue.  Today is also our church picknic. Josh has to work today so he will miss most of it.  I have to catch a ride with friends from church, cuz no way was I getting up at 5:30 to take him to work, and then leave in the middle of the picknic to take him.  So that is why I am online, killing time.

The last few nights I have ventured into to chats, something I rarely do anymore cuz there is sooo much junk.  Even in the Christian rooms, you may be in a wonderful conversation and disruptuers come in.  I have been very blessed to found a few new friends and a room that for some reason has become attack free!  I remember now why I love to chat so much in those rooms.  For fellowship, and praising the Lord together with other brothers and sisters and also for those times when some one comes and they are truely seeking and asking questions.  Nothing more exciting than bring a new person to the Lord, seeing it click for them for the first time.  Really there is no better HIGH. LOL but I know this is what has gotten me in trouble before and I have to remember Balance. lol

I will get lots of pics today from the picnick and may post them.

Thursday, June 3, 2004

When Josh met Mary

Reading this entry inspired me to write about my younger years and when I met my husband.  Thanks Angela.

It is true and I am not even that old yet, that when you look back to the time when you met your mate it brings a big smile to your face and you relive the moments.

My family had moved yet again.  My dad was in Vegas and my mom and us kids was with my Grandma in Wis waiting for him to get it all set up for us to come live back there.  A family tragity had happen (longer story for another post), the short of it was both my parents had quite thier jobs as mangers at Vegas Gas Stations and thus we was broke and thus the sepertion.  It is not a secret that I hated having to move back to Wis when I was 15 and that I loved Vegas. So when my dad finaly called for us to come "home" I was soo happy, untill I found out what side of Vegas he moved us to.  Green Valley, might as well been the other side of the World cuz all my friends lived closer to the mountain side near Summerlin.  There is no doubt in my mind that this was on purpose to keep me away from bad influances (HA).  Green Valley was a newier more upper class community at the time, somewhere I had thought i would have a hard time fitting in. Little did my parents know I had known ppl on that side of town and made friends quickly before I started back at school.  Summer and her crew of mistfits.  I had to change my preppy look to grunge/hippy, but hey that is what teens do,reinvent themselves.  We moved there in Jan, right after my 16 th birthday.  I was upset cuz I was days away from my drivers test in Wis when the call home came.

I remember that first day at the bus stop vividly.  I had called Summer and Stevie and asked advice to make sure the outfit I had on was up to snuff and met Stevie at her apartment early. She asured me I looked cool.  When we got to the bus stop there was already a group of teens gathering. Summer and Stevie did the intros to who was who. I was very shy but tried to play it off.  I hate new kid syndrome. I am sure the whole spectrum of my soon to be new friends was there but the only one I remember ofcourse was Josh.  He had a look of familar to him, like I said before if I had beleived such things I would say we had met in a past life.  There was a instant connection there for the both of us.  But at this time I was into the bad boys and was not intrested in him, there was some one already I was presueing, some one I knew before I had moved.  After a couple of weeks Summer came to my bedroom window sooo drunk you wouldn't believe it.  How we always seemed to manage getting smoke and drink is beyonde me.  She was laughing and giggling and said, Mary I know some one who likes you.  Ofcourse I had to know who, thoughts raced at the possiblities of what older guy who ran in our circles it may be. She wispers in my ear Josh, good old Josh. Oh?!  We both are laughing at this point and I said OH NO, he is just too sweet for me.  Josh was the nice guy of the group. He took care of everyone kinda and I think he was used more than he likes to admit not cuz ppl loved him but cuz he was a pleaser.  This wasn't the great romance I had in mind. YET, if he likes me, there must be some good in me he sees right?  I decided to make special effort to attract him, with only plans to deny him, just to be a flirt.  I paid extra attention to my make up and hair each morning knowing he would be at the bus stop.  At lunch I made sure to make an apperance at Smoker's Cornner where the gang hung out to smoke our butts off campus, I made sure to sit by him but be shy and not really say much to him but got a lite or an extra cig. After a few days of this he started to talk with me more at lunch and on the bus. FYI he was very shy also.  I still have it some where with my notes from school, but one day he hannded me an envolpe at lunch just as it was time to get back to class.  It was soo classic! A note asking me out and with pics of him from the year before. Ohhhh no he didnt!! I thought.  I had to torcher the boy some.  I wrote him back and left it in his locker.  Thanks for the pics but if you want to ask me out, be a man and do it in Person. Upto this point most of my boyfriends have been older, no good guys, but they deffintaly didnt ask me out in notes. How Jr High is that!  The next few weeks we talked more at lunch and he would walk me back to campus.  We had to cut accross the football field and if memory serves me correct there was a crew out painting there (ironic since now Josh is a painter) and on thier radio was playing "Making Love Out Of Nothing At All" by AirSupply.  I made the comment to him that I liked that song but didnt know who sang it.  He said oh his mom has that cd, come over some time listion to it.  I flashed him my big smile.  I think it was the next day we ditched school at his apartment.  I am not sure all who was there, Harry Mike was there I remember that forsure, but he was so high it was as if he wasnt. Mostly all we did was sit on the couch and watch tv.  Josh slowly started to make his move, first holding my hand and then leaning in for a kiss.  We made out on the couch all day. : )  Before it was time for me to go he Offically asked ME out! At first I was going to play it off cuz I wasnt real sure I wanted to and said I would think about it, but then he gave me another kiss and that sealed the deal and I said yes.  I remember later that night I was at Summer's apartment smoking out and I told her that I was going out with Josh now. She said Why?!! Do you feel sorry for him?  My jaw dropped and I knew from that point on I had to decied if I was going to be serious about him or if this was going to be a game. I told her NO Way, I like him.  Needless to say after that Summer and I was not very of friends, but I dont think I ever told Josh what she had said.

I could write my own book on our little courtship and about our first time together and our on and off again break ups but you know how teens are and that was perrty much what it was reg teenager stuff, untill I became preggers.  Then it was growing up time.  That will have to be another entry too.  The Jist of it is, My family moved back to Wis and after he finished HS he moved back there to be with me and our soon to be born son.  We made a life together, moved out apart from my family and got married.  And here we are 4 kids, 3 moves, seveal jobs and several cars and many ups and downs later.  We have spent our whole adult life together and are more in love now then any 16yrd could ever imagin being.