Monday, January 30, 2006

Thinking on the verse of the Day and other things

Psalms 86:5  For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.   (NKJV)

Key things I pulled out from that verse: The Lord is Good, Ready to Forgive, Abundant Mercy, All who call upon him.


To say that my Bible is a bit dusty would be in all honesty.. an understatement. Ohh don't look sooo surprised lol  the best of us fall into a cycle of laziness.. but as this verse says The Lord is Good.  I am trying and that is what counts, reconizing it.. because you know we all fail and come short but God is good where he brings us back, corrects us, and draws us to himself...we just have to want to hear him and feel that drawing, that tugging on the heart and submit to it.  I am trying to draw closer to him.. feel like I have not been as close to him as I should be.  Yes this month has been very exciting for me as I was given the opportunities to speak on what God has done in my life and be apart of Pro-Life events.. but it is those inbetween times of life.. when I am in the daily grind, the unexciting things..  So much or little going on at once.. like I am in this place of where I know I need to do certain things or I am waiting on something or some one, there is a desire on my heart but no outlet, and no fruit.. like I am stuck inbetween. I can't explain it.  Luke warm? hummm.. Frustrated?? humm.. Disconnected.. bingo.. that sounds more right.  And you know what.. it is a yucky feeling.  

I can blame it on alot of things.. Josh and Zane have been out of town two weeks now and wont be home till Friday. Everyday there seems to be something going on, you know how that goes.  And with money being the way it has lately I have been trying to save where I can.. not drive as much because filling the gas tank is a killer.. and I guess I used that as part of my excuse of not going to church regularly.. it is so far from us now and you know all of the reasons you tell yourself it is ok to sleep in or that strugle to get everyone andyourslef ready to go out or there is something going on that trumps going and all the other bla bla bla excuses.  I did go this last Sunday.. late.. but I am gald I went but still I feel disconected with what is going on there and the changes that are occuring.  But my relationship with God does not depend on me being in a certain building on a certain day of the week or on my husband being home or any other things.. It does depend on the time I spend with HIM.  And that is the heart of it all.  I just have not been spending time with HIM.  My prayer life has been stale for awhile now.. not that I don't talk to him everyday or think on him.. have that on going conversation all the time.  It is that getting deep.. being still... waiting and listening or just spending time PRAISING Him for all he has done that I am lacking.  I let myself get frustrated too with how this world is going, it is getting so dark and murky.. thick.. at times I talk back to the t.v. or the computer screen but I keep telling myself.. why are you still surprised.. you know why all that is happening.. maybe to the point of growing a hard heart because it hurts to see so much evil filling my country, and my world and no one seems to care or nothing is being done about it and it just gets worse.  I don't have to give a list.. but it doesn't take much to see it.. flip on your news.. shoot just read the welcome screen on AOL or the movie reviews and you can see it if you have the eyes to see.  In part I rejoice over some of the current events because it shows we are even closer to the return of my Lord and what an awesome time to be alive.. to be appointed for such a time as this.. to be in the last generation but behind each story is a heart that is hurting.. a person that is desperate for love.. people void of peace and in so much pain or filled with hate, some one who needs the Lord in their life.. some one who is heading for hell unless they repent and call upon the Name Of Jesus.  Who is telling them the truth.. would they hear if they were told.. and where is my place in it all.  Where is God taking me and where am I going to end up, what would he have me do?  I am just one lone voice, who isn't as close as she should be, who is looked at as a freak in many circles (not that I care) ha or as intollerant and ignorant.. lol now whois that sounding like.

I guess what this is all boiling down too... I want and need more then what I have been doing or getting.. I want and need more of God in my life.  And I know he wants to give me more of himself.. he already has done it all for me.. I just need to receive it, except it, draw near to him, shake off this cloud, this feeling of heaviness.. and put on the garments of praise.  Joy.. where is the joy.. I have hints of it here and there but I want to bask in it, drink of it.. and it is easy really.. I just have to start, call upon him.. and he does the rest. If I just meditate on the fact that I am his child, that he took me so far from a life that was filled with so much sadness and pain, that I am not apointed unto wrath.. that he loves me.. that is all the Joy I need.

Can you relate? You hearing me?  Or did this all just go whoosh over your head?

Going to start with today's verse.. Lord you are Good.. Forgive me for being the way I have been, thank you for your abundant Mercy towards me and ALL who call upon you.

Renew me Lord, draw me closer, change me where I need to bring myself inline with your will for me and my life.  Help me with the choices and decisions that are coming up. Lead me and guide me.  Fill me with that fire for you once again. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.


  1. First of all ... Thanks for visiting me at "Daily Gratitudes and Attitudes." It's been a while since I've updated my AOL-J.

    2nd of all ... Yes, I hear ya. I get in a spiritual ... blah, sometimes. More often than not, to tell you the truth. And I believe these are the times that having a church family is needed most. We don't attend regularly either. We go in spurts. But it's good to have people who care and to see when we're going through these times, so they can lift us up when we can't seem to do so ourselves. I miss the fellowship. My excuse is, it's just too much of a hassle to get up and get Stephen ready to go. We're always late and an usher has to find us a place to sit, etc ... But the truth is, Stephen enjoys the church service, he behaves like a perfect angel most of the time there. I'm just allowing the enemy to convince me to stay home.
    Maybe ... more than the link you left behind directed me to your journal this morning. :-) Thanks for being honest with us, that made it easy for me to admit the same.
    God Bless!

  2. I've not commented much in your journal lately, however, I can so relate to this entry today. I call it going through a dry time with the Lord; like being in a desert. Often in my own life because I've gotten too busy or stepped out of His will and have to remind myself of that and get back into His will and prioritize better.

    Your passion for the lost is there; so evident in the words you write. As my pastor says "eternity is at stake". When you look at a person and you see the life they are leading and you wonder if they are saved or pretty much know for sure they aren't saved, one has such a compassion for them, hoping you can be the one that plants the seed through the Lord to bring them to know Jesus.

    Hang in there. I've learned through dry spells to keep reading, even though the words might not mean much. Keep praying and keep waiting. I've also learned when the dry spells are over, there is such an incredible joy and peace and connection again with him and that is so worth it.


  3. hello friend i hear you loud and clear you know where he wants you and you are his light i sense it in your entrys and words i get encourment from them it does matter to go to church though one for fellowship with other beliviers and 2 accountablity maybe you could find a church closer and do a bible study with woman to get to know some people around you in our church we have a group that is just that for woman new to the area and study he will meet you right where you are at and you know this i know you are a light for him and we all struggle and are weak we are fleash and he know that but you also know him and know what to do so take heart he will bring it to pass have a good week  and GOD bless you my sister kelley

  4. Oh, Mary, I very much relate!  I know those cycles and that need very well.  God bless you for reminding us all to spend more time with the Source.  -  Barbara

  5. Stop beating yourself up over your faith failings and just make a better effort to do what you think you need to do. Each of us finds our own way to "get it done" When you find it I suspect you will find a new peacefullness. My regards, Bill.