Friday, February 27, 2004

Silly quiz, ")

You come from Heaven. You're the purest of pure, a
saint. You're probably an angel sent directly from Heaven.  Heaven

Quiz here


I know how everyone out there in J~Land loves taking quizes so here is one I came across today that I thought EVERYONE should take.  You may be surprised, I was.

World View Quiz


Tears, Vomit & Diareah

Everyone now in my house has had the stomic thing. Annnie and Zane stayed home yesterday from school but I insisted they go today and if they wanted later to go to the nurse and be sent home.  Yesterday after the morning stuff they seemed to be fine and playing as normal.  Diareah seems to be the main problem, but earlier in the week some of the kids had been throwing up, seems to be always on ME and in my bed.  Josh has not worked in like two weeks straight, not cuz he has been sick but cuz its winter and his job is slow. But today he went back to work (jumping for glee here, Yaaaaaaaaahhhh!)  I love having him home, and spending extra time with him but I bet you can guess who inspired my previous post.  Our sheets got put in the wash late in the evning so he fell asleep on the couch and I was up on the puter.  Well he woke up running to the bathroom sick ofcourse and then gets out in a very poor mood, understandble. But this leads into why arnt the sheets done yet, why are you still on the puter and into no holdsbard on all my falts and short comings, and letting out how he feels that I rail him in here and how dare I have ppl send him e-mail begging him let me stay online.  And I have no defence because every word is true. He is right and I do need to change my focus away from so much computer time and more on house work and family.  I suck.  So that last post is what I cried myeslef to sleep with the other night, asking God to please help me change, please help me to be better cuz I suck, I am failing my family and him.  I got up the next day and ofcourse that perfect switch didnt go on but I cleaned up the kitchen and gasp even made Josh coffee, something I have always refused to do becuase I hate coffee and I hate that he started drinking it and didnt want any part of it. This shocked Josh and he asked WHY did I do that.  I said I felt like doing something unselfish for him. I bet he thinks it was cuz of him going off on me but if it was that I would of given him the silent treatment instead.  I did it cuz I reconize he is mainly right and I need to be better in order to serve the Lord best.  I am here to serve not to be served.

Oh ya dont forget to check out my other journal, today is day 2 of the Purpose Driven Life and I will write in it on that chapter at the end of the day.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

If I woke up Perfect Today...

How I wish I woke up perfect for you today.  If I had, the laundry would always be done, folded and put a way, no more piles spilling over onto the floor. If I had, the dishes would always be done, dried and put away, never left sitting in the sink or counters. If I had woke up perfect today all the floors would be swept, moped and shinning. The beds would be made and the bedrooms clean. If I had woken up perfect today, I would be a better parent and our children would be taken care of just as they should, groomed, fed, smiling and happy. I would be a better wife, always putting my husbands needs above my own.  If I had woken up perfect today, I would not be selfish. I wish the perfect switch had gone off in my head the moment my eyes opened and all my flaws would have vanished.  We would have a perfect happy home and perfect happy family.  I would be more happy, more loved, and there would never be any fighting.  

But Today I did not wake up perfect, So God I am asking you to PLEASE help me in all my failings. Help me to be a better housekeeper, better wife, better mother, better friend.  Help me to have the drive to do the things I know I should be doing. Help me not to get distracted in what I know I should be doing for my family. Put that love in me so I will want to do these things with the right attitude. I know I will never be perfect until you are finished with me, so I give it all over to you to work in me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Let it Rain, Open the flood gates of heaven, Let it rain (one of the moving songs from tonight)

I can't really put into words how wonderful, how heart wrenching, emotional church was tonight. I did not get to see the moive The Passion along with the leadership of the church, but that was the topic tonight.  First let me say, Worship was AWESOME. I was so moved, I truely felt the presence of God with us. He is so heavey sometimes and sometimes he is light as a feather on me, but I love being in his presance, I love feeling close to him. I love the tears that freely flow when I am with him, I love hearing his voice and feeling him right there with me.  Your life doesnt have to be in crissis for you to seek him out or for you to be in his presance.  He lives in our praises.  I was so happy my friend Amy came again.  She is becoming one of my close friends, her daugher is also joining our GS Troop.  I can see that the Lord is starting to work on her and he will be doing some mighty things in her life, I am glad I can be there with her as he takes her and grows her. She went this moring (with out me! aw) to see the Passion, she went with her Uncle.  She said that the moive was very moving, that it was life changing, violant yes, she cried threw the whole thing, but she did not see it as anti-semetic at all. I have heard that from many people.  Also Amy is going to read with me the book and I was so thrilled to hear that Kathy and her husband are reading it again and are going to lead a study, group discussion on it every Tue night.  Told you all I was a trend setter lol jk, it is defently a God thing that I just happen to start it the same week others at church did.

Orginaly I was going to make a post about anal leakage, since that is the buzz word around my house today.  The stomic flew has hit about everyone in my family and ofcourse I am the last to get it.  Between Josh and our 4 kids I have been up to my elbows in poop and vomit. Not perty. So I was going to do a very funny post about it all but since I was so moved tonight I didn't feel it aproprate lol.

OK! Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. I have created My Purpose Driven Life Journal to write in and have read the prestuff.  I am sure that journal will spill over into this one, how can it not, but still check it out like you check this one (ya I know, ANOTHER journal to read lol).  Josh isn't too happy about me starting another journal, meaning more time on the puter, i bet he wishes I would of gaven up the computer for lent and not read a book lol.  Oh question, as you know I am not Catholic but I like to understand thier traditions, especilay since I live in STL, a big Catholic City you could say lol.  What is with Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday? I know on Wednesday the ashes from the palms burned from Palm Sunday are wiped on your forhead and there is something recited and you are to wear it all day, What is the significance of these two days? LOL Now I know some of my friends probly thinking, MARY are you goint to turn Catholic on us??  NO, but like I said I like to understand some traditions, but like I have said in the past, I am not into living by traditions and religion, but into Relationship. My dad was raised Catholic and his side of the family are um nonpracticing ones and like I said I live in a big Catholic city.  When the Cardinal gets sick or anything, it makes the news lol. When the Pope came to town a few years back this town went NUTS! So for me to be a good neighbor I should know about these things right. Just like I should learn about the Jewish traditions and the Muslim ones, so I can understand thier thinking and be sensitive to thier needs and inturn be a friend and good witness. Off of the subject but not too far, we rented this abserd DVD lastnight called The Order.  Anyone seen it?  Josh got it not me.  It was based on something called a Sin Eater. Anyone ever heard of that? It takes place to the back drop of the Catholic Church and how they belive if you are out side of that church there is no way to the kingdom for you, but if you have some one called the sin eater preform this cermoney just before your death, where they literaly take on your sins (blamy, cuz that is what Jesus did on the cross and only he can do that) you can enter into heaven. I could go into a long rant about that movie but not worth the charther limit lol.

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

what are you doing for the 40days of Lent? Get Purpose Driven!

40 DAYS OF PURPOSEI am not Catholic but I know that they have the traditoin of giving something up for 40days during Lent. I was talking about this with Josh, asking if maybe we should think about giving something up for Lent, sounds like something spirutal to do right lol. He wasn't to keen on that idea and besides we dont do things to sound spirtual, we do them unto the Lord, not cuz of traditions. Then I got this even better idea, We could read the book THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE.  I had bought it last summer and told my friend Kathy about it and started a trend at church where everyone has read it.  Well I never did finish it, I got like into 5 chapters. Not that its boring, just sometimes life gets busy and I put it a side.  Now I have been hearing about this book all over the place, whole churches doing 40weeks on it and bible studies poping up everywhere on it.  It is a very easy book to read, only have to read one short chapter a day for 40 days.  Anyone want to start reading it with me?? I would love to have someone who is at the same parts as me to talk about it.  I am also planning on starting a journal dedicated to it and what I learn from it. More on that later. When does Lent start anyways?? lol I thought it was Friday or is it Wednesday (AshWednesday)?

Remember never over react and to fully check the situation before you go off on some one!

Some of you may remember my three part post rant back in early Jan. about some "issues" I was having in troop managment of the G.S. Troop I am head leader of, the one my daugher is in.  I thought I had left all those hard feelings behind, and we had been on a steady course to sanity and being adult and bla bla bla. It has been going good. No one really said they wanted to be the treasure or steped up to do those duties. We do have a cookie manager for the cookie sales but I have been keeping the records and writting down just what dues have been paid and in charge of making depsoits and updating the check book. Today I made a deposit threw the drive threw and the teller said that the adress on the deposit slip didnt match the one that was on the account and that I needed to fill out a change of address form. So this sends my mind a spinning!! I was pissed, why would some one go up there and  change the address on the troop account and do it with out telling me! I was ready to go read some one the riot act. I asumed that my co-leader and another mom apointed tresure went up there and changed it so she could get the bank statments, fine, if I had been told about it. Here comes up all those feelings I thought I had gotten passed.  I went home and looked up all the kids addresses to see who it matched so I could have a talk with the mom but looking at my records, none of them matched. So I called the bank and after two phone calls I discovered what had happen.  This is an account under G.S.Council and the teller misunderstood when she was looking at the address and how it worked.  So it was the tellers mistake, not some one being sneeky on me.  GOOD THING I CALLED before I let loose on one of those moms. Ofcourse I would of been cival about it but I was upset at the thought of again, moms going over my head on major troop dessions. This all has happen for a reseon, showing me that there are unresolved things going on and I need to deal with it.

Monday, February 23, 2004

Do you know about SPYWARE!!!

UGH!  Our DSL connection went down today and we had to call customer service about it.  After waiting atleast an hour on hold we finaly get threw and do the normal yadyadyada in witch the tec tells us, sounds like you have spyware on your PC that is redirecting your start page.  YUCK he recomends we get SPYBOT search and destroy to take it off.  So we get it and you wouldnt belive allllllllllll this crap on our computer!!! Takes us half the day to get this all fixed and I am not even sure we got it all.

Spyware also called Adware is a program you download, most of the time unknowingly, when you download other programs off a website, like if you are getting a free game or a music player. What this program does is trasmit your info back to its company and they track you and also send you to anoinying webpages you dont want to be at and also causes pop-ups. Some that we had was Bonzi Buddy, Gator, ComanName, dialers and oh man there was some X rated ones on there also! God only knows how much of our personal, private info is floating around out there, being analized by a company, and wating to jump on us and try and market some crap product to us.  I feel so violated, so dirty right now.  I need a shower!!! I recomend EVERYONE get the spybot and see who has been tracking your personal info and web activities!!!!

Saturday, February 21, 2004

To Beta or Not To Beta, That is the question

I know all the buzz around J~Land is about the Beta Testing in Journals.  How I long for increased charter limit and easier ways to put pics in my journal.  I love how in the beta journals you can get an e-mail notificatioin when it is updated.  It is very tempting to jump on the Beta Testing bandwagon. I WANT TO BE COOL TOO! LOL But reluctant.  It took me forever to change over to 9.0 and even then I waited to get a disk to do it instead of downloading it.  It takes me a while to warm up to change and anything that could potentialy mess with my beloved computer. The way I see it, I will let aol and you brave beta testers work out all the kinks and I will wait till March to enjoy all the fun stuff.  I did read over on Gregg's Journal how he was also testing for MSN and they offer him free time for it, tisk aol should do the same! BTW HAPPY BIRTHDAY GREGG, MR GOLDEN CHILD. He so very MR Ego, but I love him, he cracks me up and is a good leader here in J~Land.

play kitchen, the park, and my unfinished desk

Here are some picks from the other day.  We brought in the play kitchen and the kids LOVE it. It is now all moved into the play room and they spend lots of time in there now lol.  I got all teary eyed after I got done setting it up and playing with them. Lilly yelled " I AM SO LUCKY. I have alot of toys to play with!" I knew they would love it as much as I would of if I had one as a kid.

Next set of pics is of when we went to the park cuz it was such a wonderful day, the weather was so spring like!  We went shopping in search of play food and found some fruit at the dollar store and a small dishes set at Wal-Mart.  Sophia got a bunch of play food for Christmas so they are about set.  We had lots of fun at the park, dispite the mud. The duckies was fun to watch.

And the last few pics is of the hutch part to my new desk Josh is building for us. It is our V~Day gift. He has the top part about all done and now has to finish the acutal desk part.  I know there is a trend in J~Land to put a pic of your work space up, but no way until I get my new desk lol this on is ok but it is so cluttered and a mess, I would be sooooo embareassed.  I can't wait till it's done, maybe depending how his work situation goes I am going to guess by Easter lol but so for it is turning out lovely.  Cubbies for each thing we have (i have a mirror on order from Nadine that will be perfect on it)

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Confession Time

   (Josh is going to kill me if he reads this)

I have a confession to make and yes I choose to do it here in my journal, for all of you to read. I am sooo bad . First I have to give ya some background..

Josh has this habit of attacking me while I am half asleep (not that I don't enjoy it but sometimes a girl has to sleep) and then when I playfuly yell at him about it in the morning, he playfuly claims to either have no memory of it or that I was the one who started it. 

Last night he went to bed before me, I stayed up too late and crawled into bed trying not to wake him ofcourse. This morning I just could not wake up, the kids almost was late for school.  So Josh is scolding me on staying up late and saying that he didnt even remember me coming to bed. Next thing I know my mouth is saying, "OH YOU DONT! Shessh, you dont remember what we did lastnight!!" acting all upset, even though I know we didnt do anything but sleep lol. "you did it again, attacked me and claiming no resposiblity" He stops and thinks, and gets this embarassed blank stare and then says"NO we didnt, no way, you are playing right" This is where I should just say, ya, hahah, but noo, I let this go on allllll day  . He feels guilty, and says he is sorry if we did do anything, it isnt right that he dosnt remember, whats the point if he dosnt remember, but he still asks, you are kidding right, and I coely play it off like maybe we did or maybe we didnt but I am not upset with ya and have been holding in my laughter all day cuz I know it has been bugging him and messing with his mind. This is all in good fun, cuz I know he knows I am just messing with him. LOL I know what a boring old married couple we have become when this is the most exciting thing happening.



  AOL by Phone Turned Off   fyi from the ofical AOL JOURNALS by aolhometown!!  gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.   it says wont be back up till the 28th.  This was the whole reason for me getting aol by phone.  I think I deserve a free month for this, dont you??!  Josh is already hinting that its time to turn it off. :-P

AOLJournals:  I was unable to publish your entry. Please try again later.


What is Journals by IM turned off too???????? gurrrrrr.  LOL just one of those days on AOL

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Little Blessings


As a parent I always seem to want for my kids what I didn't have as a girl growing up, arn't we all like that?  Having 4 kids is not always easy and we have to strech about everything.  At Christmas I soooo wanted to get the girls a play kitchen (like the one I never had lol) or one of those playschool yard toys, the house or jungle gym.  After pricing them there was just no way Josh would let me spend that kind of money and still be able to get them other "santa gifts" so that passed but the feeling that I let them down stuck.  Now granted this was not anything they asked for, it was just something I wanted to give them lol so it was no loss to them. They had a wonderful Christmas.  Now Lilly and Annie's b-day is aproching (March 4th and 8th) and that feeling of wanting to get them what I didn't have came back up. Josh and I even had a conversation about it and how silly I was thinking.  Then yesterday we went to Zane's Blue and Gold for Boyscouts and the head leader asked me if we wanted a kitchen set for the girls, the church that sponcers the troop is getting rid of it cuz they are making room for expansion.  Ofcourse I jumped with glee inside! It is the good set too, the wooden ones that are popular in daycare.  This set new coast over $400, I know cuz I checked. This was a big blessing to me and as soon as I clean up the play room and get it set up I know the girls and maybe even Zane will love it. As if God hasn't bless me engh this week, tonight at church a friend asked if we wanted the Little tykes play stuff they had in thier back yard, it is only a year old but they wanted to make room in thier yard for something else and it was ours if we wanted it for free! I am just in awe, God saw what I wanted and before I could even ask, he blessed me with it. He does this all the time! I could tell you story after story of us needing something and just the right time he provides it. A desk, a couch that was perfect, a house with afordable rent in the good school distrect, and on and on. Some may think these are little things and why even write about them, but to me they are big and I my heart is overwelmed right now by the gratidued I feel for my Lord.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Thanks Libby!

Libby sent me the pics she took while we as out there. Not too bad, so I thought I would post them.  Poor Bill is still sick, with the flu, yuck!

Monday, February 16, 2004

The Passion part 1

Video@AOL : News : ABC : Gibson's Passion Best viewing for broadband but I think you can watch it with reg AOL but it will take some time to load and buffer. I recomend everyone just see the movie yourself and form your own opion.And when you see those graphic images of Christ being beaten, whipped, dragged, and nailed on to the cross, remember,HE DID THAT for YOU,he loved you that much. Not seeing it yet, I have heard those who would say it is anti-Semitic and would help create even more racism.The biggest thing is it follows the book of Matthew's account of the last three days of Christ. And how and why he was crucified, showing how the Jewish leaders asked the romans to kill him, that is where the anti-Semitic theory comes from.But from all I have heard it is not in Mel Gibsons heart to cause racism, but to show the Life of Jesus and what he did, graphically, on the cross, to tell the truth and to maybe reach millions who would never have thought of Jesus as their savior.He paid for this film with almost all his own money I think there are much worse movies that could be boycotted.

The Passion Part 2

Yes, the Jews and Romans played a part in killing our Lord but it wasn't just them. It was you and me also, who put Jesus up on that cross, it was part of God's plan for our salvation,to atone for our sins, so that we could have relationship with him.I think there is a power out there that truly doesn't want this movie to come out, to be seen.Who do you think would not want millions to see a movie where you graphically see Jesus deing on the cross, a movie that shows us all the pain he went threw and suffered so that we could have relationship with God?Who would take the scriptures and say, this is not truth, this is a lie?Who would do everything including calling this movie Not Politicly Correct and damaging to the human race and turn back the clock on progress?

There are much worse movies out there that are anti-semetic and anti-christian, yet you dont hear much out cry over those.  Wonder why that is?

Pics of my trip to Vegas

Bear with me.  Most of them are taken out of a car and I didn't have flash for the ones inside.  Did what I could on the puter to enhance the ones taken inside.Ofcourse I dont like any of the ones with me in it lol. I had planned on taking some from the plane but I had to stow my camera and couldnt run it during take off and landing. Bla!

There is one with Libby,Bill's wife.  She seemed very sweet.  Bill got very sick from dinner the night before so she just came by to tell us he wasn't able to meet up with us.  Poor Bill, I know he was very disapointed, reading his journal today he is even going to the hospital. Say a prayer from him.  Libby did take my pic so keep an eye out for it after Bill is feeling better, he may post it.  I did try calling another online frined who lives there but only got thier voicemail.  I wasn't surprised, he did say he may be out still from his operation on his knee.  There is always next time. 

Vegas was o.k. but wasn't anything with out my Josh.  And it being V-Day made it even harder.  Everywhere we went was reminders of that special day in couples lives where they show eachother how much they care.  Red hearts was everywhere, and brides and grooms too.  I am trying to talk Josh into another trip with just the two of us for our anversery in June.  But I wont hold my breath on that one.

I'm Back!!

Just a quick note to let you all I am back safe and sound.  I tried to post more while I was on my trip but it wouldnt go threw with aol by phone and is still down.  Mega frustrated with that and been trying all morning to get my pics up but that too is got glitches in it.

I had a nice trip that would of been better ofcourse if Josh was with me.  But I had a good homecoming : )  Consuelo's party was a big sucess. She had alot of family come in for it.  I felt like I was in an episode of the George Lopes show lol she had an aunt who reminded me of his mom on the show.  The wine I brought for her went over great, wasn't expecting it to be for everyone, it was half gone before the party got fully under way.  I should of brought more, but two bottles for her and one for Bill and Libby was all I was going to chance bringing on the airplane.  No I did not win any money lol I hardly gambled anyways, I only had $60 spending money anyways so I was being conservitive.  I think I spent all of 20 at the matchines when we went out to the strip.  Well more on my trip later.  Trying to adjust to home life again.  I came home to a wrecked house and bare icebox.

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Audio entry

my oldest friend, best friend, sisters by choice

Consuelo is the oldest friend I have.  I have known her since I was like9yrs old.  She is the first friend I made the very first time we moved to Vegas.  We lived across the way from each other in an apartment complex. I was so shy and had to be coxed off the couch and away from my Jem cartoons.  Even though she is a few years older than me we became close friends fast. Got her into playing with Jem Dolls hehee, ofcourse if her older friends ever found out about it she would of been embarassed to no end.  I was the Jem doll and she was the Raya doll. We sang the songs together.  As time went on and I hit my wild child years she was always there, the voice of reason.  She would tag along on my adventures as my protector, so she says lol, but really I dont know what I would do with out her, she was my rock back then, even when I didnt want her to be. Now that we are all grown up we live so far apart.  She missed out on so much cuz of distance but we would always catch up on the phone. Last summer was the first time I got to see her in like 6yrs. She was in an accedent and with the money she got from that she was able to fly out to see us finaly.  It is so special, you dont even know, that I get to spend her 30th birthday with her and her family. She is the kind of friend you always want by your side, even when you dont agree.  Just thought I would give some back ground, you know I will keep you all updated.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

Everyday Thoughts Collected: Nashville Trip Feb 2004 Part 1 : One day when I grow up.... This is Randy's blog. Here he shares part of his testimony and what happen to him while he was living the gaylifestyle. A must read. An eye opener. Always good to see others points of view.

Consuelo on candid journal lol

As you can tell she is all jazzed about her birthday, her reltives coming in and her just driving in to Vegas herself to her parents house.  She got her hair done, so jelous, lol I entertained the thought of getting mine done, but sigh, no moolah. " NO I do not need to get my hair done, It dosent need to be trimed, or curled, NO I dont need new shoes, new tenies, they would just hurt my feet cuz they arnt broke in, I just need to get new laces for the ones I have had for over a year, old keds, grimmy, white", sigh lol that is what I keep saying to myself.

So the reality has really hit me, I am leaving and will be all by myself, NO JOSH, NO KIDS.  Just me!  Somehow it just dosnt feel right.  I sooo want to go, dont get me wrong, but it is going to be strange, to be an adult all on my own, no one to lean on, have to be resposible for myself.  And it will also be strange I will feel like the outsider, Counsuelo and I have grown alot since we was teens, and we have alot of differnaces now, lol as if we was ever the same.  But this time I will be on her teritory. Am I making sence y'all?

I was banned from the computer so I could get stuff done around here yesterday so I wasn't able to update in here. I have most of my stuff together for my trip.  I am a bit nervous about flying but not fearful.  More worried about how to pick up an e-ticket and how early I should be at the airport than about the flight.  I am soooo glad I am getting to go on this trip. I have prayed about it and kept asking for God's will on it.  I leave STL at 8:30 Tuesday night and will be leaving LV at 1:45am Sunday morning. Short trip but I am sure it will be fun and restful away from the kids.  Josh has grand plans too. He has been working over at his dad's making us a new desk. You know how guys are, that is how they bond.  When he first said he was making me a gift I thought sweet, he hasnt done that before and thought it would be something personal, he used to weld and make people scuplers and so i thought it would be something along those lines. But a desk is just as great.  This one we have some one gave us, it a great big one but is very old and falling apart.  It was ablessing when we first got it. We just got the puter and needed a desk and was looking for one and then out of the blue some one asked us if we wanted this one and it worked perfect.. It is something of an eyesore but fit its perpous. Zane's glasses came in and he has them.  He looks so handsome and smart in them, havnt had a chance to get a pic of him in it yet.  Did have to smack Annie for calling him 4 eyes lol we told her just wait, your next.  We are sure in a few years she will have them also. Another situation with her, one of the parents does inclass volunteering alot and she is in my troop. She asked me if Annie has been coming home talking about S E X? Aperntly there is a little girl at school who has been talking about it non-stop and has gotten perty grafic about it (first grade here!)Well would of been nice to get a note sent home on that! This may account for what happen the other night.  Josh walked into her room to check them into bed.He walked right back out and told me to go talk to her.  She was checking herself out in the mirror.Um discovering herself? Sigh, so I had to have a converstaion with her on that. She is only going on 7! and it starts already. Why 3 girls God? Why??

Monday, February 9, 2004


I love my brother and it makes me sad he has to spend his b-day in jail but I will not be his enabler.  Tommy has a crack addiction and has been in and out of rehab. Everyone has done what they could to help the boy but till he really wants off the drugs there isnt much more you can do for him.  He has plenty of start over times and would do well for a while but always go back to the drugs.  Tommy has a very compasinate heart but once he is one the drugs he dosnt care for anything but how to get them and what lie to tell to get them.  So now he is in jail for some time and that is for the best I think for now.  He has been troubled since way back and it seems to me that my dad predicted him being right where he is now.  I tried to resist telling him what my dad said to him once, "sending you some pink underware and a pack of kotex" (horrible I know LOL)  Like I said we tried to help him anyway we could and he always went back.  Last we spoke I told him to stop running from God that he loves you dispite your mistakes and that we love you also. Some thing for him to think about and he about burst into tears.  Josh has blocked his jail house calls and that is fine because they cost way too much, but I did promise to write him.  It is hard when the kids overhead about uncle Tommy, cuz they love him so much, but we told them, this is what happens when you do drugs, and you have to pay the price for it, we still love him, just not the way he acts.  Pray for him.

Sunday, February 8, 2004

One Hot Momma (should of took a pic but didnt think of it)

This morning I woke up in a real rotten mood.  Homegroup ran a bit late and after we got home we watched a movie. I just did not want to wake up and plus I was moody as I tend to get this time of the month.  Josh was being soooo obnoxious I think I even used the F Word a few times before I got out of bed and after I got my shower.  I know, tisk! Ofcourse Josh thinks this is hilarious and sees how much more he can get on my hormonal nerves.  I wore my new jeans and one of the new shirts I got, testing it out to see how I would look.  I even wore make-up and yes that added to us being late for church.  I hate asking "How do I look?"  When I make these extra efforts I don't want to ask for a complement, it should be a given right.  He claims he said I looked nice, but seems to of escaped my memory.  LOL I must have had one of those spirits on me or something cuz I was just soooo errr ya know.  Church was good, except for having to get the kids to settle during Worship and then convincing Sophia that nursery would be fun today.  And then chasing the kids afterwards and getting them rounded up to leave.  I did get a boost when someone said, in front of my husband "Mary you look exceptionally attractive today" I turned about as red as my shirt lol and then in ear shot of Josh, "well wish my husband would say something like that," lol Boy did I hear about that later. He thought it was soooo funny how I blushed. Josh said Mary you know you are "ONE HOT MAMMA" and I tell you that all the time. This making me blush even more and almost laughing to the point of tears. Helped my mood some and I am thankful I will be all better in a day or so lol.

"Depart from Me for I never Knew You"

click for song    A few nights ago I was up late and was watching the Craige Killborn show. The lead singer for Creed on.  Now granted I am not the most musicaly savvy person, and not up on who is what and all that but I dont live under a rock and have heard of Creed. They caught my eye when I first heard this song Arms Wide Open on the radio.  This just goes to show how music can be subjective.  Listing to this song?  To me ofcourse it sounds like he is singing of a born again experance and all the joy associated with that coming to the Lord's arms wide open and all the new things you discover in the Light. I was like wow, how did this get on secular radio. Later to find out it was speaking of when he first found out about him becoming a father.Anyways, so he was talking and was asked about his music and if they was a Christian band.As if this is a bad thing?!  Here is where I shutter, he said NO WAY, just that he was raised that way in a very stricked home and that sometimes it may come out in words in the music but defintly not that kind of band, no they wanted to be Rock Stars. He has worked out his own belifes and it dosnt sound like it follows along with the way he was raised.  That is fine.  But very sad to me, he has so much talent, talent give to him by the Lord, yet he would choose to reject him and instead of using the gifts given to him to Glofiy the Lord, he uses it to gain the world and all it's riches.  "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world yet loose his soul?"  It is just always strange to me that some one who say they once knew Jesus would turn thier back on him. Becuase if you really KNOW him, there is just no going back. Why would you, why would you want to?  If you know him and know his grace and mercy and truth, why turn from that and choose darkness, and the wide path?  I know just a rant, and there are answers to fit those questions, but I just don't understand it.  I say if you can do that you must of never Knew him, it was all head knowlage and not heart knowlage. I always say there is a great differance between knowing about Jesus and KNOWING Jesus.

Saturday, February 7, 2004

Saturday stuff

You would think Saturdays are for lazing around right? lol  Josh got up early today and went up to church to help out.  They are doing some on going re-modeling and today they are working in the childrens room, tearing down and building up shelves and built in tables and closets and more electrical outlets.  All week Josh has pertty much been off of work so he has been going into the shop and doing "goverment" work, welding brackets together for these wall mounted tables.  I can't wait to see how they turn out.  Today Annie had another birthday party to go to, this time at Tumble Drumm.  The other kids are disapointed that they didnt get to stay but we did our own thing.  We went to CostCo and I got my very first pair of Calvin Klein Jeans. Is $22 a good price for those?  I thought so and I am so proud of fitting into my new size that I got them with out even trying them on.  They fit good but a bit long.  I dont do shopping for new clothes much so I am never sure how to tell about fitting and sizing. I am short but not bone thin, so I alway think petiet is not for me? Oh well I will wear them with boots and that will make up for the lenth. So I have almost all the outfits I need for Vegas, just need some new shoes and maybe a dress and I should be set.  I also got bulk pack of tissue for Sophia's poor noise, the kind with lotion in it and pertty box.  We ate lunch there too. And some brownies for tonight.  We are going to "homegroup" and there is always food, so I had to do my part.  Amy is going too!  This will be great, give people some time to get to know her a little better and vic versa.  Home group is basicly people from church getting together for fellowship at peoples homes, we sing a bit, read a bit and eat a bit.  It is geared so that we can invite people we know that may not feel comfortable in a church setting to come and learn more about Christ. We meet once a month. I love it.

Friday, February 6, 2004

Rally to Prayer on Presedents Day

Lern more


I plan on hosting a prayer room on Presidents Day for this rally 10-11pm central time.  Think about joining me.  More details later.


Girl found dead


Thursday, February 5, 2004

Kerry Promises no Pro-Life judges to be put into office if he is elected

Kerry Presidency Would Ensure Abortion "For Years to Come"

Click Here to See What Abortion Looks Like and what Kerry advocates and wants to ensure is right and legal.

sorry saw this and had to add threw IM Journals. lol getting use out of all the features today.

Things I forgot to say in last post

Got cut off.  AS I was saying, we will see and maybe as he gets older if he wants we will see about contacts for him.  I know for myself I want them but can't get past the thought of putting my finger in my eyes. I really only need them for driving and things far away. And my last two exames have been the same perscription, yikes almost time to get that checked again too.

That pic of me is horrible!! lol Could my mom found classes any more geekier??? I hated them and hardly wore them, and opps lost them and didnt get another pair til I was in my teens. lol  Thankfuly we are able to get Zane more stylish glasses then those.  And he corrected me, they should be in by next friday.  Glad he is excited about it.  Annie has her eye apointment today after Josh gets home but we dont think she needs glasses yet.


Yesterday Josh got his dsl modem from UPS (finaly he has been calling me everday from work asking, is it here yet, like a kid on his birthday) and we spent half the night hooking it up and getting online. WOW! I had no idea what I was missing folks!! Music, Videos, fast loading pages that took forever before, and icing on the cake, talking on the phone while online!  I was talking to my bank today as I was checking e-mail and my son asked (ugh another snowday) "What ARE you doing mom? How can you be on the phone and the internet at the same time?!" DSL baby, DSL.  I can listion to music and watch video with out that long buffering wait, way fast downloading.  Josh even said he liked the look of aol's home page better than the one provided threw the DSL service (heheehe hooking him).  He said we will keep it till our billing date is up and then probly call them to cancell, knowing they will exstend a free offer maybe.  I am going to fight tooth and nail to keep aol.  I would miss you guys way too much and the other service just seems too bland.

So today we booked my flight for Vegas.  A week from today I will be leaving for Consuelo's 30th birthday party.  I am so very excited about this trip.  Josh wont be coming along, and that is a major disapointment. What is Vegas going to be with out the one you love on V~Day?  But I will be plenty busy while I am there and only have a few days to do it. This will be my first trip away from everyone for so long, and my first time flying since before 9-11.

Wednesday, February 4, 2004

Motives behind our actions

 Click to play song (GloryToTheKing preformed by GraceFamilyFellowship's WorshipTeam)    This post is inspired by two journals I read today Angela's about Compassion and Tami's abut The User and The Used and also some situations going on in my personal life.  Funny how God uses it all to tie it together.

I am blessed when ever I can do for others, in small ways or big ways and I am also blessed when others have helped me out in big ways and small ways. I know of times when I couldn't pay our rent or our bills and was in great need and God made a way for us and blessed us threw other peoples gifts. And I know of times when I was more deeply blessed not by reciving but by being able to give.  I wonder what are some people's motives behind thier actions.  Do they do things for others only because there will be a return on it, to be rewarded in some way or another? Does that describe me or you? It is a question to think on.

I know what God has said in his Word.  That when some one asks then to give and to give more than what was asked for.  I know that he also advises not to loan to people but to just give as a gift and not seek a return on it, for a greater reward awaits in heaven. What is done in secret will be rewared openly in public.  He also says what ever you do give unto the Lord should be a free will offering, what he has purposed in your heart and to give with Joy.

Would you give to those in need if asked and not seek your own glory for it, with out braging, OH Look what I did, Arn't I such a good person, write it off on my taxes?  To give in secret and have no one know what you did, to leave it between you and God?  I admit that is a hard one sometimes, because our flesh wants the glory, we want to say Look what I did, we want to be praised by others, to have some return on what we have done. I know there is a greater blessing in giving than recieving, just knowing you could do what you could to help and followed what was put on your heart to do.

Tuesday, February 3, 2004

Praise God!

Many of us have been praying for Dottie's dad as he was dignoised with cancer and was going for surgery.  Today she posted some great news in an Audio Entry on her journal. Check it out so you will know what I am talking about.  It is always wonderful to see that indeed God does hear our prayers and to see other encouraging those who are feeling dispair.  This is a neat little community we have going on here in J~Land.

Ok Kids Say HI to J~Land

play audio enrtry to hear my babies saying HI!

I am so glad aol by phone is finaly working.  Even if it is about time for it to get cancelled, I may keep it until or if I leave aol.  I havn't seen any other blogs off of aol where you can do audio entries.  I do wish there was more time on it, sometimes 3 min. is just not going to cut it when you are bursting with things to say, but I guess it is meant to more complent your entries then replace them. And HEY, I thought in Feb we was going to get an increase in charter limits for our post??? What is the status on that?

Karen and her mom are such sweeties and I love thier NYC accents. They give a shout out to thier journal friends in Brand New Day.  If you have aol by phone and do an audio entry, drop me your link so I can hear ya!

Monday, February 2, 2004

some faith (fyi there is a 3 min limit for audio entrys)

Hebrews 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of [our] faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith [it is] impossible to please [him]: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and [that] he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Matthew 18:2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.


Audio entry

LOL I DO! Sound so dorky... That is not how I sound like in my head.  I wasn't prepared to do an entry by aol phone.  I didnt think it would go threw.  Shocked here.  So forgive me for soundly clumbsy over my words, I wasn't prepared.  I do like that I can get my e-mail read to me and respond over the phone.  I will be even more shocked if I can get on aol by phone again,  this was the first time since the 19th of Jan.

Grace Family Fellowship

My Home Church    <------  My Home Church

My church has been working on thier website (finaly), not all finished yet but I thought you may want to check it out.  I just sent some pics to the webmaster that I thought they might want to use, our baptizims and church funtions like the ladies retreat and such.  Depending if I stay with aol I might give them my prayergroup link to post on the site too. I know they have a link for prayers on the site, and those WILL be prayed over by the prayer group at chruch, we meet every Monday night. You can listion to sermans and some of the praise and worship songs we regularly sing on the website.  So check it out, let me know what you think of it and my church and if you have any suggestions on how it may be improved do tell.


"Dude! I just exposed Janet's Breast to the World"what Justin Timberlake is probly thinking

  If looks could kill how dead do you think Justin would be???????

We watched the game and halftime show even though our teams was not in it.  Not over joyed by the halftime show, and was glad my kids would of rathered play in thier room than watch it too.  When  we saw what had happen at the end, I was like, OH NO THEY DIDN'T JUST DO THAT! WAS JANET WEARING A PASTIE?? And was shaking my head at the state this world has come to when that is acceptable for the SuperBowl halftime show.  Really to me it looked like part of the act.  LOL but looking at this picture up above you can see how pissed and shocked Janet Jackson is. What is up with her costumes anyways? Did you see them? lol Josh and I was saying she is just like our 2yrd who has to wear her tutu, cuz of the longer lacy thing on her outfit in the first section of the performance. I thought her outfits looked dumb, but maybe its just me getting old?

Sunday, February 1, 2004

Today I got to meet my online friend Amy for the first time.  She and two of her kids and one of her son's friends came to our church service.  It went very well.  Her kids said they loved children's church and want to come back every Sunday!  And Amy said she enjoyed the message even if it was deep.  Her older son did not come but maybe next week or Wednesday night he will.  It is as if we are best of freinds now, and have known each other forever.  She is a very sweet women with her hands full.  I love her so much lol.

On another note, with my online prayergroup, I have taken on a new co-leader.  Not that anyone could ever replace Becky, but Russ has a heart for an internet ministry and was excited to help me in any way.  He is the other frined in Vegas who I may meet if we go out there.  He is about to get surgry on his knee and may be still in recovery when we come.  If nessary I will visit him in the hospital and pray with him.  His knee has been giving him such dificulties that he has been put on disablitly at the young age of 46.  I know that wears on him and that him helping out with the prayer group will be something positive for him to do since he can't work at this time. He has been to bible school and was a youth minister in his earlier days.  I ofcourse told him of how I may be going off aol soon and need some one to become founder. Many people are not happy about the thought of me leaving.  Bless his heart he said he and his family would sponcer my aol connect if need be.  I told him that was sweet, one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me but I was hoping that would not be nessisary.  If God wants me on aol, then I will stay here, if he dosnt, then what more can i do, i have to be obediant to him.