I had a dream... and I don't remember them all that often. It filled me with a sad longing and a bit of hope. God seems to be bringing these recurring themes in my life about friends and friendship. Why?!!! It is such a sore spot right now and I would just love for it to all go away.. lol but God what are you trying to show me?
I dreamed about that long lost friend I had wrote about last week. In the dream I finally got to meet up with her. I was so excited and nervous. Her life style is way different from mine and I wasn't sure how it would all go. But when I saw her it was like returning home. She was the same old person I knew, only a bit taller. The wise ass, sarcastic in a fun loving way but not and I could sense her pain underneath. She was surrounded by party going girlfriends. We were checking into some dive of an apartment with clothes and regular living trash scattered about. The focus was on getting ready to go out. Make-up and cool club going stripper clothes and drinks and drugs and party music flowed about me. I could never really get her alone to talk to her. I talked to her friends and got to know them and felt the eye of "who is this person trying to invade our space" and a light bit of integration from them. I was out of place and felt a slight of embarrassment but wanted to push on in the dream because just to be close to her was making me happy. Some how the conversation went towards the Internet and the blog I kept. I asked if Tonya had seen it.. if she saw what I had written about her. The friends laughed at me and said ya.. and she was not all that thrilled I would write such personal things about her for others to read, that she was ashamed and embarrassed over it and that is why she was having a hard time talking to me. (OUCH) I tried to argue that I only said positive things, that I didn't point out any negatives.. but these so called friends like turned on me into demonic laughter. Then one women came up to me, in a threatening way but some how it turned into a hug, she was crying in my arms and was seeking comfort. I didn't know her but I had a scene she was my friend's lover and that filled me with mixed emotions. I held her and told her of God's love for her despite her rebellion to him, that hewas right here for her waiting on her to call on his name. I told her other things about her life that only could of came from the spirit.. and some how it worked out all ok. I don't remember all of the dream.. just the highlights it seems. It ended up with us in a bar or some kind of Supper Bowel Party where rich men who flirted with us and tried to get us drunk were. One of those situations that would test me and my resolve it seems. And I woke up wishing I could of at least dreamed about that heart to heart conversation with my friend but couldn't get back to it.
After I had written my org. post about my old friend I had did a bit of a web search for her. I have done this before with no result. I don't think she is into computers but may have a friend who is. I did find a profile on myspace that fit her to a T. Yes it was her.. I knew it was.. the pictures were kinda racy but I knew it was her.. I knew it. I compared the old picture I have of her to the new one that was posted.. It was her!! I have no doubt about it. The profile said she had not been logged on since March so when I sent a message I was fully aware that it could be weeks or months before she would see it. All I said was I was looking for my old friend and her profile seemed to fit her.. could it be? I had a bit of hope. You know I checked my messages everyday and looked at her profile praying over it hoping she would come back soon to see my message and friend request and that just by seeing my profile she would realize it was me and be just as happy to find me. The other day I checked my messages to see if she had read mine yet... It had dissapeared. I didn't think it had been 14 days and it should of still appeared in my sent box. I went to look at her profile to re send... and .... it had been deleted. Her whole profile gone. Oh NO, I thought.. did my message freak her out and she wanted to disappear.. or maybe a friend had set it up for her and they had a falling out and out of spite she deleted it.. I Just Don't Know. And it seems, at least for now.. it is just not meant to be that I find my old friend.