SILENT NO MORE..is that something I can do?

  I make it no deep dark secret that I had an abortion when I was 15.  God has set me free over that guilt and shame that gives me the freedom to speak of it openly.  I know for many women they can not or will not speak of their experience and all they can do is be silent on the issue that effects MILLIONS of lives.  I have written extensively on it in here, especially last Jan.  I have spoken of it in church while giving my testimony.  I have created a webpage in memory of Beautiful, my daughter I will meet in heaven one day. I can go into chats on the subject and give an honest account of it and debate with the best of them. I can talk about it with those who I know and am safe with or where I am a faceless person on the other end of a screen.  But can I do it in front of a possibly hostile crowd?? I got the following e-mail the other day.  It is from a list I signed up for long ago and had forgotten I was even on.

To those who would like to be "Silent No More" in Missouri:

We are hosting a Silent No More Awareness gathering in St.Louis, MO on Sunday, February 6, 2005.  We warmly welcome your participation.

Our gathering, which will be held at the Grand Staircase of the St. Louis Arch at 2 PM, follows the standard format for a Silent No More Awareness campaign gathering as described on the SNMA website (http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org ).  Each person gives a 2-3 minute testimony.  The event is open to the public and the media will be invited. 

If you plan to attend, it's important to register with event coordinators Kim Wilson or Amy Martin.  Kim can be reached at zef@charter.net or at 636-922-0476, and Amy can be reached at amy@shinyhappypeople.org or at 636-273-0496.  Once you register, we will send you information and guidelines to help you prepare, and any updates on the event as planning continues.

God bless,

Kim & Amy

When I got this e-mail I noted the date and went humm.  I resisted the urge to delete it and ignore it and saved it as new.  I was thinking I could at least attend it, but not speak at it.  How can I possible break it all down to just two min.?  And really, who would want to hear what I have to say?  They need ppl who had these outrageous experiences, where really mine was tame compared to some of the things I have heard and known of.  I can not blame the abortion clinic for mistreating me in anyway or my family members who drove me there.  Everyone thought they was helping me and the "problem" as my child was referred to.  I long ago excepted that I am the only one who can be to blame because I choose it, even if I was not totally informed about all the cost to me and that child would be.  The only difference I can see would of made in my situation was more information and alternatives presented to me, or if it was not legal at all.  I would of never done something agent the law and I was never told there was other ways to go.  Medicaly I was not harmed (thank God), unlike many who because of botched abortions are steril and unable to have children, and I know even because it is leagel now, does not nessary make it safe.  I can only pray that because I breastfed my other children I will not fall victim to breast cancer that is now connected to abortions.

Yes, I can draw a line from that point in my life where depression seemed to be more and drinking and drug use to stuff my hurts.  But I had many hurts, like alot of teens, and I can not blame it all on my abortion.  But I can say it did play apart in my troubled years.  The secret I was never to speak of.  I didn't even realize how WRONG it was until I gave birth to my son and daughters and saw in them the child I should of kept. And it was almost ten years after the fact that I had any post abortion counseling and was able to except forgiveness for that deep dark sin.  Even after I became a Christian, I always thought, sure he can forgive everything.. but that one thing.  I thought I would have to work for it and or suffer for that blood to be off my hands.  Freedom came when I realized that ALL my sins are forgiven, not just the little ones but the BIG ones too.  When Jesus on the cross said "IT IS FINISHED", he didn't mean, oh wait, you have to work that murder off first, no, he meant he died for all of it and you can not take away from it or add to it.

On the drive to take Little Amy home we ofcourse had many conversations. Now that I think about it I marvel at the ease of my words when abortion came up.  She saw a sign that was against Bush and she again chimed in "I hate Bush, Kerry should of won".  Knowing she is only parroting what she has been told I didn't want to just say YOU are stupid, think about it and have your own opinion, but wanted her to see another side.  I stated that Bush won and he even had thepopular vote, if all those who say they hated him so much would of voted he would not be in office, but apparently the young vote fell threw and giggled when I said I could show her a map of all the Red states.  And I added, "You could not pay me to vote for Kerry."  She asked why.  I simply said "because he was for abortion and would do nothing to change it".  She gasped.. as if she had no clue that was Kerry's position during his campaign and became quiet.  Then she spoke up, "well yes abortion is wrong, but you need to think of the teenagers that get pregnant". I shook my head yes and then out of my mouth said, "I know all about that sweetie, I had an abortion."  I went into tell her that it is the biggest LIE they tell you, that it will make everything all right, when it only makes everything worse and kills a child in the process.  After that we had a conversation about it. 

See that stuff is easy for me but talking to a large crowd, with media, at the foot of The Gate Way Arch??

Please pray for me as I choose.  Obviously I want to do it but that thing called FEAR is holding me back.  I will e-mail back and get more info and update later of what I will do.