Welcome To J~Land

I have been Journaling or Blogging as it can be called, since Aug. 2003. Little did I know when I put words to the page that day I was joining a community called J~Land.  My org. intent was ”oh a new thing to play with on aol, I need a journal, I don’t have one, sureeee let the world read what I have to say, no one will care anyhow.”  I have tried to keep my journal as honest as possible where I vent my frustrations, share my joyes, show my concerns, just write about silly frivolous things, put down my dreams, share my faith, rant about issues that are important to me.  I didn’t think anyone would care what I have to say and the comment section was just like bonus.  Then I started reading other’s journals and interacting with them threw the comment section.  And in time I found myself caring about these ppl I readabout in this place called J~Land.  They made me laugh out loud, they made my cry puddles of tears, they made me soooo mad at times, but also showed me different view points that I mayhave never experienced before, my heart has been touched by the many bloggers here on aol.  J~Land  to the outside world may seem unreal, a silly cyberspace that can be over looked, but to us residence here in J~Land we have bonded threw the written and sometimes spoken word.  We speak into each others lives and knowing or unknowing, touch each other in some way.  Each voice is just as important as the other, and they come together like a wonderful song.  We have many charters here, like the crown prince or is that queen, Gregg the Golden Child, who has such an ego, but if you look past it you can see it is just a big act and he is a very sensitive caring guy, and then there is Miss Vivian who is the resistant expert and a leader in testing out the new stuff aol has to offer us, and we have many artists like Nadine and Silversagess123 and ckays and we have the not so ordinary regular ppl like Bill and Kara (she went private so I cant post a link for her) and oh cant forget Donnetta too.  And then there is some one who is special to my heart cuz he is one of my very first commenter, John. And don’t think because you live in a far away land that you are not apart of J~Land! So if you are just a visitor I say welcome to our little corner of cyberspace, if you are thinking of moving in and setting up house, let me be the first to welcome you and ask you to leave your link or your address as it were.  Much Love, Mary

Good thing for the extra charter limit. I just may need it today.

I have been a stay at home mom for four years now and happy and even proud of it.  It has not always been easy, we have had to go without some luxuries but I think our family has benefited from having me in the home and being with the little ones and being able to stay on top of the older ones school stuff and clubs.  Now granted, I am not the best of house wives.  I am not the most faithful at house cleaning and laundry.  But I have praying that part of me would change and that my attitude about house work would change.  But more often then not I feel like just the maid on the verge of being fired.  And I feel like that is just what my husband has done.  No, he didn't say in the Donald Trump voice "You're fired" but that he wants me to go back to work.  We have gone round and round with this topic for the last year.  All the pro's and the con's.  In my mind the con's way out weigh the pro's.  Now don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to return to the work force, be around adults all day long and have normal adult conversations, and earn money, do something that society actually sees valuable.  Cuz lets face it, when you tell ppl you are a stay at home mom these days they give you a funny look and you know what they are thinking, oh you poor suppressed women, or oh what a lazy women who makes her husband support her.  It's that constant struggle women face in these modern times, Work Vs Raising the children.  When I grew up it was the norm to me that my mom worked. I can only remember when I was a very small child did she stay home with us 24/7.  And honestly looking back, I wish she had been a stay at home mom, keeping an ever doting eye on us.  She would know what trouble I was getting myself into, and not be so shocked when I came home a pregnant teen.  Me and my siblings really had the wool pulled over on our parents cuz they worked ALL THE TIME and had no clue what we really was up too.  So when my husband suggested afew years ago that I stay home permeant I was a bit shocked, because I just assumed my role would be me working too but happily I let go of the stupid job I was working at the time.  It was only Wal-Mart. But then after about a year or so of that I went back to work on the weekends at a Banquet Hall as a server.  I enjoyed it very much and was happy to be making extra money for the house.  But then I had our third child and myhusband could not handle taking care of all three of them on the weekend himself.  He would always find ways for me to call into work and keep me home.  You can only do that so often before your employer gets rid of you.  So when they did I again became a stay at home mom full time.  My husband now has a wacky schedule, its basically an on call type of situation.  He could be working first shift one day and third the next and then the next week second.  It is never a set schedule and would be impossible for me to work around it without enlisting baby sitters or day care.  And we all know how costly day care is and I really don't want to put my babies in daycare, when I could be raising them myself.  Why work and then fork over more than half of it over for childcare.  Plus there is the other factors of extra gas each week, and depending on what job I get, the clothes I would have to buy, and also my own lunches or dinners. And now, I have been out of work for so long, who wants to hire me anyway?  What kind of job could I possibly find with the little experience and education I have? One that is for low wages for hard work, make you work the weekend shift kind of job I bet.  So here I am a broken women who finds herself with the dilemma of what to do.  Sure we are going threw a rough patch right now, and really do need the extra income but we have gone threw these times before and God has always provided.  Here is where submission sucks.  He pulled out that card, not in so many words but he knows I want to be one of those submissive wives who listens to her husband. To top it off he even said this is what he thinks he is hearing from God.  Realllllyyyy?  What else has God been telling you dear? Cuz this is the first time you have said anything about hearing from him on anything.  And don't you think God would be telling me the same thing? I would be hearing it loud and clear in prayer too?  Can you tell I am hurt?  I feel like he doesn't think much of what I do, and I know he doesn't, he has told me so.  I have made my whole identity as a SAHM, under his request mind you, and now he wants me to change all that.  I know he just wants some help and this is the best way in his mind.  *Sigh and with a tear* So folks, looks like I am going to go and find me a job.

My Deliverer

SORRY!!! I HAD TO HURT YOUR EARS LIKE THAT LOL I could not find that song anywhere and it kept going threw my head and this whole post is based on that song.  Sorry Kara I had to delete those other flubbed entries  If any one knows where I can find that song send it over to me. It is a really good song, when I AM not singing it lol.  The reason I suppose it started going threw my head and just that one vers of the song is cuz I watched The Ten Commandments last night.  That is when it started.

The children of Israel was calling out for the Deliverer to come, to free them from the bondage they was under in Egypt and bring them into the Land promised to them threw Abraham.  When Moses came they didn't think too much of him, they was looking for a warrior to fight a mighty battle on their behalf.  God choose to do it a much different way.  Threw his power and might, not threw a sword.  A shadow I think of what was to come.  When Jesus came, the Messiah, again Israel was looking for a warrior to deliver them out of the bondage they was under threw Roam.  But what Christ did was deliver them from the bondage of sin and death.  He was not a warrior then, he was meek and humble and he died a criminal's death on the cross. And if that was the end of the story sure he could be dismissed. But he defeated the grave and came back. He walked the earth for 40days and then ascended into heaven and promise to come back in these last days as the Mighty Warrior.

I was also thinking of the illustration of the blood of the lamb.  How in Egypt The Lord told the Hebrews to put the blood of the lamb over the door posts so the death angle would pass them over. That is why it is called Passover.  Jesus is the Passover now, The Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, and because of his shed blood I will be passed over on Judgment Day and have everlasting life.  He paid that price for me, the sacrifice that was required for my sins, a price that no longer can be satisfied by the blood of lambs and goats or can be satisfied by good works or deeds.  He delivered me from the curse of death and sin.

Raise Your hand if the time change has messed you up?!

Ohh the time change has screwed me up bad lol and also staying up late on the puter catching up on journals and then chatting with Kara didn't help me either.  I totaly slept threw church today!  Something I didn't want to do because Riley was going to be in attendance and was suposed to come over to our house afterwards.  I had told Josh threw the fog of being asleep that he should at least go but you know with out me on him he doesnt know where his clothes or the kids clothes are so he just stayed home too and fed the kids thier brakefast and watched the morning toons with them.  I lazed out of bed around 12, well realy 1 with the time change,to hear the kids fighting ofcourse, and this was after several attemps of Josh sending the babies in to jump on me to wake me up.  He finaly came in and threw down some sweats and a t-shirt and told me to get up. lol Guess he couldnt take it any more.  About 45 min after that Riley shows up at our house.  He got some of the sweet girls from church to take him out to lunch and then drop him off at our house.  I am soooo glad to see him but am not prepared for him to visit.  So right now him and Josh are out at the store getting stuf for dinner and maybe a treat for the kids, and if I am real lucky a rented movie.  The movie may not be nessairy because The Ten Comandments are going to be on tonight and I would like to watch that.

I can't wait till the Journal re-set comes this week!  I am working on my 100 things about me list and will post them when the character limit is increased.  Man it is hard to think of that much stuff to put down about me.  So I may be giving away too much info, very private stuff, but hey, I dont have much to hide and I will try and liven it up with

Sorry if I dwelt on that one person for too long. Really it didnt bother me that much, just inspired me to write about Pollyanna and about Demons. lol  Really I do pray for that person and hope that some day heorshe will have a heart change and look to the Lord instead of walking in the flesh.

Whats so bad about being like Pollyanna?

I have nothing else to write about cuz I live a such a drama free life (ya, right) so that is the only reason I am focoused on this one neg person lol who sujested I was fake and like Pollyanna.

 Pollyanna had a great out look on life, always seeing the good and ignoring the bad.  She didn't care about class protocol and just generally loved everyone, even the mean people in her life.  She had that childlike faith that we all should strive for.  Why do some find her so annoying?  Because they hate good and love evil? Or because they are jealous that she seems to be so perfect and they can only see the negatives about themselves and would rather bring her or ppl like her down to their level of misery?  I am no Pollyanna but I don't see being called one such a bad thing.  Just because I don't care to focus on all the bad things but on the things I have been blessed with like my relationship with God and my family makes me dull? Oh well, this is my journal and I am free to do with it as I like.  I have my b*tchy moments like everyone and I even made a journal that explored my darker side but found THAT one to be fake and boring and farther from my true self.  This has become one of my life scriptures:

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

As if I care. Praying for you anyways ")

YOU SELF-OCCUPIEDSUGAR- COATED EGOTIST-----YOUR .OOOOOOO15 MINUTES OF SHAME ARE UP---NOW GO AWAY AND BE NOT SEEN OR HEARD !!!! THAT'S AN ORDER !!!
Comment from jablons9

Sugarcoated? LOL aww he thinks I'm sweet.  Egotist?? Obviously he hasn't been a long time reader, and knows nothing of me.  15min of shame? Really, I wasn't aware that I had anything to be ashamed of, in fact all my shame has been taken away and I can lift my head high, can you say that?  Go away that's an order? This person must be submitting to a demonic spirit because the demonic realm would love it if I would shriek away into a little corner and hide my light under a basket.  NO I AM HERE TO STAY SATAN AND BTW YOU HAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AUTHORITY OVER ME.

I know I didn't need to waste my time over that little nothing comment. But I am

BTW Kara.. Thanks for your help lastnight lol after I did that to my dsl modem I was stuck off line the rest of the night and had to call customer support this morning.  But it turned out that SOME ONE had changed the password to our dsl provider and that was my problem.  I felt way foolish that was all it was.  But I stayed up all night getting some work done I had been putting off.  Transcribing sermon sounds simplier than it is.  And I love Garry but I am sick of his voice lol but I sure did learn alot, thus those added comments about the demonic realm.

Fools! you all are just Fools jk

Seems like the kids are so excited about it being April Fools today.  Trying to come up with a way to fool mom.  HA!  The "look behind your back mom there is a monster" wont work on me : )  I remember the best prank I pulled on my mom was when I was 14. I called her at work from our new apartment, and told her I just spilled grape kool aid and tried to get it out with bleach on our new carpet, how do you get the white stain out? LMBO she freaked! My mom doesnt cuss, ohh but she did that day. I let her think it all day till she came home and saw no stain. Funny how my fav pair of black pants got bleached brown in the wash the next week.  Here is a fun site if you are looking for a nice clean way to play a prank over the net on your friends.

If you get Bills on April 1st., do they count?  Can't I just say I thought they was a joke, cuz no way could my gas bill and water bill be that much!  No?? DANG! And what about my husband's pay check?  That has to be a joke too right?  No way should it be that small.  NO? That is correct you say?  Gurrrrr... 

Guess we just won't eat for the next week and the weather is picking up, who needs gas for heat.  What's that you say?  It would be considered neglet if I did that?  OH.  Well then, APRIL FOOLS.  Babies will have milk, dont worry. lol