Tuesday, November 7, 2006

I didn't abandoned you

ohh that is a good title.. on so many levels for this post.

I do not know what it is, every time I think.. I need to get online and update my blog.. go into the office/den.. I cant tear myself away.  I can fill ream and reams of entries of all that is going threw my head but for what ever reason just haven't been able to get to it. But I do want you to know, all of my friend you have been in my thoughts and prayers even while I am away.  I have not abandoned you.

Thank you all who left such encouragement for me on my last post. God is so good how he used others to uplift me threw that time and I hope you each know you were apart of that. 

That morning I did get a call from the women who has taken over my church Ladies Group.  She lives out of town and doesn't really know me or too much about me, so when she called it was very surprising.  She told me that the Lord had kept putting my face before her, that I was really in need of prayer and he told her I was going threw a hard time, even harder then most could realize and that she felt the overwhelming need to call me and pray with me.  I tear up even now as I think of it because it was so true and I was so blessed by her obedience and her prayers and words that ministered to me that day.  God had not abandoned me.

She also does alot of public speaking and gave me some good advice.  I had not finished or was even close to writing out a testimony and she told me to just jot down the key point or key words I may want to touch on and let God do the rest.  And that is just what I did.

When I got up to speak I was following up a very moving testimony of the family who adopted a baby that was conceived by rape.  They had brought him up for all to see how love can win out... I was bawling my eyes out.  When I was introduced it was like I was there but not, I didn't recognize the person they were describing, I just kept thinking about the little boy who was spared from death, rescued outside that abortion clinic and how I wish I had known, had the guts, had the support to give my daughter up for adoption.  I am always moved by adoption stories.

I am told I did very well, some did say they were captivated by my testimony ( just like Rebbeca's comment said) and moved and ministered to.  It was surreal, the spirit did take over, no way could I have done any of this on my own strength.  There was this one women that I felt drawn to.  She was very tearful as we spoke and I prayed with her and gave her my phone number if she ever wanted to talk.  She said something that struck her was the love that shown threw in my testimony for my mother and aunt, how I was not bitter towards them.  I hope that is true because I am no at all.  That is part of forgivingness and its power in my life.  While it would be easy to hold on to that hurt for some, I have let it go and forgiven them for what ever part they played in my abortion experience, they are just part of the story now and I am careful or try to be, on how I portray them.

So as you can see.. God did not abandon me that night, nor will he abandon you if you call on him for comfort and encouragement, peace, joy, help.

And that is just the tip of the iceberg of what has been going on in my life.  He just keeps drawing me closer and closer to him.. and I have to, it seems, cling to him, seek him, fight the negative things that would bring me down.

I got used to my husband being home, even if it was just for a week.  It takes adjustment when he gets home.. we are all lovey dovey for about two days and then there is a period of adjustment of each others expectations and routines and how we do things different, and that can cause friction.  And then after all that.. he has to leave again. 

But we did get to spend some good quality time together.  We went to a dinner and a movie (A Night With The King).  We also another night went out with some of the guys he works with to a bar called House Of Rock and saw a very interesting but talented group called Tricky's Delight.  And last Friday we went to a party his company threw at the forman's bar he works for (Baby K's in the city)

Sometimes I worry about my husband.  The guys he works with are not terrible people or anything, some a bit rough around the edges but with big hearts.  They just work hard so they party hard.  The kind of lifestyle I could see myself getting sucked into if I didn't know better.  And I am afraid my husband has it in his head that he can keep road life and home life septate, be two different people, but he has to come to it on his own and see how that is not healthy and is not going to work out well for him.

I had met one of the wives, very cool lady.  Her and her hubby know all the local bands and all the hot spots to go to.    I asked her how she deals with her husband being gone so much.  She said she has come to the conclusion that its HER time and that she is going to live life for her, party and have a good time.  She suggested that when our guys are out of town we should get together and she'll take me out.  Now.. while that sounds fun and my old flesh is screaming out OHHHYAA!!... I can see how that could get me in a whole lota trouble, a trap set, ready to be sprung by the old devil himself.  But I understand where she is coming from, what she is doing, using drinking and smoking and dancing and night life to fill that void.  In my past she is just the kind of person you would of seen me hanging with.. shoot I was her.

It took the contrast of a night of fellowship and homegroup we hosted at our house to remind myself how the world is and how life really is IN Christ.  When you give your testimony it not only encourages others but reminds you how far God has brought you, where you used to be and where you are now.  I don't want to seek comfort from the things of this world, it will only bring me down and back to a dark place.  I know right where I need to be and that is surrounded by those who will bring me up, not down, that will speak words of LIFE into mine, where I can grow and draw closer to The Lover Of My Soul.

It could be so easy to be seduced into old patterns.. and I know some who are struggling with that right now.  But the best thing is to focus on where you once where in your life and all the good things and blessings God has done in your life since then.  We all have broken pieces but he is our healer, comforter, and he has promised that the good works he has started in you he will finish. HE is the author and finisher of our faith.  Stand on those promises when times are hard and keep looking forward.  We all make mistakes but today is a new day, we are being changed from glory to glory.  Don't be afraid and isolate yourself.  Ask for help and prayer, that is what family in Christ is for, to be there for each other.  The Lord has not abandoned me and he will not abandon you.



  1. I am so glad that it went well. I knew you would be guided just what to say.


  2. Marrrryyy!!  I'm glad you're back.  I'm so glad things went well with your testimony (speech)- I knew it would, because I knew alot of us were praying for you!  As for the rest of your post- I know how easily and even comforting it would be to slide back into things we used to do.  It's sad because we tend to lose friends that we used to have so much fun with,  It's happened to me more than I like, but I  not only know that's not the life for me anymore, but also that I just can't handle that kind of life anymore.  The enemy knows this too- and it's his tricky ways that tempt so much to get us back there!  Especially when he uses our family and children to make us feel like we're missing out on all the fun.  Anyways Mary- It's sure good to hear from you.  I know you're still probably busy- but if you get a chance, please check out my new journal- http://journals.aol.com/lifesabench6/a-matter-of-life/

    and if you can help with anything for posting information- please let me know!  Thank you!  Have a great week- ()'s, Carolyn

  3. I'm glad your doing okay.

  4. Yaaay Mary!!! Im so glad your speaking engagement went well and the Lord showed up just where he was needed and when he was needed for you. I am so glad that you are able to see and recognize when satan is trying to get a foot hold and drag you back into the world. I too struggle with that ..... you know my struggles.... Its so glld to see you back!! youve been missed!!

  5. So glad to hear how things went and rejoice with you in how God provided what you needed every step of the way!!  Holding that hubby up in my prayers.  When you sit on the fence, you get a post in the end.  ;o) And so proud of you for standing firm in what you know is right for you!!  -  Barbara

  6. I have been missing myself....glad to hear things are ok with you...I need to read back a few entries obviously....

    love ya


  7. What a beautiful entry!!!  I am so thankful you wrote this and shared it with us.  God Bless You !!  God has a purpose in your testimony and that is so evident here.