Thanks for the prayers!

Somewhat irked today.  I have attempted twice now to add to my study journal my notes from Wednesday night's class from church.  The first time, I got kicked off AOL and the second time our power went out for a few hours.  I was well into it each time too! I think before I attempt to post again I will write it all out in my Word program, save me the frustrations. Oh well, such as life with the net huh.  I somewhat hesitate to do the next entry because I know what will be written will not sit well with some.  The lesson was on The Rapture and 4 big lies about it.  I envision the neg comments I am about to get and hoping it will not turn everyone off to this study.  All I ask is when you do read the entry, read it threw first, question what your thinking is and why you believe this or that way, and then go to scripture.  And even if then you still disagree with the entry, stay tuned for the rest of the study.  It is not all laid out in the first lesions because it is an in-depth study.  Ofcourse I always encourage comments and healthy dialogue.  So if you do read it and want to talk about it, feel free to e-mail me.

Moving on so I can get to that journal next..

With the stuff going on with my mom I am going threw many emotions and growth I am sure will come of it all.  I really do appreciate all the prayers and support from my friends here and off line.  Some times it is hard for me to take it, since I love to be the one on the other end, praying and uplifting others.  I much rather be the person who is giving the encouragement, as I am sure you all are too.  But God puts us each in a place from time to time or others more often, where they need to be in a place where they have to look to him and live that faith out, not just say you believe but to really live it.  I have questioned my relationship with God, is it that close?  I talk a good talk I know, but do I walk the walk?  Most times my spirit is at peace and it is easy for me to say God is Good and he is my strength.  Right now I feel like I am hanging on the edge, waiting for a shoe to drop, I am restless and not at peace because I don't know what is going to happen next.  Sure this is supposed to be a simple surgery with minimal risks, yet there is still risks.  Thoughts of my mom not coming threw it and the next time I see her after it will be in a coffin, is what I am battling.  I don't feel positive about this surgery at all.  And it is not cuz I don't trust God to bring her threw it, if that be his will for her I know he will.  I guess I have been questioning my prayer life and how effective prayer is Vs the will of God.  We do not get everything we want you know, only what we need and what his will is for our life.  Yet I know we are supposed to pray and petition him.  I love to do that, to talk to him and bring it to him.  I love doing that for other ppl.  Having others pray for me and my mom these last few days has had an effect on me. It makes me see the other end, how when I do that for others, how it comforts and helps us be closer to God.  Yet when it is said, "Don't worry, God will bring her threw it and everything is going to be OK," my spirit and my emotions don't line up with that.  (yes I know don't live by emotions, and I don't) Usually when a word is spoken on behalf of God, my spirit will confirm it, and take it in, but that just has not been happening.  I don't have Peace when it is said "she is going to be OK."  Really I think the only thing that will bring me Peace is knowing for a fact she has salvation.  Then the question if she lives or dies is kinda not such a big deal.  Either way if she is saved and dies, then I know I will see her again, and if she lives and is saved, I will still see her and talk with her again.  If she dies and has not Made that heart choice to make Jesus Christ Lord of her life, I know I will not see her again in Heaven.

Her surgery is set for Wed. July 7th.  She is coming down here 4th of July weekend and spend it with us and then Monday I will go back with her.  Ofcourse you know I will be having many important conversations with her.

The only snag is we have to find someone to watch our kids while I am gone. The older two will go with Josh's Dad and Step Mom. It is someone to watch Lilly and Sophia that is the prob.  Josh called the daycare place by our house and they said, if they had space it would be over $300 for the both of them!! That is JUST for one week!  Really how can ppl afford that without government assistance??  My hope is that my friend Amy can watch them that week.  I will ask her when she gets back to town Sunday.