Sunday, December 23, 2007


My son found this video funny.. silly that he would base HIS vote on a Chuck Norris endorsement, um..well they say Chuck Norris doesn't endorse he tells you how it's going to be.  Me, I am still undecided.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Pastor turns blogger!!

On August 25, 2003 I embarked into the world of Blogging and fell in love with the writing and the connection to others.  Four years ago no one that I knew had a clue what a blog was (and most still don't lol).  Over the years I have tried explaining my place in the blog-o-sphere (as little as it is) to friends and family but get little interest.  What's that country song? I'm Cooler Online? LOL Anyway, it is always exciting to me when people I know off line cross over into having a place in cyberspace.

I have always taken joy in helping baby bloggers and promoting good journals and seeing them grow in writing and readership.  So when my Pastor mentioned that he was thinking of starting his own blog I couldn't help but smile.  FINALLY.. something I know about and can give advice on!  It is just too bad that right now I am not online as regularly as I used to be and my help has to be limited.

I was hoping to get him to start an AOL journal since that is the format that I have found I like the best but I havn't been able to do all the e-mailing I wanted to this week and he took it upon himself to start a Blogspot Blog.  Not such a bad place to blog at.. I know several people who went over there when AOL did the whole adding ads in the journals and infuriated the community, leading to an exodus of many of AOL Journals best writers.  I tried Blogspot for awhile but I find AOL Journals better and easier to use, probably just because it is where I started and I don't like to stray off too much into learning HTLM to add pics and videos.  I like the bells and whistles and control over here.

The least I can do is promote Pastor Jesse's blog, Jesus thru Jesse and ask you guys to check him out and give him some love and encouragement in his new endeavor.  If you like my writings and the notes I post about scripture, then you will love his blog because he is part of the source I quote.  He is posting notes from Sunday sermons and his thoughts and prayers on living a life for the Lord.  The title for his blog was inspired because he wants people to see Jesus living in and working threw him.  I doubt you will find some of the silliness that I post here, he is a serious guy but if you come to know him you will find he does have a bit of humor too, fun loving and always open to answering questions.  I hope that while Josh is away he can read Jesse's blog and keep in touch with what I am learning and what is going on at church and keep growing in his own walk.

So go NOW and check out Jesus Thru Jesse and welcome him to the blogging community!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Last month at the abortion clinic...

I' had this entry plotted out in my head for over a month.. just waiting for the opportunity to write and now I am not sure how it will go.  It's something of a note to the prolife community and to those who may want to question why and how they feel the way they do.  A reminder that God IS LOVE and his mercy endures forever and since we are HIS we should imitate that love and mercy.

Last month I had the opportunity to stand down at the down town Planned Parenthood with my "I regret my abortion" sign.  Not something I get to do very often but Zane was taking part in the Silent Siege and I have friends who stand down there weekly so I knew I would not be just down there by myself.  Along with the silent siege and me and my friends there was a cluster of other people there with their own signs and even one guy holding a window blind spray painted "I am pro choice".  Some were down there for the first time with a church group.

I need to remind my self that I really should mentally and spiritual prepare if I go down there again.  I have done this before but this day shook me.  I was only there a few hours but watching those girls go in and out for that short of time and knowing what is going to happen to them and the pain they are bringing on themselves is so dishearting.  And there was so many.  A steady flow of cars driving threw the black iron gates, gates that were designed to keep foot traffic out but to me looked like they were more of pen, rounding up innocents being lead to the slaughter.  I can understand why some who were seeing for the first time firsthand how many go to this clinic would be so up set, feel anger and helpless.  It is one thing to read numbers and statistics on a page but to see it up close and know likely with each car a baby is being killed and a women is being torn into many pieces with in her heart (even if she will not admit it to herself).

There was a smell to the place.. a literal stench.  At first I thought it was my imagination. That maybe because I knew what was going on in that place I had associated a smell to it.  Rotten meat mixed with a burnt crispy smell.  I asked my friend if she smelled it but she said it may but she was there so much that she had gotten used to it and didn't smell it anymore.  Zane told me he thought the place smelled funny too and it was not in my head.

For the most part I stood there in silence holding my sign in front of the gate where the cars came in and out, where it could be read clearly.  Some would look but most turned away in avoidance.  Standing there a pool of emotional turmoil churned with in me.  I wanted these women to know me, see me, believe me, hear my story. I know their pain, the uncertainty as she walks up those steps and the things she has to tell herself to make this "choice" right in her eyes, what others all around are telling her, how she will be better off.. and the lies the clinic workers tell to sell her into a life time of pain and regret. The words and courage welled up in me to call out, "Don't go there, I know and we can help! Let me tell you what it is REALLY LIKE before you go in there so you can make a REAL choice.  If you go threw with this you will be changed for ever!  You will never look at yourself or children the same again !! You will never forget!"

Sometimes a group of the clinic workers stood out side on a balcony, sneering at us and it felt like their gaze met mine the most.  I tried not to meet their glares with hate and disgust but to pray, pray for a heart change.  I had to pray alot to hold on  and hum Jesus Lover Of My Soul to settle me, not letting self condemnations seep back in into me, remind myself I am loved and forgiven and the Lord loves all these people too and as much as my heart is breaking, how much more is Gods.

I didn't talk too much with anyone but overheard bits and pieces of conversations among the others standing.  Some praying, some debating the atheist pro-choicer, some trying to talk with those going in and hand out pamphlets and engaging the escorts.  One of the first timers was standing with his wife talking and holding a sign.  He was becoming more upset as each car passed threw.  Then he muttered at the clinic building "each of these women who go in should come out in a pine box dead, dead just like the babies they are killing"  I stiffened in shock from his hateful words.  As soon as he was done saying it he saw ME and my sign and grew embarrassed. He said to me "Sorry, no offence" and walked away.  I  was too much in shock to go after him and say "They do die afterwards, a piece of me did, they do come out as a shell.. don't you see it?!  Where is your compassion?" I wish I had.  His wife as shocked and embarassed as me looked at me and mouthed the words sorry.  I told her "I was just like them going in.  I know what they are thinking and feeling.  They do this because they believe a lie"

And here comes the point of my whole retelling of this day from a month ago.  I do not know this man's motives and why he was down there.  He may of came to see what it was like and was not prepared.  He may of had an abortion experience in his past and feels anger and loss.  I can try and justify and explain away what he said.  But on that day and at that moment he was a poor example and I hope he realizes it.  It is examples like that, that make this fight even harder, gives the wrong impression to those on the outside looking in.  It feeds in to the twisted media portrayal that the pro-life community are these hypocrites, angry, doesn't care about the women, anti-choicers and there for should be ignored.

I can understand being angry but we must check our heart.  Out of the mouth the heart does speak.   Our heart must be full of compassion, understanding, and love for these people so that when we are confronted with them our words will reflect what is pure, what is lovely and praise worthy, and what is of the truth.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Thursday, November 22, 2007

The Thanksgiving entry

Again here I am ... so much to say too little time to post.  But hubby will be home till Monday so I will hopefully get a bit of journaling in before he leaves again with the laptop and Internet.

It's THANKSGIVING!!! Oh how it has come so fast this year!  Everything this year seems to be breezing by.. is it just me.. am I getting old or what lol.  Remember when it felt like it took forever for Thanksgiving Break to come and when it did it felt like it lasted sooooooo long?  This year it is just Josh and the kids for dinner.  We had planned on having friends from church with their kids over so we bought a 23 pounder Tom but they are expecting and I swear she went into labor last night just to get out of my cooking LOL. (turning out that Josh is doing most of the cooking)  But we are very excited for them and can't wait to meet their baby girl Hadassah (Hebrew for Esther) when she comes.  We may be bringing them some dinner later up to the hospital.

I've just come off of a longgggggggg T.V. break.  It was because we couldn't pay the bill but I like it with out TV.. seems God uses these times to help me get back into the Word and refocuses me.  It is amazing how much I have read applies to all the situations in my life.  This last month I have been in the OT alot... maybe I'll give my thoughts on some of the scriptures I read in a later post.  But my point is I am playing a bit of catch up the last week with my few fav TV shows that started their new season while I was away. I was also flipping threw and landed on Rachael Ray's show.  Not one I am a big fan of but she was talking Turkey.  She showed this yummy looking Pomegranate Molasses glaze for the Turkey.  I insisted we try it on our turkey.  I should of took notes because I couldn't find it ANYWHERE on her website as was promised.  I am not good at explaining recipes to Josh because we have miss communication on that front all the time.  I had to hunt down how to make Pomegranate Molasses because no local store sells it.. only the juice.  FYI.. check a Middle Eastern grocery.  And I had to find somewhere that explained how to mix the glaze and when to apply it.  Thankful for having the Internet!  I'll let you know how it turns out and if it is as good as it sounded on tv.. seems like alot of pepper to me.

I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving and has much to be thankful this year and the year to come.  I am thankful that we have some how stayed afloat, that Josh has had steady work, that the children are doing well in school and that we are all in good health, and for all of the Lord's good provision.

Here are my notes from last Sunday's service about a Thankful Heart:

Psalm 100 A Psalm of Thanksgiving.

 1 Make a joyful shout to the LORD, all you lands!
 2 Serve the LORD with gladness;
         Come before His presence with singing.
 3 Know that the LORD, He is God;
         It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
         We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
 4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
         And into His courts with praise.
         Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
 5 For the LORD is good;
         His mercy is everlasting,
         And His truth endures to all generations

5 Attributes of a Thankful Heart:

1. JOY  Ps. 100: 1-5, Ps. 19:8 - The Word Of God brings Joy to the Heart, Ps. 126

2. Gladness  Ps 136- be glad because HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER

3. Dependence  God is God and we are not.  God is Greater than his Creation.  As our Shepard he leads us.

4. Thankfulness  can't give thanks unless you are full of it and KNOW HIM and why to be thankful.  Luke 17

5. Gratitude  Rom. 11:33-36  giving glory to God.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Bella is Beautiful

I had the opportunity this weekend to go see a WONDERFUL movie, bella.  I was excited to see it not only because it was the first time to a movie with adult company in ages but also because all the reviews I heard and interviews with the actors and producers made bella seem a movie worthy of my money.  I was not let down in the least and even clapped at the end as I wiped tears away.

Bella is a sweet love story, but not overtly romantic.. not that kind of love but more about the love for life and family and doing what is right and by doing so finding absolution.  The ONLY reason this movie got a PG 13 rating is because of the premise of the movie is about a women who is pregnant and planning to abort.  The movie is not overtly Pro-life or Pro-choice.  It is beyond the rhetoric in my opinion.  It has absolutely no cussing, nudity or violence and a positive message, a rare find these days. 

If you can find this movie in your local theaters I compel you to go and watch it and if it is not at your theaters yet because of it's limited release then call the theaters or the distributor and demand they bring bella to your community!


Bella is Beautiful and it makes me miss you even more Beautiful.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Potty humor..

Another case for my son being gross and making us laugh till we cry.

I specifically turned off the Myth Buster's episode this week about farting and gas for this reason.. the lovely terminology.

Flatus: the material (gas) that makes up flatulence.  Flatus became the new zing word last night as we played family games to the point he had the girls chanting "FLATUS FLATUS FLATUS".  Yes it was hilarious but to a point.. I had to threaten that the next person who says that word would miss a turn... and that only egged them on more.

Another inside joke is the word Apple.  One day last month I was telling Zane that I was upset that in one of his video games the Supper Hero said "the A word".  Lilly over hearing and not really knowing what "the A word" is said "A is for apple"  Both Zane and I fell over giggling.  So now apple also means "the A word"... and we have found many uses.. You have a rotten apple, wipe the brown spots off your apple, and it goes on and on...

And now thanks to Zane the girls think the snot in your noise is dead brain cells coming out.


Josh is leaving today for another two to three weeks so I get to control all this silliness myself.  This week is parent teacher conferences and I only hope the potty humor has not spilled over to the class room and all will be ok.

Till next month friends, be blessed!

Sunday, October 21, 2007


I officially became a mother of a teenager this month!!  He is still my sweet, smart considerate baby boy.. with just a few changes. Besides the crop of zits and hair in new places, big feet and hands and sudden spurt of height (almost taller than me already) and deeper voice, he sure can be GRUMPY!!  He always has thought he was smarter than me but now it's wayyyyy worse.. and scoffs at any suggestions I make. I tried to talk him into trying contacts but he wanted the quirky looking adult size glasses.  And it seems he has now made it his mission in life to see how gross and funny he can be.  I try not to laugh.. but it's hard not too.  Zane and I have alot of inside jokes.  Thankfully he is too busy to be into girls (yet.. at least he INSISTS he isn't)

Please pray.. because I don't know how I am going to take it when my girls turn into teenagers.. I am having a hard time loosing my little boy.



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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Pressed But Not Crushed

Oh how I miss my blog and being able to share my thoughts and feelings... heavy sigh.. my blog is more for me to have an outlet then anything else. I miss being able to chronicle my highs and lows and ho-hums and get the occasional feed back.  My safe place in plain sight.  For awhile it's been ok with out access to blogging because I have had very good friends that listen to me, helping me stay sane while hubby is gone for weeks at a time for work. But you know gossip destroys many a good friendships, even when your not the one perpetrating it (not that I am fully innocent either) and trust has been lost.  Maybe we will reconcile.. for I know that is what God would want and maybe this is just a breather break... but I think it is going to take a lot of Grace to get threw either way.
I have an easy going personality but that is mainly because I have learned that I am not the one in Control and God is able to provide, he has a grand plan. I just need to get out of the way, learn what lesson I need to and be changed from Glory to Glory.  Yes, just like everyone I have hurts and stress, but for the most part even with all my troubles and what seems like a mounting list of negatives, my life is blessed and good.  Trying to explain that to some one who is not getting that.. not just there in their faith yet and uses the guise of good intentions as opportunity to judge and criticize is exacerbating.  Sometimes you have to forgive and over look alot to have certain friendships.. most often it is worth it.  Everyone is wired different, everyone's walk and path with God is not the same so we need to be prayerfully patient with each other.. commanded to even.
One of my favorite songs is Trading My Sorrows.  Part of the lyrics is based on 2 Corinthians 4
7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
This morning I went back to that chapter and vers.16-18 puts perfectly what I wanted to get across and assure why I do not worry day in and day out about the stuff and junk:

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

AMEN to that!!

On my bathroom wall I have taped notes from a sermon from months ago and I read it everyday.  It is a reminder of how Christians are supposed to act and how they are to treat others.  It is an ideal I fail at everyday but I am striving to improve and asking God to help me.  I also have to remember that my sisters, like me, often are trying too and fail just as much.. so again we should be patient with each other.


1 Peter 2:9  But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;
Romans 12:9-16
Be Sincere:  9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.
Be Considerate:  10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
Be Energetic:  11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;
Be Prayerfully Patient12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;
Be Warm, Practice Hospitality:  13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
<BR \>Be Different:  14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Be Understanding  15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Be ONE- Harmony:  16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. <BR \>

Sunday, September 23, 2007

We don't need no education.. We don't need no mind control..

Been a long while since I was able to blog and I have so many things I would love to write on.  But I don't want to abuse my friend's patients with me using their computer so I will just make a quick entry.  Miss you all and hopefully soon I will get my Internet back on.

Groucho Marx Zane

This pic is a few months old and my budding teen has changed alot in that short of time.  Zane's 13th birthday is coming up and I am not taking it well.  How quickly time passes.  It makes me feel so old to look at him and see him getting zits and armpit hair and a deeper voice.  It does not feel that long ago when I myself was in 7th grade. And of course as always Zane keeps life interesting.  Teacher conferences will be fun this year.

In his Civic's class a few weeks ago his teacher handed out the lyrics and played Pink Floyd's song The Wall and encouraged them to see the movie with their parents because it was too violent for her to show in class.  This kind of cheesed me.. first question "What does Pink Floyd have to do with Civics????"  The some what sheltered child I have had no clue who they were and I had to explain my perplexity to him.  Back in MY DAY.. and we have established already that was NOT that long ago, Pink Floyd was only understood and listened to in an altered state of mind.. basically.  Am I wrong?? At least that is the popular perception.. all those acid bands.. well duh labeled that because the fans and most musicians did acid. It is one of those drug culture things and I tried to tactfully explain that to him while at the same time encouraging him to stay away from drugs. Zane said the song had something to do with being against and standing up to Nazis.  I still fail to see it. 

So a week or so goes by and what happens to be on VH1 Classic.. Pink Floyd's The Wall.  We flipped on the last ten minuets... the part where kids in private school uniforms are on a conveyer belt being dumped into what turns out to be a meat grinder and the kids come out the other side all ground up. To my adolescent son who lately seems to be enthralled by anything with blood and guts thought that was very cool but I guess I am getting old because the suggestion made me want to vomit.  And then it went on to kids rebelling against teachers and beating them up and groups of kids walking in a line with the same distorted mask on and then in song breaking free and throwing off the masks.  I have no problem with a healthy aversion to authority and being an individual.. but I still fail to see any Nazis in those scenes or how it was appropriate for my son and his peers to be turned on to Pink Floyd by a teacher.  Am I wrong?  Am I over reacting? 

So Monday Zane enthusiastically retells the scenes he saw from the movie to his friends in Civics class.  And also tells the class that his mother said you can't understand Pink Floyd unless you are HIGH.  OMG...while this is hilarious in a way.. it is not exactly what I would of wished he would repeat to his class and teacher.  I didn't say you HAD to be high to enjoy Pink Floyd..I was not encouraging drug use at all.. he some what twisted what I said.. oh how embarrassing.  Like I said, Parent Teacher Conferences will be interesting this year.

Another mile stone this last week is AnnMarie went to her first Dare Dance.  She was so excited as she leapt out of the car and said "See you later mom, byeeee" and ran to the door to go to the dance.  I just cried and cried.  I don't know why.. I should be glad my kids are blooming and gaining more independence from me.  I know what it is..that darn Grandmother's Curse again.. is this how my mother felt when I was going into my teens? (although my kids are not half the trouble I was)  Yes Mom.. go ahead and laugh!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

I'm A Quitter : P

The last two weeks have been a blur and feels like a month.  I did get a J O B.  For about two weeks lol.  I worked for a cleaning service... a maid.  I didn't mind the work and found it ironic.. I hate cleaning yet that is the job I landed.  The houses were beautiful and not really dirty, just in need of routine cleaning.  But still it was Hard work, my body is all in knots and aching.  I am realizing I am not as young as I used to be lol.  What sucked most about the job was where I was being sent and the gas it was taking. 
 I don't expect you to understand Saint Louis geography and it's surrounding areas but I live in Lincoln County, the office was in St Peters and then some of these houses she was sending me to was in Creve Core and Chesterfield.  The straw that broke my back was when she sent me to Clayton as the last job of the day.. I didn't get out of that house till almost 7 and didn't get home till about 8 p.m.  I made $9 an hour but she didn't pay for the mileage, just the drive time.  She assured me that was only while I was on probation and once I was permeant I would make 50% of the house and that can average $15 an hour and make up for the gas.  But Thursday I was D O N E done.  My body ached, my heart was hurting from the guilt of spending so much time away from my family and the engine light came on the Van.. plus the heat!  I may have justified the gas issue so that I could quit.  Yessss I am a quitter!  BUT I so tried, really I did.  I prayed everyday as I was scrubbing toilets and trusting there was a purpose for me being where I was and I was trying not to covet and drool over what I cannot have. I tried to stay positive, chipper, and go the extra mile but I was starting to wear thin. It probably didn't help that we had Summer Adventure all week at church and I was up there helping right after work each night and I wasn't getting proper sleep.   Oh well.. all practice for the next job.  At least I did get two pay checks under my belt and that will help some.  Back again to the
J O B search (YUCK)
It felt sooooooo good to sleep in Friday.  I didn't do it on purpose but I guess my body was exhausted.  And then I had Josh give me a deep body massage.  That helped loosen me up but I could use about 5 more of those and then I would finally get all these muscles to stop being so sore.  Now I have a ton of things to catch up on.. My own house work and earns to run and getting the kids ready for school.  Josh has been home for a week and is getting ready to head out again Sunday.  So much going on all at once.  I guess I just need a good day of rest to recharge and refocus.  No wonder people don't have time anymore to fellowship and just take time to care for others, we are too busy with our own stuff to make ourselves available for other's needs.  I don't like that.. and I DONT want to turn into that.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Grandma Bea is burried in the pet cemetery

Wednesday already?  It has almost been a week since my Aunt's funeral.  I am glad I was able to go.  The time alone driving for one was good.  I was able to pop in the CD player old messages from church and listen on the 5 hour drive to Indiana.  And I didn't get lost!! 
The funeral was sad but it was good to see family I had not seen in a while.  Maybe that is the saddest part, family doesn't get together like that often enough.  Sure we always say we will make more of an effort but the months and years go by and next thing you know it's another funeral. 
I am sure my Aunt would have been very pleased by her service.  She had a Van Morrison CD playing during the wake and the whole room was full of flowers.  The eulogies were not overly religious and focused on her and her many fine accomplishments in her life.  She was a hippy of sorts but settled into a good career as a nurse and later a teacher.  She also worked with Aids patients in a time when it was not fashionable to do so.  She had many colorful friends with interesting stories.
I couldn't say much.  I tried to only focus on the good about my Aunt.  Like how when I was young she gave me a sea shell collection for Christmas and I still to this very day have a shell box from it that I put little keepsakes in (not much from my childhood survived us moving around so much) and how I loved to brag that I had an Aunt who taught at a Big University. Or how you just had to love that dramatic streak in her. I kept to myself what was really going threw my mind.. like how I never got to tell her just what an impact that abortion she helped arrange was on my life or how when I was pregnant with Zane only two years later she in a drunken comment suggested a white male baby on the black market would go fast. 
That night I did have a dream/nightmare of a chubby blue eyed baby and it is ironic I woke up to my period.
I don't know what hereternal destination is.  Very little was said about her faith.  And I like to think I have myself forgiven her and let go of any of the hurt she took part in my life, but sometimes I do battle feelings, feelings that I will now never be able to share with her.  I will try and forget the worst of her and only remember the best of her.
I do know she lived her life to the fullest and she will be dearly missed by her family and friends and coworkers.  Because of her I will try and enjoy more sunsets.  I pray for my cousins because I know they are devastated by her passing and my Uncle who just seems so lost without her.
A neat thing I got to see was where Great Grandma Bea's ashes finally found a resting place.  We were up late talking with my Mom and my Uncle and it was mentioned that my Aunt had buried her in the pet cemetery out back.  Ofcourse I just had to see where that was.  It was almost midnight and we were walking to a pet cemetery in the big wooded back yard.  It was such a Stephen King moment lol.  (my Mom and Aunt both love Stephen King) The story goes my Grandma Bea and my Grandma (the daughter in law) did not like each other very much, Grandma Bea was pretty mean from the sounds of it and Grandpa was the only one who would take care of her in her old age.  When she died she wanted her ashes scattered over an ocean but Grandpa could not afford to make a trip and it was against the law to do it at the lake they lived off of.  So for years and years Grandma had her ashes in the food pantry and it was the long running joke of the family.. Grandma in the end got the best of Grandma Bea.  I guess my Aunt after a while became interested in Grandma Bea and thought of her as something of an early feminist who held court in high society (at the expense of her children according to some).  So my Aunt decided that Grandma Bea deserved a better place than in Grandma's pantry.  Her pet cemetery! LOL
I vaguely remember Grandma Bea.  She is important to me in a way because I bear her name and carry it on.  I do remember her pink ceramic candy dish.  And that we were there for the funeral but us children stayed with a baby sitter durring because it was disrespectful for children to be at a funeral.  I still kinda feel that way too and get somewhat miffed when ppl bring little kids to funerals (but I do understand everyone does not feel that way)
Times like these makes me wonder about my own legacy and what will be said of me when and if my time should come.  I may not have a big career, or lots of money or important people as friends but I hope what will be said of me is that I was full of Love.  The Love Of Christ.  I should hope that the footprints I leave in others lives is for the better and not the worst.
I found a quote to that I want to start living by.  Not sure who it is from but it was in The Laugh and Lift daily e-mail I receive.
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Better, but not by too much

Since my last entry things are a little better.  We haven't lost the house but our monthly payment is going to be more and we cannot be late by even a day ... we have to now western union it or send a money order.. so that is another expense and we have a dreaded adjustable coming up too.. and with our credit we cannot refinance.  So we looked into putting the house on the market and just renting till we can clean up our credit.  We had an agent over just so we could get info and see what all that would entail and how much of a loss we may be looking at.  What he had to say was no big surprise but it was not good either.  If we were to put it on he market he was saying we are looking at least $20,000 less for what we paid for it mainly because the builder is selling our model with a basement right now for less and we are on a slab.  And because it is a slab house it would probably take some time and the right buyer before it would sell.  (when we org. got the house we were told one side of the subdivision was going to be slabs and the other side basements, but they stopped selling the slabs and everything now is being built with basements. There is only about 10 houses with slabs and ours is the biggest and only model with one)  That sucks!!  We cannot afford that much of a loss.  So what it boils down to is we have to do everything possible to make it each month. Aside from us winning the Lottory (and we don't play it) or a big winfall,  I have to find a job like tomorrow.  One that pays at the very least $10 an hour and has a reasonable schedule so I am not paying too much for child care.  Please keep me in prayer and tha God would help me in finding the right job and where he would have me be.
The last few days I have been cleaning and doing laundry like a mad women.  The laundry is almost all caught up, I can actually see the laundry room's floor.  The kids are done with summer school now so I have been putting them to work.  You know they just love that (not).  My closet is shaping up too.. the floor is bare and clothes put away, I can almost see the top of my dresser.  Winter clothes are finally all put away and I am going threw all our clothes and getting rid of a lot.  That will help cut down on laundry and clutter.  Ideally I would like to get the kids down to 7 outfits and get rid of the rest but the girls have so many cute Ts I am finding it hard to let go lol.
We still have no satellite and are basically going without TV.  This is a blessing in a way.  We get a lot more done around here that is for sure and it allows more time for reading and having family time.  We have been playing games with the kids after dinner and they are eating that up.  Ofcourse the kids miss TV and are constantly saying "I'm board" and looking to me to entertain them.  And I am missing my shows.. GH, The Sopranos on A&E, The Closer, My life on the D-List and my daily dose from the Fox News Channel.  Guess I will have to just rent more and get my news from radio and print (yuck).  But in a way I don't miss TV all that much and when Josh leaves with his lap top I won't miss the Internet as badly either.  It's a return to a more simpler life I guess lol.  You remember, the Technological Dark Ages LOL.
Today I should start packing.  I got almost enough money together from generous friends to make the drive for my Aunt's funeral in IN.  It is always humbling to have to ask for help and money and I was not going to go but I felt God stirring me and putting on my heart that I at least needed to try and go.  I will be leaving early Thursday morning and it will be about a 6 hour drive.  Josh and the kids are staying home, kids with my good friends and Josh will be working.  It would have been nice if we all could go, funerals are about the only time EVERYONE gets together and it has been years since my other aunt and my cousins saw me and the children.  But money is too tight for us all to go on a trip.  Too bad because it would only be a few more hours drive to go to the new Creation Museum and that would be a great family field trip.  Maybe next summer.
Tomorrow for 4th of July we are planning on going over to our friends house from church and watching the parade in O'Fallon.  It goes right past their house.  We have to get there early and I am not sure if we should just spend the day at home and save the gas it's going to take to go over there but I have to get these kids out of the house and the 4th of July is only once a year.  We will have to make due somehow. 
I pray that you all have a fun and safe Holiday.  Don't blow off any fingers or toes.  Drive safe if you are going to be on the road, wear your seat belt!  And remember to meditate on how blessed we are to be an American and how thankful we should be to our troops, past and present for our freedom!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Moblogging.. trying out sending pics from my cell phone

Image from AOL Pictures

Image from AOL Pictures

Image from AOL Pictures

Pics n phone

These are some OLD pictures I have had stored in my cell phone but had no way of getting them off.  They were too cute to just delete!  First one is Sophia with one of her buddies and the others are from a day I took the kids to the park.  Looks way better on my blog then it does on my phone!

I was reading Magic Smoke today (aol editors blog) and some how ended up in an entry about Moblogging.  Nice  info if you have the tec on your cell and service plan.  Now you can text, send pics and video to your aol journal threw your cell phone!  Ha, who needs a computer anymore, now with the Apple Iphone and other such cellphone providers?!!

Ofcourse I suck at texting.. not a big fan.. so I had to come back to edit after the pics uploaded : )

Anyone else do Moblogging??

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Putting Things into perspective

Yesterday there was a fatal car crash on the HWY. right by my house.  I don't have satellite right now so I didn't know a thing about it but people were worried that it could have been me and the kids.  A minivan with 4 kids, 3 of them died and the driver and other child are critical.  It could have been us from that description ... my area.. I drive a minivan and have 4 children.  It is a piece of HWY. I am on all the time. 
After that, it put a resolve of THANKFULNESS in me.  How truly thankful I am it was not my children who died.  I do feel deep sorrow for the family who has lost so much, I am really praying for them.  How horrible!!!  But it puts my current situation in perspective.  Our home is in the middle of foreclosure. We may very well loose it.  You know I LOVE this house and this is such a terrible uncertain situation.  I didn't want to blog about it because it is so embarrassing and there is still hope that it may work out and we can somehow stay in our home.  Josh is trying all he can do to keep us here but I am quietly asking for boxes just in case.  I am trying not to make the kids worry or know exactly what is going on but you know kids are very intuitive.  No home phone, no tv.. I am sure they are wondering what's up with all that.  But I am THANKFUL my children are safe, healthy and here with me.
Then this morning I found out one of my Aunts died. She has been sick with cancer since October but they were treating her and there was hope. But she got a server infection and she was too weak to operate on... It is not totally unexpected but it hurts so much that I cannot be there like I should for my Mom who is a big mush ball of tears right now. I feel so much guilt that I didn't get to see my Aunt before and say what was on my heart towards her or that I maybe I didn't pray as hard for her as I could have.  And with our current situation I doubt I can travel to make a funeral.
Since we have not had TV the hottest idem in the house has been Zane's gameboy for entertainment.. The kids fight for it like you wouldn't believe.  Even though Lilly and Sophia are not very good at it they still like to try.  Lilly was getting frustrated and crying that she kept failing and making mess ups.  What I said to her still rings in my ears because maybe it was from the Holy Spirit and as much for me as it was to soothe her.. I said, "Don't worry, mistakes are just practice for when you get it right."
I have been feeling like a huge looser and failure with all that has been going on but I am trying to trust that God will see us threw, there is a purpose for it all.  This is all practice for when we do get it right. At NewYears a prophet came to our church and told me he saw us in a bigger house, that we are going to need more space for the people that are going to be living with us.  At the time I really did laugh and scoff at that thought.  I told him he hasn't seen my current house, we have all the space we need even if a whole other family came to live with us.  He just said well.. that is what I see.  Right now that seems like a dream to hold on to, impossible as it is but as we know with God all things are possible.
 I can face it all with him holding me up.  Last night I was praying for him to just hold me in his arms as I cried, to be my big strong father and hold me like that to feel secure in him.  I was praying for that PEACE, that no matter what is going to happen to us I will know he still is there and loves me, that my anger or disappointment will not over take me or rule me, to help me let go and focus on what is important.
Would you Please Keep my family in your prayers too. 

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Just what I needed to read!

I found this devotional on a blog in a Christian Women's Group over on MySpace.  It is something I really needed to read and I think some of you may also get something from it. Even though it is somewhat long, read it over anyway and share your thoughts in the comment section!!


A Target of Satan's Envy
by David Wilkerson
March 19, 2007

If you are a Christian who seeks God with your whole heart, you are a target.

This message is for believers who are experiencing a season of severe testing. I'm speaking to those who endure deep trials and are worn out mentally, physically and spiritually. We live in a time of great stress, when trials can come upon us suddenly and leave us overwhelmed, weary and confused.

I thank God for every Christian who right now is enjoying a season of good times. Your life isn't under great stress, and you don't have to face trying tests or deep pain. I'm grateful to the Lord for providing such seasons in his children's lives.

Yet we know from Scripture that storms and great trials come to all who have truly given everything to Christ: "Many are the afflictions of the righteous" (Psalm 34:19). Moreover, if you hunger after the Lord — if you're determined to seek him with your whole heart, setting your mind and soul to obey his Word — you will continually be a target of the devil's envy.

For centuries, great Christians have tried to probe the causes and reasons why the godly suffer. My personal library is filled with such books. Yet answers seem elusive. Whenever I'm in the midst of a deep trial, I find it hard to apply any truths I've learned to my own anguished heart. Instead, I find myself praying, "Lord, I have to draw from your Word for my present need."

For many who endure long trials, questions abound within: "Lord, did I grieve you in some way? Is there something in my life that hinders you from hearing my cry? I've been faithful to your Word. So, why this never-ending trial? The Bible says you won't allow me to suffer more than I'm able to bear. Why am I at this breaking point?"

I'm convinced the most trying of all spiritual battles take place in the mind of the believer. Many Christians endure tremendous mental anguish, battling thoughts that are oppressive, un-Christ-like, fearful. They can't shake depressing memories of past failures. And they end up feeling not worthy of fellowship or God's blessings.

I don't have answers for all the reasons why we believers suffer so much, but I do know one thing is certain.

Once you set your heart to seek the Lord, determining to lay hold of his promises, you become a target of Satan's envy.
There comes a time in every believer's life when he faces a choice: he can remain lukewarm in his faith, or he can cross a line to follow Jesus with all his heart. Whenever we choose to lay hold of Christ fully, we stir up the bowels of hell. And Satan sends his demonic hordes to unleash hell's wrath in our lives.

A Barna survey reveals that 70 percent of people who claim to be born again don't consider their walk with God to be the most important thing in their life. This is an absolute tragedy. Yet it tells us why Satan is so stirred by the small minority who set themselves apart to serve Jesus.

The devil recognizes something in every devoted Christian — something that's absolutely destructive to his kingdom. It happens when a child of God resolves to trust the Lord through everything, drawing near to him in spite of all pains and difficulties. Satan realizes such a Christian is going to win others to Jesus, both by prayer and by enduring great suffering with his faith intact.

When Satan sees this kind of faith, he knows the foundations of hell are being shaken. So he commands his principalities to abandon their usual posts near cold, indifferent, pleasure-loving believers. And he ..s them to seek out every fiery-hearted Christian whose actions show he's moving into the fullness of Christ.

Consider the apostle Paul. When this zealous persecutor of the church received a revelation of Christ, he set his heart to fast and pray — and immediately he became a prime target of Satan's wrath. The devil wasn't just fearful of what Paul's conversion would mean to his work on earth. He was fiercely jealous of Paul's revelation of paradise.

You see, Scripture tells us that Lucifer had been cast down from heaven, out of the glory of God's presence. And ever since then, the devil cannot endure the thought that anyone "lesser" than himself could taste anything of paradise. He is totally envious of anyone who is blessed to behold what he lost for eternity.

Paul writes, "Lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me" (2 Corinthians 12:7). Now, God would never unleash a demonic power on any of his servants. Though Job was buffeted by Satan, the Lord put limits on the enemy's power to afflict him. Satan can harass us, but he cannot destroy a single life.

According to Paul, this hellish hound was permitted by God in his life to keep pride out of his heart. The devil assigned this messenger to afflict Paul's flesh, causing him physical and mental pain. And Satan instructed the demon to be unrelenting in his attack: "Buffet Paul repeatedly. Hit him day after day, never letting up." But envy had blinded Satan's eyes about Paul. What the devil used to try to bring him down — a barrage of physical and mental attacks — God turned to Paul's good.

Surely the powers of darkness had accompanied Saul as he rode along the road to <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = ST1 />Damascus. After all, here was Satan's prize servant: a zealous, "God-fearing" religious leader who literally did the devil's work. Saul was on his way to round up Christians and bring them back to Jerusalem, where they would be imprisoned and tortured.

But when Saul was struck from his horse and given a vision of Christ, he immediately fell on his face, crying, "Lord Jesus, show me what to do." He refused to eat or sleep for three days, focusing his entire being on the Lord.

What do you think happened in hell at that moment? The devil's entire kingdom erupted. I picture Satan calling an emergency meeting, where he appointed a special messenger to be sent on a lifelong assignment: to focus every weapon of hell against Saul. Satan instructed this messenger, "Go after that man with all your force. You have the entire arsenal of hell at your disposal. Your one mission is to destroy Saul's faith."

I can imagine the torments this demon brought upon Paul: bombardments of lies, reminders of every Christian he tortured, memories of every past thing he did against Christ's name. Likewise, Satan does the same thing with every on-fire believer today. He sends evil principalities to hover over our lives and whisper lies to us with one intention: to destroy our faith.

These attacks were the result of Satan at one time losing his own intimacy with the Father.
This is one reason why the devil continually tries to bring down God's saints. He wants to rob them of their rest, their intimacy, their hope of paradise with the Lord — in short, all the things he lost when he was cast out of heaven.

Think back on your walk with God. Perhaps at one point you were lukewarm, and you hungered for more of him, longing for him to use you. So you made a decision to cross a line of total devotion to Jesus. Suddenly you were drawn to prayer as never before, and God's concerns became your concerns. You asked Jesus to revive your heart, pour out his Spirit on you, make you an intercessor and give you his burdens.

I tell you, that was the time when you became a target of Satan's wrath. You may say, "But that period didn't last long in my life. I don't have that kind of zeal anymore. Most days I live under a cloud of despair." None of that matters. Even now your faith may be staggering, about to collapse. But Satan knows this truth: there is still a spark of fire smoldering underneath your troubles. And as long as those glowing embers are there, they could burst into red-hot flames at any time.

That is why Satan won't let up on you. It's why you are being buffeted. He is determined not to allow any chance for the Holy Ghost to rekindle that flame in you. For this reason, Paul warns us not to be ignorant of the devil's wiles: "Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices" (2 Corinthians 2:11). If we ignore the enemy's tactics, we may allow him to gain a foothold, or advantage, over us.

Some Christians believe we shouldn't even mention Satan's name, that this would somehow glorify him. But the Bible makes clear that if we are taught about the enemy's devices, we have no reason to fear him. Indeed, we're told that in these last days, Satan has come on the earth with great wrath, so we had better know his strategy. Paul writes, "Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness" (11:14–15).

Paul's warning here is crystal clear: Satan uses ungodly people as messengers of his wrath and envy. And, according to the apostle, these people have infiltrated the church. Have you met such people? Have you ever been the target of their wrath, as they spoke words that cut to your soul, words you knew were straight from the devil's lips?

You are a target of their reproach because your faith and zeal are a rebuke to their pleasure-loving lifestyle. In short, their words are Satan's envy raging against you. Yet the light of the gospel exposes every work of darkness, enlightening God's people to the enemy's wiles.

The godly King David writes of a time when his soul was cast down.
"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance…. I will say unto God my rock, why hast thou forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" (Psalm 42:5, 9).

When David wrote this Psalm, his spiritual state was not cold or lukewarm. In fact, he says, he panted and thirsted after God (see 42:1–2). Yet it was during this time that Satan sent his messengers to taunt and harass David. And they threw this piercing accusation in the godly man's face: "David, where is your God?"

This broke David's heart, causing him to cry, "My tears are my meat night and day, while they continually say to me, 'Where is your God?'" Note that the question Satan put to him was not, "Where is God?" but, "Where is your God, David?" In other words: "Where is the evidence of God's care and deliverance for you?"

When David wrote this, he was on the run from his son Absalom. He resorted to hiding in caves, and suffered anguish on every level, mentally, physically and spiritually. Most of Israel had rejected him, including some of his closest friends. David spoke of his deep pain over this, writing, "They continually say…" (Psalm 42:3). But, who were they?

Sometimes Satan finds people to say hurtful, damaging things out loud to us. But mostly, the enemy uses his demonic powers, sending them to shake our faith. They whisper to us subtle but devastating thoughts formulated by the wicked one himself. And even the godliest believers are not immune to such attacks. Such was the case with David, who heard these accusations: "You have no home. Your own family has rejected you. You've got problems of all kinds, David. How could you claim to be God's anointed?"

Likewise, Satan's messengers inject the same accusations into our minds today, causing us to question: "Lord, where are you in this crisis? Why am I facing this cup of pain, with so much stacked against me? And why don't you hear my prayers? I cry out to you day and night, but I hear nothing. Do my tears mean nothing to you?"

We know that David walked closely with the Lord, trusting in his faithfulness. He was a praying man who called on the Lord in every matter of life. And the Bible says God was with David everywhere he went, in all that he did. Satan must have envied this man, and the revelations he received from heaven, which are reflected in the Psalms.

It is no surprise that Satan sent an evil spirit to possess Saul, a compromised king, who would manifest hell's rage against David: "Saul eyed [envied] David from that day and forward" (1 Samuel 18:9).

Make no mistake: Satan didn't care about David's fighting ability, or his artistic talents, or his winning personality. None of those things in themselves were threats to his dark kingdom. Rather, there was something about David's faith, about his relationship with the Father, that caused hell to quake. And that made David "Target Number One" in Satan's sight. This man was chased after, mocked, and brought to suffer for one reason: he walked closely with God.

The same thing happens today with every genuine seeker of God. Satan sees that the Lord is with such a believer, and that he himself is forsaken by God — and it arouses his envious rage. Indeed, Satan's envy of David was exposed through Saul's jealous outbursts: "Saul saw and knew that the Lord was with David…and Saul was yet the more afraid of David; and Saul became David's enemy continually…. And Saul sought to smite [kill] David" (18:28–29, 19:10).

Note that, although Saul raged at David, he was also afraid of him: "Saul was afraid of David, because the Lord was with him" (18:12). Here is a clear picture that the devil is afraid of any righteous, praying, trusting man or woman of God. James exhorts us with this truth, reminding us of an important weapon we have been given: "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7).

Satan envies and fears most those who have been with God in prayer and are determined to stand up and fight in faith.
Satan fears even a small army of those who are girded up in faith for a fight. He cowers before those who are up on their feet and ready to resist. And because he fears you, his design is to neutralize your fighting spirit.

The devil does this by trying to flood your mind with defeating, distracting, hellish thoughts that breed mistrust and questions about God's power. He'll scream into your mind and spirit, "It's no use fighting anymore. You're too weak from your personal struggles. You're never going to be an overcomer. The powers of hell are just too big to overcome. So, you might as well relax. You don't need to be so intense about the battle anymore."

Beloved, this is all a distraction! Satan's entire strategy is to get you to take your eyes off the victory of the Cross. He wants to turn your focus onto your weaknesses, your sins, your shortcomings — and that's why he turns up the heat of your present problems and sufferings. He wants to make you believe you aren't strong enough to go on. But your strength is not the point; Jesus' strength is.

The fact is, we're all going to be in a fight until we die or Jesus comes back first. We may be given seasons of calm, times of reprieve. But as long as we're on this earth, we are engaged in spiritual warfare. And there simply is no end to these battles. That's why Paul says Jesus has given us weapons that are mighty to the pulling down of strongholds. We have been equipped with weapons that Satan cannot withstand: prayer, fasting and faith.

Some Christians have become so focused on their pain or trial that they've become comfortable with it. When you meet such believers, the only thing they can talk about is their struggle. You never hear any mention of the victory Christ has won for them.

May it never be so with God's people. The time has come for us to get our focus unstuck from our current afflictions. We must take our eyes off our trials and fix them on the Captain of this war. Jesus holds the key to all victory, and he has promised us: "I have supplied you with every weapon needed for battle. And I am ready and willing to give you strength in times of weakness."

Often when we say, "I've crossed the line for Jesus," the truth is we have simply come to fully trust in Christ's "blood sacrifice."
In Genesis 15, God made a glorious covenant with Abraham. He instructed the patriarch to take a female heifer and a female goat and cut them in two. Then Abraham was to take a turtle dove and a pigeon and lay them on the ground, head to head. Abraham did as he was instructed, and as these creatures lay bleeding, vultures began to descend on the carcasses. Suddenly, Abraham felt a terrible darkness surrounding him. What was this darkness?

It was Satan in a panic. You see, the devil had overheard the covenant God was making with Abraham. The Lord had promised to make Abraham a mighty nation and to bless his seed forever. Moreover, God pledged to giveAbraham the land of Canaan. It was this last promise that stirred up Satan's envy. Canaan was the devil's territory, a land of idolaters, his demonic foothold on the earth. And now God was saying Abraham's seed was going to come and take it from him.

Beloved, when you enter into covenant with the Lord, he speaks good things to you. He promises, "I'm going to keep you from falling, and present you faultless before the Father's throne." "Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world" (2 Peter 1:4).

How do you think Satan reacts when he sees all of this happening in your life? First he sees the glorious promises of the New Covenant becoming yours, as you give your life to Jesus. That sends the devil into a jealous rage. Then he sees your firm resolve to go all the way with the Lord. At that point, there is only one way for him to react: all of hell goes into a panic!

Satan recognizes that you have fully trusted the "blood sacrifice" of Jesus to deal with your fleshly desires and put them to death. And he knows this means his kingdom of darkness is now being challenged. So he sends vultures down to try to consume your sacrifice. What are these vultures? They're thoughts that are birthed in hell, coming to harass you and cause you to question Christ's faithfulness to you.

All it takes is one prayerful, trusting Christian to shake the very foundations of hell. And if that's true of you, then you may be feeling the swipes of vultures sent by Satan to make you falter.

I know many devoted believers who right now are battling a deep sense of insecurity. They struggle daily with feelings of worthlessness. They wonder, "If I were really faithful, I wouldn't be so troubled all the time, so ineffective in my witness, so financially strapped." No, it is all the work of hell's vultures, who come to steal the sacrifice.

God has given us a spiritual strategy to resist the envy and wrath of Satan.
What did Abraham do when the vultures came? Scripture says he chased them away. Likewise, the Lord has shown us a way to deal with menacing vultures. We don't have to be afraid of the devil's attacks, because we've been given mighty weapons of warfare.

Whenever any voice of doubt or questioning of God comes into my mind, I have to line it up against what I know about my loving Lord. I can't accept any thoughts as true if they are based on simply what I'm feeling in the moment. They have to be measured against Jesus' promises to me about himself and about the victory he has won for me.

Simply put, if thoughts come to me that are accusing — if they cause doubt and fear, or are condemning, or bring a sense of rejection — I know they are not of God. We all have to be prepared for such horrible thoughts to come. Even the Lord Jesus was subject to these kinds of thoughts from the enemy during his wilderness temptation.

I have fellowshipped with some of the saintliest servants of God on earth. Many of them have told me that after dedicated times of seeking the Lord — fasting for days, setting their mind and heart on the Lord's concerns — they were plagued with awful doubts even about the very existence of God.

One godly prophet confessed to me, "Recently, I've been harassed by evil thoughts. It's the first time in my life this has happened." But the Holy Spirit assured him: "Stand still in faith. These are not your thoughts; they are from Satan. The devil wants to convince you that you're as evil as the thoughts he sends. He wants to stagger your faith. Just hold on, and trust the Lord. You're not going to sink. You're under attack, because you have shaken the foundations of hell."

Like Abraham, my friend chased away those vultures, using God's Word in faith. Likewise, Jesus resisted Satan's temptations in the wilderness, and the devil left him for a time. We can know God will do the same for us, if we will stand in faith, trusting in his promises.

So, dear saint, when vultures come at you, bringing thoughts of unworthiness and insecurity, chase them away with God's Word. The sacrifice that the Lord has led you to make is pleasing to him, and he will honor it. Hallelujah!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Peace, how to get it

This morning I picked up my Bible <insert clip of Hallelujah ChoirsYa, it's been awhile.  Not sure where to begin I just flipped threw where I had book marks and earmarks.  First I read Isaiah 64, it has the heading, A Prayer For Help.  Many jewels and relevant things in this chapter that oddly enough are applicable to what is going on in my inner self.  Imagine that.. God actually speaks threw the Bible!  Who knew.. well I did or used to but some how have gotten side stepped from a straight path that included prayer and reading. Exactly what Isaiah 64 is talking about.

Isaiah 64 is very short so I continued my flipping.  I decided maybe something in the NT would hold my attention.  I went to Philippines 4:8, a scripture I had memorized long ago but ofcourse have not been adhering to in some time.

 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

What really smacked me in the face was the verses right before and right after my memorized 4:8, ones I know I have read before but some how have forgotten or over looked.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Peace.. Peace that surpasses all understanding, The God of peace will be with you..and how do you get and keep that peace.. by not worrying and being in prayer and praise, guarding your heart and mind, putting into practice what you have learned.

You know there was a time when I had that.  I had PERFECT PEACE about what was going on in my life, I was able to trust and just KNOW God will work everything out in his time and I don't have to be caught up in being anxious and worry.  I used to pray for others to have that perfect peace too and know God would give it.

I want it  back.. Peace and I want to keep it.  Guess that means I have to submit to what God is showing me and bringing me threw and stop being stale and standing in one place and start walking again.  Something in me is groaning, fighting it, when it should be easy to just say YES, here I go.


Monday, June 18, 2007

Yes you can survive a month with no Internet

My sabbatical from the Word Wide Web was forced upon me by being broke with no home phone or DSL.  Still don't have either but Josh is home after being gone for 4 weeks and with him comes his laptop and WI-FI signal.  I thought I would come back to my e-mail box being maxed out ... but I didn't quite make the 1000 e-mail limit.  I'll try and catch up with all my friends who I have missed so much.
I feel so rusty at blogging I am not sure where to begin.  I can just do the superficial entry and give a list of the latest comings and goings of me and the family, you would be surprise at all that can happen in a few weeks.  Or I can do an interpersonal one with my brooding thoughts and realizations and try and sort out my feelings on some subjects but that is an awful lot of work and besides.. Josh will be home for a while so I can come back later to up date.
So here is the gist for those who are wondering what's been going on with me..
Josh and I did just celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary.  Hard to believe.. before we know it we will be having our silver 20th.  We've had our ups and downs but I have to say I love him more and more and we grow closer and closer each year.  No, its not always perfect ... but that is life and I am so blessed to have such a man for a husband and father to my children.
Lilly, my 7yrd has finally lost her first and second tooth with more loose ones on the way.  She is starting to look like a jack-o'-lantern.  Ofcourse now Sophia who just has to keep up always with her is trying to wiggle all her teeth to see when she can get her big teeth in too because you know it is just not fair she hasn't lost one yet lol.
Zane is almost as tall as me. Josh is teasing me that by Zane's next birthday he will be beyond my height and start towering over me.  I am trying to take that my oldest is going into 7th grade and teenagehood with grace and humor but it makes me feel sooooooo old and I am too young to feel so old lol It is already painfully obvious that I am out of touch with what the youth are up to these days and by some of the trends my son is trying to get into I better start educating myself ASAP. Such as what is EMO and why would Zane want to have hair that is classified as EMO.. he inisits he is not EMO but his friends think his hair is cool when he wears it all in his face and uncombed looking.  His hair is the longest out of all of his friends I think, just to his shoulders. I sound soooooooo much like my grandma when I say to him.. How can you see with all that hair over your eyes, your going to ruin your eyesight. This was going on for the last few weeks and when Josh came home he quashed it by telling Zane he has to have his hair out of his face and clean and combed or he would shave it.  When I reminded Josh that he was going back on saying that Zane could do what ever he wanted with his hair as long as he kept his grades up he said no.. He was just telling him what to  You know what is going to happen don't you.. Zane is going to end up doing what he wants anyway but behind our back.. like a girl who changes her clothes as soon as she gets to school he will prob change his hair as soon as he can when he gets out of the house. . It wouldn't be ethical or legal I guess to just lock him away for the next 6 years?  If I feel so freaked by my son growing into the teen years imagine how I am going to feel when the girls get there! UGH!
The kids and I went to family camp with church and had a blast. I rode on a Zip Line for the first and likely the last time.  At least I can say I did it!  I am not very athletic and very much out of shape, so I got a big work out with all the things we did at camp.  I got roped into playing volley ball and soft ball and all sorts of running around and up and down on a big water slide. I was in a world of soreness for almost 3 days after camp and I still have bruises.
Last week the theme seemed to be BROKE.  Broken car, broken washer, broke no money, broken spirit.  It was just terrible. So hopefully this week's theme will be MENDING. Josh being home is a good start, he is handy in many ways and hopefully can help fix some of what has been broken.