Saturday, August 30, 2003

Shelf still looks nice

Last night I was talking it all over with my husband.  At first when I asked what I should do in regards to my shelf with my parents pics and dad's flag he said "LEAVE IT ALONE! WHY YOU THINK YOUR MOM SENT YOU ALL THAT STUFF IN THE FIRST PLACE. If John doesn't like it that is his problem." I said true but I also told him the advice I was getting from Kathy and Jess and how Kathy did remind me that it will all burn in the end(I was chuckling over this).  He relized that I was realy stressed about this and was surprised that I had been mulling it over so much.  I said I just want John to feel as comfortable as he can in our home and that I want him to see that we will love him.  Josh was getting frustrated, guys don't like to get into all that ya know.  He said do what ever, I don't care!  I said I think I will comprimise and put away just the pic of mom and dad toghether and leave dad's flag and his pic up.  He agreed that was fine.  But I was hessitating and he got on me to do it now so I will be at peace and not so stressed over such a little thing LOL.  The shelf still looks nice, and I still am honoring my father.  Tue morning I will put back the pics of mom and dad toghether.  And hopefuly I will have a wedding pic of John and Mom to put up in the house soon.

Friday, August 29, 2003

Advice Please Part 2

Here is partly of what some have said. Katsing4god:Mary, I think that you are free to have your momentos out and in your house all the time, but while your mom and her new husband are visiting it would be a nice gesture to put those pictures away.  As soon as they leave you can bring them out again to remind you of your dad, think of it this way, is it more important to honor the dead, or the feelings of a living person?  I don't see putting this stuff away (and remember it will all burn in the end)   Stucker:i wouldnt move them those are pics of your father and he should understand and he knows your mom was married before. My2DivaGirls: I would not under any circumstances take any of the stuff down!!  My dad died 7 years ago and my mom remarried in June and I still have everything of my dads up and it will remain that way forever!!!  It is out of respect and the love you had for your dad. Kyjess:i think it would be nice to maybe keep a few keep sakes out, but maybe put up the ones of their anversery away.JilliansMom:I, personally, wouldn't take it down.  The "shrine" is not because he was your mother's first is because he was YOUR father!  So, I would be as nice as you possibly can to the new guy and give him all sorts of respect....but I wouldn't take anything down.  Your Dad was a huge part of your Mom's life and the new hubby needs to deal with that....if not, its HIS issue.  INJESUS24HRS:I just asked my Dad the question that you asked us and he pointed out some good never met him until the wedding day2.That is your house.3.This man has a problem.4.When my Dad remarried we had pictures of my Mom and the wedding day in the living room and never took it down the time she was with us.
Thanks ladies for your advice.

Advice Please part 1

My father died 8 years ago.  My Mom has remarried this summer but before she did she gave me my dad's flag she got from his funeral and her pictures of them together and all that stuff.  Well, my Mom and her new husband are going down this weekend.  I am very happy about this.  I have only met her husband once, at their Wedding.  He is a very nice man from what I have seen.  But my siblings don't like him.  My Mom says he is just very sensitive and takes awhile to let people in.  In my house I h
I have a whole shelf that displays my dad's flag with his picture and I also have their engagement picture on it with their anniversary picture.(kinda shrine-ish)  My question is, should i just for the time they are going to be here move it or should I leave it out of respect and cuz it is my house after all?  I do not want to offend my mother's husband at all and I know he is sensitive on this issue of us respecting him and I want to make him comfortable in my home. What do you think?

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Part 2 me and smoking

Ya know, and especaly now adays, Smokers have a culter all of thier own, much the same way drug users do. We run in own little groups, especaly at break time. We have our own little convient stores. We have T-shirts, specail bonus for buying a certain brand. We have parphanila that is essenchel to smoking, the lighter and if nessary, the ash tray. When I was in school we even had own own little cornner street to go to at luch to smoke,"Smokers Corner" For smart people this should not look apealing at all,
and Not Glamorous. But for a shy girl looking to break out and be the wild child it was just the thing for me to feel part of the click. Really I have no excuses because got all the warnings in health class of how it is bad for your health, and I inherently knew it was not good. More part of the wild child image I was going for I guess. But hey I am all grown up now. Married with four children. And I am not going for that Wild Child look anymore. I am reborn and that part of me is dead right! Right!
So now that I have made my mind up to not be a smoker, why do I still do it?! When I didn't want to smoke pot anymore I gave that up, why is this so hard? And ppl know it is hard so they do give you some breathing room, but you still get the disappointed glances.(rightly so) Wish I could check into some clinc for smokers and spend a week there and come back out clean. Or take a pill and the cravings would be gone. Hey my one friend said she did it with hypnosis. Aw but those are not how God would have me
deal with this problem. Those are easy ways and not dealing with what he wants me to deal with. It is a Spiritual issue. A battle. A war with the flesh. A sin he wants me to put down, to over come. To close the door on. He does not want me to go back to it again and again as if a dog goes back to his own vomit and laps it up. (I know eww, but that is scripture of how God see it when we return to sin). So How do I deal with this, over come this. I have been smoking for 12yrs now.

Reflecting on Me as a smoker Part 1

It may not seem like, but I have to remember I have not always been a smoker. It is something I started for foolish reasons and look back at with a sad frown. Both of my parents smoked and I was highly agenst it. Always making coments like "choke, choke, you are killing me with that smoke MOM" What a pain in the butt I was, and my kids are too. When my little brother started smoking I looked down on him and shook my head. He even got sent away for a summer to Grandma's in fears of what was next drugs?
I was 14 going on 15. I was getting into the whole wild child faze and was in love with a jail bird. Oh the love letters lol. I had a friend Tonya who was equal if not more as destructive. My best friend. Kids choose your friends wisely OK. LOL Well she smoked and was showing off how to blow rings and how to inhale. I remember this clearly, it was Christmas Vacation and we where in my room, she was sleeping over. I caved and took it from her. I don't think I even inhaled the first time.
But when I did inhale (can still remember) the rush, the light headiness. I was about high and I liked it. I was goofy and silly. Hey I was cool. What a shock it would be to my bf who had been away for six month to come back to me a smoker, not such a goodie goodie. That is what was running threw my head. I can almost see the devil grinning. Cuz you know i had to hide it from my parents, and that lead into me stealing from them. lol I laugh at how bold I was sometimes when snagging a few right out of
my dad's shirt pocket while he was asleep on the couch. Oh the decent into maddness lol. And then starting to smoke more and more, and the fact that it made me sick right after eating made it even better. I was getting skinny! Oh the shame.

Can't let it Go, Can you God!?

God isn't going to let this smoking thing go with me is he?! He has been dealing with me on it for years now but it has really become one of those things that rings out loud and clear and I can't stop ignoring or pretending or saying Oh ya I hear ya, I will do that, but not today, later. I even had a quit date that I was faithful to for about 2 1/2 days. I even went up before the whole church proclaiming I am going to quit and I know God has told me to do this and asked for prayer.
Suggest if you don't plan on following threw on something don't go and tell it everyone you know, cuz they will not forget as easily as you do and will ask about it every time they see you. Or better yet you will become the subject of a few sermons on Wednesday Night Service. It is not that I did not plan on following threw. I am still struggling and have the want to quit. Like Paul said "Why do I do the things I do no want to do." I know I should quit, I want to quit, but yet I still puff away at this cancer stick. Today I am going to examen why I started in the first place, what is keeping me from my goal of quitting and How I can rely on God to help and strengthen Me on this struggle. Because It has become apparent that God is not joking on this matter and that He wants to give me a break threw here and is not going to take me any further till I get past this.

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Busting a Gut

Ya know I have not said anything to Josh about this little thing going on in my Journal about a dream I had. Today when he got home from work I asked him if he saw Staurt at work.(Thinking that on the off chance Kathy said something to John and John said something to Stewlol) And Josh sighed and with a smile counted on his hands how many times today he saw him. (in my head I thought oh no here comes the jokes) It was all buisnes though, cuz that is just how Stuart is at work I think. Whewww. Anyways..

Kathy is so funny and just can't let this go.Glad she is getting such a kick.Tonight at chruch ya know the gang was alll there and it was Awesome Worship and good message(have to do a post about that later)Some times the mic gets passed around if you have anything to say and Good old Stew almost always does,he went into talking about a dream he had(not like the one i had)and Kathy and I exchange glances and each of us is turning red and about to bust a gut inside.About time to put this dream topic to bed lol and move on cuz if taken out of context I could see how things could look bad and I will end up very embarassed!! ROTFLMBO Besides, for real, IT WAS NOT STEW, IT WAS ABOUT SOME ONE WITH HAIR! LOL

No Need for Riot Gear

The Christian Science Monitor
'And security around Montgomery is high, in anticipation of violence from Moore's followers upon the monument's removal.' How funny that is to me. I know this ardical is maybe a day late. Anticipation of violence from Christians? A true Christian is non-violant, but that doesnt mean they are to be quiet. I guess Montgomery is dissapointed tonight as they did move the monument yet those in the faith where still non-violent. What did they exspect? Rioting in the streets and burning of the courthouse building? Maybe that would have gotten some attention in the short term as other riot's have, but that would be agenst the teaching of Christ. Yes, we are in God's Army but we battle in the Spirit. For we fight not agenst flesh and blood but agenst principalities.


AOL News: Workers Move Ten Commandments
'They can move it out of view, but they can't move it out of our hearts,'' said Rick Moser, 47, of Woodstock, Ga.

Is His Word written on your Heart? That is what we are to do, because there is going to be a famine of the Word. Read while you can. Drink from the rivers of life. Eat your daily bread of the Word, before that become illegal and all you will have to rely on is what you have hidden in your heart. Like our brothers and sisters in China and Vietnam and North Korea, who would be blessed to have just one page!

Whats up with that

Ok I love this journal.  It is fun and nice to be able to post at will.  But it is getting a tad frustrating the way the lay out is looking and running long, where I have to scroll to the side to see the whole page!  Looking at others pages and they don't seem to have this problem. Looked in the help section and nothing there helps lol. Sigh.

And the Darkness comes closer

AOL News: Workers Move Ten Commandments
What an upside down world we live in. That the rediculus has taken place. What are these judges thinking? Or are they? Do they even read the law that they are to uphold? Do they even read the history of that law that they are to uphold? Looks like the darkness is comeing and coming fast. Soon it we will see the deep pursuction that is talked about in Revelatons. Don't be surprised or in shock when you have to regester being a Christian and thought of as a Cult. Or dont be surprised when the goverment
makes it so hard for us to assemble to worship in public, that jail time will be threatened. And down the line it goes till the beheading starts for not taking a mark so you can buy and sell. Look up for our Redemption Draws Neigh!

What now?

OK why is there a + in all my spaces in the last post?!!! ugh.  AOL is trying my last nerve today.  And to top it off, I have gotten my visit from Aunt Flow and I am not Prepared with the nessary things I need.  And! Ran out of diapers for Sophia!  gurrrr. LOL


I have been getting these Returened Mailer-Demonds from AOL Postmaster.  No biggie usaly but the address that they are being returned from are not address I have sent mail too!  Searched aol for more info and didnt find much so I asked AOL live chat

Tuesday, August 26, 2003


Chatting with a girl named Tiffani who is 16. She just had a miscarriage last week, she was 4months along. She does not know the Lord. Her mother died a few years ago and she took her to Catholic church. Her father calls all churches evil. So obviously this girl has been sent some big mixed signals. Pray for her salvation and her healing.
Lord I lift up Tifani to you. You know her and her heart. You know all her pain and all she has gone threw. Lord draw her to you. Minister to her soul. May what was ment for harm be turned around for your Glory. May she come to know you and your Perfect Love. May she come to love and trust you. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.

Who is starring in Kathy's dreams?????

This is so funny, my dear friend Kathy's responce to my dream entry:

Hey Mary- Was that dream about Stuart???!!! Hee Hee- I am ROTFL I am just

picturing that having it.......and laughing!!!!! Chris G and

I were talking about this Friday night.....shame on you!!!....Sorry I can't

stop laughing........Love you!!! Kat

LOL that is soooo funny. Why would she think I was dreaming about Stew??? LOL I think some one is projecting here hummmmmm???

And no it was not Staurt I had dreamed about LOL. Not that he has not been a star in a dream or two lol JUST KIDDING!!!! OMG NOW I AM BLUSHING. I DONT THINK MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING LOLO:-)

Names Part2

(My second oldest daughter)
Origin: Latin Meaning: Variant of Ann Biblical; devout woman who saw infant Jesus presented at the temple in Jerusale Daughter of Dido. Origin: Biblical Meaning: Gracious; one who give. That is cool.  And very fittin for her.LillyBea: Lilly is a perty flower and stands for purity and we know what bea means.  I know kinda vain to name her partly after me.  But If I didnt who would right.Sophia: Latin for wisdom or wise.  I hope so.(my husband)Joshua: Origin: Biblical

Meaning: A savior; a deliverer.  Fitting for for my hubby!(My Brother)Thomas:

Origin: Biblical

Meaning: A twin.Wonder if Tommy was ment to be a twin??? LOL


Names and thier meaning

Thought it would be intresting to look up what some of the names that are important to me mean.   (MY NAME) Mary Biblical meaning Rebellion, Bitter and sweet Hebrew for wished for child. Bea diminutive from Beatrice: bringer of Joy Latin
Bea (Beatrice) Latin for She who blessess.
I thought that is perty cool cuz you know that fits me to a T.  Maybe there is something to this name thing.?
(My Sister's Name) Marcella Latin for Warlike lol That is so funny!!(My son) Zane orgin English variant of John orgins Hebrew: Gift from God.  So true and I kinda new that when I named him, I wanted to name him Jonathan, so i got my way anyways! LOL

Ugh I will have to do a part 2 because space is limited.  That sucks.

9.0 Teptation

Jess has updated to 9.0 and she is telling me about the buddy icon animation. Almost makes me want to download it now! But no, I will wait for the CD to come in the mail. With how my computer has been I just don't want to chance it. And now Jess is tempting me lol and I know if I do break down, and down load it something will happen LOL STOP IT JESS!! lol

Prayer Group

I love my prayer group. It has grown so and I am blessed by it so much. I do wish that there was some more group participation on it. I know that everyone there has a heart for the Lord and I am sure even if they do not post they pray over the requests. There are more than 60 members and some of them I have never met before. So today I went to the member list and tried to IM some of the ones I have not chatted with before. LOL I am sure they did not recognize me and that is why they did not answer back, yet I wish they had.  It's ok.  I still love them as family in Chrsit. LOL  I should pray about it huh?  In stead of complaining I should take it to the one who Knows all and can do all.

Lord I lift up my prayer group to you.  You know each heart and each need on that group.  Lord I do pray for more group interaction, so that we can carry eachother burdons.  Lord for those who are strugling give them strenth.  Lord Bless this group and use us to be your intersesors.  Send to us those you would have us minster too.  Help Us to hear your Word and to be obediant to you.  Help us to live in your will for us and to know what that will is.  May we not do it on our own but only how you would have us do things, do be guided by your Holy Spirit. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY, AMEN.


A Dream is just a Dream

Had one of those crazy dreams this morning. The kind you wonder about where that came from?? It was about a certain friend to a certain Husband. Nothing steamy happen but it was still the kind of flirty dream that makes your heart go thump thump and you want to sleep in to see what happens next. And Of course when the good parts happen you wake up. I way over slept and had about 20 min. to make sure the kids where all ready for school and to get them to the bus. 

It all wasn't flirty and I can see that maybe it was the kind of dream you have when the Lord wants to reveal something about your heart to you or about that the person you are dreaming about.  I don't want to linger on this dream too much, for realy that is all it was.  But still it was the kind that makes you go hummmmmm and put a secret smile on your face. :)  LOL

Monday, August 25, 2003

Why do I do this?!

Ugh. It is 2 a.m. again and I am up on this computer. Why do I do this to my self lol? I should be in bed. I have so much stuff do get done before this weekend and before next week. My Mom and her new husband are coming into town this weekend. That is nice and I am Glad. But my M-I-L is coming in next week to stay with us for a whole week. You know I have to get this house spick and span. Yet I sit here typing away at this puter lol. It is not as bad as it used to be. My laundry pile is shrinking. The dishes are getting done nightly. The major thing is keeping up after the kids and thier messes and the deep cleaning work.  Fly Lady at work!! LOL.  I do need to use that timer more.  OK 5 more min then I am off to bed.

Chat tonight

Prayed for a girl named Jen. Met her in chat. ugh I hate chat sometimes but God seems to draw me right where he can use me. Jen IM asking if I felt like talking and she said that she feels like suicide. Going into it further she said she was 19 and feels like she is loosing faith in God. That he doesn't hear her prayers or knows what she is going threw. HOW SAD. But it is apparent to me that she is so sad because she has lost her first love and has put her bf before God. He has become an idle in her life. I hope she got some of what I said to her.  I will keep her and her boyfriend in my Prayers.  Lord touch her and draw her.  May she come to see you as the Lover of Her Soul and that she can trust you and your will for her life.  Touch her bf.  Draw him to you.  Save him,may he come to you Jesus and know you.  Heal this situation with Jen. You know the needs and you know how best to meet them.  In Jesus Name I pray.  Amen.

Using IM to Post

Checking out how to post in my journal using the IM. Aww look it has spell checker! LOL I sent out to a few select friends my opening and I feel kinda silly now. I mean who really cares what I think anyway right. Why would anyone want to read this thing anyway? Well, I will just keep it for me then and who ever wants to read it will.:-) Aww spell check. lol

My open Journal

Found this cool little journel builder on aol and thought I would give it a try.  I have seen them before, can't say I really have read them so i dought anyone will read mine.  I see you can easly add to it from IM so that will make updates easy for me.  Who knows what I will put but I think I will make it an honest diary and what I write will be stright from my head as if I was truely writting in a paper jounel.  The only frustrating thing about this is no spell checker! Oh well, I said in my about me section how bad a speller I am. 

Diarys and Journals are a touchy thing for me, when I was in Jr. High I kept one and put EVERYThing in it.  I was crushed when a situation came up where my friends read it and it got past around and I was made fun of.  I think for this reason is why I have always had trouble keep one. So for me to have this online one is like taking control and letting it all hang out so the threat is gone and who ever can read it.

That is it for now but I know more will be added soon.  I have lots of thoughts and rants to put up ya know lol.