Psalms 86:5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. (NKJV)
Key things I pulled out from that verse: The Lord is Good, Ready to Forgive, Abundant Mercy, All who call upon him.
To say that my Bible is a bit dusty would be in all honesty.. an understatement. Ohh don't look sooo surprised lol the best of us fall into a cycle of laziness.. but as this verse says The Lord is Good. I am trying and that is what counts, reconizing it.. because you know we all fail and come short but God is good where he brings us back, corrects us, and draws us to himself...we just have to want to hear him and feel that drawing, that tugging on the heart and submit to it. I am trying to draw closer to him.. feel like I have not been as close to him as I should be. Yes this month has been very exciting for me as I was given the opportunities to speak on what God has done in my life and be apart of Pro-Life events.. but it is those inbetween times of life.. when I am in the daily grind, the unexciting things.. So much or little going on at once.. like I am in this place of where I know I need to do certain things or I am waiting on something or some one, there is a desire on my heart but no outlet, and no fruit.. like I am stuck inbetween. I can't explain it. Luke warm? hummm.. Frustrated?? humm.. Disconnected.. bingo.. that sounds more right. And you know what.. it is a yucky feeling.
I can blame it on alot of things.. Josh and Zane have been out of town two weeks now and wont be home till Friday. Everyday there seems to be something going on, you know how that goes. And with money being the way it has lately I have been trying to save where I can.. not drive as much because filling the gas tank is a killer.. and I guess I used that as part of my excuse of not going to church regularly.. it is so far from us now and you know all of the reasons you tell yourself it is ok to sleep in or that strugle to get everyone andyourslef ready to go out or there is something going on that trumps going and all the other bla bla bla excuses. I did go this last Sunday.. late.. but I am gald I went but still I feel disconected with what is going on there and the changes that are occuring. But my relationship with God does not depend on me being in a certain building on a certain day of the week or on my husband being home or any other things.. It does depend on the time I spend with HIM. And that is the heart of it all. I just have not been spending time with HIM. My prayer life has been stale for awhile now.. not that I don't talk to him everyday or think on him.. have that on going conversation all the time. It is that getting deep.. being still... waiting and listening or just spending time PRAISING Him for all he has done that I am lacking. I let myself get frustrated too with how this world is going, it is getting so dark and murky.. thick.. at times I talk back to the t.v. or the computer screen but I keep telling myself.. why are you still surprised.. you know why all that is happening.. maybe to the point of growing a hard heart because it hurts to see so much evil filling my country, and my world and no one seems to care or nothing is being done about it and it just gets worse. I don't have to give a list.. but it doesn't take much to see it.. flip on your news.. shoot just read the welcome screen on AOL or the movie reviews and you can see it if you have the eyes to see. In part I rejoice over some of the current events because it shows we are even closer to the return of my Lord and what an awesome time to be alive.. to be appointed for such a time as this.. to be in the last generation but behind each story is a heart that is hurting.. a person that is desperate for love.. people void of peace and in so much pain or filled with hate, some one who needs the Lord in their life.. some one who is heading for hell unless they repent and call upon the Name Of Jesus. Who is telling them the truth.. would they hear if they were told.. and where is my place in it all. Where is God taking me and where am I going to end up, what would he have me do? I am just one lone voice, who isn't as close as she should be, who is looked at as a freak in many circles (not that I care) ha or as intollerant and ignorant.. lol now whois that sounding like.
I guess what this is all boiling down too... I want and need more then what I have been doing or getting.. I want and need more of God in my life. And I know he wants to give me more of himself.. he already has done it all for me.. I just need to receive it, except it, draw near to him, shake off this cloud, this feeling of heaviness.. and put on the garments of praise. Joy.. where is the joy.. I have hints of it here and there but I want to bask in it, drink of it.. and it is easy really.. I just have to start, call upon him.. and he does the rest. If I just meditate on the fact that I am his child, that he took me so far from a life that was filled with so much sadness and pain, that I am not apointed unto wrath.. that he loves me.. that is all the Joy I need.
Can you relate? You hearing me? Or did this all just go whoosh over your head?
Going to start with today's verse.. Lord you are Good.. Forgive me for being the way I have been, thank you for your abundant Mercy towards me and ALL who call upon you.
Renew me Lord, draw me closer, change me where I need to bring myself inline with your will for me and my life. Help me with the choices and decisions that are coming up. Lead me and guide me. Fill me with that fire for you once again. IN JESUS NAME I PRAY. AMEN.