Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sad Weird Dream

One of the saddest.. strangest and goriest dreams I've ever had.

I was in something like an office but it had an exam room.. maybe it was a hospital setting.  Not sure what I was doing there or what my job was.. was I a nurse or a detective working a case?.. it had a CSI or Law and Order feel to it if you know what I mean. I was interviewing or talking to staff members about a girl who had come or was about to come in. There was some conversation about a Planned Parenthood and the Pregnancy Recourse Center.

The girl was in early adulthood.. bitter and mean, hard heart but in so much pain, yet seemed like she really did not care what was happening to her.  I saw her deliver a dead fetus.. it was cold and grey and black and blue but it was full term.. my sense was it was a murder or an abortion that was taking a bad turn.  This all happen in flashes and something about the number 8.. this was her eighth one?  She was taken away into another room and the dead baby was taken to a pathology lab to be examined.  I followed into the room where the baby was  being dissected.  The body parts had already been cut up and laying on a tray or small table and there was food crumbs all over it.. I remember cursing out who ever was working in the room that they could of messed up the phroensic evidance and how very unprofessional.  I remember looking at the baby's skull and it was cut in two and I was looking at the grey tissue of brains.  I was looking for something specific.. some kind of markings or an injury.. maybe I was looking for an explanation for the child's death.  Then a nurse brought in another dead baby.. smaller then the first but from the same girl.. like she had just had it.. it was still bloody.  I remember feeling bitter towards the girl and disgusted.  Then I was in a hall outside the girl's room and could hear her screams from labor pains again.  A nurse brought out in a hurry an even tinier baby that was just delivered.  She was going to leave it to die but the premiere was struggling for life.  I remember taking it to an incubator.. like you see in the netalnatile units but I also was trying to give it CPR.  I remember the small small fingers and even being able to see the baby's blue veins.  I was trying to save the baby and from my innier being I knew I had to do something.. this child needed to live.. I was giving it mouth to mouth and praying and crying.. very very emotional..

Then I woke up with my heart racing.. the phone was ringing and woke me up.

I get the sense that this dreams has many meanings on many levels.  One is that maybe the girl was the same girl that was in the recovery room with me after I had my own abortion.. I remember the nurse telling her that she could not come back there anymore.. it was her 7th or 8th abortion.  Maybe the first dead baby was a late term partial birth abortion.. because the way the head was cut up(to cover up the puncher wounds)and I was looking for effidance of it because it is suppose to be illegal now.. it was a botched job because there was still grey brain matter.  Maybe the second smaller one was another one of her children she had aborted.. I think the dream was out of sequence and the first baby was her last abortion and the second was one in the middle and the first.. the smallest was the first one.  Maybe I was fighting so hard to save the last one because if it had lived she would of not had the other ones. 

This was a very intense dream.. I can not fully put into words all of it.  I have an idea of what brought it on but I don't normally have dreams like these or even remember my dreams so I always write them down when I do.


  1. some dreams just stickwith you and make you feel so weird so all the time all day you carry that feeling

  2. I don't have a clue of an answer for you.  But I will say draw meaning or comfort from it if you can.  Or heed it as a warning or a call to something.  Or see it as a closing door.  But no matter what, remember it was just a dream.  -  Barbara

  3. Wow, that's an intense dream.  Obviously the blood of Jesus washes away all sins, so you don't need to feel anymore guilt or regret for your past if its covered in the blood of Christ.  But maybe God's calling you to come against the issue of abortion more?

    Take care and God Bless