Friday, October 27, 2006

Frazzle Dazzled.. Pray for me

How can it be Friday already???????!!!!!!

I am supposed to give this big, emotional, spirit filled speech/testimony tomorrow night and I am so not prepared!  It seems like every time I sit down to figure out what I am going to say and how to say it I get distracted or plainly just avoid doing the work to prepare like I know I should.  It is not like I have never done this before and I know in a nut shell what to say and how to be lead by the spirit, but it feels like my nerves are working over time on me about this event. 

Last night I could not sleep, as much as I tried because my hubby was finally home and in bed next to me.  But I kept tossing and turning and praying and crying as things ran threw my head and heart.  Finally at around 3:30 or so I went down stairs to the computer to read some of my past writings, knowing that all the information I will need is in my files.  BUT, I could not find my files that are all related to the articles and statistics and my past speeches!! I took a better part of an hour looking in every single word file I have on my computer.. and nothing.  It is as if any file that had the word abortion in it was deleted, vanished.  I know where it was the last time I pulled it up (months ago) and I know I did not deleted all those files.. nor any one in my family that shares this computer.. call me paranoid now.. it is like the enemy came in and wiped it all away!!!  JUST THOSE SPESIFIC FILES!!  Thankfully the bulk of my writings have shown up  here in my journal and webpages and it just takes a bit of searching of three years of entries to find what I need.

I started to type out my testimony, and what was on my heart and at about page three and six in the morning Josh came down asking what I was still doing up.  I am not even close to being finished and as I read and reread it, it just doesn't convey what I want to say, it feels like a dry, bitter, narrative of the has a strong start but I am stuck.  It is partly because I am questioning myself.. why does anyone want to hear me, what do I really have to say that is meaningful.. Why does the Lord want to use me... I feel worse than Moses, I feel very inadequate right now.When I agreed to do this speaking engagement I knew it was of the Lord and was very excited but right now I am feeling like a fool and un confidant, knowing full well that these are all negative thoughts being thrown at me to discourage me and that I should keep pushing threw with prayer and drawing on the Lord's strength.

It is a rainy gloomy day that reflects the inner storm going on with me right now.  Because I couldn't sleep last night I have been snoozing most of the day.  I was supposed to do the major grocery shopping for the week today.. didn't get done.  I do have most of what the kids need for the sleep overs they are going to tonight ready, that is a plus.  Josh and I are supposed to go out tonight since we have all the kids out of the house and he is also taking me out tomorrow night to a party with some of the guys and the wives from his work.  You would think I would be so ecstatic about all that and looking forward to getting out.  I am and I want to take full advantage of the time alone with him and a chance to cut loose but I guess I just don't feel worthy of two nights out in a row, that I am too lazy to warrant it.  That I don't deserve to enjoy myself until I know what I need to get done is done.

I know it will all work out even better than I can hope for, because The Lord My God is in control.  I am going to stop feeding these doubts and the spirit of anxiety right now!


Sunday, October 22, 2006

Fashion Show. Some of what we bought today.

It needs to be said again.. I really really dislike shopping!  But the girls needed the new coats and shoes.  I should of tried on the new tops before I bought them.. then I would of seen how fat it makes me look lol.  But they are warm so I will keep 'em, even if it is too "young" for me.  LMBO

Marshall's:  Sophia & Lilly's coats.  Lilly's shoes.  Annie's two outfits.

TJ Max:  Annie's Coat

Target:  Sophia's shoes.  My tops.  4 Cardinals Championship Sport shirts for each of the kids (not pictured)

We didn't get to hair cuts today.  Put that on the list of things to do this week.

I had planned on going to Burlington Coat Factory for all our shopping today.  I wasted so much time looking for it only to find it was gone, closed down! UGH.  Figures, I finally have a bit of money to shop there and they close.  But over all we did pretty good today.  We got what we needed and didn't spend an ungodly amount of money.  I wanted to check out Good Will today too but by the time we got to it they were closed.  Everything ofcourse closes earlier on Sundays.  That is what I get for being lazy yesterday and not doing all I should of done.  I will try and get there sometime this week and look for a nice out fit (suit maybe) to wear for Saturday.  I have had luck there before so it will be worth the trip.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

My thumb hurts : o

Feels like forever since I blogged or read anyone's blogs.  I have been very busy over this last week.. so much I could say and write but really does anyone care about the day to day adventures of a housewife?  I could give the long list of all my happenings and goings, a cute story, my rant on some political stuff, my angst and feelings.. Or I could go for the gusto with an emotional post and bear my soul about all that has been going threw my head, the excitement and nervousness about the speech I am trying to prepare myself to give next weekend, my sobbyness about being lonely for my husband and depression over feeling like a single parent half the time.. but that seems boring and so much work right now.  ehe.. who cares. Words words words..bla bla bla... bla.

This is what happens when you play too much PS2, your mind turns to mush, your thumb becomes numb and you fantasize about running over the neighbor's garbage can with your mini van, imaging after doing soo a 100 point score would materialize over ran down can.  I knew video games were some kind of evil.. but I just had to give in and buy one for my son's 12th birthday.  Figures he is better at it then me.. what takes me a whole day of play only takes him maybe an hour and a half..if that.. pft!

But really life has been great, I just feel unmotivated to even be on the computer all that much... (hearing that stupid game calling me.. come on Mary.. one more try.. you can beat the next level this time)

Zane's Birthday party sleep over was a great bash.. he got some awesome presents, we played some fun games.. the boys stayed up way late and ate a bunch of junk.. some how I have orange stains on my ceiling from that sticky stuff they put in slime.  But NO MORE!!  Never again am I going to put my self there 9 or so boys at a time by myself!  Why didn't I listen when people asked me if I was crazy??? LOL

Last weekend was an awesome time at church too.  I have video of some of the great music groups that came in over the two days we held services at the new property under a tent.  Maybe I'll post them sometime even if my camera is crappy and poor quality.. the songs are still moving.

Monday Annie was in a school production.  She only sang in the choir but did wonderful.. stood up tall and straight and had a big smile the whole time..very professional.  Josh came home for it but left the next morning.  Glad he could make it, gave Annie a good boost I am sure.  But I think he only came because I guilted him into it.. gave him some snappy remark over the weekend when I was in a really pissed off mood about how he sets his priorities... it was not very nice..and I did feel guilty right after I got off the phone with him but held in the urge to call him back to say I was sorry, but hey.. he was there wasn't he!

Tuesday I got to volunteered for the first time with Sophia's kindergarten class.  I helped out in the computer lab for about an hour and eat lunch with them. This will become part of my weekly thing with her class.  I want a smart board too!!! haha as if I really need one or could afford one.. but they are pretty cool.

Thursday and Friday I was on field trip dutey with Sophia and Lilly's classes.  They both went to pumpkin patches.. two different ones.  We had fun.  Of course they were so proud that mommy was there and helped with their friends in our group.  And now I got roped into helping with one of their Fall Parties.

So what is up with this coming week?  humm.. Zane has scouts on Monday, Volunteering again in Sophia's class Tuesday, Wednesday Church & Bible study, Thursday I have to pick Zane up from Choir practice.. ohh ya and I can't forget Parent Teacher Meetings.. Annie's is Monday and the other three's are all on Thursday.  Friday Zane & Annie get to do a sleep over with their youth groups at church (maybe I can get rid of the little ones and actually get out of the house myself???hahahhah what ever, ya right)  Saturday evening I am giving a speech on behalf of Silent No More at a Celebration of Life service, I have been given a whole half hour to speak!! WOW.  So mostly this week I will be preparing for that in my free time, and maybe even get a new outfit and hair cut?  Tomorrow I definitely need to go shoe shopping after church for Lilly and Sophia and Zane and Lilly really need badlyyyyyyy hair cuts. Sophia and Annie need new winter coats too.  Some how between all that I need to go grocery shopping, clean the house, do laundry,pay bills, oh and play PS2.


Ideas for games that I used for Zane's party:

Blindfold Feeding
Sit two people opposite each other and blindfold them both.

Hand one a dish of ice cream and a spoon, and ask the other to put their hands behind their back (so they can't feel for the spoon and guide it into their mouth).

The person with the ice cream must now try to feed the other
*Didn't get to this one because they ate all the skittles I had bought for it lol
Never Never V2
Supply each of your guests with 20 jellybeans (or any candy of your choice).

The first person makes a true statement about themselves that begins with the words, "I never...". For example - if one person has never told a lie, then she would say "I have never told a lie in my life". If the statement (without the "I never") is true for other guests, then they must eat a piece of candy.

Everyone should take at least one turn. Keep playing until it is obvious who will end up with the most candy - that is your winner! * never got a chance to play this one but we may at future parties
Who Knows Susie Best
This is like the newlywed game only for friends at a Birthday party or sleepover.

Make up a whole bunch of questions about the Birthday boy or girl, or anyone you like. Divide the guests into teams. Each team has markers and paper for their answers.

For example:

- Name the dates he/she had to the following dances
- What instrument did he/she play first
- What sports has he/she played
- What was the name of his/her favorite teacher, or pet
- What does she want to be when he/she grows up

The winners are the team with the most correct answers. *This is one of the games we played to pass a bit of time and settle them down.
Blair Witch Hide And Seek
A new type of hide and seek to play using a mobile phone and house phone.

Wait until it's dark and turn out the lights. One person hides with a cell phone.

In the pitch black, everyone goes looking for this one person. Every so often he must call the house phone and give clues to where he is hiding.

This game is thrilling and fun. If you have one, get a night vision video camera to follow the guests, and watch the tape later.
*We played some kind of version of this.  One of the older boys brought his Jason glow in the dark mask and hid while the boys were looking for the person who was IT.. OMG they screemed like GIRLS.  I also had a min strob light on and that added to the scarry atmopher.
Egg Roulette
bit messy but a real laugh.

Get enough eggs so there is one per player. Hard boil them all except one. About 15 minutes in boiling water will be plenty. Put all the eggs in a bowl, including the single egg you did not hard boil.

Now start the game. Everyone picks an egg. You then have the choice of 'switching eggs' where you and someone else switch.

Finally everyone smashes the egg against their forehead - with the inevitable laughter as one person gets a surprise! * I opted to make sure everyone had protection on and we sat around in a circle passing the eggs around.  The boys thought it was silly and would of rathered throwing them at each other (as if!) but it was still a good game.
Camera Game
Find a point-and-shoot camera with a flash and a self-timer. The cheaper the better. Or you can use a digital camera.

Set the self-timer and the game begins. Each player must hold the camera at arm's length and point it at themselves very briefly, before passing it on to their left.

Keep going, until eventually the camera goes off with a flash of light, and much laughter. The loser has a quick forfeit (see our forfeits page), before recommencing. The shots you get back will be too funny! *We didnt use this one but it is a good idea for future parties.
Who am I
A Good game to get people talking together at the start of the party 
As they arrive each person has a piece of paper pinned to their back.  The paper contains the name of a famous person.  By asking questions which can only be answered with "Yes" or "No" such as "Am I still alive?", "Am I fictional?", etc. the person has to guess their name.  Successful guessers may have another go.
*Since it was Friday The 13th we used horror movie charters & evil people in history.  It was so funny!
Truth & Dare using balloons.
Ahead of time we wrote out an even number of Truth questions and Dares so everyone would have to do at least one of each (and I had so I would have some control over what was asked lol)  Then we took them and put them into blown up balloons, black for Dare and White for Truth.  Later everyone sat in a circle and drew from the balloon bag and had to pop the balloon to get their question.  This one went over real well!!  And I got all the dirt on his friends LOL.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Happy B-Day Aud, Gabriel the great mouser & Pics from the Field Trip

Cat & Mouse.. GET "EM!!

Cat & Mouse.. GET "EM!!

It's that lovely time of year again.. the cold brings in mice, especially because there is so much new construction  around here.  This is why I tell my kids about 100 times a day to ONLY eat in the kitchen.  Obviously they didn't listen last night and trashhhhhhhhed my office!  Gabriel our cat is having fun toying with this mouse and I am grossed out!  I was talking to my mom on the phone while taping this little scene.  Eventually I caught it and released it out on the street.. Gab is pretty frustrated by that and is still looking around for it.  Good thing that our Pest People are scheduled to come in next week. uggh!!!

Monday, October 9, 2006

This week is going to be as busy as the last..

Saturday morning was Women's Meeting at church... and it was awesome ofcourse.  The main message was "Who Told You That" considering the source.  And then we had a moving prayer time.  I really take to heart what was spoke to me while I was being prayed over, it was very timely and maybe I'll share later.

Then Saturday afternoon we went to the Grand Opening of our church's out reach food pantry.  Zane helped out by being a clown.  It was something of a carnival theme.  It was a good time and a few new faces did show up.  I enjoyed meeting new people and just talking to them.  The out reach is small right now but I know it will grow, especially once we have a new building built and more room.  But even with the little that we do have, God can do big things with it if we are faithful. 

Sunday the kids and I went to a cousin's birthday party at what some parents consider the most evil place ever lol Chucky Cheese.  Ya, it is a bit of an annoying place. I couldn't see going there but once a year.  But the children had a ball and will be talking about it for the next month I am sure.  Aunt and Uncle kept them all in tokens the whole time.. I hope they don't expect that from me.. I'd be very broke!  Remember when it used to be called Billy Bob's and it was a Gorilla as the mascot?

This week is going to be somewhat of a busy one too.  Tomorrow I am going on a field trip with Annie and her class.  We both are excited that I can go along.  The first field trip of the year and the first time I have been able to help out at school in I don't know how many years.  It will so much easier to be more involved now that all 4 of the kids are in school.  I did get a call from Sophia's teacher about me starting to be a helper in the Kindergarten class.  That's going to be very cool.

Wednesday is my one of my Best Friend's birthday.. she is going to be ... haha she'd kill me if I really said.. but it is almost as old as dirt.. not quiet but almost (Love you Aud hehe)  My other friend and I have decided to do something special for her.. and you know it has to do with Chocolate.. since Audra is a CHOCOHOLIC!!  Then later that night I have church.. I have missed two Wednesday's in a row and I really need to get back on track with my Bible study and the kids are missing out on things going on in their clubs. I'm going to have to get gas in the van.. ugh.. I was hoping to hold off on that till Friday.

Thursday is Zane's 12th Birthday!!! OMG!  *sniff* My baby is so not a baby anymore.  Now he is a gross pre-teen boy, and a bit smelly too .   Friday night he is having his birthday sleep over party.  I have to get the sisters out of the house or else you know it will be a big night of torcher.. for me or the girls.. either  way they got to go lol.  Any suggestions of fun games or activities for a 12 yr boy's sleep over party??  I am going to try and get them into a "nice" version of Truth Or Dare.. so I can get all the dirt for me and the other mom's to talk about.  Other than lots of junk food and movies I can't think of anything.  Considering it will be Friday The 13th, I need to think of a good way to scare them too! Wish Josh was here, he is better at this stuff than I am.

Then Saturday night it all starts over again with a special concert out at church's new property.  We rented a big tent and are going to put up a stage and have lots of praise music and food.  And Sunday morning something similar.

Again.. forgive me for being so behind on my alerts.. will try and catch up tonight but this next week I may be on even less than I was last. Out there.. living life..but I'll check back in and report it all.. if you are interested

Out to breakfast

Out to breakfast

This is a few weeks old.  I tried to e-mail it to Josh but I guess it's too big of a file so I'll send him this link.

Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Check out Ms. Magazine Names Women Who Had Abortions - AOL News

Oh it would be so easy to get sucked into the message boards about this one but I hate message boards.. ppl can't seem to remember there is another human being on the other end of that screen name they are being nasty to and seem to think a message board is a free for all.
Ms Magazine.. publishing the names of women who have had abortions proudly.  How about publishing the other side of it Ms??  Would they publish my story and all the pain it has caused in my life even still to this day?  Or the millions of others like me?? NOPE!  That would undermined their agenda.  Women need LOVE and deserve better!!!
Pray for the women who have signed up to be on this "list". They are hurting and may not even see how it has effected them and the healing they can find.

Monday, October 2, 2006

News Junkie going cold turkey

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE!!!  This morning news was just too much.. and I have avoided the rest all day and don't feel any inkling of watching anything but comedy or love stories.

I mean commmmmmmmmmme on!!! A shooting in an Almish one room school house, killing how many children.. 6 or more?!!!  And the week before that the one in Colorado and the kid in Wisconsin (all these rural or suburban areas) shooting his principal.  And then here in my local news.. Women stealing other women's children.. cutting them out of the womb... killing the mother and baby and then the other 3 kids turned up dead in the washer and dryer.  And the week before that a women stealing a new born and slashing the mother's throat.

My kids are doing terrist drills at school like they are fire fricking drills!

Is it just me.. or is there a "spirit" of violence covering America.. hitting us where it hurts the most.. our children.