Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Spark Of Anticipation

Reading threw the CNA text book a phrase jumped out at me,  "spark of anticipation".  It was so poetic! I had to write it down and pray that it was something I could learn to give to the patients and clients I would come to work for and maybe also remember how to find my own spark too.  How to exactly do that wasn't stated beyond being friendly and personable.

I have been warned about getting attached to clients and that I should try not to let that happen.  That is about impossible for me to avoid I think.  In fact I think it is too late lol. I'm not at a facility right now but doing in home aid and when you see the same person day in and out and get to know them and care for their personal needs how can you not come to have some kind of feelings?  I am not a robot but somewhat sensitive myself.  I try and not take it home with me but there has been occasions when I could not leave my concern and worry at the door when my client was not doing well or having a bad day.  I couldn't wait to see her the next day hoping she had improved.  Thankfully that is not most days.

Yesterday I called in sick for the first time.  My stomach was a mess and I was also over tiered from the weekend and emotionally drained (Josh left back on the road and that always depresses me too).  I didn't feel too guilty about not being able to show up for work because I knew the family would be there (and most of this week) and she would not be alone.  I stayed in bed almost the whole day and went to bed early last night.  That helped alot but my stomach is still kinda messed up.  I don't know if it is indigestion or stress or both.

When I got to work this morning I asked my client how her day was yesterday.  She said, "it was terrible"  "Terrible! Well why was that hon?! What happen?", I asked.  What she said next touched me, "Oh nothing really.  It was just because you were not here"  Awwwwwwwwwwww!  That is so sweet, is that part of the spark?  Ofcourse she was exaggerating but a little twinge of guilt crept in about me calling in sick, but I fought it because I know I have to be well to make sure she stays well.  Still it is nice to know I was missed.

I don't have to do much for my client.  She is pretty self-sufficient but her family doesn't want her left unsupervised and have some one there is she needs extra help.  Today I was told I was doing too  much for her and that she needs to do everything for her self.  I feel lazy enough as it is with just laying out her meds and diabetic testing stuff and making breakfast.  Other than that I don't do anything but occasionally help her with her shoes and make sure she is not falling in the shower.  I more or less just remind her to do things and be a companion.  Guess I am supposed to just sit there?  Ugh.  LOL.  I know don't complain, I have it easy right now and the next client may not be so laid back.

Going back to that spark of anticipation.  What is yours?  What do you look forward to every day, keeps you going?  Knowing I am needed by my family and friends and my client I guess is mine, keeps me from being lazy.  Also you can really tell I get lighter in the step when I am expecting hubby home *wink*  I know I also need to have something for myself, and not put my happiness in others too.  Beyond ordering my life around church and certain tv or radio shows, I do really look forward to writing these little posts (when I can think of something worth posting).  And I love reading the feed back from my friends or passerbyers *hint, hint* 

I know everyone has not picked up my reappearance to the online community lol and I am trying to reconnect with everyone.  I have a long list of people on my buddy list that I hardly recognize and all my journal alerts have been turned off.. I can't find how to turn them back on threw AIM.. and I am kind of scared too, knowing how it fills my in box.  Also alot of the blogs I have in my other journal section has gone private with out leaving me an invite to read *waaaaah*.  So if you see me online feel free to give me a shout out threw IM or if you have noticed I have not been to your blog in awhile leave me a link or an invite.  And if you want to announce to others that I am connected again..that would be appreciated.



  1. I do home care now too.  I had one client that I became very attached to because she had no family that lived close.  Fortunately, the client I have now lives with family and there is no attachment there like there was before.  I don't think you can do this job without feeling something.  You just have to be careful about getting in to deep.
    Take advantage of the easy client you have now, you never know what will come your way next.  They run from one extreme to the other, lol.  It helps to like read or something while you're there too.

  2. Mary your blog touched my heart and brought a tear to my eyes....I am so proud of you Hon doing what you are doing even tho you may not think it is much believe me it is great. I will try to come to your blog more often to see what is happening with you. I lost everyones blogs/Journals because I did a stupid thing with my computer I did get some of my things back but not all. So please send me all of yours, ok?...God Bless you........Love, Rebecca

  3. That is a wonderful phrase!!  Spark of anitcipation.  Sounds like that childlike energy.  With a hint of imagination.  -  The AIM Dashboard is a great way to keep up with folks on your buddy list.  Gives you buddy updates that include recent journal entries.  Don't forget to tag any entry you want plugged in Magic Smoke on Fridays with "blogplugs".  And welcome back to full time J-land life!  - Barbara

  4. Hi Mary.  Welcome back.  One way you could handle things if you don't want to have too many alerts is to list your favorite blogs somewhere (anywhere clickable, even your sidebar of your blog), and then just click down your list of faves each time you get on.  I know some people who do that.  That way they can keep up on their blogs, w/o filling their inbox!  Hope that helps.  Oh, and I didn't know you were a CNA!  You go, girl!  Let's see, what is my spark of anticipation?  What do I look forward to each day, what keeps me going?  Well first and formost the Lord keeps me going, and glorifying Him.  And helping others keeps me going.  Also intellectual pursuits.  I like to use my mind!  And of course, being there for John really keeps me going.  I don't know if that is what you meant, but that is my answer, LOL.  I keep going b/c I want to do my personal best, for the Lord, my family, and others.  Oh, and for myself.  Got to be good to yourself too, LOL.

    Krissy :)

  5. im gonna send you a link to mine ....it is private but I think you can get in...click on my name at the end of this comment and it should take you there :)

    Let me know if you cant get in...


  6. I have found that when you aren't at your best, other people's needs are usually what keeps you going. This is quite an old fahioned idea - I remember my nan always saying -  if you can't fix it - get on with it. And you  have a very important role in someone's life. Don't feel bad about 'just sitting there'. Imagine your client sitting there on her own. We are meant to support and look after each other - the Easter message - all about loving others. You sound like you underestimate how important you are - don't we all?

    God Bless+