Thursday, August 28, 2003

Reflecting on Me as a smoker Part 1

It may not seem like, but I have to remember I have not always been a smoker. It is something I started for foolish reasons and look back at with a sad frown. Both of my parents smoked and I was highly agenst it. Always making coments like "choke, choke, you are killing me with that smoke MOM" What a pain in the butt I was, and my kids are too. When my little brother started smoking I looked down on him and shook my head. He even got sent away for a summer to Grandma's in fears of what was next drugs?
I was 14 going on 15. I was getting into the whole wild child faze and was in love with a jail bird. Oh the love letters lol. I had a friend Tonya who was equal if not more as destructive. My best friend. Kids choose your friends wisely OK. LOL Well she smoked and was showing off how to blow rings and how to inhale. I remember this clearly, it was Christmas Vacation and we where in my room, she was sleeping over. I caved and took it from her. I don't think I even inhaled the first time.
But when I did inhale (can still remember) the rush, the light headiness. I was about high and I liked it. I was goofy and silly. Hey I was cool. What a shock it would be to my bf who had been away for six month to come back to me a smoker, not such a goodie goodie. That is what was running threw my head. I can almost see the devil grinning. Cuz you know i had to hide it from my parents, and that lead into me stealing from them. lol I laugh at how bold I was sometimes when snagging a few right out of
my dad's shirt pocket while he was asleep on the couch. Oh the decent into maddness lol. And then starting to smoke more and more, and the fact that it made me sick right after eating made it even better. I was getting skinny! Oh the shame.

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