I got the J O B !!!
At least it's something and I will become a CNA after 16weeks of classes. Pay sucks.. $7.00 an hour (unless I work over nights and that isnt going to happen) But after I get my cert. I get a raise up to $8.50 an hour.
I will be keeping a paper journal and when I come back online I am sure I will have lots to say.
Three major things today.. ok four. One, I have a job interview today. Two, the primaries are today and I may vote. Three, Josh flies away out of town. And four, this will be my last entry for awhile.
Today will either be very eventful with excitement and new beginnings or another day to check off the calendar and chalk up to the ho hum column. I am excited that after cramping my hand last week filling out applications ten pages long, that at least one place has called me. It is for a Nurse's Assistant position at a place about 15 min down the highway. The facility (which I didn't know when I applied) houses how should I say it.. um.. mainly mentally challenged people and some of the aged with dementia. Am I qualified?? LMBO.. NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT!! They must be desperate. But hey I am up to new challenges and if I can get free training and get certified it may be worth the experience. See... that Psychology I took in H.S. and the little bit in Collage I, may come more in handy then just annoying my husband with my analisist. LOL. Besides I am getting desperate and either this is that blessing I have been praying for or practice for the next interview. I hope I can find something soon. I hate job hunting and we may be getting hungry by next week.
The political pundits call today Supper Tuesday. The Heathens (jk) call today Fat Tuesday. To me it is Tuesday February 5th. My car payment is officially late. My littlest one,Sophia is home sick again. And my jail bird brother's birthday is in four days (guess I should get him a card or have he kids make him one?) I have never voted in a primary before and I was thinking of voting in this one but the choices suck. Forget the Democrat side.. you can't pay me or buy my vote either way. And the Republican side?? I am finding it very hard to be excited about any one of them. Only one is strong on the social issues but weak on all the others. One I feel is being shoved down my throat because he is seen as the one who can win the race but to me his record speaks for it's self and I just can't support him. And last but not least the one who is apart of a cult (ooh did I say that) and no way with a good conscious can I vote for him. So not much of a choice here. Come November I may just be sitting it out, counting down the days to the END. I am soooooo sick of this election already. They started way too early I think and I have been overloaded into indifference. I am starting to not see much different in either party or candidate. There is not an outstanding person to hang hope on as I see it. The momentum of where this country is heading doesn't seem to be able to be stopped. IMHO the war waged on our country can not be stopped unless we turn our faces to God and repent. Stop government funded and daily murders of our most innocent. Till then there will be no end to this or any war against us.
Josh is leaving for almost 3 weeks. Good bye baby, be safe, come home quick. While it is wonderful having him home, he hasn't worked and that always sends us into a tail spin financially. Plus lately I don't know what it is but it seems like we get so frustrated with each other, like we are speaking two different languages. I don't know how much more of this traveling we can take but for now it is what has got to be done.
And with Josh goes my internet connection. Even if I get home Internet bonafied, my desk top puter is about ready to RIP. I highly doubt with taxes we will get a new one. Too much on the list of must and needs to where that is going, it is spent even before it gets here (which is sooooon I hope). I may get an entry or two in over at my friend who has internet but I always feel bad when I do that. I know she doesn't see it that way but I feel like I am using her when I do that I and don't want to be like that. One week just isn't enough time to catch up with all the online pans I have in the fire or reading I wanted to get done. Just know I am thinking of you my dear online friends, you and yours are in my prayers and I hope to come back to you soon and find you all well and strong and blessed.
It is sooo true that we fight not flesh and blood but in spirit and spiritual principalities. And the battle is in the mind. I know this very well.. I have for a long time in my walk. A lesson learned and relearned. So often when those voices, thoughts, ideas, not from God creep in I have been equipped to tell them Get Behind Me, Leave, resist the devil and he will flee. Calling out those lies that attack you, speaking to it the Truth and sometimes having to remind me the TRUTH about myself has helped stayed off depression, pulled me threw hard times, built me up.
But the other night in the wee hours I let them get to me, keeping me up, indulging in tears and self hate, agreeing with what I know is not true. Isn't it amazing how in the dark and quiet hours of the night those demonic voices can become so loud and clear and almost seem to make sense. And I am not talking about sckitzo voices or literal audible voices (just so you know I am not crazy, I am talking figuratively). That self sounding voice telling me I am not good enough, I don't measure up, how rejected I am, how horrible everything in my life is, all the things I can't do for myself or for my family, how I am a big fat looser and failer and that no one really knows or cares, a pity party with tears being the cake that I ate all to myself leaving me sick.
This is where I am supposed to say BUT The Joy comes in the morning, I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abanded, struck down but not destroyed, and I'm alll good, everything is going to be alright. I want to say that, but I am not there yet, not just yet. I know if I focus on the Lord it will help and I am trying, knowing not to live my life by feelings that change day to day but by faith in a God that is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and that he will never leave me or forsake me. How can I be down when I know that with out a shadow of doubt in my heart? The cares of this life is getting to me and the light hearted me, the trusting me, the me that just knows it will be ok eventually is fighting to come thru but her voice is muffled with the daily pain, disappointments, let downs, selfishness of wanting and needing more of what I have.
I know there is no magic wand to wave that will make it all better, or a kiss on my boo boo that makes pain vanish and the bumps and scrapes all right. I almost don't want to be consoled but some positives right now would help. A crumb of hope. Something to hold on to. A dentist that would do work for free or considerable reduced rate, a mortgage company that will give us a set rate, a job that fits the box I need to be in right now to accommodate my family's schedule, more time with my husband with out having to be penalized with him not having work and getting us more behind, friends that are givers not taker and are understanding and won't give looks of concern but give positive reinforcement. Or just once to be able to say YES to my children when they ask to sign up for dance class with their friends or even to be able to buy them jeans where the knees aren't going to blow out in a week or shoes that don't come from Wal-Mart and fall apart in two months. Right now that seems like a tall wish list but just one prayer answered right now would be the world to me.
the song on my myspace page right now.. descries me to a T right now:
Fallen
She's a wreck
Fragile and scarred
Life is work and living is hard
She's tired of the pain, tired of the fix
She's tired of the games and the politics
She's running on empty
She wants an alternate ending
And she's falling
She's falling in love with You
She's so hopeless
She's hopelessly drawn to You
She can feel the weight of the past
It drags her down but she's fighting back
She wants to fly far away from here
She wants a God that won't disappear
She's all out of chances
She is looking for answers
And she's falling
She's falling in love with You
She's so hopeless
She's hopelessly drawn to You
The sun is on the rise
New days coming
You see it in her eyes
She's runnin'
Head long into the light
Let the new day come
And she's falling
She's falling in love with You
She's so hopeless
She's so hopelessly drawn to You
The sun is rising in her eyes
Hold on, the day will come
Love is waiting
Running to the light
Hold on, the day will come
Words by Michael Tait
Here I am.. do you miss me??? I miss you and my blogging. I always have so much I want to say and limited time to update when the computer is available to me. I have tried taking up paper journaling but it just isn't the same and I have even started to call into talk radio to voice my opinions.. still not the same. Oh well.. this can't last forever and eventually I will have the capabilities to blog and e-mail and comment and do groups to my heart content.
Meanwhile I have had a birthday. Someone who should of known better asked me how old I am now. My response was "Old enough" and they said "Old enough for what" with a playful smile. And me always quick with a comeback said "old enough not to be the youngest in the room anymore" And it' true Josh and I used to be the youngest married couple, not anymore. And I used to be the youngest at women's group.. not for some time now. But still I am younger than most of my friends so I don't get away with complaining about being old.
January Birthdays always seem to get jipped because of Christmas so I did not expect much of anything for my Birthday. Still I EXPECTED two or three calls saying Happy Birthday. Of all ppl I expected my husband to call me. He is out of town constantly for work but we talk daily and I had reminded him that it was coming up. He took it as nagging and guffed.. ya I know. My birthday was on a Saturday, a day he was not working. I waited and waited. Then I got concerned when his cell went to voice mail the 10 times I tried calling and no response to texting. I thought surely something is wrong. His phone is never turned off and EVEN if it was he could borrow someone's to call. I don't keep a roster of his co-worker phone numbers so I had no way of getting ahold of him. I finally broke down and called one of the wives to ask if she could call and have her hubby check on mine.. that surely he must be lying in a ditch somewhere or his phone is stolen or he is in jail because it's my birthday, its almost 9:00 p.m his time and I have not heard from him all day and he is a good caring husband that wouldn't blow off his wife on her birthday.
With in 10 minuets of calling that wife I got a call from Josh. His excuse was his ringer was turned off and he had been sleeping most of the day. He said he was goinggggg to calllll eventually. Yes, I did give him an earful followed up with hanging up on him. Too bad with cell phones they don't have those loud slam down clicks like the old phones so he couldn't really hear it. But from what I gather all the guys he works with know about it and gave him a good hard time for me. LOL. No he hasn't made up for it really but his time home is always short so I will try and not hold it against him. I will just chalk it up to typical male behavior and get over it. Because after all.. love doesn't hold a record of wrongs.
Another event while I have been away is one of Annie's (my oldest daughter) school mates died. The 5th grade boy died suddenly from juvenal diabetes and it is very shocking to our community. Annie had him in her class for 3rd and 4th grade and some of her friends were close to him. She is very sad and I am trying to keep an eye on her. We went to the viewing but were unable to attend the service for him. For Annie it was important to her to say goodbye even if she knew that was just his body and he was not really there. And we did cry. The funeral home was standing room only with family and friends. He was very much liked and loved. I know the school did a fundraiser for the juvenile diabetes foundation in his honor and thechildren have had opportunities to express their grief. It's just hard to see. My daughter is a very sweet, soft spoken and caring girl and takes things to heart, like her mother. We are praying for the family and our community. Josh is spending the day with her and giving her extra attention and I asked the adults in children's church to maybe talk to her about it and see if they can get her talk about it and if they see any areas of concern.
Lots of events coming up too. Super Bowl Sunday church is having a party with a chili cook off. Dare 2 Share is coming to town in a few weeks and Zane is going. Wish I could go again this year with the youth but I don't think I can swing paying for the both of us. Women's retreat is at the end of March and I really want to go but not sure how I can work that out money wise and finding some one to take care of the kids. It's funny because the theme this year is "How to be a Mary in a Martha world". The other day I was just telling my friend how she was SUCH A MARTHA and that is one of her giftings. She is very new to the Bible and her faith in Christ and exclaimed, "What! I am nothing like Martha Stewart!" taking it as an insult. LMBO I had to explain to her about the scripture talking about Mary and Martha and the two different personalities. (Luke 10:38-42)
I am a bit bumming right now about my work situation. I love working at the Day Care, even if it was for very little and it wasn't the most economical in gas. I was getting a paycheck and enjoying what I did. But the Day Care has been shut down temporally so they can do reconstruction and get up to code better. Going on to the second week and I am not for sure when it will be back up and running. We really need the extra money and I will probably have to look for another job. And you know how I hate the whole job search thing. So that is all in prayer.
Hoping to be back more this week and get to catch up on all the blog reading I have been missing. Leave your link!
I had swore to the kids they were not going to get ANYTHING for Christmas this year. I won't even go into what they did to make me so angry to threaten that.. I can laugh now but at the time I was very upset. Sophia my precocious little one told one of my friends that it was ok mommy wasn't going to get her anything because on Christmas we go to Grandma & Grandpa's and they always have presents (snot). So they were very surprised when they got the big gift that they did.
My mom had sent store gift cards this year (lazy lol jk) and that helped go toward buying the PS3. I also have been working at a daycare so that extra helped too. (I love holding babies all day BTW) But I had to go out on Christmas Eve to shop.. that was CRAZY!! I hope next year I can afford to plan ahead better. Now we are so broke.. not sure how I am going to get threw the next week but some how we always do.
We got the girls Blue Ray DVDs to unwrap and I had to play like I bought the wrong kind..oops. And then when Zane opened Guitar Hero III, I told him it was so he could play over at his friends house who has the PS2..oh no that is PS3, man I have to take that back too, sorry. So when they opened the PS3 they were totally surprised and I loveeeeee the expressions I got in the pic.
Josh I got a travel digital picture slide show frame so he can take us with him where ever he goes. I reallylike it and may have to strongly hint for one for Mother's Day or my Birthday. Josh couldn't wait till Christmas to give me my gift. He got me a diamond journey pendant necklace. I love showing it off where ever I go.. "look what I got from my hubby" and I get lots of ohhs and awws. The only reason I am not freaked out about it is because he promises he got it on sale at a good price. My daughters crack me up, insisting that he get me the matching earrings to go with it (i didn't even know there were any). I bet that is what I get next year.
Josh and I got a night out and had a nice time at his company's Christmas party. Yummy food and they even gave the wives a $25 credit card gift card.. only bummer was I forgot mine at our table and didn't realize it till the next day. Darn, that was going to pay for my haircut. Oh well.. someone got extra this year.
For New Year's I left Josh home with the kids and had a girls night out. We went to a club where my friend knows the owner. I was wayyyyy underdressed.. everyone was dressed to the nines and dancing. I had fun spending time with my friends but it was not my scene and prob would of had just as good a time at home. Another sign I am getting old.
Josh leaves today and I have hardly had any computer time! Maybe if my work can give me a consistent schedule I can get home Internet back. But as it is now I make just enough to help cover the gas and buy some extra groceries. I am happy though just to be able to help and get back to work and gain any kind of work experience for the resume.
Hope you all had a great Holiday and this year will bring many blessings your way.
My son found this video funny.. silly that he would base HIS vote on a Chuck Norris endorsement, um..well they say Chuck Norris doesn't endorse he tells you how it's going to be. Me, I am still undecided.
On August 25, 2003 I embarked into the world of Blogging and fell in love with the writing and the connection to others. Four years ago no one that I knew had a clue what a blog was (and most still don't lol). Over the years I have tried explaining my place in the blog-o-sphere (as little as it is) to friends and family but get little interest. What's that country song? I'm Cooler Online? LOL Anyway, it is always exciting to me when people I know off line cross over into having a place in cyberspace.
I have always taken joy in helping baby bloggers and promoting good journals and seeing them grow in writing and readership. So when my Pastor mentioned that he was thinking of starting his own blog I couldn't help but smile. FINALLY.. something I know about and can give advice on! It is just too bad that right now I am not online as regularly as I used to be and my help has to be limited.
I was hoping to get him to start an AOL journal since that is the format that I have found I like the best but I havn't been able to do all the e-mailing I wanted to this week and he took it upon himself to start a Blogspot Blog. Not such a bad place to blog at.. I know several people who went over there when AOL did the whole adding ads in the journals and infuriated the community, leading to an exodus of many of AOL Journals best writers. I tried Blogspot for awhile but I find AOL Journals better and easier to use, probably just because it is where I started and I don't like to stray off too much into learning HTLM to add pics and videos. I like the bells and whistles and control over here.
The least I can do is promote Pastor Jesse's blog, Jesus thru Jesse and ask you guys to check him out and give him some love and encouragement in his new endeavor. If you like my writings and the notes I post about scripture, then you will love his blog because he is part of the source I quote. He is posting notes from Sunday sermons and his thoughts and prayers on living a life for the Lord. The title for his blog was inspired because he wants people to see Jesus living in and working threw him. I doubt you will find some of the silliness that I post here, he is a serious guy but if you come to know him you will find he does have a bit of humor too, fun loving and always open to answering questions. I hope that while Josh is away he can read Jesse's blog and keep in touch with what I am learning and what is going on at church and keep growing in his own walk.
So go NOW and check out Jesus Thru Jesse and welcome him to the blogging community!!
