Thursday, September 28, 2006

What was meant for harm.. This is really awesome to me!!!

I started this last night and it is already the wee hours of the morning.. so keep that in mind when I say today and yesterday

I have found and others have told me, anytime you start to grow and step out in your faith to expect attacks from the demonic realm.  Makes sense, if you are not growing or are stale in your faith or if you are not walking in God's will, why would Satan worry about you.. but start to shake up his lies he puts forth, start to share the Truth, start living in God's Will and be bold in the Holy will get his attention.  But on the other hand.. whom shall we fear, if God is for us who can be against us.. resist the devil and he shall flee.. put on the full armor of God and prepare for Battle!!  And sometimes.. we give the Devil too much credit.. as in the book of Job.. he can not touch anyone with out permission.. and what we may perceive as an attack, may be God using that for his Glory in your life.. What was meant for harm for the believer, The Lord turns around for His Honor and His Glory.

When Sophia started getting sick with a scratchy throat..I tried to dismiss it.. pray that she would be well and we could avoid a trip to the Pediatric Doc. I told her if she felt bad to tell the teacher and go to the nurse, mommy will come and get you. Then she came off the bus yesterday crying her eyes out with a fever and could barely eat because her throat was so sore, I was pissed.. I thought it was because I was getting attention that I didn't want because of some of the things I had been saying to others, some of the Words of Truth I had been speaking and because I was drawing closer to the Lord.  My children are my soft spot and it hurts to see them sick or in pain.  I have been blessed with very healthy children.  Not so much as an ear infection as babies, and only Annie had one bout of unexplained fevers that put her in the hospital when she was 3.. but she came out of it fine.  The only time we have needed to go to the Pediatrician this last year was for routine shots.. and even then I just went to the Health Department to get them.

I had to go threw the phone book this morning and find a doctor that took our insurance and would get us in.  Sophia was miserable this morning.. she didn't have a fever but was hungry yet wouldn't eat anything I had to offer.  Her throat hurt so badshe said.  She was very whiney.  But ofcourse by the time I got her to the doctor's office she was more chipper, throat swab taken, urine sample taken.. and the nurse is looking at me like "what are you doing here?" Sophia is very sociable and chatty. The doctor said everything came back good.. not strep from the fast test, no urine infection (I had asked for her to be tested because of her having trouble in the bathroom) but she did see a few spots on her throat and said if she was not any better by Friday to bring her in.. it could be mono.  Mono!! What?!  She shook her head and said.. it would be rare but not to worry, she didn't think it was.  I asked if she could go to school tomorrow and she said yes if she didn't have a fever anymore today.  Basically Sophia is fine!!  She has perked up and is almost back to her normal self and feeling better.

During the course of the exam the Doctor asked all the new patient questions of us.  How many children do you have, how were the pregnancies and births.  Any past medical problems or surgeries, family history.. you know the routine if you have children of your own.  When she was asking if Sophia was my first.. both Sophia and I chuckled and I said oh no.. she is my baby, she has a brother and two sisters.. four all together.  This is when Sophia started in.. Ohh don't forget my other sister.. the one in Heaven.. then she turns to the doctor and says I have a big sister in heaven named Beautiful!!  Ohh dearrrr.. there she goes again and I am caught by surprise by the situation (you may remember where I talked about this in a previous post)  The new doctor looked at me wanting to know what happen and I tried to wave it off but I knew that was not going to do it.  She asked how THAT pregnancy went and I had to say out loud.. to a stranger.. it was terminated.. and gave her the look that said to let it go.

In a normal OBGYN appointment I am prepared to give that answer on the form they give.. it is one of those reminders of that child I lost, that abortion I had at 15, if I  want to be honest with my doctor and ofcourse that is always best.. but never have I had to explain her at a  Pediatrician appointment.  I am not shy to talk about it or all that embarrassed.. I am past that, but this really stung.. hurt. I don't just bring it up with strangers, there is always atime and place and a setting that I prepare myself for and Sophia is throwing me all off with her talking about Beautiful all of sudden this past week.  Because of all this I was starting to doubt myself and the reasons I am so open with the children about the sibling they will not get to meet until we are all in Heaven.  The original reasons was because I have become more outspoken publicly, doing speeches and pro-life rallies,radio interviews, and print, often my family is there for all that.  I did not want it to be the big family dirty secret that is never talked about (as it is for so so many women who have not found healing).  It was explained to each child on their own level.  And I have always been open to talking to them about their sister and why I do what I do now. But this week it feels more painful because I have been taken by surprise maybe.

After the appointment we went to one of my close friend's house.  On the drive I was mulling over what happen at the doctor's office in my head.  I needed to talk to SOME ONE about it, vent.  My friend knows my story and we talk about it from time to time.. she is post abortive too.. but has not sought healing over it yet and still keeps it a secret in her closest from the world.  So as I was telling her what Sophia said at the appointment and the questions she was having from the other day my friend was Horrified.  "What if she talks about it at school.. telling other kids she has a dead sister in heaven, what if you have to answer to her teacher or the school??  What will you say then?"  She didn't get it and was adding to my doubt.  I said if Sophia did.. well she was just telling the truth and her feelings, I don't mind that. Its just the out of the blue this all seems to be coming from.. what is up with THAT?

Talking to my friend did not settle me at all like it usually does when I vent to her about my kid's problems or my family stuff.  My inner turmoil was still churning and I knew I could not hold this in.  I HAD to talk to some one who would understand my point of view, some one who has been threw this and could give me perspective, Godly council.  I am so blessed that God has put some one in my life who fits that bill.

Two years ago I got involved with Silent No Moreand metAmy Martin.  We keep in touch and touch base every now and then and especially when an event is being planned or coming up.  I can't put into words how I just love and adore this women.. the PEACE that flows threw her and her boldness.. she is a very dynamic public speaker because she has passion for Jesus Christ and wants only him to shine threw and show people the healing they can find threw him.  A few days ago I was reading over the local Christian Music radio station's calendar of events on their website.  People and churches send in info for events and concerts or Bible Studies and Conferences or Retreats they are hosting and all the contact info.  That is how I found out about that Rally At The Ranch for us to go to when Josh was in town.  I had read about something along the lines of a Celebration Of Life event coming up in October, it was Pro-life in nature being put on by an organization I am familiar with and Amy was scheduled to be a guest speaker.  I was so excited and planned on attending if only to see her again (lol never get tiered of her testimony.. brings tears every time).  We hadn't really talked since last February when we did a radio interview together for one of the Christian Talk A.M. stations. (I never did post the audio from that.. but I do have it if anyone wants to listen).  So she has been on my mind.. I had been planning on seeing her then but this could not wait.. I had to call her right when I got home.

Her and I had a wonderful conversation and it really did help to talk to her.  I asked if she had told her children, how old they were and how did they deal with and are dealing with it.  Her children are grown now but at the time she went forward, her children were 18 and 13.  So much older than mine but she did tell me I have done the right thing by being honest, open, and it is more freeing to not keep it in, and the kids would of had questions or wonder about my behavior later.  She told me about some one she knew who had a still born son and afterwards a daughter.  They told the daughter about the brother lost very early on and he has always been in their life, talked about openly and grieved over together and that the daughter wasquite healthy mentally for it.. and she kinda equated my situation to that.  As long as I am keeping everything at their maturity level it will be ok.  She pretty much confirmed what I was feeling.. that I was not a nut and I had done the right thing for my family and children and that helped so much.

We went into a conversion about her being the guest speaker at that event and how I was excited to go and see her speak. She said.. "Ohh Mary.. that reminds me I need to call them!  I almost forgot with all that is going on.. I have to be out of town that weekend!  I am going to be a Grandmother and the delivery is scheduled to be that weekend".  She had just found out about the planned induction and knew when she had first agreed to do the event, it would be cutting it close to the birth of her first grandchild.  She was feeling very torn and guilty and praying about it.  Then we both laughed and came to the conclusion that our talk today was God planned, his perfect timing.  She asked if I would pray about doing it, taking her place if the coordinators could not find some one, that she would recommend me....Me?!  At first I was taken aback.. Amy is awesome, I am not half the public speaker she is.  But.. it is not out of the realm of possibility.. I have spoken at events before.. I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to tell her I really could do it, have them call me.

Do you all see what I am getting at??? The point of this long post??  I would not of called Amy, I was just going to show up at the event.. I only called her out of a need to be ministered to by what I was going threw with Sophia.  And because of all that I filled a need she was PRAYING about!  You see how God has turned what seemed meant for harm and made it all about HIM and his Glory??  I am blown away by Him honestly!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Testing out MoBlogging from my e-mail & Sick Sophia

Image from AOL Pictures <----- gives all the details about Moblogging.. I forgot what I was looking for but came across this and thought I would give it a test run.   I don't have net on my cell anymore but this may be an incentive to get it back.  Right now I am testing it out from my e-mail account on AOL since all you really are doing is sending an e-mail to your journal. 
I'm sending an attachment of poor sick Sophia to see if it goes threw and posts.  In the post about Moblogging it said in August you will be able to send video threw moblog (hello it's almost Oct.. has this update been made yet?)

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I am blessed, thankful and Praise God, even for the harder things

Thinking about the blessings in my life and how God has touched me this week.. so many to count.  Interesting to see how when I step out of the negative or unvibrant pattern I have allowed my self to be stuck in for awhile, some may call it a spiritual valley, and I start to draw closer to the Lord, I can recognize his voice much clearer, see those divine things he is doing with me and with in me and how that echoes threw my life to others.

Late Thursday Josh was able to come home but just for over night.  He got home well after the kids were in bed and left before they got up.  It was an unexpected visit and I am happy I had him to my self for a bit.  He did go and kiss and hug each of our children before he left.  I hadn't mentioned to them that daddy had been home that morning when I was getting them off to school and I wondered threw out the day if they would just assume the hugs and kisses were sweet dreams.  Ohh but they did remember and miss him so much and cherish the kiss and hug they got.

Later that day I talked with Josh and he had told me the guy he had rode with back and forth, from there to here, had a serious sezier on the job.  Apparently he is an epileptic but has not had one in over 5 years. The weather was horrible in the area Josh is in that day and the lighting may of been what set it off. I just Praise God and am thankful he did not have it while he was driving and Josh was sleeping on the way back out of town.  I always pray and ask others to pray for my husband when he goes out of town, for his safety and sanity and peace of mind, that his hands would be blessed and all he touches in his occupation would be quality work and ofcourse that he would be drawn closer to God.  I can see those prayers being heard and met.. this is just one instance.

Friday afternoon I got a call from my sister. She said she had gotten a call that our mother had fallen out side of work and was taken to the ER.  They live out of state so it is always hard when something happens and I can not rush to the scene but I prayed and had Peace and was not overly worried about it all.  It turns out mom either fractured her shoulder or tore rotator cuff.. she will know more Monday when she sees the bone doctor.  I was able to talk to her and she sounded like she was in a lot of pain.  Pray for her speedy recovery and ease of pain.  But I amthankful it was not worse than it could of been and she will ultimately be ok.  Her husband always takes good care of her and I know he is serving and doeting on her.

Friday was also a day one of the prayer chain e-mail groups I belong to had a private chat room open for prayer.  People were in and out all day.  I was so blessed to be there and pray with others.  I have gotten out of the habit of praying on line with and for others or even going to chat rooms but this was just awesome and I could feel the Holy Spirit flowing.  I see it as one of those divine appointments, no accident I was there and got to meet new people.

Also Friday the children's midterms came home.  Zane and Annie are all A's and B's.  Lilly I was surprised got letter grades for 1st grade.. the last school district they didn't get letter grades untill 3rd.  Tell me how can some one get a D- in the Vocabulary category but an A- in Comprehension and phonetic skills??  But her and Sophia I need to spend more time on reading and sight words.  Annie has always had a prob with spelling and Lilly seems to be having trouble too. Even though almost every night we study and I make them write the words out 5-10 times and I quiz them.  Ohh and do you know how Annie's spelling test is formatted?!  Multiple choice where they fill in the bubble by the right answer!  I think that may be part of her problem.. she can do it writing it out but to see it mixed with misspelled ones is confusing to her.  They say they have the tests like that because that is how the big state MAP test they take at the end of the year is and they are preparing them for it.   But other than that I am happy with the midterms.. areas to work on and refocus on but it is still yearly in the year.

I have been so lazy lately.. with grocery shopping and stuff.  We have been eating alot of fast food this week because of it. I am sure I have undone what ever weight loss I had accomplished LOL wouldn't really know.. the scale I had has been thrown out.. some one broke it. (meaning one of the kids played with it and broke the digital screen.. not that some one was sooooo fat they broke it LMBO)  I am not in any real hurry to go and get a new one either.  If I feel good and my clothes fit nice.. that is good enough for me. 

Any way.. the reason I was going into about us eating out so much..

Lilly and Sophia drove with me Friday night to get dinner. We went to Hardees and then to the Red Box at Mickey D's for some movies.  On the drive, out of the blue Sophia says, "Mom, I missssssss Beautiful" And she went on and on about it and then started asking questions.  "Arn't you glad we will get to see her one day in heaven. She is so lucky to be with Jesus but I wish I could of known her.. I can't wait to meet her one day" "She would of been my big big sister right?  She was your baby before Zane right?"  "How did she die anyway mommy?"  And this is where Lilly piped in, "shhhhh.. Don't you know mommy always gets sad when she talks about that"


I was caught off guard.. not prepared.. this conversation seemed to of come out of no where. I did my best to talk about it while driving and answer each question.. the last one was the hardest and ofcourse I just said she died before she could be born (in my head I wanted to say the truth, I murdered her, she was ripped out by people who said they were helping me..but instead hurt me but I know that is too harsh of a reality for them) and when Lilly said what she said it really struck me.  I had to tell her it was ok to talk about her, that yes I get sad but its all right, don't be afraid to talk to me about her.  I am happy they do and are aware of this special little life that was cut short.. not just I mourn her but so do the siblings she would of had. 

 It is touching to see how a 5 & 6 yrd pick up on things and how they are so preceptive.  I have told them about Beautiful before, we have had conversations, especially before I do public speaking about it and I have never shyed away from questions.  Ofcourse I never have gone into the deep details with the little ones like I have with Zane and Annie. And usually when we do talk about it I have prepared myself emotionally and mentally.  I wonder what brought on these questions, what was the trigger.  Do they talk about it among themselves? I am sure they do.  But why this particular day were they thinking of her?  I could see if I had been talking about it to some one on the phone or if I was preparing for a speech, or if they had seen me reading about it or visiting her memory webpage.. but I hadn't openly in the last month or so talked about it or dwelled on it with anyone around the children.

I just have to see it as a God thing.  I had just been touching on the subject with a newer friend online that day.. but they did not know about that.  I think God is encouraging me, and if anything maybe it came up just so I could write about it today.

I have written so much about it over the last 3 years.. and I don't want to keep doing the same post over and over.. so if you want to read more about this subject and my experiences, here is a link to a page with links to specific journal entries.  And don't feel shy about asking questions or e-mailing me or IM me about this topic.

I do have a post mulling around in my head about General Hospital, the soap I watch and my thoughts and feelings about the story line where Luke's daughter got one.. but it's not ready for me to write yet.


Friday, September 22, 2006

Lesson #1 Notes.. getting into the Word.

I have started a 13-week study with my church called Journey To A Better Life, a study of the book of Ephesians.  We did the first lesson last week (we are doing it on Wed nights)  I am excited.. been craving and feeling a drawing to get back into the Word and it's about time.

I'm not going to post all my notes but just some neat tid bits I learned. The first lesson was for me like a refresher, this study is really good for new baby Christians but I still think I will get alot out of it.. The Word Does Not Come Back Void.

Since Paul is the author or who God used to pen the Book of Ephesians (and alot of the NT) there is going to be alot of info about him and his walk and how and where he wrote these books.   Paul, formally known as Saul, was a zealous Jew, Pharisee who persecuted Christians thinking he was doing God a service.  He had a radical conversion to Christ (read Acts 9) and lived an even more zelous life for the Lord and became an apostle (one who is personally commissioned by Christ).  He wrote the book of Ephesians during his first imprisonment in Rome, 60 A.D.

The book of Ephesians is believed to be a general letter to Christians.. in the Bible it starts out, "To the saints in Ephesus, the faithful in Christ Jesus" but in older manuscripts where Ephesus would be, there is a blank.  Kind of like a form letter that was sent out where the name was to later be filled in and there is no personal names in the closing of the letter like in Colossians.

I love learning the meaning of words from the Bible and the history behind them.  I think we can get such a deeper understanding then the general English we use today.  In this lesson there were a few definitions from the Greek that I would like to share and maybe chew on.

saint translates from the Greek  Hagios, meaning "separated" and implies availability and usability in God's service.  If you are a Christian who has separated yourself from sin and are dedicated to God you are a saint who this epistle is written to!  The appeal for a saintly life can be found in Romans 12:1 -Holy and Acceptable, in his service.  All saints are in Christ Jesus.. it is important to understand that.. IN Christ Jesus.. because on our own ofcourse we are not worthy, we all fall short and have times of selfishness.  But if we are IN Christ Jesus,  God only sees us threw Christ's righteousness.  In the New Testament believers are refereed to being in Christ more than 75 times, 14 of that in in Ephesians.  This was so neat for me to consider, because when in general we think of a Saint, we think of the Catholic system of a person being nominated and going threw a process of  being able to be called a Saint after they are dead and there has to be some kind of proof of miracles and other criteria, like a saint is P E R F E C T (I'm not Catholic but that is my general impressions I get)  But just because I AM IN CHRIST JESUS, I too am a saint.  Read Romans 8:1 to see the wonderful promise and assurance given to those who are In Christ.

Eph. 1:2 Paul writes "Grace and peace to you" Grace translates from the Greek greeting Charis, where we get our modern day word Karen.   Charis refers to receiving something completely undeserved.  Peace (Shalom) the common Hebrew greeting referring to inner tranquillity, undisturbed by outward circumstances. Read Philippians 4:7- (my notes) God's peace goes beyond human understanding, it will guard our hearts and minds threw Christ.  I know many times I have experienced this and it is awesome to have that kind of Peace, especially when the situation or circumstances or ppl around you say other wise and can't understand why you can be so calm, still have joy, still have hope : )

The word holy  is the same Greek word as  the word translated for saints, only in the singular.  Meaning set apart from the world and dedicated to God.  So to be a saint and to be holy goes hand in hand but remember we are not holy or a saint of our own work or accord. Again we need to be In Christ, only if we are born of God, he is with in us, and God can not sin. (1John 3:9)

(Eph)1:4 blameless means with out blemish or with out rebuke. Read 1 John 1:9 for the context showing that we do sin but what we should do if we do.. (my notes) Confess and he is faithful to forgive and CLEANSE ME.  I know when I have that heavy weight on me, that conviction of the Holy Spirit showing me.. ohh Mary you know that was not right.. and I confess it to God.. that heavy burden is lifted.. I feel lighter right away, relief.. and I know I am forgiven.. I put in caps, CLEANSE ME, to remind myself that he is cleansing me, renewing me, making me a new creation and I will not be the same.

I feel like I have written the whole lesson but really this was just little nibbles and I like restating them, committing them to memory and grounding myself in what I have learned.  You know we retain more info if we repeat it and write it out. : )

Feel free to share your thoughts or comments.

aphorism. Word Of the Day from Can you think of any that you live by?

 • aphorism •

Pronunciation: æ-fê-riz-êm • Hear it!

Part of Speech: Noun

Meaning: A pithy adage, a terse statement of a believed truth.

Notes: Oscar Wilde was an aphorist nonpareil. He constantly created amusing aphoristic phrases like, "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." "Work is the curse of the drinking classes," is not a spoonerism, as sometimes thought, but yet another Wilde aphorism. The adjective is aphoristic and one can talk aphoristically.

In Play: Much of our lives and many of our attitudes are determined by aphorisms. It was not an American but the French writer Voltaire who originally said, "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it." Englishman Edmund Burke alerted us to the conditions for evil with, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Finally, it was Benjamin Franklin who warned us, long before the Bush wiretaps, "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Word History: Today's Good Word came to us through French from Late Latin aphorismus, a word borrowed from Greek aphorismos. Aphorismos is the noun of aphorizein "to delimit, define". This verb is made up of apo- "(up)on" + horizein "to demarcate, define". As you might have guessed, the verb horizein also lies at the bottom of Greek horizon, the word referring to the boundary between the sky and earth, which English also borrowed, directly from Greek

I think the Laugh & Lift Daily e-mail group provides an aphorism each day under it's Thought For Today heading.  Today's said: "People will take your example far more seriously than they will your advice" Did not list who was accredited for this pithy saying so I assume it's an Author Unknown.

What is an aphorism that you have heard that sticks with you or can you come up with one of your own to share with the class??

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Alex Trebek Raps

Alex Trebek Raps : "


Did you know AOL has a Video Blog?? Well.. now you do.. anyway..

OMG this is toooooooooo funny.. It's from the collage edition of the show and Alex has to quote rap songs as the clue.

And for those who have asked.. No Zane did not make it on Kids Jeopardy.  We never did received the Fed Ex that would of confirmed him making it on. It would of been nice if they had sent out a letter or something to let those know who did not make it on, instead of making us wait on pins and needles all summer. But hey.. there is always next time and I am still proud of my boy for passing the test last spring (only 10 out of 70 kids that took it in the STL area could pass it)

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Tagged!!! 6 odd or weird things you prob should not know about me lol

I was tagged over on my MySpace mirror blog and did it with ppl who blog over there.. so I thought I would carry it over to J~Land.  heehee

Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things/habits about you". People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1.  I belch loud and proud and often.. never said I was a lady.

2. I only wear underwear when I have when I wear a skirt.

3. When in a cocky mood I put on Roxette's "She's Got The Look" and tell my daughters that is our theme song.

4. Neil Diamond songs is what I listen and sing along to loudly in the shower.

5. I prefer to sleep nude (when I do sleep in my own room)

6. It is hard to sleep in my bed alone when my husband is not home, so I have been sleeping on the couch alot lately with the t.v. as company.

Now... who to tag???

1. Lisa Joe of Damaged Goods

2. Barbara of Life & Faith In Caneyhead

3. Jeff the new AOL Joural Editor that took over Magic Smoke (sniff sniff.. going to miss Joe but maybe we can get to know some stuff and junk about this Jeff guy if he can play)

4. Traci of My life as a transplanted Yankee

5. Christy of Christy's Thoughts

6. Denise of Thats Just ME (she has a very new journal so show her some J~Land Love!)

Good article.. The differnt Needs of men and women

The Different Needs of Men and Women
Les and Leslie Parrott

The other day we received this letter from a newly engaged couple.

"I hear a lot of talk about how men and women have different needs, and I am the first to admit it's true. However, I have a tough time trying to pinpoint these needs so that I can better understand my fiancée. I think she feels the same way about me. Can you help?"

Every cell of our bodies, as men and women, differ. The skeletal structure, for example, of women is shorter and broader. Women's blood contains fewer red cells, making them tire more easily. Women have a larger stomach, kidneys, liver, and appendix, but smaller lungs. Scores of other physical differences may influence the way each person in a relationship feels and behaves. But in addition to the more obvious physical differences between the genders, societal expectations and modeling contribute to a plethora of differences between the sexes – all culminating in several gender-specific unique needs. Intresting to know!

Many relational problems evolve because men try to meet needs that they would value and women do the same. The problem is that since the needs of men and women are often so different, we waste effort trying to meet the wrong needs. If we are truly committed to valuing our life partners, we must not only understand and appreciate our partner's differences, but we must commit ourselves to meeting their unique needs. Notice it said Commit.. serving eachother .. not being selfish??! LOL

Willard F. Harley, in his popular book "His Needs, Her Needs," has given us a great tool to do just that. He identifies the ten most important martial needs of men and women. You may or may not agree with all of them, but they can serve as a good discussion starter:

She needs affection – It symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. A hug expresses affection. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them. Yes! Yes! Yes!  I would love more PSOA (public show of affection) And it is a proven fact that humans need skin to skin contact, hugs, kissess, just to feel that warmth of his breath on my neck or his body heat.. (hint hint)

He needs sexual fulfillment – Just as women crave affection, so do men want sex. And they don't just want their wives to make their bodies available. They need to feel their wife is as invested in sex as they are. Umm.. well I don't see us having too many probs in this area, I have been told we have a very high labeto.. but I think some of my lady friends have either a chemical imbalance or trumatic pasts that doesn't help in the bed room.  But when your man knows you WANT and NEED him.. watch out.. grawwwwwllll purrrrrr lol

She needs conversation – Not just talk about her husband's problems or achievements, but about her problems and her hopes. She needs quality conversation on a daily basis. YES! I do feel a lacking in this department.  He gets to talking about his job, and tecnical terms and it's like whoooooooshhhh over my head or we just talk about superficial things, normal day to day house and family bla..

He needs recreational companionship – After sex, the need for recreation rates highest for men. He needs time spent in a mutually satisfying activity – whether it is sports, shopping, cooking, painting, etc. I think us both taking up golfing will help meet this need.  We have some comon ground to talk about, the tecnnial terms and just the time spent together is soooooo nice.  Can't wait till we can get out on the green again.

She needs honesty and openness – Mistrust destroys a woman's marital security. If a husband does not keep up honest communication with his wife, he eventually undermines her trust and destroys any hope of security. I can say I have never had a trust issue with my husband, but I know others are not that lucky.  If we didn't trust each other I don't see how we could survive our current situation of him working out of town so much.  Life is so much simpler when you are not worrying and fretting if you are being lied to or wondering where your man is wondering off to.

He needs an attractive spouse – A man does not need a supermodel for a wife, but he wants her to make an effort to be attractive to him. He wants her to dress in clothes he likes and do her hair in a style that is appealing to him.  Remember when you first started dating?? How you would go to the nines for him? LOL  Not that I do that, but I do make an effort to shave my legs.  One of my husband's pet peevess is me wearing make up.. he would rather I just have a fresh natural look.. so I get off easy and just use mostizer with sunscreen (keeps me soft and helps stay off wrinkles lol) and when we do happen to go out I just put on a bit of eye liner and mascarra.

She needs financial support – A husband's failure to provide sufficient income sends shudders through the underpinnings of a marriage. A woman needs to know that her husband is taking care of their family's needs and their future. I know this one is a very touchy subject in many marraiges.  A man's ego is so tied into being a good provider and when he feels like he is not.. ohh my cann he be grumpy.  As long as I know my husband is doing the best he can I am happy.  I have told him that I don't want him to work just so we can have STUFF, but just so we can have the basics.. but I think he has forgotten that and seems driven to take the out of town work that provides the higher income.  But I admit it is good to know that he feels taking care of his family is a priority and it is nice to be able to go and get my nails done now and then or go shopping with the girls (not that it happens that often)

He needs domestic support – Old-fashioned or not, most men fantasize about a loving, pleasant home where few hassles occur and life runs smoothly. This is an ouchy one for me.. I feel like I am one of the worlds worst house keepers, book keeper, cook.. I have just not been trained up to do these things well.  But when he is coming home I work my booty off to have the house presentable and plan at least one really good home cooked meal.

She needs family commitment – Wives want their husbands to take a strong role in the marriage and express how important it is to them. They need to see evidence of a strong commitment to family life that is not overshadowed by work or anything else. And this is another ouchy area.

He needs admiration – Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. When a woman tells her husband (who has been sweating it out at work) that she thinks he's wonderful, it inspires him and keeps him going. I adore my husband and I hope he knows it.  There is so much about him that I respect and admire.  I realy have been blessed because I know he is a rare breed these days.  When I know he has had it hard at work I try and encourage him and remind him of all his good qualities.

Like we said, you may not agree with all of these "needs," but the number of people who have bought and read Harley's book is enough reason to take them seriously and discuss how each of your particular sets of needs differ.  I havn't read this book but it sounds like it may be helpful to some people.  I totaly recomend a book called Sheet Music and Sex Starts In The Kitchen.

Remember, if you commit yourself to meeting the unique needs of your partner, you will become irresistible to each other and insure faithfulness in your marriage. You will build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year.  We have been married for 10 years now, high school sweet hearts and I have to say I love him more with each passing year.  It is deeper and wider than the little 16yr old crush and sexual attraction we had started with.  I give the Lord the credit for most of it, because when he is the center of our life and we look to him for guidance, there is Peace and Love and it flows.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Enjoying it all while we can

Balloon Race @ Forest Park STL '06


Josh was home for a few brief days.. that is getting old, but when he is here we try and pack in all this family time. I should of taken more pictures but I wanted to enjoy too instead of always being the archiver, shutter bug, family history keeper. 

Friday night we went to a free family/concert event at El Shaddai Ranch.  It was an awesome time, even though it was geared more for teenagers we still enjoyed it.  I wish I could find the name of the artist who performed.. he was fanominal and the kids are begging for his CD.  He was a white, Christian... rapper LOL BUT the boy has got                    

T A L E N T with a POWERFUL testimony!!!!  Sophia and Lilly had to be right up front and Zane was even recognized by a girllllllll that he used to go to school with.  Ofcourse this embarrassed him when questioned about it, he played it off that he barely remembered her (well honey apparently she remembered YOU! ya I am so bad about teasing him lol)

Saturday we went to our first Great Forest Park Balloon Race. We have lived in the STL area for over 9 years now and have never gone, so I was very excited to go to this annual event.  We had a picnic in the park after we could find a parking place and then make the trek behind the Muny where the main happenings were taking place.  By the time the race was starting the kids were sooooooooo tired and whinny it was getting on my last nerve.  So we left after the first few balloons took off.  It was a windy day and I don't even think the Bunny Balloon got to take off.

Saturday night I was determined to go out and have a date night with Josh.  But what I really was craving was adult interaction, socializing and getting a wee bit buzz on lol.  But apparently everyone I know who still goes out and cuts loose were busy and had no suggestions of where Josh and I could go. You have to understand.. we don't go out to bars or clubs hardly ever anymore, isn't consistent with our lifestyle but I don't see any harm in doing it now and then, trying to recapture my fleeting youth.  Josh and I bar hopped a bit, played pool, I even got him to slow dance with me once.  We got a room because you know (in a quiet whisper) hotel sex is funAnd that was our weekend.  Sunday we missed church, Josh packed up and headed back for the road.  He is estimated to be gone for another month straight.  I won't even go into it right now the conversations and my emotions about the direction his career is taking him and the lonely feeling of basically being a single mom while he is gone..I know others have it worse off then me and there is a time and season... anyway..

Monday I decided to have a special day with Annie.  She played hookie from school and we went to this place called The Plaid Monkey.  We had a Mommy & Me spa day.  Got our nails done and our hair trimmed and styled.  And while it was a cool place for kids, they have parties you can book and all that with dress up, my nails are already smudged and the massage chair is not half as good as the Salon I go to (when I can go) in the Wal-Mart at Lake Saint Louis. Then we went shopping.  Annie needed new shoes BADLY and I also got her a purse and a new outfit.  Ofcourse when I saw the green leather handbag I had to get it (it was on sale!)  I needed a wintry purse and if you don't know by now.. lime green is my was MY color before it became all the rage and everyone else stole it from me LOL.  Then we went to a nice Chinna Buffet.. where I chipped another tooth (ughhhhhhhh will I ever be able to have a toothy smile again??!)  I probably spent too much money but the memories and joy Annie had spending alone time with me is worth it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

loquacious: Word A Day from

loquacious •

Pronunciation: lo-kway-shês • Hear it!

Part of Speech: Adjective

Meaning: Very talkative, chatty, using lots of words, verbose.

Notes: The noun from today's word is loquacity [lo-qwæ-sê-ti] and the adverb loquaciously. A related adjective is loquent "talking, speaking", which turns up mostly in technical writing as in, "Do chimpanzees comprise a loquent species?" This adjective yields a noun, loquency "talk, the ability to speak". The synonym of today's word, talkative, is an accepted lexical violation in that it is made up of a native stem, talk, plus a Latin suffix -ative, two grammatically incompatible constituents. But perhaps I am waxing loquacious myself and should stop here to leave room for a few other comments on this interesting word.

In Play: Today's word is the antonym of an earlier Good Word, reticent "taciturn, untalkative". "Molly was such a reticent child but since starting school she has become positively loquacious." Loquacity can be fun and entertaining or it can get in the way: "We want to keep today's meeting short, so I may interrupt anyone who becomes too loquacious."

*At the ladies meeting Saturday, Norma referred to the telephone as the hell-a-phone. Implying becoming too loquacious is a drain on our spiritual life.  She even suggested that we should put a 20 min. time limit on phone conversations.

Monday, September 11, 2006

My recounting of that day and Are YOU ready??

Let Your Glory Fly- 9-11 Tribute

Let Your Glory Fly- 9-11 Tribute

Five years ago today..

If any of you have had little ones you may be familiar with a PBS cartoon called Arthur.  Before we could afford cable t.v. or satellite, PBS was a staple in our family viewing and Arthur was one of our favored cartoons.  In one of the episodes they did a t.v. free week challenge and ofcourse my children wanted to follow suit and try it in our family.  I thought it a great idea and September 11th was to be the first day of t.v. free week.  I don't remember if I kissed my husband good bye that day or not, he would leave very early for work in those days and well before I was ready to be up and around.  I did get Zane on his bus for First grade and Anne Marie on her bus with our friend's daughter Gracie for Head Start Preschool.  And even though I only had little Lilly and Baby Sophia at home with me I was determined to follow threw with t.v. free week for myself too.  I put on my favored cleaning music.. Neil Diamond and started dusting and vacuuming.. holding 2 month old Sophia on my hip.  I am sure I got at least a good hour and half of cleaning done and was hitting a happy stride.

The phone rang and it was my husband.. strange because he almost NEVER calls from work.  This was before we both had cell phones and for him to call from his work he would have to use their office phone. 

"Mary, turn on the T.V.!!" he exclaimed. 

"No way.. are you testing me?? It is T.V. free week.. wait till you see all the cleaning I am getting done." I answered him thinking he was joking.

"No, turn it on the news now!  The radio here at the shop says America has been attacked.  I need you to tell me what is going on" he said frustrated.

When he said America has been attacked, thoughts of bombs going off aimed at our Military stationed in far off places came to mind.  I shrugged and clicked on ABC (the clearest channel we could get in)  I turned the T.V. on to see a building in New York engulfed by smoke, and just then.. the second plane hit, Live and in vivid color for the world to see. (I am thinkingit was now a replay)  My happy morning of cleaning and t.v. free time turned into being glued to the tv for days watching a nightmare.

I screamed "OH MY GOD" and almost dropped the baby.  I was shaking, knowing this was no accident.  I put the baby in her pumpkin seat and got back on the phone and told Josh what I was seeing.  Tears started to stream down my face for all those people on the planes.  Then reports of The Pentagon was hit and car bombs going off at the State Department, it was terrifying, not knowing when it was going to stop. Then I saw the towers starting to fall.. my gut was ripped in two thinking of all those People, Lord all those People in those buildings are going to die!! I couldn't stop shaking and crying as I retold it all to my husband on the phone. Yes, some one is attacking us, we are at war if we like it or not. Josh asked if he should come home and I ofcourse said YES.  I did not want to be alone and at times like this we need to be together.  We choose to have Josh pick up our son from school with a fear that the Saint Louis area may be targeted too.

I called my friend at work who's daughter went to Head Start with Annie.  I asked Kathy if she was seeing what I was seeing and she sadly said yes.  I asked her if I should pick the girls up, and how can she be so clam.  I could hear the peace in her voice as she said, "God is in control, the girls will be fine."

God is in control.. he is still on the throne.. that thought comforted me that day and has been something I cling to ever since.  How people who do not know that with out a shadow of doubt can get threw times like these or even normal every day life with out that comfort, is beyond me.

It is now five years later already.  Watching all the coverage on t.v. makes it feel like yesterday in many ways.  My gut still rips apart watching the footage, tears always stream down, but my spirit is lifted knowing that God is still in control.

The question that keeps being asked today it seems, "Are we any safer now?"  I know some feel they are and some feel they are not.  I feel both.. we can do everything in our power to prevent another 9/11, have all the technology and security and military strength and might but it is God who puts his hand on everything and he chooses if he will shield us or lift the hedge of protection. 

Yes God Bless America.. but America.. when are you going to Bless God?

How much more will a righteous God take if we ignore him, if we kill our babies in the name of choice or medical research, if we openly sin and spit on his name taking his name and law out of the public square, if we are unrepentant as a Nation.  Yes we are mourning today, but does America recognize her wake up call.. does she have a broken and contrite heart?  Is God's people on their knees?

God loves us so much, he does what ever it takes to bring his to him.  He will move mountains and buildings to get your attention but the choice is ultimately yours if you will receive or reject him. I believe 9/11 was part of a preparation, another step, things set in motion that can not be stopped. The time is getting shorter and shorter before the return of Jesus Christ.  We are starting to see the birthing pains, wars and rumors of wars, violant weather, a world government is coming where our sovertey  will be taken, technology is available TODAY where you can get a chip in your hand with all your personal information and it can track you and with security concerns it is becoming a more acceptable idea, there is already a call for a National ID Card.  Israel's land is being divided, and they are ready to rebuild the temple at a moments notice.. all is in place, it is only waiting on God's time table now.  If you think the world is going to be any better, it is not.  There maybe a small time of peace but it will be a false peace.  Are you ready?  Don't put off today making Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, tomorrow is not promised to anyone, as we saw five years ago.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Laval Gunner visiting at New Beginnings Family Church, Saint Peters MO

Laval Gunner visiting at New Beginnings Family Church, Saint Peters MO

This last weekend we had the Gunner family visiting and ministering at my church.  And WOW.. they were awesome. It is my understanding that Laval (not sure that is how you spell his name) used to be in Earth Wind And Fire but now is a full time Evangelist and Minister.  If you watch the video you will hear his awesome voice.. I was able to sneak in one song on to my little camera.  The quality isnt the best.. turn up your speakers (oh how I miss my old camera) but you will be blessed.

Norma spoke at our Women's Meeting Saturday morning and she is a sweet loving women.  The spirit just was flowwwwwwwwing this weekend and on me.. I was in tears most of the time.  Saturday Laval was preaching and ministering.  He asked us to pray about what direction God has placed on our life, what our own personal calling and gifting is.  And while I have had an idea of what mine is, I certainly have NOT been walking in it (ouch).  If you read back you can certainly see how I have let myself be distracted.  Sunday morning service was just AWESOME!  He spoke a personal message first to our church, about how we are grieving over the loss of our pastor, like how the Israelites were grieving after Moses died.. and like in that situation the Lord raised up Joshua to lead on, and now Jesse our current Pastor to lead us on.  Ohh that was a hard thing to hear.. not a dry eye.  Then he went into a wonderful message based on Jeremiah 18 and the potter's hand.  And while I have studied this passage before and knew where he was going and the nuggets he was pulling out, I enjoyed it very much and needed to hear it again.  Remembering who is in control of the wheel the clay is spinning on.. and notice who's hand NEVER leaves the clay.  I really wish we could have web-pod casts to share it all with you (who knows maybe in the future) so you could share in this awesome message too.  I just feel really blessed and coming off a spiritual high.. like the darkness, the thick haze I have been in is starting to lift.

Josh is coming home Tuesday night (whoot whoot) and will be home till Sunday night.  Then he will be off again on theroad.  But this time he'll only be a 4 hour drive a way.  Maybe I can talk my friend into watching the kids again one weekend and sneak a way.. but I won't count on it.  I'm just happy to see Josh this week since I was not expecting him back home so soon.

Can you tell I am really loving the new feature of posting video's in my journal??? LOL 

I'll be back later today to post my thoughts and memories about 9/11.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Steve Irwin Tribute 9.6.06

Steve Irwin Tribute 9.6.06

I saw this on AOL'S Uncut Video and HAD to share it.  The kids and I are really sad to hear he is gone.  I knew he was crazy and would prob come to a funky end.. but still.. it is sad.  This is an excellent tribute video to him.  Check it out.

Let Your Glory Fly- 9-11 Tribute

Let Your Glory Fly- 9-11 Tribute

Here is part of my tribute for 9-11.  I made this a few years ago when I discovered the Windows Movie Maker program on my computer.  I am thrilled I can now share it here in my blog.  Check it out and let me know what you think of it.

Thursday, September 7, 2006


Josh took me golfing Tuesday. We hit a few buckets at the driving range and then a round of 9 holes.  I had fun after I got the hang of it and learned some of the basics of the sport.  If anything it was a beautiful day and longgggggg over due alone time with hubby.  I don't think I'll be getting my own clubs anytime soon but I can see myself going again.. maybe even to the driving range to get out some aggression and stress lol.  I can see how it could get addictive.

Sun Valley is a nice course to play at as far as I can tell.  But they did not have lady golf clubs to rent and the selection that was available was nothing spectacular.  I am sure I could of done better with clubs the proper length.  I am sore.. have places I didn't know about still aching but the exercise did me good.

When Josh took up golf last year I laughed hastericaly at him. I thought only rich old farts played golf.. or wanta be yuppies.  I saw it as an excuse for the boys to go and drink and have guy time on their day off. But now that I have played my perception has changed some.  Just wish Josh was home more so we could go together some more.. no one I know will step foot on a course with me lol.

I hope every one had a blessed Holiday weekend.  Saturday I went to the Greek Festival with a friend and the children.  Good food and music!!  Josh finally got home about 11 a.m. Sunday and we basically just hung around the house till Tuesday.  We went golfing while the kids were in school and then had a lunch together at a local Mexican restaurant.  Also did another first, rented movies from The Red Box at McDonald's.  We got RV and The Bench Warmers.  Both were hilarious and I recommend them if you are in for a good laugh.  We are even batting around the idea of renting an RV for our next family trip lol.  Josh left back for the road Wed afternoon.  This home coming seemed like it was way too short.. I feel cheated in some way or another.. didn't help I started my period and couldn't get good bye.. um.. well too much info.. you know what I mean LMBO. 

Friday, September 1, 2006

Trust & Liar

"God Don't Like Ugly" ~Amy 

Save the drama for YOUR mamma and leave MY Mamma alone!!!

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

John 8:44 Ye are of [your] father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Proverbs 17:4 A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; [and] a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue.

James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.


Ever feel like Satan is out to crush your spirit??  I sure have.. and lately its been on all fronts.. but this takes the cake.  Reading these scriptures helps me some, I can feel the rant I was about to rave already calming with in me.  BUT, It hurts deeply to be so Blatantly lied about.. but even more so when it was from an old friend.. and he said it TO MY OWN MOTHER!!!!!!!!   I would repeat it here what was said but I don't want to spread filth and don't want to make you all blush.  Needless to say my mother wouldn't believe such trash about me and saw right threw this person.  It saddens me to think I have to question every detail and every conversation this friend and I ever had over the course of our almost 6 year friendship and realize he is NOT the person he seemed to be. It makes me even sicker to realize how he is attached to my life and was connected to my children, who love him dearly.. and now to my sister and my nieces.  How did he think he could say such things to my mother and it not come back to me.. and then add even more lies to it and say she took it wrong or drew her own conclusions?!  My mother doesn't stir the pot, doesn't say foul things or is even wired to think that way.  She said she asked him point blank to be clear on his statements, because it sure did not sound like her daughter who he was talking about.  I have no explanation for this person.. other thenhe must have a demon on/in him and is submitting to that.  He surely isn't the person I knew or thought I knew.  Shame on him for even thinking or coming up with such nasty things about me.. and double shame on him for saying things to my MOTHER.. how disrespectful.. the things he said to my mother no one should say to ANYONE'S mother ever!  And my sweet mom.. anyone else would of back handed him for such gossip, but not her.

Needless to say this person is cut out of my world.. I don't even want to say his name anymore or hear others even breath it.  Kicking the dust off my sandals and moving on so to speak.  I could forgive him.. but that doesn't mean I have to let him back into my life or my family's life.  I haven't ever been nothing but a good friend to him, gone out of my way for him numerous times, loved on him and only preferred to see the good points about him.. but this is too much.. there is NO going back.

I have been feeling very discouraged lately.. many things that have happen that make me want to just recoil from others and keep to myself.  I can feel another brick go up with each situation and that is NOT how I want to live.  But I also don't want to live under all this calamity, commotion, and stress that is a drain unto my soul.  How did it get like this?  Where did I misstep and land into this big pile of poo??  I have people LIEING about me.. and we're not talk about just casual aquaintences.. but in laws and people who used to be in my inner circle of trust.  And besides all that.. I feel like I am having to deal with it all on my own.  Sure I have a few good friends.. but I need my companion here and he isn't.. I am waiting and waiting on him to come home off the road and help me deal with the house, the kids, the bills, and all this other stuff.  Josh was supposed to come home for the Holiday weekend.. he should be here right now.. but no.. he has to stay until the Project is FINISHED and leave me hanging.  And this all goes on to what I am sure is the intensity of PMS.  I normally dont get all flushed and rallied up about stuff.. but Satan must know this is the week to do it. 

Lord help me.. cuz I am at a loss right now.  And maybe that is what you meant for all along.. so I would turn to you, the Way, the Truth & The Life, The Lover Of My Soul.