Friday, December 5, 2008

A question for Ladies over 30 and PMS

I'm 31 going on 32 (Jan 19.. better remember if you love me lol). Yes I know I don't look it.. thanks but I recognize my body is getting older and women's hormone levels change and what not. My last two cycles I have had the most outrageous case of PMS that I can ever remember having. It may partly be due to stress, cuz Lord knows I have been under so much of it lately but I am wondering if this also has something to do with my age. Normally I don't keep track and my period comes and goes with out much incident.. sometimes I feel what I call the ick's just before but hardly ever have cramps or the over the top emotions.. well yes always have had the chocolate cravings but other than that Aunt Flow's visits are not that disruptive.

Last month and this month I have been a raving B*tch. So angry at the world and can't control it. Cry fits like you wouldn't believe and ohhhhhh the pain.. I just want to crawl in a hole and die the week before and of. This is not normal for me what so ever. I almost want to feel sorry for the people in my life (if they didn't piss me off so much and almost always deserve the tirade) and I have had to do some apologizing for my harshness.

Also just before this period I had the biggest baby craving. Everywhere I went they were there or some one I knew was preggers. I would sooooooo love to have another baby and find it unfair that I am denied one when others who don't even really want one are having them or literally throwing them away or killing them. I cried my eyes out to my hubby over it... the ass said oh its just your time clock ticking. Seriously I don't think that is it.. I just know if he wouldn't of gotten fixed we would have at least two more children right now.. and the thing is I MISS THEM. Is that crazy???????!

Ok.. so ladies who are over 30.. is this normal??? Did your cycle and PMS change this drastically? Is this an age thing or am I going insane?? I have no reference in my family.. my mom has always had difficulties and has had a hysterectomy so she really can't tell me. Any input or comments will be valued and appreciated.

I do know that for my Birthday I am treating myself to that longgggggggggg over due (tisk i know its been almost 7yrs) women's health exam.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Cool Winter Hat 08/Posting test with flicker

My Cool Winter Hat 08, originally uploaded by ~Oh Mary~.

My new NewsBoy Winter hat.. matches my brown jacket great!

Using this as a test to see if I like posting with better

Thanks Boy Scouts!

Last weekend was Boy Scouting For Food and our church's food pantry was one of the drop off places. It was all so overwhelming but in a good way! Talk about blessings and the generosity of others! Hard times are here and coming for many, this will help so much. The small pantry was so bare and now we are over flowing.
Thank you Boy Scouts and all those who donated to them!!!!!!!

On a personal note.. my family was just so blessed to be apart of the volunteers that showed up to help. We have been lacking in fellowship and church attendance the last few weeks and being around positive church family was like coming home.. that is the only way to explain the beautiful feeling that welled up with in. Saturday Annie, my oldest daughter, and I went up to help..good mommy and daughter time. And Sunday I went up with the youth group and after church the rest of the family came over to help for most of the day. The kids worked sooooo hard and I am so proud of them. Good family fun! I just wish more could of been there to help.. there is still so much to go threw and do.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

OH and one more thing I forgot to say..

Remember back at the end of May... that Bad Bad thing I bought..


It was last Friday.. ya, I am very bummed AND Neil Diamond was in town and NO ONE would take me.. whaaaaaaaahhh!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Pics of Me & a post about loosing it

Gotta love my Sony Ericson cell phone.. ya the lighting sucks but I was board and sending them as a blog entry seems to be easiest way right now to upload them to the net. The last two are my fav and may become my new default pics on blogger and myspace. (if only I could do something about the bags under my eyes ugh.. turning into Mother lol)

I feel like I am about to loose it.. and not in the good way.. maybe all I can do to deal right now is laugh and blow off steam. I can't watch the news with out my blood boiling, another government bail out!!?? Are you kidding me! So I have been avoiding news and talk radio the last week. Sigh.

Our computer had a major meltdown and lost six month worth of photos and docs and videos.. Josh had to wipe it out and reinstall OS. UGH!!! Bright side.. most of my pics are uploaded to aol pics or what ever the new site is now (cant say cuz I lost the link since my favs were wiped out) and it was only six months, not six years. AND I wasn't the one who had to sit there and figure out how to fix the puter.

Going on day 3 of loosing my glasses too. Not that I can't see or anything but I should be wearing them for driving. Wish I could get contacts but that is more money we don't have. Just like I wish we could get a new bed. We sooo need a new bed.. maybe that is partly why I am so grumpy.

My poor son. He may need knee sugary soon. Waiting on the x-ray and MRI results to come in to see what is causing him such pain. I hate to see my baby in pain and not be able to do anything about it. He is so bummed too because he is missing out on wrestling. He tried to do practice yesterday but only lasted the first 10 min and then had to sit out. It is not constant pain, comes and goes and he can walk on it. But still he is only 14.. I hate to see him so torn up already.

Last week and looking like this week too, I've got over time at work. That is a rare rare thing with my job and we will be needing every extra red cent we can muster too. But oiy.. I am a stay at home mom at heart still and just not used to working almost 50 hour weeks and getting home so late. Major guilt setting in but I know it is just temporary.

Friday can't come fast enough.. we are sooooooo broke!! I think I have enough gas to get me threw the week (Thank YOU Lord for lower gas prices right now.. $1.78 whoot) But I know Josh doesn't and we will be over drawn at the bank. But thankfully Josh is working this week.. no rain days forcasted like last week. He missed two full days! And you know what he did.. NOTHING.. bum lol.

And that is another thing I am about to loose it over. My husband! You know I love him, dearly, madly, deeply, to the pit of my soul. BUT What in the world is going on with him! I can not keep making excuses for him and the whole settling back into being off the road line and getting used to each other.. its been over two months now. Two weeks of good loving and passion and then almost like the silent treatment.. like he cant stand to be in the same room as me. Some one PLEASE cut him off from the Webkin's web sit!! He doesn't want to talk with neighbors or go to birthday parties.. even when I beg him.. please baby for me. I suspect he is depressed but Mary is feeling ever sooooo neglected lately. I can't even get a good back rub people! And the snide comments about me developing an eating disorder and being too concerned about my looks is not the route he should be going right now. Men are so stupid sometimes.

Here is a clue if you are a husband or bf.. your women has recently lost a few and feels victory and excitement when she fits into that pair of jeans that has been sitting in the closet for 3 YEARS and is strutting her stuff.. you should say "Wow babe you look great!" and give her a pitch or slap on the behind. NOT "Ya whatever, whats for dinner?" That will only make her go running into the bathroom crying. And if she has been cussing alot.. well maybe you should ask yourself why instead of telling her how that is oh so unattractive.

Yes I have been loosing weight, and not on purpose mind you. For Real,we have been eating off the food pantry for a month now and my stomic has shrank. I want to eat when we do have food.. but just can't seem to get a full plate in like I used to. I have been trying to keep an eye on that and force myself to eat but a few bananas during the day and a small dinner at night is all I can muster. That and working so much the result is I am in a size 14!! You know what.. it feels great. And what does a women do when she is feeling good about herself and a new figure.. she goes threw the closet, gets rid of the fat clothes and sees what options she has left to wear. And since she is feeling so good about herself, she actually puts an effort into her morning routine and shock and awe.. puts a bit of mascara on and a comb threw her hair. Does that mean she is trying to attract attention from other men.. no! That means she is happy and would only love for her man to tell her how awesome she looks and how hot she is and how he cant control himself and take her back in the bedroom and .... you get my point.

OK End OF Rant. Life is good.. as long as we have each other. God is still on the Throne and Still in Control! At least that is what I keep telling myself and everyone.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Question About Character

Dinner time is always interesting around our house. Most times we sit at the table as a family to eat (especially when Josh is home). And the Hallmark commercials are right.. it is a good way to open those communication lines and enjoy family time.
Kids ask the darnedest questions.. questions that you are not even sure you have the answers to untill they pop out of your mouth. Part of lastnight's discussion some how came on to the question of "How do you build character?" That was from our 8yrd Lilly. I was open jawed for a few moments, such a profound thing to seek.. not sure I even really knew how one goes about on purpose to build up character.
This is what I told the children in that teachable moment and as normal I think it could of only came from the Holy Spirit and is an answer just as much for me as it is for my children. I told her we develop character everyday by practicing making good choices and admitting our mistakes when we do miss the mark and setting things right when we can. Sounds simple but honestly most adults don't know that and have terrible character.
I think this is one I need to think and pray on a bit more. Feel free to comment with your suggestions.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

That's Racist

My 3rd grader came home talking about the mock elections at school and who she voted for. She said she voted for McCain because he was white...
NOOOOOOO she didn't but might as well. She said she voted for Obama because he would be the first black President. I had to explain to her that is not a reason to vote for some one. Not because of the color of their skin, or if they are a man or women or because of their religion.
Yes it is exciting to have made history and have an African American in the White House (personally I would of preferred Colon Powell or Rice). But as I told my child (wth are these teachers telling them??) we vote for some one because we agree with their views, we think they represent us better then the other person running, because we think they will do a good job leading and are ready to face the hard challenges that office will have. Is that how the majority of Americans voted last night..I don't know.. I think most were just like my 3rd grade child.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

An Hour and Fourty-Five Min. In Line to Vote!!

This was taken at 11:15 a.m. You can't see it but the line wraps around..and that was for last names starting between A-L. It was just crazy! Glad I got it over with. Very intresting that Obama people were out passing out water and chips.. No sign of any McCain workers that I could see. But they did stay the requiered 25 feet away from the door.
My husband has to brave the lines as soon as he gets off work. The news is promising that if you are in line by 7:00 p.m. you will get to vote no matter how late it gets.

I am just glad it is almost over. If you want my opinion, this election cycle was just wayyyyyy too long and not enough substance from both candidates. I think Obama has it.. with his grandmother dying last night (sadly convenient) and the media all in love with him and him having mass money to spend, how can he not. Don't get me wrong, I didn't vote for him but I would say 75% of the people I know are going too or already have.

Buckle up kids.. it's going to be a bumpy ride!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

He said he wasn't harrassed too much

Zane sent me this pic of himself yesterday while he was participating in Pro-Life Day Of Silent Solidarity at his middle school.

I did not get any calls from the school administration and he says besides having to remove the tape from his mouth and place it on his shirt, there were no complaints. He said a teacher even High-Fived him. Zane reported that once his school mates understood what he was doing they wanted to also participate and he gave them tape and fliers to hand out at free time too. I didn't get an exact number from him but knowing my son I am sure he influenced a good chunk of the small student body we have at TMS.

All in all I think he felt success and that in some little way he was making an impact. Like I have said in previous post I consider him so brave for his age.. I don't think that is something I would of even thought of doing but of course I was a nerd in 8th grade and not in the good way lol.

Now, if I can just convince him to keep his hair out of his pretty blue eyes!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Very Last entry for my AOL Journal

I don't like it.. but it is what it is..

I think I successfully transferred all my old blog postings from my aol journal to blogger.. it was a pain with error messages and doubles AND none of the pictures transferred.. ugh.. but at least it is taken care of and 5 years of entries are saved somewhere. Now I need to work on my FTP space. Do you know if AOL Pictures is included in the big DELETE on Nov. 1st??

So those of you who are on Blogger or read in that spot my addy is

Any tips on how to customize and get or add alerts on blogger would be appreciated.
I think sadly, I will make this the last entry for Hunybea's Open Journal on AOL Journals. You can find me on MySpace and now Blogger. I can not put into words how much this place has meant to me or how deep my love is for the friends and readers who have touched me and allowed me to touch them back. I hope we can follow each other out side of AOL and that my enthusiasm for writing will come back. Right now I feel so disconnected and uninvolved with the Word Wide Web, among other things.
I don't know if my writing was important or least my son feels my pain.. when I told him what was going on he lamented with me and said.. oh mom you were so close to a book.. I just know some one was going to find you and want to publish you.. LOL he is silly but unlike others he knows how much I had put into my blog. No one can really understand unless they too have a blog where they invest so much of themselves in.. I still know people who have no clue what a blog is or don't see the point in having one.. much less read one.

Life carries on and bigger problems come and go.. soon we will be censored even more I think, soon my words will be stricken from any remembrance electronically.. maybe not today or tomorrow but it is coming. Much like in China where Google has agreed to filter for the goverment, the World will be filtered and anyone not going along with the program will be considered an enemy combatant. Don't think so? Go ahead and mock me.. but don't say you were not warned.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Check out the website for more info.

I just have to say.. I am soooooooooooo proud of my son.  It is one thing for me to be passionate about being pro-life and talk to people about it and face adversity.. But he has been planning and excited about the silentday well before school even started, busy trying to get info out there to his classmates to participate and be aware.  When I was his age I was not into anything besides getting in trouble and a trip to the Principal's office would have me shaking.  He has not only talked to teachers and the principal about this but may have to take a print out of his rights as a student to the superintendent who is opposed to this event..and he is not even flinching at the idea.  This is all him.. I am hands off.. all I said was what ever happen and what ever he chose to do I would be behind him.

I don't expect too much trouble with this.. but I am bracing for a call on that day.  And what will I say?  Let him sit in your office all day.. and when you look at him think about why he is there.. cuz I will NOT pick him up from school the whole day, I will be working and for them to expect a call and legal action from ADF ( 1-800-TELL-ADF)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Fall brings changes.. not just the leaves...

Excuse me.. I am shocked, surprised, and I may cry just a little bit.  This just shows how far behind I am.. I read this tonight along with a few postings in friend's journals about this latest kiss off from AOL:

Dear AOL Journals user,

We’re sorry to inform you that on Oct. 31, 2008, AOL® Journals will be shut down permanently. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

It’s very important that you save your Journals content before the shutdown. We're working on a way to easily move your Journal to another blogging service -- you can expect an email within the next week with more details about how to do it. We want the transition to go as smoothly as possible for you, so you’ll have two choices. You can either save your information manually and find another place to blog on your own, or choose to automatically transfer your Journal to a different blogging service we’ve selected.

In the meantime, please bookmark the People Connection Blog, where you can find out more about AOL Journals. You can also subscribe to the People Connection Blog RSS feed to stay informed about any changes. We’ll be updating the People Connection Blog often, so please check it regularly.

Thank you for your patience and understanding as we make this transition.


The AOL Journals Team


For the last 5 years I have put almost my whole life in the pages of this journal.. ya there was some bumps but all in all it is a good community and a constant in my life that I have taken so much comfort in over the years.  Why oh why is this being dropped????!  My last holding on with AOL beside my e-mail.. I have no other reason to do anything with AOL.  Yes I have not blogged like I used to in the last year.. working and life has held me up.. but dang!!  Surely God knew and he has helped decrease my desire to be as into AOL Journals or anything with the net lately so this change would not hurt so so bad?  Not sure what I am doing.. I do mirror blog on my MySpace page.. so if anything you can find me there,  ~Oh Mary~

Now an update that I am most excited about....JOSH IS HOME PERMANENTLY as far as we can tell right now!  He has been home since last Friday.  It is an ajustment but a good and very welcome one.  God has been vastly blessing me these last few weeks.. I am not sure I would even have the space to list all the wonders that have been going on.  But having Josh home is so awesome.. you don't even know.. but God did.  He knew I was almost at my breaking point with out my hubby and how badly I needed him (and a good deep back rub).  The timing is perfect.. I was about to tell him it was time to come hometo stay after the elections to hunker down and get ready.

The last year has been rough.. the last 3 he has been on the road back and forth home.. but the last year brought alot less home time.  

The down side.. he came home because he was laid off.  BUT I am not going to fret.. I am trusting that he will find work here in town and we will get threw.  TV is already cut.. and I really am not missing it much.  The only thing I truly miss is the news channel and keeping up with the campaigns and all the crisis going on with the country.  But the Internet and talk radio are a good substitute. 

Friends you know I have been open and honest about my Faith and World View and my longing for the time the Lord Jesus Christ will return.  I believe all that we see and hear and go threw is for a purpose and part of God's Plan.  I am pleading with anyone who reads this.. get ready.. get prepared.. mind, body, soul,  Give your whole life over to God and trust him NOW.  It's going to get hard and serious out there in the world in a very short time.. use the time you have now to be prepared... look up.. our redemption draws neigh!!!!

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Monday, September 15, 2008

Labor Day Camping trip pics

We had an awesome time. 

The long weekend was just too short.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

What in the world is going on?

I dislike coming back to my journal and seeing previous entry's pics messed up... gurr.  That is what I get for taking a month off lol.

Just dipping a toe in here for a few.. will take a full plunge back in soon.. promise.

AND OMG!! How could I miss my blog birthday??!!!  It turned 5yrs old August 25th.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

long over due update.. Sophia's 7th birthday, flowers in bloom, Weird Al concert.. ect..

Sophia's birthday was last month and we have been consumed by the Webkinz website ever since.. ya that's my excuse for not being online.. the kids have taken over the puter lol na.. I'm still just bla about being on the computer.  But I do think I want a Webkinz of my own.. Sophia doesn't like sharing so much.  AND if You don't know what I am talking about.. then you are way out of the loop.. google it lol

On Sophia's birthday I got a big present.  I finnaly after over 3years, got back in touch with my BBF Consuelo.  Another long lost friend reconnection thanks to MYSPACE.  I can't even tell you how much I have missed her or how happy and excited that we are talking again.  She was my best friend threw all those wild teen years and while our lives have taken different twist and turns and directions I still feel like she is my sister.  If only we could afford for us to meet up in person.. I tried tempting her out here with those New Kids On The Block concert tickets (November whoot whoot) but while she would LOVE to go with me (one of those childhood things we share) she is just as broke as me lol.  For now phone calls and e-mail will have to do.. but I am blessed even to have that.

Another little joy in my life is the garden we have going.  The roses from last year are doing well and the new red climbers we planted this year are starting to bud and bloom.  The wild flower seeds and sunflowers are finally taking off too.  Every day I come home from work and walk to the side of the house to look at them and pull weeds that always seem to pop up.  I few moments to myself before I walk in to the kids all over me or see what ever mess they have made that day.  Every now and then I send josh pics with a note saying Thank You For The Roses.  He is the one that did all the work and it is sooo much better then getting flowers delivered anyway.. they come back again and again.

Last Friday I splurged and took Zane to the Weird Al concert.  It was not planned so being able to get floor seats was a nice surprise.  And they were awesome seats.  Zane is still very thankful and doing little things with out being asked... he had such a good time and loves bragging to other like minded friends that he was there and with in feet of  the stage.. He really really likes Weird Al.. that sarcastic humor, and he knew and sang along with EVERY Song..  I had a good time too even though it was not nessicarly my thing.. OMG.. It really was a nerd convention but funny as heck.

School is starting next week and it is so hard to get the kids back into a normal routine.  This year they have changed the schools hours and how they do busing, so they will have to be up even earlier than last year.  But we have just about all the back to school shopping done, just need to lay out first day clothes and go to meet the teacher night and see if there is some tweaking we can do to the older two's class schedule.  I can't believe my youngest is going into 2nd grade and my oldest in 8th.. it just doesn't seem right!!!

And as always counting down the days till Josh comes home.  Labor Day weekend seems so far away but getting closer.  We are planning a family camping trip and maybe a float on the Meramec River.  We are so excited because  its been a few year since the last time we have gone camping all together.. I mean real camping.. in a tent with a fire pit! LOL

As always I will try to catch up but don't be surprised if it is awhile before another entry.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

When it rains... it pours : (

And I'm not talking about today's rain storm. gurrrrrrrr

Yes a car accident, the crowning event that put a dark high light on an already gloomy day.

To start, it was laxative day at work ugh.. I always dread that but some one has to do it.  Another reminder I am not paid enough (my client is a quad). All day I was looking forward to getting off and making my way to the book store to pick up book #11 in The Wheel Of Time.  And time went by fast today until I got to my car.  It wouldn't start.. dead battery...again!!  I had already planned to go to Auto Zone to get a new one but we had charged it up last night and normally that would carry me out threw the next day. It was on my list of To Do's today.  Josh has  been using his car since he has been home and he was at the docs getting an MRI done.  None of my friends were available to come and jump me or pick me up. I normally keep jumper cables in the car but I guess I left them in Josh's or in the garage.  But my client's sister called some one to come over and jump me thankfully.. I guess she didn't want me sitting around her house anymore lol.

I went directly to Auto Zone after the jump.  I am not ashamed that I am ignorant of cars and such and think that is a man's job lol that is why I hate having to deal with car stuff.  I had them test the battery and the alternator (some one suggested that it may be the starter draining the battery).  Thankfully I just needed a new battery, $75 that I really didn't want to spend this week. But I soothed my self by thinking it could of been worse. n I hate to imagine how much a starter or alternator would cost to fix.

As I was pulling out of my parking spot in front of Auto Zone I was sighing with relief and looking forward to getting my book.  Then not two seconds out in the isle a truck starts to back out into me.. I tried to swirve out of the way but it was too late.  As you can tell by the damage she hit me starting on the driver door so I was already well behind her when she started pulling out.. she says she didn't even see me (my big van must of all of a sudden been invisible)  I think I would of been better off if I just slammed on the brakes in stead of trying to swerve.. I think there would of been less damage.. and the truck only had a broken tail light!!!  We just exchanged insurance info but in hind sight I should of had a police report done.  Especially when she said this is the second time she had a car accident on her birthday and the insurance info was in her parents name.

No book store today.. I headed right home and called my insurance company and now I am dealing with that back and forth and waiting on a claims adjuster and estimator to call me back to set up an appointment for them to come out.  And that maybe some time next week.

On a happier note.. Josh went to the doctor yester day with good reports on his health for the most part.. his heart is in top shape and blood pressure is perfect.  She sent him to get an MRI today because his shoulder has been messing with him real bad for a few months and they wanted to make sure it was not a rotator cuff or torn ligament.  Turns out he has arthritis in his shoulder and he needs to go see a specialist (ugh more money) and his blood results shows his cholesterol is getting high and he needs to switch to a low fat and low carb diet.  His 32 Birth day is Monday.. a little young for arthritis I would think but his job can be repetitive.  As far as the cholesterol goes.. its not from what I feed him.. I almost NEVER fry food and I never put salt in anything.. I am a very bland cook.  So I threatened him that if he doesn't eat better while he is on the road I would make him come home and all he would have is tofu.

We have talked about Josh going back to school.. maybe online.  The time he spent in apprentice school counts towards collage credit and it wouldn't take but maybe a year part time in school for him to earn an associates.  Still he isn't sure what to go to school for.. not too much would pay any more then what he makes now or enjoy as much.  I remember in High School he liked painting and airbrushing but artist don't get paid much unless they are dead lol.  Zane suggested maybe go and become a mechanic but that is something you can't do online and it would be full time.  I suggested maybe Seminary/ Bible Collage and be a minister.. not that pays well but plenty of rewards in heaven.  Ya that didn't appeal too much to him and I know it's not really his calling.  I don't know.. but I am sure some kind of change is inevitable.

Tomorrow can only be better.. I hope.


Monday, July 21, 2008


The sermon Sunday revolved around drawing closer to the Lord and the purpose and meaning of Communion, having a covenant meal, self examination and the benefits of doing it often.  The hammer hit and it was as if I was being called out.. Mary you luke warm, pulling away from your first love, stagnant Christian... yup.. THATS ME.

But it's everyone I have been pulling away from and actually I have felt fine with it.. its comfortable, safe, lazy, easy.  I haven't felt too compelled in making an effort to go to church.. basically because I just can't take all the questions about when is Josh coming home and oh how hard it must be when he is gone for work so much.. If I don't think about it, I don't have to deal with it and just drift threw till his next home coming... is it so much to ask that people just accept this is how it is right now and stop being so pushy about it.. even in love.  There is more to me than Josh and his absence..although it is just a fact of life right now that we have to do everything over the phone or computer and when he is home everyone clamors for his time and I just want him all to myself.  And I have let it fester in to anger and complacency for well over two months.  Gas is crazy so I let that be an excuse too but really its just a convenient explanation.

And when I feel anger I tend to fall into a rebelous state and backslide into old patterns that keep me away from being close with God.  And while that is an ugly place to be, not pretty of me, I haven't felt like reaching out to come out.. I know it's my own choice to be this way.  I keep saying to myself.. oh next week I will get out of my stupor, tomorrow I will straighten up and be the Me I know I should be.  Monday I will put away foolishness and go to church for the weekly communion service they are starting to do.  Monday comes.. I plan to go..but I know.. if I do go I have to really be sincere and let my wall down with the Lord... because you cant take a convent meal with that and if you do with out willing to give up what is impure in your life it is detrimental.

So I hide in my books (been reading the Wheel Of Time series.. waiting on book 11 to come into the bookstore) and catching up online on shows I have missed, avoiding the News because I am so sick of hearing about bad things and about the elections and I yell at the kids for fighting too much with each other and getting into things while I let myself be distracted.  I dread going to work because I am feeling like a medieval servant  and am paid wayyyyy tooo little for all that I do.. so I skirt on some things and haven't given my all and even not been very good company.

So there ya go if you were wondering. My downward spiral laid out.

It's not like we haven't talked about Josh finding a job that will keep him in town but what it boils down to is less money, less security, and we are holding on to the house by a thread right now as it is.. we would have to give it up and we are not to that point where we can just do that yet.

It may be out of our hands soon enough.. Josh is coming home tomorrow (he was just home a week ago) because he needs to see his doctor.  Apparently our wonderful UNION insurance doesn't cover him outside our area and he really is scared because he blacked out with out warning at work a few days ago.  He says he doesn't think it was because of the heat or being dehydrated and he just hasn't felt right since.  It could be something as simple as blood pressure or it could be he has developed a sensitivity to working in the heat.. and that would mean he would prob have to change jobs.  I don't know.. I know it puts a kink in some things... he has to use his free ticket we have been saving for me to use to see him because his work doesn't want to pay for his travel unless it does turn out to be a work related condition, and he looses pay to come home.  But it will be nice soooooo nice to see him even under these circumstances.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Friday I went to help sand bag out at Winfield Highschool..

I live in Lincoln County in MO.  I am not personally effected by all the flooding and the rising water but Winfield, Elsberry and Clarksville is not that far from me and seeing the news all last week was really tugging at my heart, I felt moved to do something on my day off Friday.  It was just a bonus that alot of my friends felt the same and met up with me at the HighSchool to sandbag.  It was hard work.. a bit disorganized.. and the governor and all coming in was somewhat funny, but the scene of accomplishment and community was amazing.  Not sure how much of our efforts will pay off but I am praying for all those who are effected by this years flooding.


Mississippi River threatens more Midwest levees

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Sophia with the training wheels off

And it only took a Dollar bribe from the next door neighbor.  But once she did she took right off! *sigh* My baby is getting sooooooo big!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Josh: Wonderful Father, Awesome Husband


I can't tell you enough how blessed I am to have Josh in my life.  I know many women who are not as lucky and can only complain about their husband or father of their children.  No Josh is not perfect but he always tries to do right or make the best of what he has.  Today is Father's Day AND our 12th year anniversary.  I must say so far we have beat the na sayers, the odds and statistics, and come threw being even more in love. 

We had Zane when we were still teenagers and then got married when we were 19.  I can give you so many examples of how my husband puts his family first over himself.. first one was he moved/followed me while I was still pregnant 2000 miles away, changing his plans of joining the navy, preferring to be there for us.  Also he would not marry me until I finished getting my HS Diploma and I must say that did help keep me motivated.

As a husband he is a giving lover and excellent provider.  As a father he tires to find and use those teachable moments with our 4 children.  The last few years he has had to travel alot for work and it has been hard on us all but instead of letting it tear us down we treasure each moment together and let the time away make our hearts grow fonder for each other.

Josh is tender hearted, a good handyman, responsible, passionate, honorable, loves the Lord.  If there was a Proverb's Husband as there is a Proverb's wife.. he would fit closely the bill.  I often feel undeserving of him.

As you can tell I just adore my husband and that rubs off on the children too lol.  Home comings are a big gift and a party, departures from each other are tearful  but brave and time apart if filled with longing and faith that we will be together again soon.

This last departure he took our 13 yrd son with him to spend a month with him.  I expect Zane to come back almost a man and to of had many adventures with his dad and learning alot of what it is to be a real man.  How to work hard, how to put others first, how to honor God and our Country and his family. While Josh is at work Zane is spending his time either volunteering at a local nursing home (and they say they are already very attached to him and he does very well with the elderly) or at the downtown Library or taking care of chores around the apartment.  It didn't take Josh long to see what I have known.. it was time for the boy to have a cell phone lol.  But Zane bought his own phone with his own money he had earned.

I miss them terribly and am starting to count down the days till we are together again.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Support Needed for Prenatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act

From: SBA List President <information@SBA-LIST.ORG>
Subject: Support Needed for Prenatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act

SBA List Legislative Action Alert

June 5, 2008

Parents Need Support Not Abortion

Dear Mary,

The Prenatally Diagnosed Conditions Awareness Act helps parents when they need it most. When given a difficult diagnosis about their unborn child, shock and fear rise in the hearts of most parents.  This bill would help educate parents about the condition and provide support in their time of need.

Go here and urge your senator to support this bill.

Ninety percent of children with Down Syndrome are aborted.  The statistics are the same for many other prenatal diagnoses.  But ask parents of kids with cystic fibrosis if they have brought joy into their lives.  Ask a kid with Down Syndrome if he thinks his life is worth living.  I think you know the answers you'll get.

This bill has the potential to reduce abortions! Help make that happen.

Thankfully, this bill has bipartisan support.  Giving parents the resources they need makes sense.  Please go here today and show your support for this important bill.

For Life,

Marjorie Dannenfelser
Susan B. Anthony List President

P.S. Thirty five years of Roe v. Wade has burdened our nation.  Consider giving a small gift of $35 to the Susan B. Anthony List -- one dollar for each year -- and do your part to support our efforts to fight abortion advocates on Capitol Hill.   With your help, we can make a difference for Life!

P.P.S. Don't miss a thing -- add to your safe senders list.

This e-mail is never sent unsolicited. You, or someone on your behalf, have subscribed to receive this information from the Susan B. Anthony List. SBA List never sells, rents or even exchanges e-mail addresses. If you are subscribed to our lists, you will only receive messages from the Susan B. Anthony List. If you don't want to receive legislative emails, click the link at the bottom of this email. Because we lobby Congress, contributions to the Susan B. Anthony List are not tax-deductible.

Susan B. Anthony List - 1800 N Kent St - Suite 1070 - Arlington, VA 22209

Check out my All About Me Section

<<<<<<<<Check it out

I've been meaning to change it forever.. it's been some time since I had sported the short short hair in the about me pic and the kids have gotten much bigger too.  I had a slow day so I played on and glittered out the pics that are now adorning my About Me section

I know it askew the column a bit but I think it's a trade off.. most ppl just click the link and read an individual entry anyhow.

So What Ya think??????????

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Why Do I Sabotage Myself?? & Thankful Thursday


After a week off I started back to work Monday.  My new starting time is 6 a.m. and for anyone who knows me, knows I hate mornings or at least getting up at 5. I took the client knowing how I suck at mornings because I thought I could train myself to get up earlier and mainly because I need to work.  I was doing pretty well going to bed early and for Monday to Wed I was at work with time to spare.  But this morning I woke up at 6:30 and was seriously late.  With out going into the specifics of my client and family.. lets just say ppl depend on me being there on time, no excuse.  I rushed to get dressed and the kids up and barreled to work with out calling in to let them know I was on the way and arriving just at 7.  Too late, way too late and I knew that.  I feel soooo bad, like a big fat failure because I screwed up other people's work day.. and when you mess with other ppl's money.. they aren't happy about it.  I have no good excuse and all the apologizing in the world will not change that I messed up.  I was sent home and told to come tomorrow, the family already called into their work and hopefully can make up work Friday (Fridays are theirs and mine day off).  My initial instinct is to tell my boss to just find some one else who is better, more responsible.. shoot they may just request someone else anyway and would be in all rights of doing so.  But I know I should stick it out, prove myself that I am better than that and can be relied on.  We will see how tomorrow goes.  But I see the pattern.. I see that I sabotage myself with jobs.. not on purpose of course but maybe subconsciously.  Either way I feel like crap today and wish I could just hide but I do have another person to go to today at 11.  So I am just killing time.  I liked the little graphic I put in this post cuz it was cute when I saw it.. but really I don't like being imperfect lol and that is part of my problem.

But over the last few days I have been doing some thinking and praying.  I realize I need to be more grateful for what I do have and where I am at in life.  I seem to be such a complainer lately and whiney.  I am so blessed and I take my many blessings for granted too much.  Just the simple act of walking or being independent or having air conditioning when its almost 90 out is more then some people have.  I should be content.. I have food and water and shelter, I have good health so far and my children are wonderful (lol according to everyone I know).  And with the economy as it is I am grateful that I DO have a job, as small as it is and its a job where (when I am on the ball) I can be a blessing to others.


Saturday, May 31, 2008

I did a bad bad thing.. I may be left stigmatized for the rest of my life...

I can't believe I did it.. I couldn't help myself.  One e-mail lead to one website and that website lead to what I know will result in endless shame for a life time to come.

I bought New Kids On The Block Concert Tickets!!!!!!  Floor Seats!!!!!!!!

The 12yrd girl in me is squealing with excitement, jumping up and down, counting down the weeks to November 10th.  The 31yrd women in me who has developed more mature tastes in everything is so embarrassed and bracing for endless wrath and teasing from my husband and friends.  I already got the eye roll when Josh discovered his ringtone is "I'll Be Loving You Forever".

I have two tix.  Who wants to come with me??? LOL

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I'v gone to the dark side.. well my hair has anyway

Last Friday I was sooo ready for a change, new hair was just what I needed.  I have never been anything but a blonde or strawberry blonde.  I have been blessed with very pretty blonde hair all my life.. so much so no one would allow me to do anything else with it.  So I was in a rebel mood when I went to get my hair trimmed and went ahead and got  what is for me, an extreme color change.  Mocca with blonde highlights in the bangs!   Yes I know it's summer and hair is supposed to go lighter and then darker for winter.. but I think we have established I never do anything the way you are supposed to. 

I didn't send any pics to Josh before he got home and teased him to no end.  But he seems to like it and I have liked the reaction I have gotten from ppl who have seen me in person.  My sister Marcy has even said she wants to copy it lol.

What do you think?!!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Part 2

Ok.. ... well.. first off last week I did call my supervisor asking to be placed with a different client.  I was just being so stressed out by this family.. mainly the daughter in law and her Nazi anal retentivness and little notes and phone calls on off hours.  She didn't get that my job was JUST suppervision and companionship.. she seemed to think I was her personal enforcer and if my client didn't do as she said she would hang over her head threats of sending her off to a nursing home.  And you know the too caring person I am got way attached to the client.  And then a cookie situation came up... some one ate Girls Scout cookies on the couch.. leaving crumbs and the empty package.. oh the humanity.. the horror.. how dare they who ever did.. because it was NOT me, but since that is where I sit mostly and no one in the home was admitting to it, guess where the finger was pointed.  My company has a strict policy of not eating the clients food and I would bring my own breakfast and lunch and drinks.  I was often offered food or there was treats left out where my client could be tempted to go off her diabetic diet... but I always politely said no thanks and took a swig of my slim-fast.  I have been making progress on some weight loss too.  I think maybe over the almost 5 months I have been in there I did accept a piece of birthday cake and did dip into a bowl that was left out of Easter candy.  ANY HOW.. that was my limit there.. first cookies and then what would that lead too? No way was I going to stick around too long to find out.  But when I called my supervisor last week she was out on medical leave and I vented to her assistant and was told there was nothing I could do till she got back and to just sit tight.

I hadn't heard back and I was about ready to let it go, thinking maybe I was just being premenstral last week and I could handle my job.. after all not everyone is happy with where they work and still deal with it and go in everyday.  I was thinking to myself that I was a bit spoiled and to suck it up and pray on how to be a better servant.  Then again this week there were home baked cookies left out... and some one ate on them.. I was asked if I had eaten any.. nope sure didn't.. and if it was my client she must of done it while I was in the bathroom or something but she was denying it. I know you are thinking.. so what.. they are just cookies.. ya I know!!  But some people have to have control over EVERY aspect of EVERYONE's life and if something is out of place it stresses them to no end and they have to find something or some one to release that on.. guess who.

Ok.. so that is the back story to yesterday..with alot of detail left out for privacy sake.  So yesterday just as I pull into the driveway at work my son calls me on my cell telling me they have missed the bus and need me to get them to school. gurrrr.  I was looking forward to a short uncomplicated day with work because my client had an appointment, all I had to do was stick it out till she had to leave.  The son was home because he was going to take the client to her appointment and  I tell him about the call I just got and that I would go and get her out of bed and up and going and then leave and come right back.  Sure no problem.  Well let's just say it took over an hour to get her up and going, it was not turning out to be the easy day I had anticipated.  So just as I am leaving my supervisor calls the house and is talking with the son, if it was a normal day I would of waited or told my kids to play hookie but school was having special events threw out the day and they needed to keep up with attendance, only 2 days of school left anyway.

I get back an hour later (I live 15 min away and also had to sign the kids in to three different schools) and my client is sitting in her chair and the son is back in bed napping.  My suppervisor calls again to talk with me wondering why I wasn't told to call her back as requested.  She tells me she told the son that last week I had requested to be pulled out (omg) that she was just getting back and getting caught up, had not talked to me about why and  before she put someone else in she needed to talk to me.  I am cringing  because I foresee all sorts of tension in the house.  I get her all caught up, she knows how I am stressed by this family, I have forward to her every ridiculous note that was left for me and in the past have asked for her to talk to them about my job title and what my respoblities are and where the line is (and as far as I know she never did but is with me on that I have put up with alot and have gone above and beyond with them).  She said it was possible to put some one else in but it was a male and didn't think they would be too happy about that. She wanted to know what I wanted to do. I told her I would prefer to call her later when I was off.. I didn't want to talk in front of the client who already had the "deer in headlights, what is going on here" look on her face.

So the rest of the time at work was weird... the son and daughter were home but stayed away not really talking to me, and I can see why, knowing I had asked to be placed somewhere else.. and if they were not going to bring it up, neither was I.  Eventually I was told to pack a bag with my client and then they would leave for the appointment.  So I did, had her sign me out and left for the day.    I had some time to think and pray about the situation.. still a bit hemming and hawing on what to do or say, talked it out with friends who all could see clearly that I had already made the decision to be pulled out and that it would work out well for my family for me to have less stress and if that meant shorter hours over the somer that is not nessarly a bad thing.  So I called my supervisor and told her only if they could find some one else to take her, to pull me out.  I did not want to leave her with out some one as back up.  Well the person she had in mind got assigned some where else already, too far for me to just switch with him and if I could stick with them until some one else can take over the client that would be great.  Kinda anticlimactic but do-able... it was settled.. so I thought.

Later in the day I got called by my Supervisor telling me not to bother going in to work tomorrow, the family requested I not come back because... I LEFT EARLY AND I DID STEAL THEIR COOKIES AND THEY ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH ME.  I left early???? What are they talking about.  I apologized for leaving and coming back because of my kids but that is not what they were talking about.. apparently I left with out saying good bye to them, they were not ready to for me to leave... bla what ever.  It is pretty laughable if I was not so mad about it.  I'm a nice easy going person and yea I do let my self get taken advange of or as some would see it, walked over.. so when some one talks crap or tries to make me look bad with out just cause it does piss me off.  My boss told me not to worry about it, she completely understands they are whack-o and deals with things like this all the time. It is not unusual to pull out some one and replace them.  I asked how will this reflect on me as an employee?  And to my relief she said not at all, I am in good standing.  It's just that she doesn't have anywhere else for me to go at the momeant and to keep in touch each week until she does, that she likes me alot and will do what she can.

That is a relief and a bit of a bummer.  On one had I get more time at home.. Josh is coming home for a week this Saturday (whoo hoo!) and the kids get out of school. On the other had the extra money I have been getting from work has really helped and was going to go towards us maybe going to visit Josh in Philly in July.  My only real concern now is I do live in a smaller community and our kids know each other and I don't want a thing to develop or it may be weird seeing them around town occasionally.  God only knows what they are going to say to people.. but we mostly don't run the same circles but you never know.  And I am a bit sad I didn't get to say goodbye to my lady and hope that what ever happens to her that God will watch over her.

So that has been my week!! I did make a comment to Zane the other day that all these little things that have been going amiss in our life have been adding up and if I didn't know any better I would say there is some demonic stuff going on.  And out of the mouth of babes he says well if we do have Satan's attention then that is good.. it means we are doing something right.  Ohh I don't know about all that but he may have a point there.

 I feel better now that is all out and behind me.  Today's a new day, a new start and I do have much to be thankful for.  Mainly my friends who have been there alot for me lately and listen to my problems and frustration.  I have been blessed with several good ones.. THANK YOU AMY, RACHEL, JENNY, AND AUDRA AND EVEN BRANDY