Music, Spiders and floods..oh ya and Direct TV!

Turn your volume up and rock out to my new song lol  My son is really rubbing off on me with this new CD he got for Christmas. TobyMac: Welcome to Diverese City. Oh the excitement he had on his face when I told him that Toby Mac would be at the Winter Jam Concert at the end of the month.  Only $10 a ticket, so maybe I can squirrel away some $$ so we can go?

I sat and prayed, and drove around while doing errands and asked the Lord what I should do.  Not that I didn't already know the answer, I just needed his strength to say Yes.  Reading testimonies off the Silent No More web site also helped me see that my story is worth telling.  But still the procrastinator that I am didn't reply to the e-mail till this afternoon.  I am sure I will hear back by tomorrow or so with more details.

My son came home yesterday all in a tissy about a big report he has to do for science class.  He wanted me to get off line so he could research it.  He told me he was first to pick in his class from the list that was provided but he was stumped.  And what did he end up picking you might wonder.. The Black Widow Spider... ewwww!!!  For one, that isn't an animal.. it is an insect or whatever.. and second.. my skin just crawls from looking at the pics.  Zane thinks this is funny that I am all grossed out.  I jokingly asked if he could switch with some one lol.  So the next two weeks or so I will be elbow deep with spider info plus the durby car he is working on for Cub Scouts. 

 

Josh would help more I am sure but for the next two months he will not be home much.  He has one more class for apprenticeship school to go and it is like four days a week plus he has it worked out where he can work nights.  We will miss him lol and he will be tiered BUT the positive is this is the last class and then he is totally done and then the end of summer  he advances to Journeymen!!

I need to get my act together and get this house ship shape.  We are going out of town this weekend to see his mother.  She just moved into a house and we are going to help her settle in. So I need to do mucho laundry and packing because we are leaving early Sat morning.  Then Josh springs on me that he ordered Direct TV and they will be here to install it this coming Monday in the living room and our bedroom.  So I need to clean my bedroom before we leave out of town for the weekend. 

I am torn.  On one hand I am really excited to have more than 4 channels and have Fox News Channel back and some other old faves (maybe we will catch season 3 of The Shield and not have to buy it?) but on the other hand I am a bit apprehensive about it because it will be harder to sensor the cartoons that comes on those channels and I just know for the first few month I will be a couch potato, instead of a mouse potato lol.  Plus.. the coast.. sure they say 39 a month, but I am sure there are hidden charges somewhere lol and that is extra money that could go to um.. bills.  We have six more months till he makes the big bucks ya know LOL.  But as my friend Amy says, with as much as Josh and I spend on renting movies each month, it is worth getting cable or sat.  I am glad he just ordered it, with out talking to me..

No really.. then I wont get blamed for it lol I would of said NO.

Rain has been pouring down here for the last few days.  My basement is like a river.  It is a good thing I had it mostly cleaned up before the flooding but still.. gurrrrr.

Speaking of floods.. I was reading the Bible today, in keeping with my goal of reading it cover to cover this year.  I started with Genesis.. a good place to start, the beginning.  I have decided to keep a note book with me and write down things that stick out and I want to commit to memory.  I did this the last time I started to really read and I still have the note cards.

Today I got up to chapter 8.  I love how God's Word is and how that it is new each time I read it.  I find something that I missed or had not realized or confirms what I already know.  Today what stood out the most to me was Gen. 8:21.

Genesis 8:21 And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart [is] evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.

or as the NIV puts it Gen. 8:21 "The Lord smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done.

We all know or should know the story of Noah and the Flood and the rainbow God sent as a promise.  What stuck out to me in vers 21 was:

"even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood."

That sure is different from what the world teaches!  How often have you heard that ppl are basically good, that only because of environment they learn to do bad things???  This vers contradicts that theory doesn't it!?  Like that song.. born to be bad.. lol  Any mother will tell you that her children are not perfect all the time and that they do mischievous things when they know that mom or dad is not looking.  It is in our nature (thanks Adam).

This is why we can not live a perfect sinless life.  This is why we need a blood scarified.. to cover our sins.. so that we may have relationship with God and this is why Jesus came.

Just some thoughts to leave ya with. : )

SILENT NO MORE..is that something I can do?

  I make it no deep dark secret that I had an abortion when I was 15.  God has set me free over that guilt and shame that gives me the freedom to speak of it openly.  I know for many women they can not or will not speak of their experience and all they can do is be silent on the issue that effects MILLIONS of lives.  I have written extensively on it in here, especially last Jan.  I have spoken of it in church while giving my testimony.  I have created a webpage in memory of Beautiful, my daughter I will meet in heaven one day. I can go into chats on the subject and give an honest account of it and debate with the best of them. I can talk about it with those who I know and am safe with or where I am a faceless person on the other end of a screen.  But can I do it in front of a possibly hostile crowd?? I got the following e-mail the other day.  It is from a list I signed up for long ago and had forgotten I was even on.

To those who would like to be "Silent No More" in Missouri:

We are hosting a Silent No More Awareness gathering in St.Louis, MO on Sunday, February 6, 2005.  We warmly welcome your participation.

Our gathering, which will be held at the Grand Staircase of the St. Louis Arch at 2 PM, follows the standard format for a Silent No More Awareness campaign gathering as described on the SNMA website (http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org ).  Each person gives a 2-3 minute testimony.  The event is open to the public and the media will be invited. 

If you plan to attend, it's important to register with event coordinators Kim Wilson or Amy Martin.  Kim can be reached at zef@charter.net or at 636-922-0476, and Amy can be reached at amy@shinyhappypeople.org or at 636-273-0496.  Once you register, we will send you information and guidelines to help you prepare, and any updates on the event as planning continues.

God bless,

Kim & Amy

When I got this e-mail I noted the date and went humm.  I resisted the urge to delete it and ignore it and saved it as new.  I was thinking I could at least attend it, but not speak at it.  How can I possible break it all down to just two min.?  And really, who would want to hear what I have to say?  They need ppl who had these outrageous experiences, where really mine was tame compared to some of the things I have heard and known of.  I can not blame the abortion clinic for mistreating me in anyway or my family members who drove me there.  Everyone thought they was helping me and the "problem" as my child was referred to.  I long ago excepted that I am the only one who can be to blame because I choose it, even if I was not totally informed about all the cost to me and that child would be.  The only difference I can see would of made in my situation was more information and alternatives presented to me, or if it was not legal at all.  I would of never done something agent the law and I was never told there was other ways to go.  Medicaly I was not harmed (thank God), unlike many who because of botched abortions are steril and unable to have children, and I know even because it is leagel now, does not nessary make it safe.  I can only pray that because I breastfed my other children I will not fall victim to breast cancer that is now connected to abortions.

Yes, I can draw a line from that point in my life where depression seemed to be more and drinking and drug use to stuff my hurts.  But I had many hurts, like alot of teens, and I can not blame it all on my abortion.  But I can say it did play apart in my troubled years.  The secret I was never to speak of.  I didn't even realize how WRONG it was until I gave birth to my son and daughters and saw in them the child I should of kept. And it was almost ten years after the fact that I had any post abortion counseling and was able to except forgiveness for that deep dark sin.  Even after I became a Christian, I always thought, sure he can forgive everything.. but that one thing.  I thought I would have to work for it and or suffer for that blood to be off my hands.  Freedom came when I realized that ALL my sins are forgiven, not just the little ones but the BIG ones too.  When Jesus on the cross said "IT IS FINISHED", he didn't mean, oh wait, you have to work that murder off first, no, he meant he died for all of it and you can not take away from it or add to it.

On the drive to take Little Amy home we ofcourse had many conversations. Now that I think about it I marvel at the ease of my words when abortion came up.  She saw a sign that was against Bush and she again chimed in "I hate Bush, Kerry should of won".  Knowing she is only parroting what she has been told I didn't want to just say YOU are stupid, think about it and have your own opinion, but wanted her to see another side.  I stated that Bush won and he even had thepopular vote, if all those who say they hated him so much would of voted he would not be in office, but apparently the young vote fell threw and giggled when I said I could show her a map of all the Red states.  And I added, "You could not pay me to vote for Kerry."  She asked why.  I simply said "because he was for abortion and would do nothing to change it".  She gasped.. as if she had no clue that was Kerry's position during his campaign and became quiet.  Then she spoke up, "well yes abortion is wrong, but you need to think of the teenagers that get pregnant". I shook my head yes and then out of my mouth said, "I know all about that sweetie, I had an abortion."  I went into tell her that it is the biggest LIE they tell you, that it will make everything all right, when it only makes everything worse and kills a child in the process.  After that we had a conversation about it. 

See that stuff is easy for me but talking to a large crowd, with media, at the foot of The Gate Way Arch??

Please pray for me as I choose.  Obviously I want to do it but that thing called FEAR is holding me back.  I will e-mail back and get more info and update later of what I will do.

Will my Maddness ever end??? Ha Ha

This is on my updated profile page!

To my horror as I was adding my pics I found I had dead links on there. awww!!!  Well no fear, it is fixed now. I also added an embeded song.  Yes I got lazy and just did the same one that is here, but eventualy when I feel like uploading more I will change it as well.

  Go... NOW.. Check it out!

Hunybea4Him

Side Bar make over and Amy's visit

Being it is a New Year (wow '05) I decided it was time for a new side bar pic.  I loved the old one! But that is what it was, old and out of date. Annie was barely walking when that pic was taken to let you know how old.  But yesss I did look good, didn't I!  Every time Josh would see it he would snicker at it.  There was a debate between him and I about when that pic was taken and if there was anything under those feathers.  He swears he took that pic long ago when I was being naughty... I swear I took the pic myself while playing with Annie and her feathers.. I even have other pics of Annie with the feathers to prove it.. anyway.  I am dangerous now that I figured out some features to the Print Master program I have.  No, it is not Paint Shop Pro (one day) but it does have some fun features.  I have had it for a long time but just never really play in it.

What do you think of  My World View collage??  Each pic represents something or some one in my life.  Easy to figure out.  I changed it about a 100 times to get it just right.  I particularly like the pic of Josh sticking his tongue out.. that is all he does when I go to take a pic of him and I also like how it looks like I am looking up and down at myself.  I know some ppl are messing around with their fonts and colors in their journal.. but I choose not to mess up perfection in mine lol. jk

School is back in session!! Whaahoo!!  The kids said they had a good first day back and no home work.  I did take Amy home today, she is out of school still for various reasons.  She lives back near my old neighborhood so it was nice to see the old sites on the drive over.  We had to go threw this big old deal and stop at her mom's bf's to get the key to her house.  I was excited to see her house, had not been there since they moved in.  Not what I expected it to be.  She didn't hype it up or anything, it is just alot smaller than I had figured it would be.  And it was TRASHED.  Apparently her mom was also gone all weekend or so and left their two BIG BIG dogs home alone and locked inside (with a cat).  It was a stinky mess, if you can imagine.  I felt bad and even asked if she just wanted to go back home with me but she stayed and insisted her mom would help her clean it up.  When she was talking to her mom on the phone at my house she called her names and said she hated her.  I yelled at Amy and said it is not cool to call your mom names, you can hate her but not yell at her.  I know her mother likely deserved the names she was called but even so, respect has to start somewhere. I remember hating my mom here and there but OMG I wouldn't dare call her any names.  I guess I just got a glimpse of Little Amy's home life and it makes me sad, real sad.  I know no one has a pie in the sky life and everyone has probs, but just please keep little Amy and her family in prayer, they surely needs it.

I about cried when I read Amy's last entry!  I know she knows I read it, so she may of just been playing up to me, but still it was very sweet and I love her too.  And I wish she would of let me approve the pics she posted with ME in it lol I don't like them.  I would post more of the ones we took but YGP is acting up again tonight!

I wish we could have Amy over more often.

Dig it baby! lol Fun pics & New Songs

Hope you like the pics... It is me and Little Amy.  She made me take silly pics and I was having fun making a collage in Print Master.  Now I know how to crop in it expect more of these lol.

More detailed post coming soon.

Lyrics to the new song in my ~J  Dedicated to Rach!!!! 

Atmosphere
By Toby Mac

I know you keep a journal and every page is rippled / From the tears that you cry, ain’t no meanin’ to your scribble / 'Cause words can’t describe what you’ve been feelin’ inside / It’s like thousand foot walls, and they’re still on the rise / But look up to a beautiful sound / And see for yourself you’re not that far down / And know this, I cannot love a little / My promise to you is unconditional

And I’ll keep the light on, for you / Just keep the course, you can weather the storm / I’ll keep the light on, for you/ You’ve come this far, don’t you ever lose heart, now

Just turn around and I’ll be there / I’m moving into your atmosphere / Just turn around and I’ll be there / I’m moving into your atmosphere

I know you’re all alone in a crowd full of friends / I can see it in your eyes that your fadin’ again / Checking out, moving into your hole / Where the light can’t touch any part of your soul / But hold up and let the river rush in / You can turn around and start livin’ again / Cause your life is a beautiful bloom / In the image of the one that created you

I’ll be there

Said I’ll be there, said I’ll be there
Said I’ll be there always, forever

WTH!!?? I WAS TOS!?

I was knocked off tonight and had to go threw a bunch of crap to get back on because some one got ahold of my sn and was spaming chats.. this is what I got from AOL:

America Online has been notified of a Terms of Service (TOS) violation in an AOL chat room committed by one of the screen names on your account.  A written warning has been entered in your account record along with the information below.

On 12/31/04 21:08:01 Eastern the HUNYBEA4HIM screen name violated the TOS in the Fifties Love 8 chat room.  The following is an excerpt from the chat room discussion:

Hunybea4him: 19/F, lookin for fun! IM me on my AIM name `ClarissaKyss` and lets talk, i also have a webcam :)

If any of you have gotten one of these bunk IM I am sorry.. it was NOT me, please let me know.  And flood that sorry soul ClarissaKyss with IM to repent for what they have done.

gurrrrrrrrrrr...

If anything I am one of the most careful persons when it comes to my password security, so I am scratching my head a to how some one got it.  I don't fall for those fake AOL e-mails asking you for it or sending you to a site for it.  I don't even store my password for easy access when signing on.  And now I have a TOS violation on my reocord.. what a bunch of bla bla bla.. insert explitive .

Oh and the kicker.. when I went to e-mail AOL'S TOS PPL WITH THE ADDRESS THEY GAVE ME:

If you have any comments or questions, please send e-mail to TOSGeneral.

My mail was returend because thier mail box was full! Sheesh!

Thought I would just you all and give you the heads up.

Sat. Six Questions

1. Where were you when the clock struck midnight?  With whom did you ring in the new year? I was home with my family & Little Amy came over for the weekend : )  Zane spent the night over at a freinds.  The girls tried so hard to make it to midnight, but Sophia declaired "I am going to bed" at about 10 or so and went and tucked herself in.  Lilly fell out with only 20 min. to go to midnight aww.. And AnnMarie was up and awak and went out side with me to yell HAPPY NEW YEAR to the neighborhood that was setting off massive fireworks.

2. Do you have any foods you always eat on New Year's Day, and if so, what do the foods signify for your family? We don't have any tradtional foods we make but I did make a dip and put it in hallowed out Hawian Bread.. yummy and a cheap $3 bottle of Cal. Champain.. you get what you pay for folks.

3. Do you believe that these "superstitious foods" work? see answer to #2,  and I am not superstitious.. much.

4. Did you make any New Year's Resolutions this year, and if so, which of them do you honestly expect to have kept by December 31, 2005? See my previous entery about my thoughts and plans on the next year and I truely believe I can read threw the Bible in a year " )

5. What is the most enjoyable DVD you purchased in 2004?  What's the most enjoyable DVD boxed set you purchased in 2004? *think*think*  we rent more than we buy so hard to say.  The only box set we bought was season 1 of the Sheild.. waiting for season 2 to come out.

6. What would you most like to see change in AOL Journal-land in 2005? SPELL CHECKER RIGHT IN THE SETTINGS! copy and pasting from e-mail is a drag and I am lazy.

Pat took a break from Wed. Word List this week so no silly words for this week in a sentance.  I do have a chuckler...

Amy was reading over my shoulder a post some one had talked about Bush in.. She chimed in I HATE BUSH.  I @@ and asked why.  She said.. cuz he made us go to war.  I said, just to be combative, NO He didn't.  Yes he did, she retorted.  Then my son spoke up.. NO HE DIDN'T, Congress Did!

Rolling on the floor.  True, so true.. when did my boy get to be such a smarty pants??