This is a reposting from an entry I did wayyyy back in Feb '04. I had to really search for it too. But this is how I feel (yet again) this morning and I needed to read it so I thought I would share.
How I wish I woke up perfect for you today. If I had, the laundry would always be done, folded and put a way, no more piles spilling over onto the floor. If I had, the dishes would always be done, dried and put away, never left sitting in the sink or counters. If I had woke up perfect today all the floors would be swept, moped and shining. The beds would be made and the bedrooms clean. If I had woken up perfect today, I would be a better parent and our children would be taken care of just as they should, groomed, fed, smiling and happy. I would be a better wife, always putting my husbands needs above my own. If I had woken up perfect today, I would not be selfish.
I wish the perfect switch had gone off in my head the moment my eyes opened and all my flaws would have vanished. We would have a perfect happy home and perfect happy family. I would be more happy, more loved, and there would never be any fighting.
But Today I did not wake up perfect, So God I am asking you to PLEASE help me in all my failings. Help me to be a better housekeeper, better wife, better mother, better friend. Help me to have the drive to do the things I know I should be doing. Help me not to get distracted in what I know I should be doing for my family. Put that love in me so I will want to do these things with the right attitude. I know I will never be perfect until you are finished with me, so I give it all over to you to work in me.
I remember when I wrote that.. oh the tears, and I cry as I read it again.
My husband does not blog, and he hardly answers his e-mail and never IM with ppl that he doesn't know. He isn't into this kind of stuff like I am. He only has his lap top because he was traveling for work so much and wanted to keep in touch with us better and ohh it has a spiffy dvd player/burner and big '17 screen. He has other passions and priorities and he doesn't always get why I like this forum so much and sees it more as an obstacle then something that helps me reach out into the world, that helps me learn and grow. Now.. I have been alot better this past year about my computer time (as you can see by my lack of postings and how far apart they can be) and sometimes that desire just isn't there because *whoohoo* I am busy with *LIFE*.
I got to tell ya.. being asked to be Guest Editor.. it is something I am so esctaic about and I put ALOT Of energy into that post for it! Like two days! So I have been up late.. house work has suffered and all the things I know I should be doing but hey I had to get that done! I have been using hubby's new laptop because my old computer is slow and tiered and ohh it was unhooked because we cleaned the carpets in the den/office and he never hooked it back up for me. It is so nice to be in the living room on the wireless laptop or take it up to the bedroom. But my ever understanding man.. was so frustrated with me this morning that he took it away.. packed it up and took it with him to work and screamed that I could hook my own computer back up if I needed to (ugh) and get something done around here already!
How much you think I have gotten done or even felt like doing since this morning? At least I got a shower lol!!