Thursday, April 29, 2004

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Praying for your enemies

The source for those last two posts are and

I am not kidding about praying for them, I am printing out those lists and going to be in prayer over them each day.  Feel free to do so yourselves. 

How do you pray for those who make you want to vomit?  How do you love those who hate everything you stand for? By the Grace of God, that's how.  I truely don't hate anyone one on that list.  Yes they make me angry but the way I see it, they are decieved, they are believing lies from Satan.  With God all things are possible.  First I will ask him to put a love for these ppl in my heart, so that I will not grow weary. Then I will ask that he touch thier hearts, minds and spirit. That he would break threw and that they would see truth and turn to God.  Only God can do a work in thier lives and change them, nothing I do or say will change minds unless God is already working on them.

I know I have posted alot this week on the abortion issue and some of you are probly thinking "engh all ready" lol But this is what is going on in the World and what God is working on with me in my life.  Some times I feel discouraged, like the whole world is agenst me and what good is it to keep up with speaking about these things, who is listioning and who cares. But God tells me Do not grow weary of doing good, lean on him for his strenth and do not let the enemy get me down.  Those of you who read me know that this is not the only thing I write about and that my journal has a wide spectrum of topics, but ultmently they all center around my relationship with Jesus and my family life.  So stick with me, I am sure the topic is bound to change sometime soon lol.

Politicians who was apart of the "March", pray for them as well.

Senator Jeff Bingaman, Senator Barbara Boxer, Senator Maria Cantwell, Senator Lincoln Chafee, Senator Jon S. Corzine, Senator Byron Dorgan, Senator Richard Durbin, Senator Dianne Feinstein, Senator James M Jeffords, Senator Frank Lautenberg, Senator Patrick Leahy, Senator Carl Levin, Senator Joseph Lieberman, Senator Barbara Mikulski, Senator Patty Murray, Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton, Senator Paul Sarbanes, Senator Debbie Stabenow, Senator Ron Wyden, Representative Neil Abercrombie, Representative Brian Baird, Representative Tammy Baldwin, Representative Xavier Becerra, Representative Chris Bell, Representative Shelley Berkley, Representative Howard L. Berman, Representative Timothy Bishop, Representative Earl Blumenauer, Representative Robert A. Brady, Representative Corrine Brown, Representative Sherrod Brown, Representative Lois Capps, Representative Benjamin L Cardin, Representative Dennis Cardoza, Representative Julia Carson, Representative Donna M. Christensen, Representative Wm. Lacy Clay, Representative Susan A Davis, Representative Danny K. Davis, Representative Diana DeGette, Representative Rosa DeLauro, Representative Peter Deutsch, Representative Norm Dicks, Representative Lloyd Doggett, Representative Cal Dooley, Representative Rahm Emanuel, Representative Eliot L Engel, Representative Anna G Eshoo, Representative Sam Farr, Representative Chaka Fattah, Representative Bob Filner, Representative Barney Frank, Representative Martin Frost, Representative Charles Gonzalez, Representative Jim Greenwood, Representative Raul M Grijalva, Representative Luis. V Gutierrez, Representative Jane Harman, Representative Alcee L Hastings, Representative Maurice Hinchey, Representative Joseph M Hoeffel, Representative Rush Holt, Representative Mike Honda, Representative Jay Inslee, Representative Steve Israel, Representative Jesse L. Jackson Jr., Representative Sheila Jackson Lee, Representative William Jefferson, Representative Eddie Bernice Johnson, Representative Nancy Johnson, Representative Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, Representative Rick Larsen, Representative John B. Larson, Representative Barbara Lee, Representative Zoe Lofgren, Representative Nita M Lowey, Representative Denise L. Majette, Representative Carolyn Maloney, Representative Robert T Matsui, Representative Carolyn McCarthy, Representative Karen McCarthy, Representative Betty McCollum, Representative Jim McDermott, Representative Kendrick B. Meek, Representative Gregory Meeks, Representative Juanita Millender-McDonald, Representative George Miller, Representative Dennis Moore, Representative Jim Moran, Representative Jerrold Nadler, Representative Eleanor Holmes Norton, Representative John W Olver, Representative Major R. Owens, Representative Bill Pascrell Jr., Representative Ed Pastor, Representative Nancy Pelosi, Representative Steven R Rothman, Representative Martin Olav Sabo, Representative Loretta Sanchez, Representative Linda Sanchez, Representative Bernard Sanders, Representative Jan Schakowsky, Representative Adam Schiff, Representative Jose Serrano, Representative Christopher H. Shays, Representative Brad Sherman, Representative Robert Simmons, Representative Louise McIntosh Slaughter, Representative Adam Smith, Representative Hilda Solis, Representative Fortney H. "Pete" Stark, Representative John F. Tierney, Representative Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, Representative Chris Van Hollen, Representative Maxine Waters, Representative Diane Watson, Representative Henry A. Waxman, Representative Anthony Weiner, Representative Robert Wexler, Representative Lynn Woolsey, Representative David Wu

Who we need to pray for. Surprised to see some of these Celb.s was at the March

The March for Women's Lives Celebrity Coalition includes:

Margie Adam, Melissa Etheridge, Julianne Moore, Christina Aguilera, Morgan Fairchild, Alanis Morissette, Jennifer Aniston, Edie Falco, Kathy Najimy, Curtis Armstrong Frances Fisher, Alyson Palmer, Elaine Aronson, Calista Flockhart, Joe Pantoliano, Bea Arthur, Jane Fonda, Mary-Louise Parker, Ed Asner, Bonnie Franklin, Adrian Pasdar Kevin Bacon, Janeane Garofalo, Pink, Alec Baldwin, Ana Gasteyer, Martha Plimpton, William Baldwin, Indigo Girls, Doris Roberts, Meredith Baxter, Annabeth Gish, Paul Rudd, Shari Belafonte, Whoopi Goldberg, Susan Sarandon, Maria Bello, Lauren Graham Campbell, Scott Polly Bergen, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Kyra Sedgwick, Thora Birch, Lisa Gay Hamilton, Martin Sheen, Amy Brenneman, Ben Harper, Cybill Shepherd, Betty Buckley, Ed Harris, SONiA, Jessica Capshaw, Salma Hayek, Fisher Stevens, Lynda Carter Marg Helgenberger, Gloria Steinem, Stockard Channing,    Isabella Hofmann, Julia Stiles, Jill Clayburgh, Helen Hunt, Corky & Mike Stoller, Kate Clinton, Amy Jo Johnson, Sharon Stone, Glenn Close, Kathryn Joosten Amber Tamblyn, Cindy Crawford Ashley Judd, Mary Testa, Sheryl Crow, Catherine Keener Charlize Theron Alan Cumming Carole King, Uma Thurman, Tyne Daly Swoosie Kurtz Heather, Tom Blythe Danner Christine Lahti Stanley Tucci Kristin Davis Sanaa Lathan, Kathleen Turner, Ossie Davis, Sharon Lawrence, Ted Turner, Dana Delany, Lisa Loeb, Sarah Weddington, Laura Dern, Amy Madigan, Bradley Whitford Ani DiFranco Natalie Maines Alfre Woodard Illeana Douglas Wendie Malick Thom Yorke Denise Dowse Joshua Malina Amy Ziff, Fran Drescher, Camryn Manheim Elizabeth Ziff, Kirsten Dunst Frances McDormand,    David Eigenberg, Ewan McGregor Hector Elizondo Marilyn McIntyre, Emme, Sarah McLachlan Eve Ensler, Moby, Giancarlo Esposito, Demi Moore

Monday, April 26, 2004

Words of advice from

"Obviously, we should pray for the salvation of those that favor abortion. We should pray also for the leaders that should – and can – stop it. We should pray for the women who have the abortions, and for the emotional, spiritual and psychological pain they are sure to endure as a result of their selfish decision. We should pray for fathers of the children that have been denied a voice in the decision. We should pray for “parents” that have denied themselves the blessings of parenthood. We should pray for all those that are working to stop abortion. There are other specific prayers related to abortion that will come to your mind. Pray them."

Wonderful artical I just read with the above quote in it.  If you are or arn't as angry as I am over the abortion issue, this is a must read! It reminds us that yes our anger is well placed and even right, we should also pray for our enemy and bless them and love them.

Lord I lift of the hearts and minds that are involved in this deep spitural war. Lord prick the walls that have been built up, touch the harden hearts whith your love. May the seeds of your truth be planted and grow and florish. Cast the demonic strong holds off  those who faver abortion and open thier eyes to the truth. Touch the Doctors, the nurses, the mothers, the fathers, the grandparnts, the friends, who are at these clinics.  May they come to know your mercy.  Touch our leaders Lord.  Call us back to you.  Do not forsake us but have pitty on us. Lord use me, your servant, in any way to fight in this war.  Put some one in my path today who you would have me speak with and show them your Truth.  IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.


Today I read a new journal. It was posted in The Journal Keepers group.  It only had a few entries but it was so very honest and real.  She made me think of days that I had long left back in the past and have been healed of.

No secrect that I have had many hurts in my life, we all have them, but we all choose differnt ways to deal with them. If you have ever read my testimony (posted in my other sites list) you may of read in greater detail of how I used sex and drugs and drinking to cover up and stuff down those deeper hurts.  Thinking back I see how dark of a place I was in compared to where I am today and I am sooooo THANKFUL!  I was in bondage and didn't even relize it at the time.  I was living a dead life and if I had stayed on that path I would surely be either on the streets or dead.  I look at those who dont have what I have, those who dont have hope in thier lives and it makes me deeply sad and I want to reach out and embrace them and show them who they can cast all thier cares on. I wish they could see what I see. I don't want to sound like a fanatic but I guess I just really am.  When you have tasted of the light, when you felt the HolySpirit, when you have hope and that joy that goes beyoend human understanding, when it all just clicks, you can't just hold that in!

It is no lie, it is total truth that if you give your life over to Jesus you will find healing to all those wounds you carry in you, You will have forgivness for all the things you have done, you will be redeemed, You will have strenth that will take you threw any tribulation. You will have FREEDOM from all that binds you and ties you up, freedom from the evil that clouds your thoughts and tells you lies, those demons will flee. You will have HOPE AND JOY. Hope for a life beyonde what you see here and Joy from the Lord.  Not a fake felling that you get from drugs or false emotions.

If you come to him and just tell him, I can't do it my own way anymore, it has lead me to no where, I need YOU In my life Jesus.  I believe in you and I trust you. I believe what it says in the Bible, that you came to to redeem me and to forgive me of my sins, and that you hung on a cross for ME and then arose from the dead, I am sorry for all my sins, sins that put you up on that cross and I am looking for a change,come and live in my heart, send me your spirit so that I may understand you and your words, you will see a differnt life.  Mark it down the day you say that prayer, because that is the day it all will start to change!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

My stomic turns, Lord have Mercy on us all!

Shame on the women who support the right to murder thier own child and call it freedom, and shame on us who have sat by and allowed for our country to come to where it is today.

I find it intresting how slanted our media is, how little coverage they will give to those who support Life and how much of a big deal they make out of those who cry out for death. Intresting they will show dead mutalated bodies on the 10'oclock news from the "war" but shy away from showing the truth of the dead bodies from the holocost happing here at home. It's no wonder we see quotes like this from todays report on the march in Washington:

''Look at the pictures, look at the pictures,'' shouted abortion opponents, holding up big posters showing a fetus at eight weeks.

''Lies, lies,'' marchers shouted back.

Those who shout back "Lies, lies"  do you know you sound like those who see pics of the Jewish Holocoast and say, that didnt happen, thats a faburcation, Lies, Lies?

Democratic Sen. Hillary Clinton of New York, referring to the 1973 Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion, said the administration is ''filled with people who ... consider Roe v. Wade the worst abomination of constitutional law in our history.''

Well Mrs. Clinton, I thank God for people who do consider that law an abomination! They are my voice, just exactly why I voted for them!

Isaiah 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!


Saturday, April 24, 2004

What Does it profit a man to gain the whole world yet loose his soul?

Ok I am going to rant a bit today!  Today we had the pick up for Apirl Showers for G.S.  If you recall last Saturday we did the bag drop off in a very very rich sub division (it was the one assigned to us) and I thought well, I am sure they will be very generous and the girls will have a lot of stuff to give to the food bank we was going to give the toletries to.

Today it rained so we had a bit of a late start and there was some confussion over the meeting place.  But eventaly the one mom just went and took her girl to get the bags. It got worked out. Of the 50 or so houses we left bags at, see example above, guess how many bags was put out?

Just 1 bag!! with six things in it.

I am shocked and very sadden.  But as my husband said, that is how they can aford to live in those big $400,000 homes.  Holding on to every penny they have.  Josh used to deliver pizzas to homes like that and he said they always was the worst tippers.  I have half a mind to write our local paper and tell how our coveted WingHaven friends are such cheap skates and have no concern for our local food pantries.  I pray for God to bless the one family that took time to shop and put together the one bag that was put out for us!


Friday, April 23, 2004

Pro-Life T-shirt day, my eassay re-visited

Proverbs 24:11-12

 If thou forbear to deliver [them that are] drawn unto death, and [those that are] ready to be slain;

 If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider [it]? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth [not] he know [it]? and shall [not] he render to [every] man according to his works?



Ps 139:13

For thou hast possessed my reins:

thou hast covered me in my

mother's womb.

Ps 139:14

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully

and wonderfully made: marvellous

are thy works; and that my soul

knoweth right well.





Isaiah 44:24 Thus saith the LORD, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I [am] the LORD that maketh all [things]; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself;



Many of you know of my testimony and that at 15 I had an abortion. When I called myself a murderer many do not get it. I have posted my testimony in a webpage on the internet and I am often asked, “Who did you kill”. I tell them did you read the whole thing and if they say yes I tell them I was referring to my abortion and they often say Oh that is ok, that doesn’t make you a murderer, you was just doing what was right for you at that time. Abortion is not considered murder anymore to a vast population in our society. There is much debate as to when human life starts and when a baby is just a blob of tissue and is morally o.k. to cut that tissue away. I would like to say that my abortion story is rare and that it is not such a big problem in our community and we don’t need to worry about it but unfortunately that is not the case.


A term, a mantra that used to be used for the legalization of Abortion was "Safe, Legal, and Rare."  A term I never would have heard if not for reading pieces and listening to radio programs talking of the history of this issue.  You never hear it anymore.  The fact is that is not the case 30 years later.  Before 1973 the year of Roe vs. Wade and made legal, the estimated number of abortions was 600,000. 30 years after it became lawful to have an abortion at any stage of pregnancy and for any reason the number is now 43 MILLION. That is 1.4 million a year, 4,000 a day, 165 per hour, 1 abortion every 23 seconds!  One out of 4 conceptions inthe United States are terminated, 25% of our population. That would be like the combined population of Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, Tennessee, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina wiped out. Six States!  Abortion is being used as a birth control.  The top reasons women seek an abortion is for social and economical reasons.  Only 5% go in under the reasons for rape, incest or for health. It is reported that 46% of women who have abortions didn’t use contraceptives and that more than half of the women receiving abortions are repeat customers.  That doesn’t sound very rare to me. Does it to you? More like an epidemic.
       It is said that with any medical "procedure" there is risks.  Not taking into the account of murdering a child, the harm for the women who undergo this "procedure" can and is great. Possible death from bleeding out at home, damage to the womb that effects future pregnancies, greater risk for breast cancer, serious Depression that effects the women her whole life and possibly her future children. The farther along in a pregnancy a woman is when she gets an abortion the more dangerous it becomes.  Abortionists tools may injure if not carefully used by poking holes threw the wall of the womb and damaging a women’s bowels. In a mater of seconds strong suction can pull in parts of intestines and leaving serious harm, resulting in major surgery to correct problems, often leaving a woman unable to have future children.   A women could suffer from excessive bleeding and be in need for a transfusion but on occasion some have not made it for treatment and have bleed out at home and died. Damage and scarring to the cervix or fallopian tubs can lead to a women being sterile or in future pregnancies delivering prematurely. New research has come out linking breast cancer to abortion. Seven studies show an increase risk by two folds!  Does all that make it sound safe to you? Aside from the potential physical complications women who have abortions and men also suffer emotional too. Post Abortion Stress is the technical term now given to it where a women and also men who are apart of the experience suffer from guilt, shame, anger, poor coping skills, isolation, lower self esteem, sexual problems, deep depression, insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, addictions to drugs and alcohol, and even suicide. They have problems with failed relationships. Some women may try to have another baby to replace the one aborted and then there are women who can not stand the thought of children and is hard for them to be around a crying baby.
       It is so sad but abortion has become big business. When a women goes into a clinic looking for council she is not presented with all the facts or even half of what I have just told you here, so how can she make an informed CHOICE.  According to The Planned Parent Hood’s website under ask the experts section the price for an abortion can start at $350-575 plus what ever added tests needed and the cost raises of course the later thestage of pregnancy. This website even suggested that some clinics will charge on a sliding scale and that sometimes Medicaid will cover the cost. On the Hope Clinic for Women’s located in
Granit City, ILL, website, it quotes around $2,000 for a 24 week abortion. Imagine the typical intake of a clinic that performs 20-30 abortions a day, five days a week and the side income of selling the left-overs for medical research. Often the councilor is more of a sales person. It is legal for Children who don't tell their parents of the pregnancy, and are not able to fully inform the clinic of their past medical conditions, to have an abortion. It is legal for Young teens, taken by older boyfriends or distraught parents, to be forced into this choice. What has become Legal is Murder for Money.  It is legal to pay a "doctor" to murder a child still in the womb. 

This is a lost and hurting world we are in.  We are to be salt and light to this dark world.  I have heard it said that you won't change minds until you change hearts.  Yes, this is very true, and I am not for arguing with people about this issue, but I believe planting seeds and telling the facts is part of being salt.  God is the one who will change hearts. We are to be Proclaiming what the Word says about the Life that God creates and the consequences of sin. We are the voice of the children being lead to slaughter, who else will speak for them? If you are not comfortable with talking to ppl about this because you don't know what to say or just don't know all the facts about it, learn. Do the research yourself, ask God how you can be salt and light on this subject.  You Never KNOW who you may touch, whose life you may influence

Before my own abortion I never once heard it was wrong or that it was indeed murder, or how it would affect me afterwards.  All I knew was I was 15 and my mother had told me we could not afford to have it but it was my "choice" what to do.  I was very ignorant to the facts and I surely didn't have the Lord in my life then.  My heart was selfish and I would have preferred to just get it done and over with then to go threw having a baby and giving it up for adoption. Think of the difference in my life if I had had a friend to show me the truth of what I was doing. But God is so faithful; he knew the plans he had for me.  He allowed me to go threw that situation.  And years later I did come to the Lord and was able to give all that Hurt and Shame to him.  He healed me of the depression and the anger and the guilt from that abortion. He has shown me that indeed he can use me where I have been hurt the most.  But I know for a fact, if Abortion wasn't legal, it would not have even been an option! Perhaps I would have been more careful in my choices with sex or I would have had the child and there would have been a wonderful new life in this world. Pray for the women who are today making choices about life and death. One every 23 seconds!


School Daze

I remember, but not in great detail because either I have blocked it out or I have healed from it and have choosen to leave it behind me, but I remember how it was for me in school. Like I have said before my parents moved alot, so this ofcourse ment I went to many differnt schools.  Josh and I have vowed not to do that to our kids. But I remember how it was with kids teasing kids or that big jerk who for some reason singled you out everyday, I also remember having some realy good friends and learning life lessions about friendship and how the world works.  When I lived in Wis. for my elementry school days, I dont remember being picked on too much, I remember fun days on the playground, making snow forts and playing king of the mountain, I remember GirlScout meetings and selling cookies and having sleep overs. I remember jump rope with silly rymes and one fight I had with two friends that I went right to my journal our teach had given us and wrote each detail about it.  I remember taking Viola lessions but quitting because I couldnt learn to read notes.  I remember that yes I did have to go to the special ed class for reading and math, but it was great, no one teased me cuz of it, and I had friends there too.  I think my nightmare days of school started when we moved to Vegas and I started 5th grade.  Ofcourse moving and going to a new school was hard in the first place, but it wasnt the first time we have ever moved and I was somewhat used to that game of being the new kid.  But this was differnt, all of sudden it didnt matter who I was, it was all about my clothes and my shoes. I had no clue about those things, getting shoes at PayLess was not a crime to me, yet to the girls in my class it was the funniest thing. Then the other teasing started in about my hair and hygine and peeing in my pants. Most of it all right out lies, but you know once you get a lable it takes forever to get away from it.  For 5th and 6th grade I mostly stuck to my self, I dont remember having a best friend in school. At home Consuelo was my best friend, she lived in my apartment complex but she was older and in a differnt school. I was the little girl on the playground that sat by herself at the wall or when there was a class party prefered to sit by the adults and listion to them talk.  I remember once contimplating my sueside and that I would clean out my desk and just leave a note there to be found and read to thewhole class telling them Thanks for being so mean to me or even better to make them feel real bad, tell them thanks for being such good friends.  Can't believe I am about to cry here, I guess those hurts are not fully healed. Jr High wasn't anybetter.  It seemed like I had a double life from school me to at home me. What friends I did have like Tonay and Consuelo, they was out side of school.  I did have one friend who I stuck to nicknamed Cricket (her brother was my first but she never knew about it). She was one grade ahead of me and I would hang out with her all the time and she would come to my house for sleep overs and all the fun stuff girls do.  But after I had gotten jumped after school, she some how didnt want to even talk with me and cut me out of her life.  I HATED Jr High!  There was the one girl who I always wished I would wake up and be her. Melissia.  She was cool and popular. She was tall not bone thin but not fat.  She always had on the cool clothes like the ganster nikies and the starter jacket (that was the thing to wear at the time) She always was with a big group of friends and allways passed notes in class. She always had some one to go with her to the big dances. And she was the biggest one to be a Bitch to me. I always wished for a freaky friday sort of thing to happen to us.  Where she would wake up as me and I would wake up as her.  More so that she could walk one day in my old worn out shoes and see what my life was like.

My point here is I dont ever remember telling my mom how misrable I was.  I know my parents loved me but they had to work and it seemed like I didnt want to bother them with how it was at school. Ofcourse when I got jumped after school my dad took action the best he knew how and got me peper spray to carry. But that back fired. I kept it on my key chain and carried it with me all the time. At luch one day one of those horrible girls pretended to be nice to me and fooled me and took my keys when I wasnt looking and she sprayed it in the caffiteria during passing time. OMG I wanted to die. I got suspended for 3 days because of it, aperantly it was considered a wepon and I wasnt even supsosed to have it at school.

Highschool was better, with each move I reinvented myself and stayed under the "Mean Girls" radar.  I was somewhat cool. But I never forgot what it was like to be the outcast and I spoke up for those who was being teased when I could.

What has brought up all these thougts is my son.  We was having a conversation about school and I had a pang in my gut "what if he is the kid that gets picked on" So I asked him if the kids at school liked him.  He said oh ya, that he was kinda popular, everyone knows him and likes him except for on the bus. His little face got sad.  Annie knew just what he was talking about and gave him a nod. Those kids are bad they went into explaining to me, the kids from the trailer park that is behind our street. They can be mean but dont worry we talked to the Terry (the bus driver) and she takes care of it.  Those kids brag about how manytimes they have been suspended from school and tickets they get for being out after curfew.  I asked what was some of the things they would say and Zane said oh just stupid stuff like saying I farted and smell, but don't worry mom I told the bus driver and she is good.  Then he says I wish my one friend from school rode my bus, they would never tease us then, they would be scared of him cuz he would beat them up if they messed with me.  I patted my son on the back and asked him why didnt he ever tell me about all this, then he starts to cry and says he didnt know why he didnt say anything but its ok, the kids are going to be taken care of by the Bus driver. I hugged him and told him I loved him and knew just what it was like to be teased by mean kids at school.  I told him these are the kind of ppl we have to pray for and love even though they are mean.  The reason they are mean is because they have something sad going on inside of them and they lash out at the kids who they think are too nice.  Later that night I told Josh of the conversation and he kinda shruged it off saying well you know he is something of a target, he wears glasses, he is a book worm, and lets face it he doesnt have the newest clothes that fit right as they should. 

 I guess we will just have to pay closer attention to him and make sure to let him know he is loved.  What else can I do.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Why submitting to your spouce is a good thing! LOL

So today I did it.  I made the dreaded call I have been putting off for two months.  I called to cancel my aol and all its lovely extras we have.  Josh has been on me to do it ever since we got DSL.  You know me, I fought it hard, I cried, I kicked, I screemed.  I love MY AOL. My hands shook as I dialed the 800 number. My heart rate went up a notch as I went threw the auto-mated options menu. My voice cracked as I told the friendly guy Augest (shocked too cuz he was 100% American, expecting a forine guy) that I must cancel. Ofcourse he did as he was traied and asked why and how can we make your online experance better. I told him I love everything on AOL and use most of the features. But we are very tight right now, and this was one of the things we had to cut in our budget.  I called ONE day before our billing date as it so happens (it would of been a bad thing if I had waited, this would defintaly of made us over drawn at the bank).  The only reason you are leaving us is because you are short for a few months? Have you tried the aol keywords and now you are on dsl the streaming video and audio?  Well yes, that is the only reason, I have tried some of the keywords and some video, but not alot. I can help you out with a few free months then so you can fully use the key words and the video.  I have free aol ppl till Jun22! : )  About the same conversation went on with Miss Ginny (who loved my security question lol but I cant tell you then i would have to change it) so I have free aol by phone till July22! : D  Josh is going to be so proud of me that I finaly went and made these calls.

Now, I am not dence and I knew deep down that aol would give us at least a free month to stay on a bit longer, so I wasnt all that surprised when they did but still in my mind I thought "what if they won't? what if they too are tighting the belt and have decided not to give out so much free aol to ppl?  what if I do get a foriner on the other end, and that would piss me off to no end cuz I am sick of our jobs being shipped over seas and just cancel totaly out of princable?" 

I know by June and July things will be much better with money than they are now, at least I am praying they will be.  With us having to pay the rest of our rent tomorrow and some on the phone bill we will not beable to get our car out of the shop.  Josh did get a truck from his work, but as far as I know its only till friday. lol and it looks like they gave him the most beaten up one they had, the tires are balding, the back windshield was broke but replaced but its being held in by tape. lol  It works and that is what is important, Josh can get to work.  I am unsure how we are going to buy grocries this week, and I am starting to feel like old mother hubberd.  Mannnnn today I was craving Chinies food sooooooo badly. Crab Rangoon and Steamed Dumplings was calling out my name, "Mary, Maryyy, come on, you know you deserve to splirge on us.  Give Josh the come hither look and make him go and get us.  Rammon Noodles is a poor substitue, Maryyyyy, you want the real thing!" So I did give Josh the if you love me go get it for me look, but he wasnt picking up on it lol or was trying not to cave in himself. 

Wednesday, April 21, 2004


A sister here in J~Land is requesting prayer for her dear loved Uncle who was in a very devistating car wreck and is getting ready for surgery. Please send over all your prayers to Becky, she would apreshate it very much and that is what Family is for, to lean on each other and carry eachothers burdons.

Just a reminder to all, If you ever have a request and need prayer please feel free to contact me via IM or E-mail or join my prayer group of Prayer Warriors called Prayer In Jesus Name (link over in my list of links, for some reason the linking thing is acting funky in the posts)

Remember back when I told you all about Josh's grandmother funeral(cant find the link) and after we went to see the Passion with his cousin and sister.  Well today I got the most wonderful e-mail from her! Since she asked me about prayer and this is the topic I thought I would share with you what I wrote.

  Just a few things about prayer that I hope answers your questions. You can pray anytime, anywhere for any thing.  Prayer is a personal thing between you and God, not everyone does it exactly the same and there is no proven method that gets results.  You can pray standing up or on your knees, you can pray out loud or in a quiet voice inside your head, you can pray before bed or in the morning or pray continuously, like having an open conversation going on with God all day long.  I know some people like to keep a prayer journal where they keep track of what they prayed and then can later look back and see how God answered it and how he is moving in their life.  He may not answer as we think he should, but he always answers.  The disciples asked Jesus one day how should they pray and he told them they should not pray like those who pray for attention, you know the kind of ppl who say fancy prayers and long chants, hoping people will notice them and think they are all Holy or that God will hear them better and be moved by their elaborate words. Just come to him like a child comes to spend time with daddy. He said it is best to pray in private, a time for just you and God and what was asked in secret will be givenin the open.  Now there are times I do pray with people out loud and I just say what comes to my heart, it's often when we are praying for someone or just praising God but I do not do it to show off or impress and I think that is what the difference is.  I do still have my alone time with God and just recently Josh and I have started praying together as a couple for the needs we have as a family.  It is a very cool experience and intimate when we do that.  But personal prayer should be looked at like talking to a friend and communicating with that friend.  When you start new friendships you get to know that person by talking with them a lot and you grow closer, but if you stop talking so much to eachother and loose touch, you feel far apart from them.  Same with God.  The more you talk with him in prayer and reading his Word, the closer you can feel to him but when you stop talking with him and wonder away, you feel so far apart from him.  Jesus gave us a model prayer but its not to be a chant said over and over but something to start us off on, and to make it personal, make it your own.  He said we can come to God as our father who is in heaven, that we should praise him for what he has done for us and ask for his will to be done in our life here on earth as it is in heaven. That we can ask him to provide for our daily needs so we will not have to worry about them and that he will bless us. We ask him to forgive people who have hurt us and help us to forgive them, to ask him to forgive us for all the things we have done that was not in his will and to keep temptations far from us but to lead us to a better way and to protect us from the evil that is in this world.  I suggest you read Matthew Chapter 6 where he is telling his disciples of these things.  Also remember, God knows everything!  He knows what you need before you even ask it : ) yet he still likes for you to come to him and talk to him. Also, one last thing lol this is a big subject but I am glad you have asked, I always end my prayers IN JESUS NAME.  Because Jesus said "anything ask in my name it will be given to you to Glorify God."  People all over the world pray, but it doesn't mean they are praying to the God of the Bible.  Ending a prayer in Jesus name makes you stand out, sets you apart from those who just pray to an unknown idol or higher power.  It says you trust Jesus, and no one else.

Car update and guess who suports murder of inocent babies!

Well the car is in the shop.  It is going to run us $350 to get it fixed.  Josh missed his school day today because he couldnt find a ride, but he thinks he can make the day up.  He was able to get work for tonight and found a ride by ways of my friend Amy.  How he is going to get home is another story.  Hopfuly his shop will let him barrow a truck till friday.  Everything it seems is due Friday, the phone is scheduled for shut off, his cell too and the rest of this months rent plus late fees.  We was going to sell off our other junker cars to one of the salvage yards or junk yards, in a serach for the titles but even with both of them we will only get $100. Still it is beter than nothing and that will help some and I will be glad to have a nicer looking driveway, but I can only find one title and to get a new one fast is $16 I dont have at the moment. :P  It will work out eventaly, I know.

Did have an intresting revalation today. My friend Amy and I was disscussing abortion today.  We are praying for her friend who is scheduled to go in and get the R486 abortion pill. And I was telling her of the resurech I read about it and then we got into a conversation about The Morman's and Walgreens. When Josh's sister came out to visit they bought alot of soda and icecream from Walgreens and it was only later did I make the connection lol with Mormans being owners of the Walgreens chain.  I was telling Amy that is why Walgreens stoped selling Alcohol.  This got us wondering, if they feel so strongly about alcohol that they stoped selling it, would they then sell the Morning After Abortion Pill?  Recently there has been a contraversy about Pharsists refusing to sell or distribute it because of thier personal beliefs, that it was assisting in a murder(good for them).  So Amy called up her Walgreens that she gets all her meds from just out of curiosity. Amy said they told her they DO sell it but you need a prescription for it. How ironic!! Won't sell alcohol but will sell a drug that is intentaly for killing a baby.  I thought the Mornan's was Pro-life, how pro-life can they be if they sell this pill. Me thinks I am going to call around and see what other pharmacies sell it, and go to the ones who dont and tell Walgreens they just lost my buisness. I will keep you posted on what I find.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004


I should of seen it as prophetic when some one asked If I had a car to sell for 5 bucks and I told them ya I have 2 junkers and one on the way.  Our wagon has been over heating the last few weeks, not every day and I left that to Josh to figure out what was up.  Then it happen, yesterday something big was smoking or steaming, i dont know the diff.  First Josh hoped maybe it was just the water pump but nope there is a crack in something expensive, cant think of the term.  Josh had to miss work today so he could figure out the problem and maybe fix it.  But alas it was too big of a job for him and off to the shop the car will have to go.  It was our only legael running car.  Sure we have the van, but the plates are expired on it so we havnt been driving it for the last month, and we have the crown vic. but it too has no plates cuz it wouldnt pass saftey inspection or something like that.  Josh HAS TO have a car to work.  His job sends him all over the surounding St Louis area and we live out far.  Its not like the bus runs by us and he could hop on it to work.  But I am not worried really.  It is not as if God didn't see this coming and is shocked.  He has a plan, even if I cant see what it is.  This is one of those test about walking in his Peace. LOL it figures, just as Josh's work was picking up and we was catching up some, this happens. OH well.

But I do have a Praise Report!!!!!  I am so happy, I am crying about it.  You may recall my friend Riley?  He has been having some serouis medical issues going on.  He has had this cronic pain in his one leg area for almost a year, he has been loosing alot of weight and then recently he was having black outs.  I thought it was oh he is just not taking care of himself like he should.  But I kept praying for him, for his healing, as have others.  He has had a whole shabang of tests done on him since he has been home.  He was feeling very discouraged.  He had a very bad day yesterday coming home from the docs.  He couldnt find a ride home from the docs so he took the bus. Not recomended for a blind person to do if they are not familar with the bus sytem. He got off at the correct stop but wondered around his apartment complex for 2 HOURS! No one would help him find his way.  He called me after he did finaly get home and he was so low, so pittiful. He said there was a battle going onin his mind, one saying just give it all up and the other saying come one God will get us by a bit further.  So I had been thinking of him all day today, not five minets after I sugested to Josh to call and check him He called us.  There was Joy in his voice again! He was so happy and he couldnt wait to tell me why.  His catscan and MRI had come back and his blood work.  Org. the doc thought he may have a hidden tumor and that would account for his loss of time/black outs and his not feeling like eating. Well it wasn't that, not as bad.  Aperantly he had some presure or swelling on some blood vessels in his brain but with some meds they could relieve that easily and his blood work all came back 100% improved from the last time he had work done. With his recent weight loss the doc said that helped majorly.  Riley is telling me all this and I am just overjoyed cuz it was the aswer to all my prayers.  I prayed over him just this last Sunday asking the Lord to touch him, that God knew what his problem was and knew better than any doctors, to guide them and give them wisdom but to heal him also. I was crying tears of hope and relief.  I am so happy!  Riley is preparing to go back to CO for the last few months of school at the School of the Blind.  He is so close to finishing and all these health issues have been a hinder.  I know he is happy to beable to go back, cuz before the doctors had told him he couldnt possible, but now he is free and clear! \o/ PRAISE THE LORD!

Monday, April 19, 2004

My heart's desire.

Feel like writting something, just not sure how to start or where to begin.  You know blank page, blank mind syndrome lol.

I am a bit sad and a bit grived. Nothing too serouse, nothing out of the ordanry, what I have come to expect by being an outsider that Stands on the Word of God.  It makes me sad to see ppl I love and care about be so blinded by the world.  I wonder why God, why dont you lift the scales off thier eyes. I relize we are living in the end times and sometimes that is a scarry thought and some times I recoice in it, knowing this will be the last generation that has to live in this sinfilled world.  The scary thought to me is how so many are not prepared, so many are decived, and are happy to be submitting to the lies satan puts out there and then attack the ones who stand on God's Word.  I am not talking about any one person and I am not mad at anyone.  The one I get mad at is who the source of it, the one who seeks to kill and destroy lives, the father of all lies.  I have no fear of him, cuz there is nothing he can do or take away from me that the Lord will not see me threw and I know that I have all power and authorty over him.  It amazes me those who fear him, who submit to the spirit of fear cuz of him. Fear and dought kills faith. Where does faith come from? The Bible says : Romans 10:17 So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.  I dont try and push God on anyone, but since he is what the focus of my life is, that is the majorty of what comes of my writtings and interaction with others.  I think of it like planting seeds of God's Word into other's lives, what God does with the seeds is up to that person and God.  Some times the seeds are recived well, and the ground of the heart is ready and prepared, some times the seeds are rejected and the ground of the heart is hard or there is weeds and rocks in the way.  Either way, I try and not be discouraged because God is in control and he sees the end results where it may be years before I can see fruit of anything I have said to someone.  I know that it was not over night that my heart was ready to recive the Lord.  He had been working on me for years before I just let go and let him in and gave over my life to him.  He used many ppl in my life to bring me to the relationship I have with him today.  And I am very thankful to all those servants of God who was obediant to him and planted those seeds into my life.  I am sure I gave some of the same answers I hear from others, yet God never gave up on me and he kept after me.  He loves me and you that much, he will not stop untill he has those who are given to him.  He loved me even while I was knee deep in my sins.  He searched after me and prosued me like a lover who is deep in love with some one who rejects him over and over but doesnt give up.  It grives me all the times looking back that I fell for the suduction of Satan and his lies and that the lover of my soul seeing my heart still sought after me.

Oh Lord I love you so much.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  For loving me even when I rejected you and your love. Thank you for each seed planted into my heart, for each time you send some one to encourage me and lift me up.  Thank you for your wonderful gift of Life where before I was so dead and I didnt even know it.  My heart is yours and my life is yours. Use me as you will, help me to be the women you want me to be. I want to be your obediant servant. Use me like you used all those others in my life.  Touch hearts and open eyes. May they be able to see you as I do.  May they come to know you as I know you.  There is so much more in Knowing you than just knowing about you.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Got this in my inbox today, puts into words perfectly what I felt

The Passion

As I stood outside the doors.
I tried to prepare myself
for what I was about to see.
But when I entered the room
I had no idea that my life would be
changed so drastically.
I sat there in silence, as all did.
The room was filled with the flickering
light of the screen.
As I cried, only a little bit, too shocked to move.
I felt like my heart was broken inside me.
I wanted to cry , but felt it hard to breathe.
I watched in silence.
As this man demonstrated what Jesus did for me.
It broke my heart and tears began to flow.
I felt helpless and I wanted to make them stop.
The pain I felt was like nothing I've ever felt before.
Then I began to cry out to God.

I realized at that moment if He had not done this for me.
This love that I feel for Him now would have never come to be.
He laid in the temple yard beaten. His face disfigured from the punches and blows.
The robe he wore was covered in blood as red as a rose.
With every ounce of His strength He pulled himself to His feet.
Only to be knocked down again.
But all that He did was for me , what greater love shown by a friend?
When they lead Him away , His body was weaken by the

The Roman soldiers had no pity on Him and began to beat Him again.
They slapped Him in the face and knocked Him to the ground.
No idea that this was all for them as well.
That this man would one day rise up and reign over all man and save many from Hell.
As He carried the cross on His back to the place where He would soon die
You could hear people weeping all over the room.
As many in the crowd cried.
We all knew what was next and it made it hard to bare.
All our eyes fixed on the screen.
All you could hear was the sobbing cries of the weeping.
The sounds of those mourning in despair.
The actor laid on the cross as they drove the nails in his hands and in his feet.
But I could see only Jesus there giving His life for me.
The movie became real, the pain was real, the tears ,and the blood.
And then it was like God spoke to me and said" There is no greater love. My son did this for you. He laid his life down so you wouldn't have too.He traded his crown in Heaven for a crown of thorns and a beating you would never endure."
I knew at that moment that this had to be.
Even though it seemed so unfair.
But the greatest thing happened! God caused my eyes to open and see. The crucifixion became clear.

I could truly see what really happened.
No greater love was shown to me.
Than the day Christ was nailed to the tree.
Written and copyrighted by Patricia Montgomery

A Day of Family Fun

Ya know, yesterday was a really nice day! The weather was warm and sunny, we had family in from out of town, I got to do stuff for Girl Scouts and we also got some lawn work down and had a big water war with the kids and to top it off the kids got new back yard play toys!

Josh's sister Pammy and her husband and daughter came into town last week but stayed most of that time with thier dad.  They came out here to feel out the waters, see whats going on here in way of work ops and housing.  They got some leads but nothing solid yet. Friday they stayed the night with us and the kids had a fun sleep over.  It would be great if they would move out here just for the kids to be closer.  I did grow weary of all thier talk about thier Morman church, but we was polite and didnt get into any big debates.  I told Josh if they do move out here he BETTER read up for himself what they believe and what he would say to them when it comes up. Cuz you know it will come up lol

The sat morning Annie and I and Amy's daughter met up with our troop at McDonalds for breakfast before we went out to do the April Showers.  It was a gourgous day to do it too. All we had to do was walk around the subdivison we was assigned to and put plastic bags on the doors for the homeowners to fill with tolitries for the needy. OMG the houses we was assigned to was what I would call min mantions! The sign said they started out at the mid 400's! It was all new construction, so some of the homes didnt have anyone there yet but the ppl we did met and asked what we was doing were very nice and happy to help.  Josh said I came home green with envy. lol

After Pammy and her crew left Josh mowed the lawn and I took the kids out to the Park.  It was soooo hot, I only lasted maby 45 min there before I said lets go and on the way home pick up some water guns for water war.  After we got home and josh finished up the yard we had at it. Kids vs Mom and Dad but at the end they all ganged up on ME! lol So we was soaked and covered in grass and mud. Had to hose everyone down before we let anyone in the house.

So after we got all cleaned up, josh and I in our robes all comfy cozy there is a knock on the door. LOL Josh scrambled into the other room to get dressed but I answered in my robe blushing. It was a friend from church. Chris and Pete.  Thier grandson used to live with them but has since then moved out of town.  So they had these yard toys they wanted to give us.  We all got dressed fast and went out to the back yard to set it up. OH and the kids love it! I didnt get a chance to take pics, probly will today.

It was one of the best Spring Days I can remeber having in a long time.  I look forward to having more and more of them!

Friday, April 16, 2004

Maybe I should have a disclaimer? *My views are my own*

That post about porn is still brewing and when the time is right it will come to be.  But today it seems that I am inspired to write on something elese.  It seems to be a reacuring theme lately and I must get it out.  As my disclaimer says, My views are my own, take them as you will, but I try and only speak Truth and if the truth hurts, that is on you not me.

Recently a friend asked what I thought about a certain situation, she asked it in a hypthical maner but you know when any one does that they are realy talking about themselves. But I answered honestly and what I believed God's take would be on the situation. Apperntly she didnt like the answer I gave and took it as a personal attack on her and that I was judging her.  It hurts me back to think that she would think I would personaly want to hurt her and judge her, for just telling the Truth.  Is it more loving to tell a lie, or the truth?  I saw what others put down and it just seemed like they was pandoring her, giving gib answers, nothing of any value but follow your heart and be happy.  This was a neg experance and a total contrast from a separte conversation I had with some one from my prayer group who asked basicly THE SAME Question. She heard me, she thanked me and told me that was just what she needed to hear, that God was dealing with her on that issue and what I had said just confirmed to her what he was trying to tell her along.

In a nutshell and the heart of the matter is the question Should ppl live together who are not married.  I know what the world has to say and what they think, but I dont live by the World's standards, I live by God's and if you are a professing believer, that should be your heart's disire also. It is not like I live in a fanasy world either, and I know his ways may seem hard to some but if you Trust him, you know if you follow his ways you will be blessed and taken care of no matter what.

Marrage is to be sacred and holy, a commitmet between you, your partner and God. It is not just some peice of paper, if you look at it that way, dont get married to that person, but dont expect to be blessed either. Your body if you are a believer, is also to be Holy and sacred because you have the HolySpirit living with in you. Sex is an expression of love, a gift from God to be shared with your husband or wife and should be reserved for the marrage bed.  When you have sex with some one you become connected with them in some way, you take and give a piece of them and yourself and there is an exchange, not just a physical one but an emontinal and spirutal. God knew all that could happen when there is not a commitmet for a life time involed when sex happens, and all the problems and hurts.  He wants to keep us from those, protect us, that is what all his comanments and ways are about, protecting you, not to hold you back from being happy or enjoying your life.  God is the father who loves his children, like we love our children we set up rules for them to follow, and most of the time those rules are to protect our kids. Dont cross the street with out holding hands, look bothways or else you may be hit by a car. ya know.  When we live out of God's will for our lives we leave ourselves open to attacks and blessings are held back. Just like when our children don't follow the rules, they leave themselves open to getting hurt. That doesnt mean you will go to hell, we still love our children even if they make a mistake, and your heart is only for God to judge, not me.

For the Christian you are to be an example, a light to the World. If you are living in that kind of situation, what will others think?  "It's Ok for them so its ok for us or see, they are hypcits, say one thing and live another"  If you are living in that situation may I suggest you separtate til you are ready to get married, you will honor God and yourselves and will be blessed.

Psalms 128:1 <<A Song of degrees.>> Blessed [is] every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Pimping out Journals

Yes I know I am a trend setter : D

Fianlay my online  started her own journal.  She reads mine consitanly, she knows this is where to get all my juicy details, but she has never ever commented in here, but we do have chats about it.  Well after almost a year she has started her own, so ofcourse I have to pimp it out to you all!

The Mundane Life of a House Wife  as if Jess's thoughts are so mundane! lol about as much as anyones I guess, but I love her!


I have a post that is brewing and will probly write it tonight or early tomorrow.  It is about porn and if it has a place in relationships.  This can be a delicate subject and I promise to tacle it was tact and grace and from a Godly perspective.


But UGH there is a smell coming from my fridge so today I MUST clean it out!

Just one little rant before I go..

It is very uncool to just drop in on ppl with out calling them first and letting them know you are coming over.  My SIL is in town and I am glad.  They are staying at Josh's dad's house.  Well yesterday they dropped by.  It wouldn't of been a problem, I want to visit with them but I was so embarassed.  Lilly and Sophia had TRASHED the living room.  I just put them down for a nap and they had just fallen asleep. This is when they decided to drop by. I have not seen them in like six months and now they are going to think we live like pigs.  Well, we kinda do, but thats not the point, I like to put up a good frount and make aperances when ppl come over.  Josh told me not to worry about it, that truth be told, they live worse than we do, and they only have One kid. 

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Last night we had scouts.  Josh took Zane to his and I had G.S. with Annie.  I don't know if any one else is following the story about the GirlScouts having ties or association with Planned Parenthood but I have been.  I tried getting some answers the other day from my Troop Cordinator, ya know the lady who has been in scouts forever and is suposed to know everything.  I asked her if she had been following it at all and what was our local council's affilation with them.  She said this was the first she had heard of it, that she had no clue.  She says she knows that GS are very stricked about officaly not being apart of any political party.  I said I know but this was a differnt issue. I could not believe she doesnt know about this at all, certainly she has a tv or radio or the net! lol  My friend Amy called me from her car cuz Bill O'Riley was talking about it. Here is a link I got off of his site with a news artical on it.  I printed it out for the other moms to read and briefly told them that I was unable to get any answers from our own council. This was not a formal talk, I just passed it to them before I went outside to play a game with the girls.  I think they just browsed it, cuz they left it sitting on the couch and didnt take it home with them. 

I wanted to tell you about the games we played.  First one is called Do as I say,Not as I do.  Kinda Like Simon Says.  They are to do what you say, like touch thier noise but you try and throw them off by touching your ears.  If they do as you do, they are out and last one standing wins. Sounds easy, but these girls are smart! lol I was running out of things to tell them to do! And we also did a get to know you better game where I passed around a roll of toilet paper and told the girls take as much as you need.  Then after they tore off some and I had the roll I told them for each square of TP they have to tell us one thing about themselves. So if you tore off alot, you had to tell alot about yourself, but if you tore off alittle you didnt have to tell so much.  I thought it was a nice thing to do since we have a new girl.

After the meeting I turned on the tube and ofcourse Bush was on every channel.  I prefered to have it on PBS cuz they dont have as much comentary when those kind of things are on.  I hate the reporters play by play and comentary, trying to tell you what you should think, like they have to decode it for you, you dont have a brain, or we dont want you to think for yourself, we will tell you how you should interpit his statements.  I caught most of it, had kids yelling and jumping around and making dinner, but I got the jist.  I saw how the reports only concern was to try and back him into a statment blaming himself for 911 and him rewording the questions and only choosing some parts of it to answer. Typical polition speak.  I am all for having a 911 commision and seeking answers on how this could be prevented and strenthing from it, but I am not into the blame game. No admistration is perfect and hind sight is ofcourse 20/20. Could more of been done by both Bush and the Clinton admistration?Sure looking back and knowing what we know know now you can say YES. I think the best statment out of the whole speach last night was the one who is resposible for 911 is Bin Ladin. We was not war minded, but the enemy was.  And my take on the war in Iraq is that it is better to fight the terrorists over there, keep them focused on our troops over there and fight them there, than to have to fight and battle them over here on home soil.  To give in now over there would be weak, and that is what they are counting on, that we dont have the stomic for fighting and when the casulties start piling up we will waiver.  Do I like seeing on the news that our troops are being attacked and many are ding? NO, it grives me greatly, I have family and friends in the military and I think of what if it was them and how I would feel. I have a great respect for our soliers and thier families. But that is why we have troops, to defend us and protect us.  As the saying goes Freedom isnt free.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Our First Rock Concert as a Family

Needless to say my taste in music has changed over the years. My very first concert was New Kids On The Block (Donny is still hot!) Then I evolved into my wannabe hippie faze and went to see The Grateful Dead when I was preggers with Zane (that is a post in of its self!) After we moved to Wis I got to go see Ozzy (fell asleep or is that past out) and Tom Petty (did you know I was the Mary in Last Dance With Mary Jane?) Here in Saint Louis the place to go to party is Pop's on the East Side and I could head bang with the best of them!  But when I became a Christian and totally dedicated my life to the Lord I found all that music dead. I just couldn't relate to it any more.  It was a blessed day when I was introduced to some really cool Christian Rock Music like Sonic Flood and Third Day.  Who said you couldn't rock out and praise the Lord at the same time!? My kids really, I mean really, loved that movie School Of Rock!  Zane and Annie are already planning their own Rock Music Videos.  I wanted to show them that you can rock and love the Lord at the same time.  I had heard on the radio Friday about this free concert at a big church here called St. Louis Christian Family Church.  A friend of ours goes to that church, and btw for you sports fans, it's also the home church for Kirk Warner.  We have gone to this church before for a few free Randy Travis Concerts. So with the kids seeing this movie it was perfect timing for them to go to their first Rock Concert!  The head liners was a British Christian Rock band called Delirious? But thewarm up was a band I never had heard called Rock n Roll Worship Circus.  We got there early cuz we expected the lines to be long but we got a good place.  Not five min. there Lilly had to go potty, so I had to leave with her to the gas station and take her.  When we got back they was already letting ppl in. The kids was very excited about going to see a real rock concert but the babies was kinda restless. We staked a spot back left from the stage, not too far from the speakers.  Let me tell you it was AWESOMEEEE!! We danced, we jumped, we head banged, we rocked out, we raised our hands in worship along with a couple hundred other ppl.  A lot of youthgroups had come out to see this concert.  A side from having to chase Lilly and Sophia around and taking them to the potty like 10 times, it was a great experience. At one point I took Zane and Annie closer to the stage and they got a good look at Delirious up close. Everyone was cool and let us by, no pushing or shoving.  We left a bit early cuz as parents we was getting worn out from chasing after the four kids, but I really wish I could have stayed for the whole thing.  But I feel like one of those cool parents now who takes their kids to rock concerts lol.  Click here  for a sample of Worship Circus and click here for a sample of Delirious?.

Got this from one of those annoiying FWDs but a good read.


"Don't let your worries get the best of you, remember,
Moses started out as a basket case"

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until
you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.   The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
but mosquitoes come close.  

 When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.  

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the
middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation leans on the bell.
  Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't get in.

The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And
 in conclusion."

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray
for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is
dead.  So why should you?

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and
permanently set.

 Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what
difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the
Promises" are only sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.

Be ye fishers of men.  You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you into church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies those called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the
spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Anyone who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take youto where the Grace of
 God will notprotect you.

  We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is
that You know they may be needing this day!"

Our Easter Celabration

I hope everyone had a blessed day yesterday as they enjoyed time with friends and family but also remembered what the day was all about.  He died for you, are you going to live for him? 

Our service was short and simple at church.  It is wonderful when the spirit speaks threw everyone and is of one accord.  Seems like everything I have been contimpating here in my journal was also spoken at church.  At the end of the service the leaders gave an oppertuinty for those who wanted prayer to come forward.  Josh went up but I stayed in my seat.  I know I should of gone up, because I want to get rid of this disire for smoking, but I stayed planted in my seat. I have gone up for prayer on this before and even annoced to the church I was defently quitting, this was like a year ago, andn I know its silly to feel this way but I am embarassed that I still have to request prayer over it. Sat. I tried to fast for it and did perty good threw out the day, but gave to temptation as I was preparing the food for our Easter dinner.  It is easy when its not right infront of your face, like all temptations I guess, the test is when it is right there for you to do and you can resist it.  As I was making the food the conversation in my head was " No, this food is for tomorrow, I have made it all day strong, don't break now! Mmm these deviled eggs are going to be good tomorrow, if I had just one, no one will know. Oh ya, God would, wouldnt he. Lord sustain me, man does not live by bread alone but by the Bread of Life.  Feed my soul." Then I was making pizza for the kids to eat and as I was cutting it up my belly/my flesh, began to rumble. At that point I gave in and had like 4 pieces of pizza. So my confession is I am not this all spirtual strong person. I walk in my flesh more than I do the spirit.  Not proud of it and asking God to work on me.  After church Josh lite a cig in the car and I was trying to be strong and had this conversation in my head " No I do not want one, the smell is just gross, my lungs deserve better.  God take this desire away from me." that lasted till we was half way home and josh told me there was a whole carton in the glovebox.  Sigh.  It is a process and this is like the hundreth time I have tried to quit.  I didn't form this habit over night so logical thinking is I wont get rid of it over night either, yet I know with God allthings are possible.  I think what it is that I dont really want to give that part of me up, it is my pet sin, that demon is attached to me and I have become comfortable with him.

As you can see from the pics my children looked very very cute, courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa.  We did not do eggs this year and I did not get to do that recipe with them, I ran out of funds and was unable to buy the nuts for it.  Next year we will.  I did not buy any candy for them, but somehow they made out like bandits between the Grandparents and Riley's baskets.  The girls got nail polish in thier's so they are having fun painting eachothers nails and mine.  We rented that movie "The School Of Rock" and the kids loved it!  Going around the house singing "oh your not hard core" and "step off" great, lol I think its apart of the sugar high, baskets are going up and I will dole it out as I see fit, I know, mean mommy.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

From my daily devotional from

HE IS RISEN!!!!!!!!   Today, marks the greatest historical event in human
history...the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  The reason the resurrection of
Jesus is the greatest historical event is because it is the absolute key to
our faith.  Paul said in his first letter to the church at Corinth in the
15th chapter, that if Christ did not rise from the dead, then we are still
dead in our sin and most vain of all.  However, if He did rise from the
then we have the assurance our sins are forgiven and of everlasting life.
You see, Jesus is either the biggest fraud in the history of mankind or He
is exactly who He claims to be...the Son of God.  The resurrection is the
key event.

The historical evidence of Christ's resurrection is irrefutable.  The fact
that he died on a Roman cross, the claims of followers seeing the risen
Lord, evidence of the empty tomb, the inability of the Jewish leaders to
disprove the resurrection claims in the very city Jesus died and was buried,
and the radical transformation in the lives of His disciples are all well
documented.  His disciples went from being normal men concerned only about
there own welfare from the night Jesus was arrested, to bold preachers who
were willing to die for their faith.  You also have Jesus' own predictions
of His resurrection as well as the fact that soon after was the birth of the
Christian church that started meeting on Sunday.  That is significant since
these were monotheistic Jews who were used to worshipping on Saturday.

My friend, the Christian faith has never meant to be a blind leap in the
dark.  God never asked His children to just believe without any evidence of
what we believe in.  He has given us plenty of tangible historical evidence
to help us know without a doubt that what is in His inspired, inerrant Word
is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.  Absolute truth that you can stake your very life on.
Of course, once we get to the point we accept the resurrection as a fact,
and we accept His Word as TRUTH, it then demands that we totally and
unconditionally surrender our very life to Him.

That becomes the logical conclusion of this spiritual journey.  Because you
see, it is not our life any longer, it belongs to Him.  Our purpose is to
simply serve and glorify Him with our lives.  I pray that on this day in
which we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, you will
recommit your life to Him.  We can all do better.  None of us have given it
ALL to Him...we can give Him more.  Make this day the day that you realize
that Jesus rose from the dead, to insure that you will live for eternity
with Him if you have accepted Him into your heart and life.

I love you and care about you so very much.  I pray you have a wonderful
Resurrection Day.  For those traveling to be with your family, you will be
in my prayers for a safe journey.  May you be richly blessed as we stand
together to proclaim to this hurting and dying world that Jesus Christ is
the Lord of Lords, and the King of Kings....HE IS RISEN!!!!!!!