Saturday, April 30, 2005

yess yess another game.. but this one is a good one!

A fun game!!!   Becky was the first journal I saw this in but a few of you are doing it and I replyed for you to say something about me.  I will gather those up Monday and post them here.. so I can always remember what my friends had to say about me. LOL Now if you want me to say something nice about you, comment in this post.

Reply to this post and I will tell you something nice!  Although it may be Monday before I can!

Mother & Daughter Lunch

Snuggling: Author Sharon Froese

Snuggling with my mommy

Is where I like to be

All the world is right

When she is holding me

I snuggle in her arms

When I'm hurt or need a rest

Cuz snuggling with my mommy

Is the thing I like best!


Had a great time with my daughters at the Mother Daughter lunch my church had today.  Like the pics??  Nice double chin I am getting there huh!! gurr....   And this is the first pics I have posted with me wearing my new glasses.  Ya like??  Also last night I was playing with my Print Master program and made a new side bar pic.. check it out.  I know it is kind of big but I wanted the words to still be clear even after resizing.

I have pics with all the Mother Daughters and I am hoping to get them printed and make a poster to hang up at church's bulletin board and also give a copy to the ladies.  No one else brought their camera so I have the only copies.  Will make for a nice Mother's Day project for me and Annie to do together.. since she is getting into the scrap booking thing.

Ok I am off.. I forgot it is our turn to clean church and mow the lawn.  Has to look nice for tomorrow's special service! I'll be back with pics of that service tomorrow " )


Friday, April 29, 2005

Saturday 6 time!!

Pat has posted a bit early this Sat.. but better than being late.  AND he is keeping it at his AOL JOURNAL! You know the drill by now.. on to the questions.

1. What do you tend to focus on the most?
   A.  The past.
   B.  The present.
   C.  The future as you think it will be.
   D.  The future as you are afraid it will be.
Humm.. I would say it is a toss up between C. & B.

2. Name three famous people (living or dead) whoseblogs you would like to be able to read.

Good question!!  #1 My dad's.  He died when I was 18 of lung cancer.  There are so many conversations I wish I could have with him.  IF ONLY HE KEPT A JOURNAL OR A BLOG! LOL #2 Susan B. Anthony  #3 My husband Josh's.. but he refuses to start one!

3. How long have you lived in your current residence?  How much longer do you intend to live in the same place? In October it will be 3yrs.  We are looking at maybe moving by the end of summer.

4. Take the
pointless quiz:  What color is your heart?  PINK

5. How many of AOL's journalers have you met in person?  How many have you spoken with by telephone? On the phone yess, in person no.  I can't say but it is a rare thing.

6. RAPID FIRE Question #2:  Who or what is the most annoying:
   a) Politician  Hilary Clinton
   b) Late Night Talk Show Host Jimmy Kimble
   d) Habit leaving dirty socks on the living room floor!
   e) Female Celebrity Paris Hilton
   f) Male Celebrity Bill Maur
   g) Television Show Ed, Edd, And Eddy (its a cartoon that is BAND in my house)
   h) Commercial The one the abortion clinic runs on channel 11 here.
   i) Fashion Statement thongs
   j) Word will I get TOS if I say it?? LOL A worse verson of the word slut that begins with a C and ends in T and refers to a women.

Tag You'r It.. lol new game going around in J~Land

My friend Jess tag me (aww I am IT) in this new journal/blog game.. so here is how it goes..

I "tag" three people, and ask a series of questions. who ever gets tagged answers 5 of them.

The "questions":

 If I could be a scientist...

If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...

If I could be a doctor...

If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...

If I could be a missionary...

If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...

If I could be a linguist...

If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...

If I could be an athlete...

If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...

If I could be a professor...

If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...

If I could be a bonnie pirate...

If I could be an astronaut...

If I could be a world famous blogger..

If I could be a justice on any one court in the

If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

My Answers:

If I could be a missionary (all Christians are missionaries in a sense) my mission field would be andis my surrounding community.. and that includes J~Land. But if I could travel I would love to go to the Mid-East and Asia. (I swear when I speak in tongues it sounds like Chinese to me lol)

If I could be a world famous blogger I would blog just as I blog/journal now.. an honest account of how I live and how my faith plays into everything I do.  Being famous my views would reach a lot more ppl then they do now and who knows who would be affected lol.

If I could be a librarian I could sit and read all day as my Job and know when all the best books are coming out and help people to learn to love books as I do.

If I could be a psychologist (at one time in school this is what I wanted to be) I would council people from a Biblical perspective.


Now.. I tag.. Bill.. Freedfromevil.. and Barbara.. : )


Thursday, April 28, 2005

The other stuff..

Besides being elated about the passing of that law in Congress and writing my thank you e-mails and also my Senators to pass it there, I have other things going on that I feel I should write down, if just for me. 

I got a letter from school yesterday saying that Lilly will be placed in the A.M. class room for Kindergarten.. but no teacher assignments yet.. that will come later they say. (pulling for Ms. Jones.. she was Annie's K teacher) I can deal with that I guess.  I just have to remember that she is half days and  make sure I am home to greet her off the bus in the afternoon.  If we do put Sophia in preschool I will see if we can put her in the a.m. as well.. aww a whole morning to myself?? LOL

Also today I got a call back (finally) from the lady in charge of the forgivable loan program.  She asked me the typical questions about family size and income.  When she asked if we made more than the income cut off I about laughed.. we make half of that.. so we are safe there in qualifying, even after Josh's raise at the end of July..I think.  So she gave me the low down on how the program works.. first things first is getting her a copy of our credit reports and determine our credit score (yuck) and if it isn't at the magic number of 620 or over they would help us to work on it.  After that we have to take 3 classes with them about being a home owner and all the ins and outs of buying.  The classes are on Wednesday nights.. and children are not allowed.. that my be kinda prickly finding some one to watch 4 kids on that night since that is when about everyone I know is at church.  But when it comes to it I am sure we can work it out.  She also said something about FHA loan and their only goal is to make sure we get into a house we can afford and that if something down the line happens we will not loose our house. (Josh has been resistant to the idea of a FHA loan because of the extra insurance you have to pay on top of the mortgage but he may come around) She said the whole process may take only up to 3 months.  Not bad and I am much more happy about doing it this way then going threw the "we take all kinds of credit" ppl.  All life lessens.  I called the company that we were working with to see since they JUST went over our credit report with us and left a message if they could send us a copy of it, that there were a few things I wanted to go over in it.  If they don't I have to call TransUnion and get our reports and they charge $12.95.  I had asked her what about that new law saying we could get it once a year for free and she explained that she did that and according to that report she had no credit when she knew she did, so it is not very accurate.  I would hope but I am not counting on it, getting our report from that company since it is my understanding the more times your report is pulled it is flagged on your report and counts against you (not fair).

My MOM called me tonight and asked if I could make it up to Milwaukee at the end of August for the Neil Diamond Concert.  She wants to take me and my sister along with her husband.  She had to know because she was pre-buying the tickets online tonight (and the pricey ones at that).  No dates where listed for Saint Louis.  Josh said it would be o.k. if she went ahead and bought them and we would work it out.  The concert is on of all days a MONDAY!  How inconvenient is that?!  But it would make for a nice weekend trip up there and spend time with my Mommy.  She instilled in me a love for Neil Diamond at a very young age (it was her cleaning music and I think her crying music).  So ofcourse I am a big fan.  This will be my first time seeing him live so it is something BIG to look forward to!!!  Shilo.. Shilo..  And ya, I have warped my own kids into liking him too.

Speaking of Mother Daughter moments.. This Saturday my church is holding a Mother Daughter lunch at Ponderosa.  I was instructed to bring one of my favorite baby picture of each of my daughters.  This will be a fun brake and a nice  memory for me and the girls.  If we had money I would say it would be just the occasion that called for a shopping trip and matching outfits! LOL  Maybe we will settle for wearing matching colors?  Don't worry, I will bring my camera.

Also this Sunday is going to be a VERY special service at church.  Grace Family Fellowship and New Beginnings Church are officially merged and one church.. This is the first Sunday were we are officially  ONE and under our new name New Beginnings Family Church.  This is a historic thing and I am bless to be there especially at a time when so many other churches are splitting and fragmenting.. it is almost unheard of two churches merging now a days.  I am still getting to know the people who are "new" to me but everyone from the other side seems to be wonderful people and God loving and following.  With the addition to us becoming one we are also taking over the food pantry out reach the other church had ran and a lot of other exciting things are in the works.   I admit it.. I was resistant at first to the change.. I am not fawned of change, specially at my home church where I have been a member for 5 yrs.  But God is doing a mighty work here so I figured I better let my self get out of the way of what he is doing and see where he is going to take us.  So please keep us in prayer.

And that is the bulk of the "other stuff".  I do have a rant brewing about "back ally abortions" but that can wait.  And ofcourse I could add the stuff about Josh and his job but as we all know that topic is off limits.

F.Y.I. on H.R. 748

I am HAPPY to report that The Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act (H.R 748), commonly known as CIANA, pass by 270 AYES to 157 NOES with 7 Not Voting.

   This is the first time I have ever gone to a government web site and looked up the wording of a bill and to see who and what a vote's out come was.  Very cool all this information is at our finger tips and we can find out this stuff independently.  

I recommend you click here and see how your representative voted on this Bill and e-mail them about it.  It is your voice people.. USE IT! Don't be lazy.  If you are happy about how your congressmen voted... let them know about it and encourage them and if you are not happy with how they voted.. again let them know how disappoint you are with them.. and to the 7 that did not vote.. I would ask why they were absent from that vote and if they are going to repay you for that day they missed? (lol ya as if)  

I feel like I took part, and was responsible with my citizenship.  I saw something I was very unhappy about and asked my representative to be my voice about it.. I wrote him and encouraged others to write their representatives about it. I feel blessed to be an American where I can do that as opposed to some nations where they can not.  

Whooh.. is Mary becoming an activist here?? LOL Don't know if that is what you would call it but I do feel good that children will not be allowed to be taken across state lines for an abortion with out consent by their parents (if the state they live in has consent and notification laws).   

 How and if it will be enforced is another question.  

Plus the Senate still has to pass it.. so keep track of it in the Senate and write your Senators about it.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Thank you to those who wrote in to your Representative

Thank you to those who took action and let your voice be heard by writing into your Representative concerning my last post.  And Thank you AnnaLisa for linking that last post in your journal ((HUGS)).

As many of my readers are aware of that I myself had an abortion at age 15 and may understand why this is a subject that is near and dear to me and that I must speak out about it.  I am always grateful to those who respond to my urgent calls to prayer and fasting and going the extra mile and letting their voice be heard on this subject.  I will keep a close eye on that Bill and how it was voted on and will keep you updated.

I am sometimes surprised by how nonchalant and cold hearted some are to this issue.  Maybe they just don't understand what abortion truly is and are listening to the LIES that industry has put out? (as I once did)  Maybe they don't understand how truly devastating abortion is to the girl or women who goes threw it?  This so called choice is some thing I will have to live with for the rest of my life, knowing I choose death and murder for my child instead of the life it was intended to have.  Many women suffer in silence about their abortion and the pain it has and is causing them but I am THANKFUL to The Lord for freeing me of the guilt and shame and equipped me to speak openly about it.  If I can effect just one person, then anything I went threw was worth it.

To address a comment I got a few posts back saying that we don't have the right to take away a women's choice to have an abortion and that by doing so would bring us back to back ally abortions and women would suffer for it..

 I want to point out that the numbers of back ally abortions and the mortality rate associated to them before it became a legal right to have one, is totally fabricated by the abortion industry.  The once pro-choice doctor (author of Lime 5 and Silent Scream) who helped bring the law into the forefront admitted they knew the numbers where incorrect but since it helped their cause they were not going to dispute it.  And I would like to also point out how women are being BUTCHERED in clinics now, even though it is supposed to be a safe and rare procedure.  But you know you are not going to hear those facts on your 5'oclock news.  Ask the ER attendants and ambulance drivers in Granit City, ILL how many times the so called Hope Clinic for Women have sent theirclients over to them!

Abortion not only ends a life of a baby but also harms  the women.  Post traumatic stress, possible bleeding out at home if she is not monitored, possible damage to her reproductive organs, scaring that effects future pregnancies that may cause miscarrying and sterilization, links to breast cancer, depression and trouble with relationships and sexual relationships.  Women DESERVE BETTER then the Lie that having an abortion will solve all her problems and she will not have to suffer any consequences later!


And let's face it people have choices everyday.  We are given the choice to murder or not murder some one who has piss us off or are inconvenient to us.. most choose not to because it is against the law and would likely end in a prison sentence.  Just because it is currently legal to kill an innocent life doesn't make it right, just like taking the life of a toddler because it doesn't fit into your life style is not right.. only difference there is location and stage of development.

Yes I know I am not going to change anyone's mind who's heart has not been pierced, or that even in a few years what ever is done to change some of these laws will be undone but at least I will have done all I was equipped to do and I can say I did what was right and be able to face God in the end and not say I was ignorant to the genocide that was going on or that I turned a blind eye to it... Will you be able to say that?

Proverbs 24:11-12    If thou forbear to deliver [them that are] drawn unto death, and [those that are] ready to be slain; If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider [it]? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth [not] he know [it]? and shall [not] he render to [every] man according to his works?

My website dedicated to helping women who are suffering because of an abortion

My links page to my journal entries about my Own abortion

My memorial web page to my child I aborted.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Make YOUR VOICE be heard and protect your rights as a parent and your daughters!

On April 12 I posted about the mother who was ARESTED because she had found out her 14 year old daughter had skipped school and been taken to an abortion clinic (and across state lines in this case) and she went to the clinic to at least talk to her daughter.  When the clinic workers refused to let her talk to her daughter and the mother upset (ofcourse) the clinic called the police to take her off the permission.  When the girl had heard her mother was there she had asked if they could give her mother a note from her (she wanted to talk to her obviously) but they had her hid in the back and lied telling her the mother had left.

Many of you shared my outrage that it was legal for them to basically take custody of our minor daughters.  NOW is your chance to do something about your rage!!!!!!!!  To assure this WILL NOT happen to your daughters. 

Read the following and click the links to write your Representive about the vote they are about to take on a VERY important Law.

The Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act (H.R. 748), commonly known as CIANA, is being voted on by the U.S. House of Representatives TOMORROW, April 27th!

This critical bill protects young girls from being transported across states lines to evade parental notification or consent laws to have a secret abortion. Send a letter to your Congressman today to support CIANA!

CIANA would make it a federal offense to transport a minor across state lines for an abortion and requires the abortion provider to notify a parent before performing an abortion on a young girl who is a resident of a different state.

An overwhelming majority of Americans, over 80%, support parental notification or consent laws.

   Pro-Life Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen is sponsoring CIANA and is leading the fight to protect parents and their children. Click Here to read Representative Ros-Lehtinen's statement on CIANA.

Undergoing an abortion is an invasive and life-altering medical procedure. During this critical time in a young girl's life, she needs the care, advice and love of her parents. Send a letter to your Representative today to vote for CIANA when it comes to the House floor tomorrow!

Our young girls must be protected under federal law! Minors are transported across state lines every day to obtain secret abortions -- breaking state parental consent or notification laws. Thirty states currently have such laws which are being evaded. Encourage your Representative to uphold current state parental notification laws by supporting CIANA!

Thank you for protecting young girls. And please ask your friends and family to do the same.


Jennifer Bingham
Executive Director
Susan B. Anthony List

PS: Click Here for more information on the Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act. Send a letter to your Congressman to support this life-saving legislation!

Yes this is me endorsing AOL BY PHONE LOL.. DORK.


Funny enough.. I looked on my musicnet@aol and found that it was Arosmith that sings that song. humm.


Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Wooo... call him up and tell him what you want

Yeah... he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
I said... he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
Oh he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
Oh... call him up and tell him what'choo want

Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what'choo want
Oh... call him up and tell him what'choo want

If you're sick and you can't get well... just tell him what'choo want
Wooo... if you're sick and you can't get well... just tell him what'choo want
Yeah... if you're sick and you can't get well... tell him what you want
Wooo... call him up and tell him what'choo want

Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Yeah... Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what you want
Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what you want
Ooh... call him up and tell him what you want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Wooo... call him up and tell him what you want

Yeah... he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
I said... he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
Oh he will come in a hurry... just tell him what'choo want
Oh... call him up and tell him what'choo want

Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what'choo want
Oh... call him up and tell him what'choo want

If you're sick and you can't get well... just tell him what'choo want
Wooo... if you're sick and you can't get well... just tell him what'choo want
Yeah... if you're sick and you can't get well... tell him what you want
Wooo... call him up and tell him what'choo want

Jesus is on the main line... tell him what'choo want
Yeah... Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what you want
Jesus is on the main line... just tell him what you want
Ooh... call him up and tell him what you want

Monday, April 25, 2005

This week's WOV was Just what I was talking about in my last post about my Brother!

WOMEN OF VIRTUE:  Encouraging Hearts...Together in Christ

A "WOV Note" from Women of Virtue

Decide to Get Over It.  "I had a choice.  I was at a decision point. Would I do nothing and set myself up for repeating the same dysfunction my family tree had handed me, or would I let God remake me from the inside out so I could 'get over it!'  Many people blame their moms and dads for the mistakes, patterns and dysfunction in their own life, but
that can be a cop-out.  We all hit a point in time when our life becomes our choice."

Pam Farrel, The 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make


This week's verse of encouragement:

"I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.  So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, by loving the LORD your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them."

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NAS)


Women of Virtue is a ministry of Family Life Communications,Incorporated.

My Brother Tommy

Something that has been weighing heavy on my mind is my little brother Tommy.  His last letter from prison is very depressing, not that they have ever been light reading, it is just this last one he seems even more sad.  He has been moved to another prison and is in "Lock Down" because he lost his temper and threatened another inmate.  He claims he is mentally ill and is hearing "voices" and is not getting any help for it.  Now if you know my brother like I know him this is his MO.. attention getting.. poor is responsibility..its not my fault.. what am I going to do..God doesn't love me and why would he bother with me.. same old same old.  Some times I want to roll my eyes at his letters and other times they make me cry.  There is NOTHING I can do for the boy but what I already have been doing.. praying for him.  Last year when he had asked if you could call once a month from prison I agreed. I said ONLY once a month because it is VERY expensive to take his collect calls.. to the tune of $25 for every 15 min. call. (a scam to me)  But he could not follow that and I had to put a block on my phone.  Granted I have not written him like I could but I have a life.  I did go up Sunday at church to have prayer for my brother and ask God to keep working on him and to silence the demonic voices he claims to be hearing.  My church family is aware of what is going on and my pastor even has started writing him.

To bring newbies up to speed.. my brother lived with us for awhile and was doing well, graduated from Job Core, had a good job in security, moved in with a coworker who was very nice and kind of a father figure to him.  But Tommy could just not stay away from drugs.. crack to be exact.  He is a Crack Head.. in the real sense of the word.. he is not just an idiot.  He lost his job and his co-worker at witts end form the lying and stealing kicked him out.  Tommy was in and out of state rehabs and was at a half way house and then eventually homeless.  He moved back up to Wis and got in more trouble there.. robbery and some other charges he had hanging over his head from before he moved down here and then got a prison term.

  Any one else who has a friend or family member who is an addict can understand about how you have to come to a point and cut them off, tough love.. let them get to their lowest before they can find their way back.  Addicts can be very manipulative and love those who are their enablers.  I forgive him for all he has done to our family.. the money is written off.. we know we will never see that again.  But I don't want to fall into a trap again of feeling so sorry for him that I let him back in and he screws us over AGAIN.  And my husband wouldn't let it even get that far but I do love my brother.  Our children do love their Uncle Tommy.  We don't talk down about him to the kids.. we just use him as an example of what not to do.  They write him and make cards for him.  I had to hold in a laugh and tell my one daughter she might want to redo a card she had made.. she had a picture of Tommy in prison strips behind bars on the front of it.

The Lord says we are to forgive but he did not mean we had to let it keep happening to us.  I want to say to him I love you and will let you back into my trust but that trust is so broken only an act of God can repair it.  I want to take my block off my phone so we can talk and he can hear my prayers for him but I know that he will not keep his calls down to the once a mouth.  I should talk to Josh about it and see if he is willing to at least try it and if anything if he starts to call more often we can put the block back on.  He has at least another year in prison, if not two.. I am not sure.  I know there is a scripture about visiting those in prison but since he is in a Wisconsin one it is just not economical for us to go often.  My little sister and Mom go from time to time and that is encouraging to him.

When my brother is NOT on drugs and has his stuff together he is a decent person.  He can be very kind and go that extra mile to help another person.  He loves my children and my sister's children very much and feels ashamed that he is in jail and is not a good example to them.  Tommy can be very loyal to his friends.. when he is not on the drugs.  We grew up in the same household so I can see how he is screwed up and may want to go to the drugs.. but hey there comes a point when you have to grow up and deal with those hurts and find healing and not keep blaming others for your problems.  If you have read my testimony at all you see that if it wasn't for the Lord coming into  my life I may very well of been right where my brother is at today.  My deepest desire for my brother is that he too can come into that relationship with Christ and know his LOVE and find that HEALING and PEACE that only Jesus Christ can give.  With out it I don't think he will ever turn around and sadly will end up in HELL.. an even worst place than he is in now.

So Please friends keep my little brother Tommy in your prayers, for his recovery, for his redemption, for a life change.  And if you do feel lead to write him an encouraging letter, e-mail me for his address.

The House on Winter Hill

THIS IS THE HOUSE!  Josh said if he had the money for the down payment TODAY and was able to sign a contract on it he would.   But ofcourse we don't at this very moment and there was a lot of ppl interested in this house.  It is priced at $136,900 and we are only approved for a loan of 131,900.  Josh seems to think he could negotiate on the price some and that it is still in our reach.

Ok on to the pluses and minuses.



Large drive way and a very nice size Garage.  Newer garage automatic door.

In a Cu de Sac in a clean neighborhood.. and still in the same school district so the kids wouldn't have to change schools.

Nice sized back yard that has large privacy fence.

Newer carpets in the living room and hall and bedrooms

Large sliding glass door that leads from the kitchen to the back yard (although if you have seen Spanglish or recall Miss Peachy's accident last year with hers you know how that can be a minus also LOL)

Good basement!  No water damage or mold from what we could see.  A rough-in for us to add on a bathroom down there.  Plenty of space for storage and to add on other rooms down there.

A dishwasher in the kitchen

The master bedroom has it's own bathroom.



The living room is not all that big and we would have to down size a lot.

Bedroom #1 & 2 are on the smaller side and not a lot of closet space.

I don't like the cabinets or the counters in the kitchen.. What was up with putting all those pictures on the cabinets? I wish I could of pulled some of them up to check for holes and open the cabinets to see their space.

We would have to add on to the basement right away to have room for his mother to live with us.. but really that is more of a plus to make sure it got done right and the way we wanted.  A weekend with some friends he knows recruited and a few hundred dollars.. no problemo.

The steps out into the yard from the kitchen and garage NEED to be redone.. but again that is a simple project.

The fence needs to be repaired in some spots.

Some how I missed the main bathroom so I didn't get a pic of it so I can't say my opinion about it.. Josh said it was a standard bathroom.

Don't like the entrance way and that tile.  And there is not a closet right off the entrance like in the other house. 

Also I am still in love with hardwood flooring.

It is listed a little extra then we are approved for.

I am really reaching for minuses.. It seems to be a nice starter home in the area we desire.

Thanks to some one's suggestion we are looking for a Forgivable Grant to help with a down payment.  Doing a net search I have found that our city does have one available of $5,000 with a requirement of you staying in that house for 5 years and we would by the skin of our teeth qualify for it.  We called and left a message and waiting to get that ball rolling.  The only thing is from further reading on a different city site, it shows there is only 8 of these grants available this year.  I am sure we would not qualify  next year.  We have a small window of time left before Josh turns Journeymen.  Josh also has a few side jobs lined up in the next week or so and that would give us $1,100 to go towards the down payment.  There is also a certain relative who had said in the past if we needed help we could go to them.. so we may be taking them up on that offer.  If we can not get this house then it was a good lesson learned about what we DO like and we will be more prepared for later.  But it is hard when you do find what you do like not to day dream and get ahead of yourself.  This is what I was trying to tell Josh before we started all this and how I don't like putting hope in stuff like this.

What I would do to this house based on the Sat Six #6 question from the weekend?

I would still rip up the carpets and add hardwood flooring.  Totally redo the kitchen cabinets and counters.  Add either a 3 season room to it or a large deck like on the other house.  Add a bathroom and two more bedrooms in the basement.  Replace the fencing.  Maybe if it was possible add on to the living room and make it larger and defiantly redo the living room window and make it larger.

Ugh and now instead of all those bike and car shows Josh likes to watch he has us watching the Home and Garden shows. LOL

I would like to do a separate post about some other stuff going on around here and also to maybe address some comments I have gotten about the abortion issue.  My life is not all about house hunting lol but  the last two weeks it sure does seem so huh. So look for another post tonight.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Saturday 6 Time!

Pat has moved the 6 from his normal AOL Journal over to the Blog Spot.  He says it is just a test and likely not permanent (I hope not) but since the recent deleting of Journals he wanted to explore the possibility of making that his home to house the Saturday Six.

Ok you know the drill.. well maybe you don't? There are some new friends who may not be aware of the Saturday Six.  Here is the Low Down.. Pat, a very cool guy and a fav around here in J~Land has this game that has been going on for a year now where each Saturday he posts Six questions.  You answer the questions in your ~J and then leave a link in  his journal so others can read your answers.  A nice way to pass a Saturday and pick your brain and also an opportunity to meet other ppl in Journal Land. Got it? Good.. I am not repeating myself. : )  On to the questions and if you want to play click the links in this post.

1. If you could ask any question of the head honcho of AOL about the recent journal concerns, what would your question be?

I would ask how does it feel to be "the man" keeping down the little guy who pays you each month for your service and you delet his very well read, and loved journal for no other reason than a bogas TOS report?  For SHAME!

2. How many journals do you visit regularly in an average week...or...if you use a blog aggregator service like "Bloglines," how many journals do you have in your subscription lists?

OMG  I plead the 5th on this one.  I don't keep count  and if I did I still wouldn't tell.. it would only serve as ammunition for my husband saying I spend too much time on here.  I guess I could go to my alerts page to find out but I am lazy.. that is why I have alerts!

3. Back in July, I asked which of the Seven Deadly Sins (pride, envy, gluttony, anger, greed, sloth, and lust,) you were most guilty of. Now, it's time to pat yourselves on the back and figure out which one you are the least guilty of.

I would have to say... sloth..oh wait what one am I NOT guilty of??   All I have to say is all sin is the same in God's eyes. Not one is worse than the other so it is fruitless to me to boast about what I have not done on that list.. I have done all of those things one time another... To say I am with out sin would make me a liar.  But thankfully because of Jesus Christ and what he did on the cross my sins are as far as the East is from the West and I am forgiven by his blood.

4. Recent reports indicate that some pharmacists are refusing to sell their customers the controversial "morning-after pill" when the customer prevents their prescription. Should pharmacists be allowed to refuse to sell a medication for which a customer presents a valid prescription based on their own religious beliefs?

Oh you got to know I have a strong opinion about this one!  If I could choose I would go to the pharmacists that DOES NOT dispense these fanticide drugs.  Last I looked we are living in a free market place.  I applauded those who stand up for their faith and for the life of innocent babies in the womb.  First it is the so called morning after pill (that does causes an abortion if there is a fertilization) and next is the deadly RU486 pill that has caused deaths to women as well as killed their unborn child.  What is next?  Being forced to provide the drugs for assisted suicide????  If I was a pharmacist it would make me physical sick to know I played any part in an abortion or a death of another human being.

5. Take
this personality test: What type of personality does it say you are? Then go back to this page, click the link that matches your results. Read the description: how accurate do you think it is about you?

ENFJ      The explanation is at this link for what mine is.. not that I fully agree with it.  But nice to see I am the same type as King David : )

SpringsNymph: You've received an unexpected windfall of $50,000. What home improvement would you spend it on?

Umm well first if we haven't bought our home yet I would use it as a down payment.  But say if we were in the house I just posted about I would rip up the carpets and put down hardwood flooring and new windows and then if there was any left over I would widen the drive way.

The yellow house on Wild Winds Dr.

Yesterday we went in to look at that house that was lease with option to own.  I took a ton of pictures and sent them to Josh's mom and also so I could get all my J~Land friend's opinions.

For me this house has many pluses and some minuses.

Plusses first.

Location, Location, Location.  It is in the same area we live in now so the children would not have to move to a different school or loose touch from the friends they have now.  The neighbors seemed to keep up their properties very nicely.. that is important ya know.

Very large FENCED back yard.  I love that it has a patio right off from the kitchen.

Two full bathrooms, one on each level of the house.  We checked the water pressure by running the sinks and flushing the toilet and running the tub.. much better then where we are living now.

4 bedrooms with a potential for a 5th.

Nice sized living room with a window over looking the back yard.  I could send the kids out to play and see them from the inside. : )

The kitchen is a nice size with the addition made for the dinning area.  Extra cabinets installed and newer flooring down.  PLUS a dishwasher (something I have NEVER had in any of the houses we have lived in).

There is a closet right when you walk in the house for shoes and coats.

I like the front yard and it would be even nicer with some flowers.  Josh's mom LOVES to garden.


The carpet is just ugly all threw out the house.  The living room carpet is stained and dirty in many places.  The upstairs bedroom's carpets are like this ugly burnt color..old looking.  The flooring downstairs is shotty.  They really didn't lay the carpet in the two bedrooms down stairs.. just put what looks like remnants down on top of stick and peal tiles.

I have been spoiled on having hard wood flooring in this house we are in now and would prefer to have that.

The upstairs bedrooms are small and not much closet space in them.

The town stairs bedrooms we are not sure if since the windows are right at ground level if they will leak or how good they will keep in heat and cold.  There is some water damage and that is always a tattle tell sign of some leaking.

Really NO storage space bedsides the shed outside.  We have an airhocky/pinpong table that we got as a gift and would have to either store it or sell it.  Plus with Josh's mom living with us for awhile there is some things she has double that I am sure she wants to keep and store.

NO garage and small drive way.  Josh has his heart set on building a bike one day and with this house there would be no place to do that.  We have two running cars and his mom has one.  So two of our cars would have to be parked on the street and that leaves not much room for when visitors come.

The yard was really wet with standing water.  Yes we had rain for a few days but not that much I don't think.  The yard we currently have doesn't have standing water lol so I guess that tells about the ground and the way water is drained there. 

Not much privacy in the back yard.. fences are old and low.  (no back yard tanning I guess LOL)

The street is not side walkes but there doesn't seem to be too much traffic.

So to rent it would suit our needs, but not to own I think.  A lot of work I would think. 

He said if we signed a lease by May the rent would be $1,090 a month with $50 of that each month going towards a down payment that could be used for that house or any other house they have on the market.  We are not looking to move just yet.  We are thinking end of Jun mid July.  Josh's Mom is expecting to give her notice at work the second week of Jun.  I would say if they cleaned or redid the carpets all threw the house and maybe had Josh paint as part of the deposit I would be pleased.

Josh's mom prefers to have a room upstairs and I think Zane could stay up stairs also so we could keep the girls close to us.  I think the best would to for now keep all 3 girls in one room and use that open room for storage.  I know Annie has her heart set on her own room and she deserves it but we will see.

Tomorrow we are going to another open house.  Another yellow house that is in our neighborhood.  It is listed as a 3 bedroom with two full bathrooms with the option of a bathroom hook up in the basement.  Josh drove by it today and said it was in a little culdesac and the back yard was smaller but had larger privacy fencing and there were kids Lilly and Sophia's age playing around the other houses.  It has a garage.  Ofcourse I will bring my camera and take even more pictures of that house.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Another smarty-pants in the family and they grow so fast!

I make no bones about it that my son is the genius in my family.. or at the very least very smart and above average.  Well.. I try and not stress it too much so the girls don't feel like I am comparing them with him. I would like to think we have enforced the thought that they are capable of doing well also and expected to do well to the best of their abilities.  Each of my children have special qualities and are unique in their own ways. 

Yesterday Lilly had her pre-kindergarten screening.  You can not imagine her excitement but I did have some anxiety about it.  Zane and Annie went threw Head Start and we were diligent about doing extra stuff with them to help in their developments.  With Lilly and Sophia they are home with me and have no pre-school experience at all.  And I admit it.. I have become much more lazy with them as far as doing the brain enriching stuff that I did with their older siblings.  I was starting to feel guilty and wondering  just how well could Lilly do with this lack of extra stuff all the experts say to do with our young children.  Sadly what every she has picked up from Elmo on Sesame Street or the other PBS toons is the most she has gotten lately.  I don't know how she learned to write her name.. I didn't teach it to her LOL.  I suspect Annie or Zane helped her out but after I saw her starting to do it I did encourage her to practice it every time she drew a picture to put her name on it.  She very proudly puts a big B after Lilly.  It was only last week that she confessed to me her secret to making squares.. she traces them off one of her blocks. (aw cute and smart!)

As Lilly was in getting her screening Sophia was with me in the Lobby.  She was not happy at all about being left behind. She wanted to be with her sister (as always) and be tested too. She wants to go to school NOW also. She sees Lilly's excitement and ofcourse they are about twins and have done almost everything together.  This is the girl who wanted to hold Lily's hand while she was getting her shots, she wanted to comfort her sister and when I told her no because I had to hold Lilly still, she had a fit.. she cried more about the shots than Lilly did. This was like a look into the future to this fall when Lilly is gone and Sophia is left behind. I am hoping to get her into preschool but I don't want to promise it yet until we are sure of what our finance situation will be.  If anything 2 times a week so she gets that interaction.  In the lobby with us was a very cute downsyndrome baby and Sophia was playing with her and trying to kiss on her.  I kept telling her it is not a good idea to kiss babies, just ask the mommy if you can give her a hug instead.  Poor Sophia was just having a hard time all the way around.

While Lilly was getting her vision and hearing tested the screener came out and went over her test with me.  To my surprise she said she was VERY impressed with Lilly. She said she was super at the problem solving section and that her fine motor skills are very good too, she did great with the blocks and cutting.  And she was also impressed with how cooperative Lilly was and her attitude.  She is at age level for all they were testing for.  She said to keep practicing counting and the alphabet and letters with her and to start having her write her name not all in capital letters but in lower case too.   A glowing report all around.

I am impressed also and should of never doubted my little Bea.  I feel less guilty now and all the more motivated to start working more with her and Sophia.  Next challenge.. learning to tie their shoes!

I am just as excited as they are about them going threw these milestones but I can't help but hold them close now and then and wonder what ever happen to the little babies I once had. It is more than a clique that they grow up so fast and time passes quickly, to enjoy every moment with them NOW.

So if you are going to ask Mary Mary how does your garden grow??

  (my family is my garden)

I will have to say my little flowers are flourishing and growing faster than the weeds out on my lawn.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Teachable moments and sometimes the Truth does hurt..

It has been awhile since I had any significant alone time with my son Zane so when he asked if he could run to the store with me it was a nice opportunity for us to be just US together.  Like how it once was when he was the only child.. oh how long ago that seems now lol.  He is ten and entering those tween years.. branching out and making friends and finding his niche, trying to decide what his likes and dislikes are and also processing all the info he is bombed with everyday.  I made a side trip to the "yellow house" to show him and how it is right off the short cut we take to his school.  He thought it was pretty cool that it was so close.  But I dispelled any ideas of him walking to school or riding his bike.. it is close but his school is right off a busy hwy so even the close homes still get bused.  He shrugged his shoulders like it was no biggie and turned up the DC Talk tape he had put into my tape player. I love DC Talk also but goshhhh I must be getting old because he turned it up way too loud for my ears LOL and I had to shoot him a glance as I turned it down about 5 decimals.

He was very helpful at the store.. fetching the cart for me and helping pick out what we needed for dinner (sloppy joes and corn on the cob) and afterwards carrying the bags to the car as I put the cart away.  I guess I should revel in this memory since he is fast approaching those years when the thought of shopping with mom will be yucky and being helpful is uncool.  Shopping done I just had one quick stop at the gas station to make.

As I was pulling in the parking lot of the gas station my son out of the blue it seems to me, asked if I was aware or knew that Indians (I am thinking he meant Native American Indians) have like their own religion.  My answer was.. uuuhhh Ya, I knew that.. it is kinda part of their culture. (Yes Mom still knows it all lol)  As I parked the van a concerned look came over my boy's face.  Does that mean they have their own way of going to Heaven??, he asked me in all seriousness. Now you have to know my son Love Jesus Christ very much and is a baptized Bible believing (and reading) believer and I suspect he could of answered this question himself if he had thought about it but he was looking to me at this moment to tell him the Truth and to guide him to the correct answer.  It was one of those teachable moments I know are going to grow less and less as time goes on.

Zane, as you know there is only one way to go to heaven.  Remember where Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by him.? (John 14:16) Only those who have repented of their sins and received Jesus and follow him will go to heaven, even Indians or any one else.  I said all this to him in love and gently but he still had a sad look on his face when he realized what that meant if they did not go to heaven.  I told him,Yes it is sad.. I know.. I get sad when ppl reject him because I want them in heaven also but that is why honey, Jesus told us to tell everyone, to go out into all the world and tell them about him and his love.  That is called the Great Commission.  So son, if you really love some one you will tell them this Truth.  He shook his head yes and that was that, end of conversation. He got his answer and was satisfied and asked if he could come into the gas station with me instead of sitting in the car waiting.

I know to some my explanation will come off as intolerance or bigotry.. but it is THE TRUTH and sometimes the Truth hurts.  I wonder why he asked out of the  blue like that, maybe because he is learning about Indians in school or he read it in a book.. he reads a lot of books and has many questions and watches the news.  I didn't tell him anything that was new to him or that he didn't already know. 

All this with the back drop of a new Pope who has made statements that he wants to Unite Christians and have open dialogue with all Faiths.. when he should be proclaiming the Truth that Jesus Christ is THE ONLY WAY as I just did with my son.  We are living in a time where a one world religion or interfaith religion is going to come about as talked about in Rev. and many will find The Truth offensive, even those who are in Christian Leadership.  If you think about it the persecution will not come from the secular world as much as it will from the Religious Leaders because in the time of Christ and the Apostles their biggest opposition was from them.

Mark my words.. no not my words but God's Word.. it is coming and I told you so!

Doing the MATH and New Journals to visit!!

So I got the call from the guy we are working with to maybe buy a house.  He said right now we are pre-approved for $131,000 with a 3% down payment (doing the math.. is that 3,600??)  I was hoping for a bit more like 139,000 to 140,000 but at least now we have a guide to go off of what is our price range.  I am thinking the best plan is to wait another year and then see how we look.  I did tell him we wanted to look at the inside of that rental house we saw yesterday and made an appointment for Friday at 6.  I wasn't sure if Josh was going to work on his side jobs or not in the next few days so I thought Friday would be a safe bet.  LOL I drove by it again this morning after I dropped the kids off at school (yes I over slept again) and I am liking it more and more.. but I am holding off falling in LOVE with it until we see the inside.  I plan on brining my camera and taking pics! So ya, you can all go along for the ride with us and give  your much valued input LOL.

Last night I did a trot around J~Land a little.  I ran across some brand spanking new, just published, baby journals that I feel worthy of helping out and pimping here so you can all discover them as well.

So go over and encourage them and show them what an awesome community J~Land is!!!

Life & Faith in Caneyhead


Silence the Foe


Small Things

Remember when you first started out and how you loved each and every new comment!  And how you had to figure out a lot of stuff about these journals and how they work!  So go and be a good neighbor!!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

#18 check out my answer for this question asked from The Journal Jar. Love to hear your answers as well!

First steps in maybe moving into our own home?

Just got back from the meeting with the Property Management Company that we had submitted an application to Sunday.  My husband cracks me up some times.. now that he has been a painter for some time anywhere we go he notices all the flaws in a paint or refinishing job and insists he could of done better.  Ofcourse he says this in my ear and not to the person who owns said bad paint job. LOL

Any way the purpose of this meeting was to sit and talk with the guy and answer what ever questions he may of had as honestly as possible and also ask any questions of our own before he runs our application threw for pre approval.  He said from what he saw we don't look so bad and our chances are very good.  Ofcourse that tickles our ears very much.  So he starts with MY credit report.. not something I was too excited about looking at.  Really I only have a few spots and one of them was the Chapter 13 we did 7yrs ago.. that btw didn't even show up on Josh's (don't know why) so we had to explain all that and how it was released and bla bla bla but another thing on there that really concerns me is the bank I had my student loan threw doesn't show that I had settled that debut!  I know we did, threw a collection agency because that year all our tax return went to it and we had settled it for a lower amount.. so for myself I have to go threw our papers and find out that information.  I did have a credit card on there that is in collection.. we knew about that so that is no surprise.  Josh's isn't all that bad either a few medical collections and for some reason a recent bounced check at a grocery store.. that we will have to look into.  Don't know why I am tell you all this lol but it is good for me to write down so I can recall it all later.  The guy said we shouldn't worry about it right now and didn't have to do anything to be pre-approved threw them.

He did also say to Josh that he may be able to throw side work his way when they needed some painting done but the only thing about that is if he gives a bid it has to have the exact time it would take and that it MUST be done by that time he bid for.  So that is kinda cool even if we don't buy from them at this point.

How it works is we get the loan threw them.. at a higher rate ofcourse, buy the house "as is" and then in a year refinance threw a traditional lenderthat they work with.  If we take care of what ever credit probs we have in that year and are faithful with our house payments we should be able to get a reasonable rate then.

Like he said there is no rush on anything and the first step is to get a pre-aproved amount and that is good for 120 days and after that if we havn't found anything it can be extended.

At the end of the meeting as we were preparing to leave I asked how did they find the houses that they sell? Are they homes that are in bankruptcy and reposed and you get them from a bank or what?  He said no no that often ppl have sold them their homes because they have worked with some one they know.  Josh seems to think these may be the guys that advertise "We Buy Ugly Houses".  Then we kind of got into a conversation about what we had in mind, that we wanted to stay in the same area and that we had 4 kids and a possible ML that wanted to move in too.  This is when he said you know.. we rent to buy also.. kind lease to own where part of your rent goes towards the down payment and there was a 5 bedroom house that was up where we wanted to stay.  He gave us the address to go drive by it..

It is literally in walking distance from where we live now.  We ofcourse did stop by it and looked around the outside.

(pic from their web site under soon available property)

Very nice big FENCHED back yard with a shed and it had a nice patio built on to the house.  We looked in the windows and from what we could see it looked nice.  Two of the bedrooms that we could see are downstairs in the basement (tec you can not call them bedrooms if it is not a walk out basement). The kitchen seemed updated and even and a dishwasher (a plus for me) and the eating area seemed spacious.  Only down fall is it looks like they took the garage and expanded so there is no garage for Josh to build his dream bike in.  I am not sure if we would buy it but certainly consider renting it for a year to see how it feels.  Seems big enough for us all.  So when the guy does call tomorrow I will tell him we at least want to look at it.  We drove a little around the neighborhood and it seems like everyone keeps up their house and yards nicely.  For me the biggest plus would be the kids wouldn't have to change schools and they can stay close to the friends they have.

So please keep all this in prayer for me : )

Just a thought..


                                The Last Pope?

Revelation 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Some stuff from the Weekend and some ranting..

I don't think I will ever catch up with all the journals from the weekend.. you guys were some posting fools lol but it is understandable.  I am just learning of the event where a journal was deleted completely for what AOL said was a TOS violations and is turning out to be more of BS than anything.  I would be sooooooo devastated if my journal was deleted.. all the time and entry that goes into them, a warning should be given or something before you just up and delete it!  If mine should ever be deleted I think I would be too heart broken to start another one.  I guess it is just a warning to the wise, back up, back up, back up.. if there is a post you really love and want to save, back it up in a Word Doc or something!

On to the events of this weekend.  A full weekend it was at that!  I am kind of tired and don't necessarily even feel like talking about it all. Josh's mom came for a visit.  The premise of this visit was so we could talk about the prospects of her moving in with us and her getting a job here.  We really didn't get to sit down and have a long conversation about all our concerns and the details but we did talk some. We figured we don't have to rush anything and can take our time or at least till the end of summer to decide.  Josh had to work Saturday so he missed some of the weekend with her.  Zane's Choir Club sang at the opening of the new Gordmen's store.  I could of taken him but I was slow moving Sat morning and Sophia and Lilly where still asleep when it was time to go.  ML volunteered to take Zane & Annie for me.  I am kicking myslef for missing it and I know Josh frowned on the fact that I was still half asleep when I should of been up and going to take him.  But it worked out nice, the older kids got some alone time with Grandma and she took them to get scrabooking supplies.  She is turning Annie into a scrapbooker.  I would love to get into it and if we do live together I am sure I will but for now I dont want to because that stuff can get expensive and time consuming.  A group of ladies at church get together once a month or so and scrapbook together.  So that is something ML and I can do together if she does move here.  Really I am softening up to the idea of living with her and I think it would work out not so badly. 

 It is the whole renting vs buying thing that has my emotions going.

Josh has found one of those "we will help almost anyone places" and has got it into his head that we should buy our house now instead of continuing to rent if his mom does move with us. Sunday he filled out all the paper work and we went to look at one of the houses listed to give to the guy the papers.  The house was priced at $139,900 and was in one of the older parts of O'Fallon and right by the Hwy.  It was a ranch style 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath with a fenced yard.  To me it looked over priced and needed a lot of improvements.  For One the carpets were TRASHED and nasty.. I love my hard wood floors. The kitchen was way too small and out dated and so were the bathrooms.. who ever thought that a pink bathtub was high fashion of the time??  The basement was ok and could be finished I suppose.  But I just didn't like the house, it was not the kind I had in mind when ever we say we are going to get our own house.  But to be honest.. I see all these newer houses that we live around and want something like that (knowing I can't afford them) so almost any older house we see will be compared to those.

Sunday night Josh and I had a longgggggg conversation about houses and moving and what we want and don't want.  I cried a lot.  We don't see eye to eye about moving and houses at this time but at least we got our feelings out on the table and had a conversation that was way over due.  It is not like we don't talk but we just don't have deep conversations that often.

I won't retell everything that was said point by point but basically Josh is the dreamer of the family and I am the pessimistic one.  I don't feel ready to be a home owner and settle for an older house that will need a lot of work to it but he feels that he is and he would take the time to do the things to a house of his own. (keep in mind I am still waiting on a keyboard drawer for the desk he built me a year ago).

He asked me didn't I have any hopes or dreams about our future.. a home.. school for myself and the kids.. weddings.. and I had to honestly say no not really.  I told him that if those things happen that is great and fine but I don't dare hope for much because when ever in the past I have planned things out and hoped for something it never worked out..this is how I have been since childhood and ya maybe I do need to examine that, but really the only thing that gets me excited and the only thing that I dream and hope for are the things of God and you spend more time talking about the raises you are going to get and your dream bike you want to build than those things with me.  Tomorrow is not promised to anyone and my plans are nothing compared to God's plans for us.  I can't wrap my mind around a $6 raise you are going to get four months from now and then dream or should I say covet about the things that money may buy us.

This lead into a conversation about maturity.. the topic of Sunday's sermon.. and also about Jesus Christ's Return.  I hate it when he says I am the more mature Christian then he is.. it may be true but for me it is more of an excuse.. I want him to be the leader here, and not just me on the spiritual things.  He says I have had more time to study than he has and that is why and that yea he could read more on his free time but he does talk about God at work sometimes and privately prays but he just can't pray out loud like some, like at Easter dinner he felt on the Spot to say the blessing over dinner.

Doesn't he know how much more I love him when he does pray with me? Doesn't he know that it is his responsibility to be the Leader of our home in all things and that I am to submit to that?  So ya, if we do find a house he likes and he really wants to buy it I will go along with that even if I feel it is a mistake but I would love him all the more if he would pray with me about it, if he would read the Word with me, if he would ask God to mature him so that I can have all confidence in him and his choices he makes for our family.

  THINGS are not important to me, I don't want him to work his butt off so he can pay for satellite tv, a new house and its improvements, nice things to fill up that house, newer cars.. and all the other trappings in life. Those are all temporary things that BURN IN THE END.  What blesses me the most is when he is sitting next to me and holding my hand as we are listening to a sermon at church or he is having conversations with our son and daughters about Jesus, when we have those deep conversations, when he is living out his faith on the job and influencing others with his actions, being honest in all he does, when he takes time to help a stranger change their tire or that he cares so much for him mom that he would move her in to live with us.  Those are the things that are lasting and will impact Eternity.

He said don't you remember that promise I made you?.. no I didn't know what he was talking about.  He said he promised me that we would do better than our parents did.  I don't remember that but it sounds like something he would say to me.  Then he went into the long list of things he has failed at doing and why we are not there yet, but for me WE are doing better than our parents did and we are blessed.  I am happy with our life together!  We are not heading for divorce, none of our children are abused, we are making the bills (even if it is by the skin of our teeth sometimes) our children KNOW they are loved and are happy go lucky kids and very well behaved compared to some others. I think for him to be better off then our parents were means owning a house, having a savings for the kids, and security means money.  While this is all true and smart, my happiness does not hinge on all that.

Well what ever... we have an appointment with the finance guy tomorrow at 5:15.  I will keep you posted on how that goes.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The Journal Jar..

Have you guys heard of this yet?? I am behind on the fads going around here I guess.. first I miss my Sat 6 and now this! LOL So I had to go and get one of my own.. a journal for The Journal Jar questions.  I got the idea from Jaime.

So here it is.. me pimping my own journals..

Hunybea's Journal Jar *not to be substituted for my acutal Open Journal *wink*

Mommmmmm!!! When is Jesus going to come and take us away to the Party!??

My younger daughters Lilly and Sophia just asked me this question, frustrated and longing as though they expect him to come any time now, like they are waiting for a birthday party that is just days away and they can't wait.  I wish I could of told them any time now, just look up he is on his way, but no I had to tell them the party is just not ready yet but when it is we will know and he will come, likely when you are a bit more grown up.

My children teach me a lot some times, like their excitement and anticipation about Jesus.  As he said we need to have faith such as a child, so when I look at them and how they think about him it blesses me and I ask God to help me have the same point of view.

So how did they come to be so excited about the Coming of Jesus Christ and what is this party they are talking about?? Well.. I confess I started it, it was innocent really and now I wish I had found maybe better wording but I still think it is cute when they run up and ask when the party is going to start and when they are talking to other about Jesus and telling them about the party that will have wedding cake and how we will meet him in the sky.

A few months ago we were driving in the van just the three of us, doing our normal chores, likely on the way to the bank or something boring to them.  I had on my Christian Radio Station and was singing along with a song about flying away, I don't remember the exact song but I added a new song to my journal today that I think may of been it. (check it out LOL) They asked in wonder what was the song talking about, what about this flying, can we fly Mom??  Aww cute right?!  I had to tell them no no, we can't fly.. yet.  The song is talking about when Jesus comes back to get us, didn't you know Jesus is going to get us and when he does he is going to call us up to the sky and meet him, it will be like flying.  This got them very excited but they wanted to know why and when and how.

I told them Jesus went away to prepare a big party for us, like a wedding party and probably have wedding cake too.  But it is a surprise party, we don't know when it will be.  When Jesus is done and the time is right he will call us like a big trumpet playing, "Lilly, Sophia, Time to come up to the party" he will call and you will go whoooooshhhh and be up in the sky and travel around the world to where the party is in Israel at the Mt of Olives.  A lot of ppl will be there, all those who have ever loved Jesus will be there for the party. And then he will take us up to heaven for the party and all the other ppl who haven't loved him will be stuck here on Earth.

This got them very excited, they were about jumping in their seats.  WE are going to get to see Jesus! And he is going to have a big party!!! I told them hold on.. wait.. there is one more thing that is important.  The party is by invitation only.  You have to be invited to go.  Do you know how to get an invitation?? I asked them.  How, how.. how mom!? they asked still very excited.  Only those who love Jesus now and live for him today and ask him to live in their hearts will be invited to this surprise party.  So do you love Jesus and is he in your heart?? Yessssssss we love him very much mommy!! We can't wait for the party and to see him!!

And that is how it all started, that simple explanation about what we call in Christian slang the Rapture.  That was when my 3 & 5 yrd started asking ppl if they were invited to the Big Party with Jesus and if they will see them there, that is when they started every few days asking ME when it will be and am I ready to go if it is today or not.

If it was today, would you be invite??  Will I see you there?



One of these days I'm gonna fly
Over the mountain
One of these days I'm gonna ride
On the silver lining
One of these days I'm gonna witness
All I've been missing
One of these days

One of these days I'm gonna do
All the things that I've never done
I'm gonna finish all the races
That I've run but I've never won
And I'm gonna see a million faces
And recognize everyone
One of these days

One of these days
Gonna see the hand that took the nails for me
One of these days
Gonna hold the key to the mansion built for me
One of these days
Gonna walk the streets of gold that were paved for me
One of these days
I'm gonna see my Savior face to face
One of these days

One of these days I'm gonna see
Just what became of me
On the day that I believed
When you took myself from me
And I believe I will see
What I would have been
If You didn't save me
One of these days

And one of these days I'm gonna talk
With all the saints that have gone before
And in their sandals I will walk
And we will sit along the shore
And I will learn all the things
That I never knew before
All this and more

One of these days I'll finally be
In a place where there's no more need
No more pain and no more grief
No more foolish disbelief
And all the joy there will be
When at last we finally see
One of these days

*Scoff* Where is my Saturday Six??

Pat is dropping the ball! LOL He usually posts it after midnight so I can wake up on Sat and answer the weekly questions.  Has he forgot?  Is he being Lazy?  Doesn't he know we live each week just to get to Saturday so we can do the 6???!  I will pray that he just overslept since he is a busy t.v. writer producer type guy and has such an interesting life and it is not the worst.. he has jumped ship all together and found BlogSpot to be a better home then AOL'S J~Land.  Ohhh Patty'boy the pipes are calling.. LOL.

No but seriously.. where is the Saturday 6!

Just watch ..he posts them 2 seconds after I hit the save button and will make this post void and I will feel like an arse.  I don't care.. I dont have anything to write on.. that is why I needed the 6 questions LOL.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Revelations.. The Movie

I wonder why I bothered to turn on NBC tonight to watch their movie version of Revelations.  Mostly likely so I could have something to write about tonight in my journal lol oh and because we canceled HBO and Skinamax so there was not much else on.

I watch these movies here and there that like to twist their own interpretation of the Biblical events that are to happen in the End times.  I put them on but I can hardly watch them for more than 15 min before I go.. ohhh brother.. ppl buy this junk.. that is not what the Bible said.. and ohh well that is just stupid now.. I wonder if these film makers and actors are aware of the possible curse they could be bringing down on themselves:

Revelation 22:18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and [from] the things which are written in this book.

I read that warning and understand God is very serious about the book of Revelations and specifically tells ppl not to mess with it, don't add anything to it or take away.  How could some one make a movie about the book of revelations not be aware of that?  It is almost enough to make you not want to study it or understand it.  But that would be a mistake also because :

Revelation 1:3 Blessed [is] he that readeth, and they that hear the words of this prophecy, and keep those things which are written therein: for the time [is] at hand.

It says you will be Blessed to read it and keep it. You will be blessed because when the big stuff starts to go down, you will not be in fear because you already know what is going to happen and can rest on God's promises for you. Knowing the Word of God is so important, especially now when so much false teaching is going on and as the days get worse if you don't know what the Bible does say you could be fooled to believe a lie.  If you know what the Bible really says and not just take one person's word or movie or book that it says this or that it will not be as easy to be confused or fooled.

Matthew 24:24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if [it were] possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

I am not going to go into a big long explanation of what I believe about The End Times but I have studied it and our church has studied it extensively.  I do believe I am living in the generation that will see Jesus Christ's return.  I know for many, especially those who are older than me and who have heard the End Time message over and over may be rolling their eyes about now, saying they have being saying that for the last 2000 yrs why is this time any different then the past.  I say.. HELLO, WAKE UP and look around you!!!  I HIGHLY recommend you read Matthew chapter 24 and 25 and see what Jesus said.

Matthew 24:32 Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer [is] nigh:

Matthew 24:33 So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, [even] at the doors.

I don't believe Jesus will come any second now but that some things have to happen first before he will.  But we are to be watching and aware so that when he does come we will not be asleep and over taken like a thief in the night.  Because I am not of the night but of the day:

1 Thessalonians 5:2 For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.

3 For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.

4 But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.

5 Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness.

6 Therefore let us not sleep, as [do] others; but let us watch and be sober.

7 For they that sleep sleep in the night; and they that be drunken are drunken in the night.

8 But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.

9 For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ,

10 Who died for us, that, whether we wake or sleep, we should live together with him.

Well I could go on and on about this topic.  It is one of my favorites but didn't I say I wasn't going to get into a big long post tonight about it?? LOL

If you really want to know what I think IM or e-mail me and we can search the scriptures together. : )  AND I recommend you read Hunter's journal where he highlights current news events and how it relates to the coming of Jesus Christ.

He that has a ear let him hear.. and He that has eyes let him see.   : )

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Mother loses custody of her fourteen year old daughter for two and a half hours.

Imagine this if you can:  Your 14 year old daughter, a minor and who is in your care, who you are responsible for and who you love very much is pregnant.  You find out she has skipped school and has gone to an abortion clinic, with out your permission.  You go to the clinic in search of her and when you get there the clinic workers refuse to let you talk with her or see her.  They have hidden her in a back room and when you start to call out to her to talk to her to let her know you are there they call the police and have you arrested.  When your daughter hears that you have been to the clinic and she wants to talk with you, the clinic workers lie and say you have left and don't want to have contact with you.  Imagine your horror as you sit out side and in the police car.. as your daughter is alone and going threw something that will change her for the rest of her life.  Imagine the daughter's tears as she come out to see her mother waiting for her and how angry the both of you are when you see how this is women are treated and cared for, how the clinic has lied and interfered between a parent and a child.  

This is a true story and Small Victories was at the abortion mill and saw this whole scenario play out, one that happens more and more often.  Angela Michael reported it on her web site and has pictures along with the commentary. She also interviewed the mother and the daughter.  She will be a guest on the Fox News Channel show The O'Reilly Factor tonight at 7:00.  Tune in and let me hear your thoughts and opinions. Journal/blog about it, talk about it.. People need to know what goes on behind those clinic's closed doors!  

As a mother of 3 girls and a women who has gone threw an abortion her self, I am sickened.  If that was one of my children in there they would have to shoot me to keep me away from her and my grandchild.  Where are the parents rights??  A child under the age of 18 has to get parental permission to get an ear pierced or take an asprin at school but how contradicting is it that a child (who is truant from school) can go and get a major medical "procurer" with out the parent's consent?!!!  And to lie to the child to make it seem as if her mother didn't care and didn't want to speakwith her.. just shows the clinic's true motives.. profits.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Deciding to Decide..

A "WOV Note" from Women of Virtue

Decide to Decide.  "As I see myself from God's point of view, the pieces fall together easier because God holds the box top to the puzzle.  He already sees the completed picture of me and my life.  My relationship with Him is the key that unlocks the puzzle's solution.  Each decision will put a piece in place.  Decide you will decide to put the pieces of your life together."
Pam Farrel, The 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make


This week's verse of encouragement:

"Multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision!  For the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision....  But the Lord will be a refuge for His people."
Joel 3:14, 16b (NKJV)

I just read that and it seemed to be a timely e-mail and applys to me.  God does that a lot with me.

Decide to Decide.. what could that possibly mean right?  Josh and I have some things coming up that we need to decide what way to go on. I would just rather avoid any decision process and let what ever happen, happen. LOL

Josh's mom is sooooo miserable where she is at, in her job, and in her personal life.  Her job is.. excuse me.. CRAP and she could do so much better and she is lonely because the reason she moved to the town she moved to is now gone.  She moved from Las Vegas to a small small Midwest town in IL to be with her mom.  Now she has passed and she feels like it is time for her to move on, her reason for being there is done.   Ofcourse we want her to stay close to us and not move back to Vegas.  We are pretty confidant that she could find a better paying job in our area, especially with her tons of experience with running an office.  The suggested plan is she move in with us.  We find a bigger house for us all to share and share the expenses.  Josh has been saying this for almost a year now.  While I like the "idea" of it I do have some reservations about it.

I love his mom very very much.  We get along very nicely.  She is not pushy or a control freak and she says she is happy with the way we have raised our children, proud of us.   But she has never lived with us or close by to us.  It is easy to get along with some one who lives a few hundred miles away.  She tried to live with her older daughter and her husband once and that didn't work out too well.  I tried to ask Josh's sis why it didn't work out with out stepping on toes and she said pretty much Mom is just set in her ways. That wasn't very expansive and leaves that open to any kind of interpretation.  Josh said it didn't work out because his sis and hubby are bad slobs.. worse then us and his sister didn't have a good discipline with her daughter.  Well,HELLO, WE are slobs.. so that is going to have to change if she does move in with us, that is a fear I have.  She is going to move in see how we really are and with in a year the love is gone, the bubble is busted and it's isn't going to be "ohh Josh and Mary I am so proud of you" but be " Ohhh my Gawwd this is how you take care of my son and gradbabies?"

Josh and I have lived on our own since we have been 17 & 18.  We have learned to be come very independent from our parents and I am proud of that fact.  It would horrify me to Have to lean on our parents for any kind of support, to have to move back in with my mom is something that just would never happen.  And we have learned that to ask any kind of help from his Dad and step mom is like asking for strings attached and a form of control in our lives.  But this would be a different situation, us more helping his mom then she helping us.  We haven't lived in the same town together since Josh and I were teenagers so I can't say just how it would be.  Beside the cleaning issues, and I think I can get past that, if anything that is a good thing, keep me motivated, there are many pluses to having her live with us and close by to us.  It would make Josh so incredibly happy to have his mommy in the same town and he would feel like a good son.  It would be nice to have a dependable and willing sitter from time to time so Josh and I could actually have a date night once in a while.  She is very crafty and could teach me how to do some sewing and maybe how to cook. There are ladies his mom age at our church that I could see her becoming friends with so she wouldn't be as lonely as she is now. The kids would have a grandparent around that didn't think it was such an imposition to do things with them.  I don't think she is the type who would tell us how to raise our children or take over that authortive role.  She knows we are more structured with bed times and dinner times with our kids then Josh's sisters are and that is something she likes very much but she has said she wouldn't want to be in an authoritive role because that is our job, she just wants the fun stuff.  My only other concern is that she has not lived in a house full of children in a long time and you can imagine how loud 4 children can get from time to time when they are playing around.  Plus we don't have a lot of "look don't touch furniture", she has a lot of nice things and I would worry if the kids would understand boundaries of not playing or messing with her stuff and trashing it like they have ours.

The other thing about all this is we would have to move...AGAIN.  I think I have told you all that I have grown up moving around a lot. I am used to it but it is not something I want my children to have to go threw often.  It never fails it seems, just as I get comfortable where I am at, everything is just where I want it, then we choose to move for some reason or another.  I am happy with where we are living right now.  A house that fits us nicely, good school, NO neighbors, the kids are forming friendships and so am I.  When we moved out here I knew it was all God, he fit it all together perfectly.  My son was just starting the 2nd grade and was extremely upset to be moving away from his friends and school.  Josh PROMISED him that we would NOT move again until he was out elementary school, so he could go threw all of school with the same set of friends.  He is in a special kind of class room called E-MINTS, where they do more with technology and learning with computers than a regular class room.  His school has one class room in the 3rd and 4th grade that is equipped to be an E-MINTS class and they have applied for a grant so they can have one 5th grade class for next year.  We are hoping they get it so Zane can be in that kind of class room again and continue on with it all, and we are hoping Annie get's in the 3rd grade classroom next year.  If we do move I am pretty sure he will not get into another E-MINTS class or even if all schools have this new kind of class room yet.  So for me a requirement of us moving is that we stay where we can keep them in the same school. 

Where we live the other houses that are forrent are going for 1,200 - 1,500 a month, where at the house we are living in now is only 700 a month... a very good price.  Josh seems to think we could afford the higher rent especially since he is moving up to Journeymen and with his mom working she can kick in on all that too.  Even still to me that sounds like a lot of money to be responsible to come up with each month. I am still in penny pinching mind set mode.  I was hoping that we could start putting money away after he became Journeymen, not see how many more expenses we can take on.  And then ofcourse that sets off Josh wanting to look and see if we can buy a house instead of rent.  WE have no money saved up for a down payment much less first and last month's rent for a move.  The houses around here the cheapest is in the 100,000-200,000 range but he seems to think we can do one of those assist to buy things or something or another where you buy at a higher rate and refinance for a cheaper one in a year.  I am going to let him try, I am not going to be all down on the idea but I told him the last time we tried to see if we could buy a house we were told no way unless we had a co-signer and not much has changed since the last time we looked in to buying.  Josh wants to be a home owner much more than me I would say.  I don't know why the idea doesn't excite me as much as him.  My parents didn't own a house and have always rented so that may be part of it but also for me it is a BIG commitment and if we don't like our house after being in it we can't just say oh let's move but we have to actually take care of it.  If your pipes are messed up.. you have to be the one to call a plumber and pay for it or if the roof is leaking you have to be the one to fix it.. you can't just call the Land Lord and complain.  BUT with a house of your own you can have pets if you want and do things to it with out asking permission, more freedom.  I do want a house of our own, when we are ready for it.  I just don't know if we are ready for it right now and I don't want to have to settle on a house I may not like as much because of our credit.  Moving seems to be in the air all around ~J Land and a few of my journal friends are getting into their own homes and are so excited about it.

So as you can see we need to Decide on a lot of things.  I am not going to fret and worry about it all a lot.  I am goingto leave it up to God on how things go.  If he wants us to move into our own house, he will make a way.  If he wants Josh's mom to live with us he will work all that out too.  But I do think I need to spend much prayer time about it and so does my husband.  His mom is coming this weekend for a visit so we can sit down and talk it all out, establish what we want and don't want and what rules we may want to have if this all does go down.  Ought to be an interesting conversation.