Saturday, August 30, 2003
Friday, August 29, 2003
Thanks ladies for your advice.
I have a whole shelf that displays my dad's flag with his picture and I also have their engagement picture on it with their anniversary picture.(kinda shrine-ish) My question is, should i just for the time they are going to be here move it or should I leave it out of respect and cuz it is my house after all? I do not want to offend my mother's husband at all and I know he is sensitive on this issue of us respecting him and I want to make him comfortable in my home. What do you think?
Thursday, August 28, 2003
and Not Glamorous. But for a shy girl looking to break out and be the wild child it was just the thing for me to feel part of the click. Really I have no excuses because got all the warnings in health class of how it is bad for your health, and I inherently knew it was not good. More part of the wild child image I was going for I guess. But hey I am all grown up now. Married with four children. And I am not going for that Wild Child look anymore. I am reborn and that part of me is dead right! Right!
So now that I have made my mind up to not be a smoker, why do I still do it?! When I didn't want to smoke pot anymore I gave that up, why is this so hard? And ppl know it is hard so they do give you some breathing room, but you still get the disappointed glances.(rightly so) Wish I could check into some clinc for smokers and spend a week there and come back out clean. Or take a pill and the cravings would be gone. Hey my one friend said she did it with hypnosis. Aw but those are not how God would have me
deal with this problem. Those are easy ways and not dealing with what he wants me to deal with. It is a Spiritual issue. A battle. A war with the flesh. A sin he wants me to put down, to over come. To close the door on. He does not want me to go back to it again and again as if a dog goes back to his own vomit and laps it up. (I know eww, but that is scripture of how God see it when we return to sin). So How do I deal with this, over come this. I have been smoking for 12yrs now.
I was 14 going on 15. I was getting into the whole wild child faze and was in love with a jail bird. Oh the love letters lol. I had a friend Tonya who was equal if not more as destructive. My best friend. Kids choose your friends wisely OK. LOL Well she smoked and was showing off how to blow rings and how to inhale. I remember this clearly, it was Christmas Vacation and we where in my room, she was sleeping over. I caved and took it from her. I don't think I even inhaled the first time.
But when I did inhale (can still remember) the rush, the light headiness. I was about high and I liked it. I was goofy and silly. Hey I was cool. What a shock it would be to my bf who had been away for six month to come back to me a smoker, not such a goodie goodie. That is what was running threw my head. I can almost see the devil grinning. Cuz you know i had to hide it from my parents, and that lead into me stealing from them. lol I laugh at how bold I was sometimes when snagging a few right out of
my dad's shirt pocket while he was asleep on the couch. Oh the decent into maddness lol. And then starting to smoke more and more, and the fact that it made me sick right after eating made it even better. I was getting skinny! Oh the shame.
Suggest if you don't plan on following threw on something don't go and tell it everyone you know, cuz they will not forget as easily as you do and will ask about it every time they see you. Or better yet you will become the subject of a few sermons on Wednesday Night Service. It is not that I did not plan on following threw. I am still struggling and have the want to quit. Like Paul said "Why do I do the things I do no want to do." I know I should quit, I want to quit, but yet I still puff away at this cancer stick. Today I am going to examen why I started in the first place, what is keeping me from my goal of quitting and How I can rely on God to help and strengthen Me on this struggle. Because It has become apparent that God is not joking on this matter and that He wants to give me a break threw here and is not going to take me any further till I get past this.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Ya know I have not said anything to Josh about this little thing going on in my Journal about a dream I had. Today when he got home from work I asked him if he saw Staurt at work.(Thinking that on the off chance Kathy said something to John and John said something to Stewlol) And Josh sighed and with a smile counted on his hands how many times today he saw him. (in my head I thought oh no here comes the jokes) It was all buisnes though, cuz that is just how Stuart is at work I think. Whewww. Anyways..
Kathy is so funny and just can't let this go.Glad she is getting such a kick.Tonight at chruch ya know the gang was alll there and it was Awesome Worship and good message(have to do a post about that later)Some times the mic gets passed around if you have anything to say and Good old Stew almost always does,he went into talking about a dream he had(not like the one i had)and Kathy and I exchange glances and each of us is turning red and about to bust a gut inside.About time to put this dream topic to bed lol and move on cuz if taken out of context I could see how things could look bad and I will end up very embarassed!! ROTFLMBO Besides, for real, IT WAS NOT STEW, IT WAS ABOUT SOME ONE WITH HAIR! LOL
'And security around Montgomery is high, in anticipation of violence from Moore's followers upon the monument's removal.' How funny that is to me. I know this ardical is maybe a day late. Anticipation of violence from Christians? A true Christian is non-violant, but that doesnt mean they are to be quiet. I guess Montgomery is dissapointed tonight as they did move the monument yet those in the faith where still non-violent. What did they exspect? Rioting in the streets and burning of the courthouse building? Maybe that would have gotten some attention in the short term as other riot's have, but that would be agenst the teaching of Christ. Yes, we are in God's Army but we battle in the Spirit. For we fight not agenst flesh and blood but agenst principalities.
'They can move it out of view, but they can't move it out of our hearts,'' said Rick Moser, 47, of Woodstock, Ga.
Is His Word written on your Heart? That is what we are to do, because there is going to be a famine of the Word. Read while you can. Drink from the rivers of life. Eat your daily bread of the Word, before that become illegal and all you will have to rely on is what you have hidden in your heart. Like our brothers and sisters in China and Vietnam and North Korea, who would be blessed to have just one page!
What an upside down world we live in. That the rediculus has taken place. What are these judges thinking? Or are they? Do they even read the law that they are to uphold? Do they even read the history of that law that they are to uphold? Looks like the darkness is comeing and coming fast. Soon it we will see the deep pursuction that is talked about in Revelatons. Don't be surprised or in shock when you have to regester being a Christian and thought of as a Cult. Or dont be surprised when the goverment
makes it so hard for us to assemble to worship in public, that jail time will be threatened. And down the line it goes till the beheading starts for not taking a mark so you can buy and sell. Look up for our Redemption Draws Neigh!
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Lord I lift up Tifani to you. You know her and her heart. You know all her pain and all she has gone threw. Lord draw her to you. Minister to her soul. May what was ment for harm be turned around for your Glory. May she come to know you and your Perfect Love. May she come to love and trust you. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.
This is so funny, my dear friend Kathy's responce to my dream entry:
Hey Mary- Was that dream about Stuart???!!! Hee Hee- I am ROTFL I am just
picturing that dream.......you having it.......and laughing!!!!! Chris G and
I were talking about this Friday night.....shame on you!!!....Sorry I can't
stop laughing........Love you!!! Kat
LOL that is soooo funny. Why would she think I was dreaming about Stew??? LOL I think some one is projecting here hummmmmm???
And no it was not Staurt I had dreamed about LOL. Not that he has not been a star in a dream or two lol JUST KIDDING!!!! OMG NOW I AM BLUSHING. I DONT THINK MY HUSBAND WOULD LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING LOLO:-)
(My second oldest daughter)Ann Origin: Latin Meaning: Variant of Ann Biblical; devout woman who saw infant Jesus presented at the temple in Jerusale Daughter of Dido. Origin: Biblical Meaning: Gracious; one who give. That is cool. And very fittin for her.LillyBea: Lilly is a perty flower and stands for purity and we know what bea means. I know kinda vain to name her partly after me. But If I didnt who would right.Sophia: Latin for wisdom or wise. I hope so.(my husband)Joshua: Origin: Biblical
Meaning: A savior; a deliverer. Fitting for for my hubby!(My Brother)Thomas:Origin: Biblical
Meaning: A twin.Wonder if Tommy was ment to be a twin??? LOL
Thought it would be intresting to look up what some of the names that are important to me mean. (MY NAME) Mary Biblical meaning Rebellion, Bitter and sweet Hebrew for wished for child. Bea diminutive from Beatrice: bringer of Joy Latin
Bea (Beatrice) Latin for She who blessess. I thought that is perty cool cuz you know that fits me to a T. Maybe there is something to this name thing.?
(My Sister's Name) Marcella Latin for Warlike lol That is so funny!!(My son) Zane orgin English variant of John orgins Hebrew: Gift from God. So true and I kinda new that when I named him, I wanted to name him Jonathan, so i got my way anyways! LOL
Ugh I will have to do a part 2 because space is limited. That sucks.
I love my prayer group. It has grown so and I am blessed by it so much. I do wish that there was some more group participation on it. I know that everyone there has a heart for the Lord and I am sure even if they do not post they pray over the requests. There are more than 60 members and some of them I have never met before. So today I went to the member list and tried to IM some of the ones I have not chatted with before. LOL I am sure they did not recognize me and that is why they did not answer back, yet I wish they had. It's ok. I still love them as family in Chrsit. LOL I should pray about it huh? In stead of complaining I should take it to the one who Knows all and can do all.
Lord I lift up my prayer group to you. You know each heart and each need on that group. Lord I do pray for more group interaction, so that we can carry eachother burdons. Lord for those who are strugling give them strenth. Lord Bless this group and use us to be your intersesors. Send to us those you would have us minster too. Help Us to hear your Word and to be obediant to you. Help us to live in your will for us and to know what that will is. May we not do it on our own but only how you would have us do things, do be guided by your Holy Spirit. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY, AMEN.
THAT ALWAYS HELPS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER. ")
Had one of those crazy dreams this morning. The kind you wonder about where that came from?? It was about a certain friend to a certain Husband. Nothing steamy happen but it was still the kind of flirty dream that makes your heart go thump thump and you want to sleep in to see what happens next. And Of course when the good parts happen you wake up. I way over slept and had about 20 min. to make sure the kids where all ready for school and to get them to the bus.
It all wasn't flirty and I can see that maybe it was the kind of dream you have when the Lord wants to reveal something about your heart to you or about that the person you are dreaming about. I don't want to linger on this dream too much, for realy that is all it was. But still it was the kind that makes you go hummmmmm and put a secret smile on your face. :) LOL
Monday, August 25, 2003
Found this cool little journel builder on aol and thought I would give it a try. I have seen them before, can't say I really have read them so i dought anyone will read mine. I see you can easly add to it from IM so that will make updates easy for me. Who knows what I will put but I think I will make it an honest diary and what I write will be stright from my head as if I was truely writting in a paper jounel. The only frustrating thing about this is no spell checker! Oh well, I said in my about me section how bad a speller I am.
Diarys and Journals are a touchy thing for me, when I was in Jr. High I kept one and put EVERYThing in it. I was crushed when a situation came up where my friends read it and it got past around and I was made fun of. I think for this reason is why I have always had trouble keep one. So for me to have this online one is like taking control and letting it all hang out so the threat is gone and who ever can read it.
That is it for now but I know more will be added soon. I have lots of thoughts and rants to put up ya know lol.