Monday, November 28, 2005

Can you do it?

3 weeks of NO COMPLAINING.. what so ever?  That is the challenge put forth by my Pastor.  To be a thankful person and satisfied with each situation.. hold your complaining and bring your oughts up in prayer instead of feeding into negativity.  OUCH.  He insists if you can do it you will see a BIG difference in your life (and I tend to agree).

I am still super pissed at AOL and all that is going on with the journals. And I just haven't had the heart to write in my other blogs either.  Call me lazy and not wanting to put forth too much effort.. just yet.  I may very well cancel my AOL service.. working up to it.  I have been trying out first living with out the AOL software and doing everything threw IE and AIM.  But with the holidays coming I find myself melancholy and not really into learning anything new at this time.  I have too much new in my life right now.. new house, new schools for the kids, new friendships to develop, new situations with my husband, and I crave the familiarities of my journal. 

So before I go into my 3 week fast of complaining I am going to let out my feelings out about AOL and then move on.. just so they don't think I am satisfied with the mediocrities they have shoved down on us. 

AOL, shame on you.  You have no care for your loyal customers and I feel jaded.  Every time I see one of your commercials now I want to throw up.  I want these ad banners off  my journal.. ads that I don't support and feel very upset that you are not only taking my money that I pay for this service but also making money off my thoughts, feelings, my blog.  I will NEVER click on any of them and NEVER patronize any of the advisors and I will tell each of my family and friends to do the same.  I find your lack of concern for your customer base disheartening.  I have lost respect for the so called Journal Editors and AOL employees.  They have refused to truly address the journal community's complaints and  down play our concerns. To say publicly that AOL has only received a few dozen complaints over the ad banners has got to be the biggest joke I have ever seen in print.  You can ignore us your customers for only so long.. you WILL have to deal with the angst this has all caused. Hiding will only loose you more customers and word of mouth about how you treat those who have been loyal to you for years and your hunger for only profit will go across the globe.  Don't think because I am returning to my journal it is me throwing in the white flag over this issue.  I am unsatisfied and will leave for good if you do not do something more than put in small print a disclaimer about the ads.  I want them OFF and OFF for good.  They are in my e-mail box, journal alerts, the main screen, personal webpages, chat rooms.. my journal is the last straw.  If I wanted ad banners on my journal I could of set up a free AIM one.. which you had assured us when they were first implemented that the bonus of having a paid aol journal account was no ads.  I am cancelling all my premium services because I refuse to pay you any extra then I have to to keep my journal before I transfer all my entries.



Ok.. my 3 weeks of just being thankful has officially started with the hit of the save button.  If you catch me slipping.. hold me accountable. " ) 

Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD [is] upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to [them that are] bound


2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn


3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified


Click here to view Video


What Am I Thankful For???


When I was asked to get up and speak for a few minets about What I am Thankful for and share some of my testimony by Pastor, I of course had to say YES.  I immediately sat down and started to think of what I could possibly say and keep it short. I started to think back to where I used to be and just how far the Lord has brought me in my life, tears and praise started to flow and I can't help but smile.  I could go on and on all day about the many blessings in my life and some may think it was bragging.. when really it is me giving Glory to God.  Some one recently told me, "Mary you are a blessed person" My natural reply was "Ofcourse I am!  I am a daughter to the KING!"  And that is what I am most thankful for because I did not always know that truth and I did not always know him. 


That video that I asked them to play I found online and the first time I saw it I related to it profoundly.  For me I could of wrote that song and those could have been images of my own teen years flashing up there.  If you have ever seen that movie 13 you know it is basically about a young girl and she seems to grow into every parent's nightmare.  I was the wild child trying to escape my reality of a childhood with sexual abuse and unstable home life, looking to be loved in all the wrong ways and I look back and marvel at how on earth did I come out of some of the situations I put myself in with out serious harm. How even then God wanted to know me and was calling out to me and drawing me to him.


I am thankful for that divinely appointed day when a women in a big red van pulled up and asked me if I needed a ride and thankful that she befriended me and spoke truth into my life and never looked down at me or judged me and the state I was in at that time.  She only loved on me and showed me God's love. Before that day I was trying to live a good life but with many deep hurts and void of God's presence in my life.  I was A young wife with two children and the third on the way, trying to escape my past. Joshua and I trying to make ends meet with very little and seeming bound to repeat the patterns set down by the parents who raised us.


I am thankful for who ever wrote that song "Jesus Lover Of My Soul" and to the Holy Spirit who ministered to me threw that song.  The song that helped me realize that YES HE DOES LOVE ME.. HE WILL SET MY FEET ON A ROCK AND I CAN STAND ON HIS PROMISES AND HIS TRUTH.  THAT HE IS THE LOVER OF MY SOUL, THE LOVE I HAD BEEN YEARNING FOR AND SEEKING MY WHOLE LIFE. He loved me and died for me even while I was a sinner.


I am Thankful for the scar on my husband's abdomen from his appendix surgery.  It was shortly after that that he realized his mortality and his need for a relationship with The Lord. It was after that we became equally yoked and made God the center of our marriage.  A quickly answered prayer because it was only a few months before that I remember crying and asking what do you do when your husband is not a Christian.  Now I can look back and wonder how does ANY one hold a marriage together with out God in the center of it because with him in ours there has been Joy and Peace and a deeper Love.  I know most of the couples who get married at 19 much less any age are on the road to divorce but Josh and I even though getting married and having children young we seem to get stronger threw the years.. Going on 10 this June.


I am Thankful for each of my children.  They are each a special blessing and a joy and I am blessed doubly because I know that because of mistakes I have made in the past I may have very well been left barren if not for the grace of God.  Zane the brain and wise beyond his years, Annie gentle and soft-spoken, Lilly full of excitement and energy, Sophia my baby who demands attention and my first daughter, Beautiful who I will meet in Heaven when that day comes.


I am thankful for each of the trails God has brought me and my family threw teaching me to walk with him and base my life on his love and provision and not on earthly things.  For the times we did not know how were going to pay the bills or feed the children but some how he always provided. For God showing me to be content in each situation and to appreciate each blessing.  Growing me in him and learning about what is really important in life.


I am thankful for when my niece was kidnapped over that Christmas from the Chicago bus station and he taught me threw all that how to rest in his Peace and promises, to hear his voice, that when we pray he does listen and he is in control despite what circumstances or other people say.


Ofcourse I am thankful for the wonderful new house we moved into at the end of this summer.  I could have never dreamed of living in a house such as the Lord has blessed us with.  Most of my life I have moved from apartment to apartment and when he lead us to the house we rented in O'fallon for 3yrs that to me was a miracle but to have a house of my own, that I could paint any way I want, have a pet, a yard and neighbors, room for the children to grow and then some.. I still get overwhelmed by how he moves and gives us only good things. Neither of our parents settled in one place for long and my parents never owned their own home.. so even the thought of us buying a house was not wired into my thinking beyond dreaming.  I am sure Josh can tell you how I fought us even looking for a house to buy and how I just didn't feel worthy of a home of my own.


I remember once when I was 14 or so writing in my journal about a dream I had for my life.  Thewonderful husband who would love me and take care of me the right way, the beautiful children I would have and the happy home we lived in.  Me baking in the kitchen with a baby on my hip and the other kids playing in the yard with our dog and my husband coming home from work giving mea big kiss.  Like one of those opening sceens from a 50's tv show.  I cried because the thought at the time of having a stable idle life was too overwhelming and I just knew life was not like that and no one lived that way and I pushed that dream away.  Now I know no one's life is perfect and life is work but all these years later God has blessed me with my childhood dreams, like he took a page out of my diary and said.. yep.. this is what I am going to do in Mary's life.. in my timing, if she yields to me and learns and grows in me and draws close to me..


Life abundant is what I am thankful for.. the life he has given me.  Before I knew Jesus Christ I was living a dead life and all the things I tried to do on my own to make it better are indeed like fifthly rags compared to the work he has done in it.  All I can be is thankful and in awe of him and I know these are just shadows of what is to come still, when Jesus returns.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Uproar in J~Land.. May the people be heard!

Originally Posted Tuesday November 15*

"The higher powers snuck into MY extremely personal journal last night and like a thief leaving their mark, sprayed graffiti in the form of advertising on MY personal walls"  


This will be my last entry with my PAID AOL JOURNAL ACCOUNT! The outrage is because I pay money for AOL.. mostly JUST so I can keep my Journal.  AIM screen names are allowed to have an AOL Journal for free.. so it is understandable that they would have the adds.. but hey.. I am a paying customer.. and this is bull.  This may just be the last straw and I may close my AOL account if this issue does not get taken care of.  Why pay for it when I can just get an AIM screen name?  

Until AOL hears the people of J~Land and resends the add banners to paying customer's blogs, you can find me over at and the mirror blog I have over there.  Sure there are add banners there.. but that is what I expect when I am not paying for their service!  

Here is the Link.. ~Oh Mary~   

*Updated* I am also going to give Blogger a try since that seems to be where most of the Exodus is heading. I will try them both out and see what one I like best.. I see pros and cons for each.   ~Oh Mary~ on blogger

I am sure you can find the RSS feed for them in lieu of journal alerts. Don't be lazy.. try learning something new for a change.

*a side note* It has been over 4 days since the supposed journal upgrade and I STILL have to use IE to make a post.  Ya, that really makes me want to stay with AOL.. not.  But I am still hoping that they will come to their sense and listen to their loyal customers and I can return to this space.. but I am preparing for the worst.


Sunday, November 13, 2005

"Survey Like None-Other!"






The goal is to have this in every single AOL Journal. What do you have in common with others? Do you like the same things? Post this and put the title of your entry "Survey Like None-Other!"  This is a great way to introduce yourself to new readers!  

1. What sign are you?   Capricorn, but I don't live my life by astrology or even read horoscopes..but it is funny how if you read the description of my sign it fits me closely. 

2. What is your favorite color?  Purple.. the color of royalty

3. How many waffles could you eat in one sitting?  How many could I or should I?? LOL  I try to stick to 3 or less. 

4. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?  Nope


5. If you had to choose between cats and dogs, which would it be? Cats


6. What is something you have learned recently?  How to do the alphabet in sign language. 


7. What is your favorite quote? Hard to say.. there are so many good ones but the one currently gracing my e-mail signature is : Micah 6:8: He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God

8. What is your favorite entry in your own journal?  In my wholeeeeeee journal???? You want me to go back threw 2 1/2 years of entries?? Can I just do one from this last month or so?? LOL this one would be on my top ten list if I had a top ten list

Forgiving Yourself and letting God use you.


9. What color is your bedroom? Currently just plain white but we have plans to paint one of these days and put a big wall mural of a Tuscan Scene.  We are going to go for a greek/roman kind of theme too so likely we will have grays and whites and maybe some reds & purples.


10. Where is your favorite place to visit?   My friends up in Wisconsin or friends and family in Las Vegas


11. What is one thing you want to accomplish this year? Learn sign language well enough to hold a conversation with a def person.


12. Why do you write in a journal? MANY REASONS! First and foremost for myself.  To have a sounding board for my thoughts and feelings, a release and a place to be creative. Secondly for the community aspect, knowing that I have friends who read with care and can give me at least a little bit of adult interaction. And lastly to touch others and live out my faith and draw others to the Lord.

13. What is your favorite joke? Don't think I have one.. certainly not Blond Jokes.


14. Do you like the city or the country?  I am a city girl threw and threw.. I have to have a 7-11 on the every corner lol but I also like the country and the seclusion of it.  Right now I live in a state of in between.  I am kind far away from everything but my area is growing and in five years or so it will be more city then country.


15. What style is your house decorated?   Right now it is a hodge-poge of everything.  We just moved into our first house and are taking our time getting it the way we want it. It would be nice to have one of those look but don't touch houses but that is impossible with four children lol.  I think I am going to try and go for elegant in most rooms and country in the kitchen.


16. Who is your favorite artist?   I really don't know enough about art to have a favorite.  But I still appreciate art.


17. Can you pat your tummy and rub your head at the same time? Who can??? 

18. Are you a night owl?  Yes but I am trying to not be.

19. What is something you love in your house? (If you have a picture you get extra credit!) A painting my Grandmother painted. I inherited it.  Right now it is on top of my fridge and needs to be framed. See above picture.


20. Do you believe in God?   Yes. Here is a link to one of my personal web pages if you would like to know more and the why.

21. What hobby could you never give up?   My journal 

22. What color makes you think of Hope?  White

23. What color makes you think of Love? Pink

24. What is your favorite flower?  Lilacs.. makes me think of my mom and grandmother.

25. If you had one wish for the world, what would it be?  Perfect Peace.. but there will be none till the Prince of Peace comes.

26. Whats the best surprise you have ever received? I do not get surprised very often (ahem hint hint hint)  One of the best was a surprise birthday party when I was 15 my parents threw for me and another was buying this house. 

27. What can you cook like no-one else?  Umm.. cooking is not my thing.  I can make a real yummy spinonge dip.


28. What do you think about most?   It's all about Jesus.

29. Who is your favorite poet? Christina K. Brown  

30. And last but not least, if you could wrap yourself up in one word...what would  that word be?  Blessed

Saturday, November 12, 2005

And what are Josh's top 10 Needs

My friend Jess gave me this idea.. she did a search on her and then on her hubby.  I know what mine say.. so Let's see Josh's too.   If you want to play along just type in your name  and needs in your search engine and pick out 10 phrases that come up.

1.Josh needs a new bicycle  (ohh so that is what I should get him for Christmas?? LOL)  

2.Josh needs a holiday or just a cuddle (I'd cuddle him if he was here!)  

3.Josh Needs Our Help and Prayer  (This is true!)  

4.Josh needs remedial spelling lessons pronto (LOL maybe that is why he won't start his own blog?)  

5.Josh needs a new television set (ya he has been wanting to get a newier one.  The color on ours in the living room is going funny)  

6.Josh needs a two-parent family that can provide structure (see a theme here??? LOL)  

7.Josh needs to explore himself to see what he needs (ya.. cuz I am not going to do it)  

8.Josh needs change of pants (yep because I am not doing his laundry)    

9. Josh needs to learn how to delegate better and how to respect his staff (um.. ok that could apply)    

10. Josh needs know there is a large community of supporters wishing him well, and waiting for his return. (This is the best out of all of them and the most ture!!!)


Mary's top 10 needs according to a web search

Mary's top 10 needs.. a web search  Got this idea off of Christina's blog.. freaky how true some of these are!  

1. Mary needs prayer  (YES! PLEASE)

2. Mary needs the Lamb in school  (Yep, think of my children)

3. Mary needs a two parent home  (ouch considering my last post)

4.Mary needs to be marketed passionately to national and international audiences (ya! more readers)

5.Mary Needs a Little Consistency (oohh ouch true true true)

6. MARY needs a make over  (that would be nice)

7.Mary needs to find out what the students think (um.. ok?)

8.Mary needs you in this area (it would be nice to have more of my friends in my area)

9.Mary needs a powerful, enduring culture of philanthropy (ya! show me the money)

10.Mary needs to be more diverse, more international and even more public  ( I dont know how you get more public then this.. but the webs says I need to be more.. so it must be so lol)

THIS prob is one of those entries I should save for my private Bitching N Moanings


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Now!!Who's the bigger fan huh!?? LOL

I did it!  I beat my mom at getting Neil's new CD!  I had to get it.. if only for the song I inspired, Oh Mary. But I love most of the songs on it so it is worth it.  I would of just down loaded it off music@aol but it wasn't available there yet.  Too bad, prob would of been cheaper at $1 a download vs the $18 or so that I paid for it at Sam Goody.  Wal-Mart didn't have it and normally if you get a cd or dvd there the first week it is out it is a bit cheaper.  But hey.. it was a TREAT my self kind of day.  I deserve it!

To tell the truth I was a bit shocked when I called my mom and she said she had not gone out and bought it yet.  I figured she would of been first in line.. and it's been out for two days already!!  She mustttttttttt be slipping LOL.

On a side note.. it is OFFICAL.. I am OLD!  Like I said I went into SamGoody to get the cd.  It was overun by young'ins with funky dyed hair and pierced everythings.  I had all four of my kids in toe and doing my best to keep them from over running the place.  We found my cd fast enough but ofcourse the kids wanted to look at posters and all the do dads that really were inappropriate for their age if you know what I mean.. my fave was a key chain with a bee on it that said "Bee--itch" and close second was a poster Zane commented on, it had Gnomes tending a lavish green garden.. he liked it and thought it was cool.. daddy likes Gnomes.. I shook my head when I had to explain to my 11 yrd son what the green garden was growing. You would of thought I had walked into a Spencer's at the Mall.  There was Christmas (I use that term lightly) items out, one was a punked out snowman.  I had to yell at Lilly to stop playing with the evil snowman lol.  As I was in line.. it was long.. the kids couldn't keep together and I had to yell at them and was getting very frustrated.  Normally they are well behaved, must be the candy they get fed at school. I had all eyes on me when I yelled "GIRLS!" as my 3 started to wonder away. A group of young girls froze like deer in headlights and then turned around and looked at me.. opps no not you.. my girls. lol 

Sad really.. not so long ago I would of been in there looking probly simlar to those hip teens/young adults buying the latest Black Crowes or Metallica lol but now I am in there with 4 kids wearing a pink granny sweater buying Neil Diamond.  Should I be mourning my youth?? Na.. 17 is long gone and 30 is peaking around the corner and looking at some of the teens now.. I don't think I would want to go threw all that again!

Weath that Endures

Saw this on the Laugh and Lift daily e-mail and thought this went well with this previous post.

The Wealth That Endures
(Author Unknown)

You may lay up vast riches of silver and gold,
Of precious jewels and treasures untold.
When you come at last to the end of the road,
Your wealth will be what you've given the Lord.

You may own countless acres--a lordly estate,
You may dwell in a mansion costly and great;
But the mansions in glory will only be given
To those whose treasure is laid up in heaven.

Your name may be written on the scroll of the great,
And your fame may extend to heaven's own gate;
But the plaudits of God are reserved as reward
For those whose riches have honored the Lord.

Matthew 6:20 "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal."

My Friend

A squeeze of the hand

A wink of mischief

A hug of encouragement

A smile that brightens up the room

A figurative foot that kicks me in the butt

A silent prayer

An ear to hear what I am really trying to say

An eye to see just what my needs are even when I can not

A head full of wisdom

A heart full of God's Love

A blessing to know

My Friend and Sister

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

In case you forgot like I did. there is another chance to view the program

FRONTLINE: the last abortion clinic | PBS   I totaly spaced that this show was going to be on tonight!!!!!  You know I am kicking myself right!  Good news is that you can view the program tomorrow on PBS's website.  There is also a message board that looks very active.. Let your voices be heard on it and in your blogs!

Monday, November 7, 2005

Pulling some of my thoughts together on a popular quote

CLICK HERE TO PLAY if song does not load

There seems to be a common thread in some of my conversations lately and a few blogs I have read and the last couple messages from our church's pulpit and even the music I have been hearing. Pride, Humble and God's Soviernty and Knowing What The Word says.  This is just my attempt to pull some of my thoughts together, see what God has been trying to say to me and I am NOT slamming anyone but maybe some of you may benefit also.

"God helps those who help themselves."  I was talking with some one when they quoted that old saying and they seemed to think it came from the Bible.  The exact origins of this parable that is said often in our country I do not know but I can assure you it is not from the Bible, at least not that phrase.  I looked, I searched for it, and what I found was the exact opposite.  Any reference I found to help and themselves was put into the context of people gathering themselves to seek God's help, asking for his provision and having confidence that God was going to come threw for them. 2Ch 20:4And Judah gathered themselves together, to ask help of the LORD: even out of all the cities of Judah they came to seek the LORD.  2Ch 32:8With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the LORD our God to help us, and to fight our battles. And the people rested themselves upon the words of Hezekiah king of Judah.

But that saying sounds soooooo good.. there has to be some truth to it right??  It is true that a lazy person will not be blessed, people who can but don't work will starve and not provide the basic needs for their family.  God does come down on laziness and gluttony pretty hard but I don't think that is what this saying "God helps those who help themselves" means when people say it.  When I hear people quote it, it is more of a "pull yourself up by the boots straps, don't be weak and needy and do for yourself first before even thinking you can ask God for help", kind of attitude.  And what is wrong with having that kind of attitude?  Isn't that kind of the American spirit? Some of our most celebrated Hero's and Icons are those who are self made, found their fortunes despite poor back grounds.  Our national motto drips with self Pride and the American dream is to have a house with nice things to fill it and two cars in the drive way.  Our self measure, self worth is based on what we have and we are told to be proud to do it all on our own with out help.

And that is the folly of it all... Pride.  I can do for myself all on my own and don't need help.. I did it all my way, that is Man's wisdom NOT God's.  The Bible does have a lot to say about pride and one of them is Pride comes before a fall. Here are just a few verses of what God has to say about Pride.

 Psalms 10:4 The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek [after God]: God [is] not in all his thoughts.

Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the LORD [is] to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

Proverbs 11:2 [When] pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly [is] wisdom.  

Proverbs 16:18 Pride [goeth] before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.  

Proverbs 29:23 A man's pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit.  

1 John 2:16 For all that [is] in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.  

Isn't interesting how the World says to have pride but God says that is evil?  What is at the heart of all this?  Why aren't we to be proud of our accomplishments and what we have done with our own two hands? Why can't we boast about it just a bit? Because the focus is wrong.  We exalt ourselves over God.  We don't recognize if it wasn't for him we would have nothing, we build our own kingdom instead of his. We become our own god and fail to see he is sovern. We start to look down on those who have less and see them as lazy and feel better about ourselves for having more.  Oh come on.. don't tell me you haven't thought it now and then.. "It is a shame about the homeless or the poor or those in the inner city... but really why can't they pull themselves up by the boot straps and work to make something of themselves??  This IS AMERICA for crying out loud.. the land of opportunity, where you can be what ever you want to be if you work hard at it."  

Recently someone I know lost their house.  They filed for bankruptcy and their house is being taken by the bank.  They feel so ashamed right now, so low, and I know this has taken a toll on their self worth.  They said they have been humbled but really what they said was humiliated and is afraid of what people are going to think of them now.  Hey we all make mistakes and sometimes things get to a point where we give up and look for a fresh start but because we have been taught to measure our value by possessions and not how God sees us,  being with out the house and the car and unable to buy the big gifts at the holidays, we are deemed as a failure in our society.  When our Pride is stripped away the world looks down at us but that is exactly where God wants us to be, humble and broken.  When we are at our weakest he is at his strongest.  When we are broken he can work with us because we are looking to HIM and not to our self to provide for our needs.  He can correct us when we are humbled and show us our heart and renew us.  God disciplines those he loves!  He uses tribulations for our benefit and for his glory.  We are to rejoice when trouble comes because he is doing a might work.  Romans 5:3 but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;  Romans 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;  2 Corinthians 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.  

I know what you are thinking.. sure Mary it is easy for you to say that now.. you have your wonderful new house and you guys are doing well for yourselves. Aww yess.. I have been very blessed!  And I give all glory to God for what I do have, where he has brought us.  It has not always been this way as my family and friends and anyone who has followed my blog for awhile can tell you.  We have been on welfare, we have been one check away from being homeless, we have wondered where our next meal will come from and going to food banks, we have in the past filed for chapter 13, we have lived with out all the luxuries in life like cable and a second car and sometimes even no telephone.  I know how that shame feels, thinking others are looking down on you and Iknow how humbling it is to have a church pay your rent for an entire winter and other's buying the Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas gifts for my children.  But you know what?  I am so so so very thankful for those times in my life!!!

 Praise God for those times in my life!!  I would not be the person I am today if he had not allowed for us to go threw that fire.  I learned so much about God during those times.  I grew in my relationship with him and learned to trust him for everything.  He got me to the point where I learned not to worry about things and to be content in every situation.  He showed me that my self worth was not based on the same measuring stick that the world uses but by him and his love and our relationship.  I learned to be thankful.. really thankful!  I recognize that it is all him and not anything we have done that we are where we are now. 

To tell you the truth I am often overwhelmed by how blessed I am.  I fought getting this house and this blessing tooth and nail.  I didn't want to be here, didn't feel worthy of it, and I did NOT want my pride to rear it's ugly head.  Sometimes I think it is better to be with out then to have all the treasures of this life.  I much rather look forward to the rewards and treasure I have stored up for me in heaven then the ones I have here on this earth.  True prosperity is not what is in your bank account or what house you live in or car you drive but thriving and growing in God.  If my house was to be taken away tomorrow and we went back to where we were, I would still be so blessed and so thankful.  

I think if I had lived my life by that saying "God helps those who help themselves" I would not be here to day... I would be dead.  Sometimes we can not help our self, do for our self and we have to cry out, we have to seek God's help FIRST before we can do anything. How lonely it is to feel like you have to do it all on your own!  He doesn't want us to do it our self, he wants us to seek him, to be humble and meek, to lean on his strength alone.  He loves us and wants us to give it all over to him, to be our very present help in time of need, to be our strong tower of refuge and strength, to hide under the shadow of HIS wings, to be our provider and portion, our deliver.  He wants to reveal himself to us and he does it by making us humble so that we are in awe of him when he does answer those prayers, when does bless, when he does give and yes even when he does take away.  He wants us to know HE IS GOD alone, he IS the Great I AM!  

Those in the Bible who are the greatest, who God used in big awesome ways were not powerful, full of self pride and wordly riches.  Just the opposite really.  He uses those who are the least likely in the world's eyes to do great things as examples of faith and God's power and glory. A simple shepord boy and a few stones(David).  An ex judge humilated and blinded (Samson).  A murder who ran from Egept (Moses).  A carpenter's son...  you get the point.  

I know this has run on.. way longer than I had intended.  But if I have struck a cord with you at all and you are thinking you need help, God's help.. ASK HIM!  He will give it.  Seek him first and then all things will be given to you.  He came to give life abundant but it wasn't just about the material but about your soul.  He will give you Peace and Joy and Garments of Praise.. those are his riches.. not gold and silver or cars and all the rest.  Put your self worth in him and who you are in HIM.  

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:  

James 4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.  

Matthew 18:4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  

Micah 6:8 He hath shewed thee, O man, what [is] good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

Saturday, November 5, 2005

PBS Documentary to Show Pro-Life Successes in Closing Abortion Facilities

WASHINGTON, November 4, 2005 ( - A documentary will air November 8 on PBS in the US that highlights the success of pro-life workers in closing abortion facilities through legal means. “Frontline” will air its programme called "The Last Abortion Clinic" which is billed as an examination of the efforts to “chip away” at Roe v. Wade with hundreds of state laws restricting or limiting abortion.

The programme, which takes a decidedly pro-abortion angle, focuses on a Supreme Court case, scheduled for November 30, that could indicate whether Chief Justice John Roberts will allow states to keep laws restricting abortion which in the past have been routinely overturned.

One anonymous abortionist is quoted complaining that the legal work of pro-life activists is putting an end to the baby-killing movement. “The assault on abortion rights is very clever. It's very smart. And we are losing,” he said.

The Last Abortion Clinic refers to the work of the group, Pro-Life Mississippi, that has succeeded in closing, one by one, all but one of the state’s for-profit abortion facilities.

The programme will hearten pro-life Americans by showing how the local groups in Mississippi have pushed for laws that prevent public funds from being used for abortions. No institution that takes state money, including Medicaid, can perform abortions in Mississippi. This means that when private for-profit abortion mills go under, state hospitals also cannot fill the gap.

In addition, state funds, earned from pro-life license plates, go to fund pro-life and pro-mother crisis pregnancy centres where women receive medical referrals, financial assistance and help with parenting.

According to the PBS programme, the reduction of abortions in the US South can also be attributed to the passage of informed consent laws that require doctors to tell mothers about the development of their unborn children. Some states even require an ultra sound so that mothers can see their babies before making the decision.

Regulating abortion facilities to force them to operate according to the same standards as other outpatient surgical clinics has also helped close the private facilities which are notorious for their unsafe and unhygienic conditions.

The programme will air Tuesday, November 8, at 9:00 p.m. Eastern time.

Read PBS Frontline media release:

*** I know I will be watching and posting later my thoughts on it... why don't you too and get the blog spear buzzing about this issue*****

Friday, November 4, 2005

Pics posted of my small bathroom project

I think the bathroom turned out pretty good with all things considered.  I am not a professional painter.. I am only married to one lol.  Ofcourse the pictures don't do it any justice.. so you have to come on over for a visit to really see it!



Don't ask me what I was thinking when I picked the colors.  Maybe I was thinking those colors that would be a light pastel and give an open feeling to a small space and go with the flower pictures I wanted to hang.  I like purple and pink, that goes with saying.. but not THIS much for heaven's sake!  I thought I would really be happy with my first project in our new house but something was bugging me about it and the color after it was on the wall didn't give me the joy I thought it would. In my mind it was like I drank the purple and pink paint and I barfed it up all over the walls.. that was the feeling I was getting when I saw the walls finished. Then I finally figured out why these colors are so bitter sweet for me.. it kinda hit me like a ton of bricks sitting on the throne one night.. they are the same colors I used in my memorial picture for Beautiful.  Honestly I had not had all that in mind, maybe it was a subconscious thing?  At least this isn't the only bathroom in the house and if I don't want to go there.. both in mind and body.. I can run up stairs. 

Even though the color is not all that I wanted, I really LOVE how the framed flowers came out.  I took those pictures over a year ago at a relatives garden and have wanted to use the prints ever since.  I love the details that show up in them. I made the poster a long time ago too.  I was just playing with the PrintMaster program and used the same photos I had taken from the garden. I think the "Do Not Worry" and Matt 6:30 is a good life scripture to have hanging in the bathroom.. where some times we do our most deep thinking.  If you like any of the flower pics and want to get a print, feel free to down load them (just let me know). 

I spray painted frames I had on hand a metallic silver.  I am proud of how thrifty I was on that lol.  The silver matches the light fixture in there and eventually the mirror I want to make and to use an HGTV term.. really pops off the wall.  Originally I was thinking of doing something I saw in a home magazine called a picture tree. That is where you hang different size frames in a triangle pattern and connect them using ribbon. The ribbon I had bought was a light show threw white and on second thought really didn't go with the walls.  Maybe I will try that in a different room sometime.  If any of you do it or have an example please share with the class LOL. 

I am not sure what my next home project is going to be.  I didn't think the bathroom was going to take as long as it did and now I know why my husband get's paid the big bucks for painting.. it is WORK.  I don't think I am going to paint another room in our house.. I will leave that up to Josh.  That just means I will have to wait a bit longer to see any color on my walls.  Besides projects are more fun when done as a family. I really do want to get a mirror in that bathroom but I think that Christopher Lowell craft inspired project will have to wait too for Josh.  What I want to do requires a jig saw and I am not about to get anywhere near the power tools with Josh gone LOL.


Josh has left back up to Rockford.  He won't be home till Thanksgiving.  Those two days really went fast, too fast.  Loneliness is already starting to set in and a heavy feeling of all the daily responsibilities are on my shoulders.  I really don't feel like talking about it right yet.  Let me stew a few days.  I am sure I will have a really good rant pouring out of me by then.

Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Neil Diamond's blog!!! With a Preview to his album coming out on the 8th!!!!

This just sent in from my mom.. the biggest Neil Fan ever..

It says it is his blog and I am going to assume that it really is since it has a full preview of his album coming out on the 8th.. 12 Songs.  Mom says so far from what she has heard, it is his BEST she has ever heard.. and that is saying a lot coming from her.

Do note the first song on it is "OH Mary"  I guess he DID notice me in that red dress screaming "I LOVE YOU NEIL" at the concert I went to with my mom and I inspired that song.  No really.. it is true.. musicians have a thing for me.. must be the blond hair or something.. first Tom and then Kurt and now finally.. Neil. heehee.

Just heard from Josh.. he is getting off earlier than he expected tonight and is HEADING HOME around midnight!!!  He will be here in the morning!!!!!!!!  Ohhhhh yaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!