Monday, September 19, 2005

Reality Bites..

After two full weeks of not working.. I mean very long, long days at home, my husband informs me this morning he is likely leaving town tomorrow for an 8 week job. 

I am having very mixed emotions about this right now.  Should I be doing the happy dance or should I be sobbing? 

Well at least next week my bank account will be doing the happy dance because right now it is sobbing from being over drawn and being charged up the wazooo in over drafts.

How am I going to live.. survive the next month and a half with out the love of my life, the heart of our family, the one who keeps it all running and going????!

The last two weeks have not been all sun shine to say the least.  We were apart almost for two weeks and then thrown together almost non stop for two weeks.  There has been a strange spirit on my home because of it.  We have just gotten out of the getting to knowing each other again and being able to stand the annoying things that bug us about each other stage and become comfortable with each other, only to be taken apart again.  And you know the money issue always puts some stress on a marriage but I tell you ever since we moved there has been this weird strain on the both of us.  Snapping at each other over little things and grumpy moods abounding.  And it didn't help that some one got in the habit of staying up late and sleeping down on the couch.(Funny how he would tear me a new one for doing that before and now he has started doing it) I also have had some internal issues with myself and God and have in a way pushed God away and kept him at arms length. Ofcourse I am just coming off of my period and that always messes with my emotions.. it seemed like the mood around here was just starting to improve.

Next month is something of an important month around here and I don't know how I am going to handle it all with out Josh around.  My son is turning 11 on the 12th.. a tweenager! Parent-Teacher Conferences are coming up.. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools and we are not very happy with my son's school and some situations that have come up.  The plates on our van is up and some things need to be done to bring them up to date.  There are rumors about a neighborhood pick nickscheduled for October.. kind of a get to know your new neighbors sort of thing (there are a lot of newly built houses closing in Oct and Nov) We had wanted to do something about our backyard in the way of planting grass.. does he expect me to do all that myself?

Maybe if I scramble I can find a sitter for tonight so we can have some alone time.. a date night.. ughhh but wait.. we can't, we are BROKE, God's way of keeping us humble I believe.

I am very happy that he is finally going to get some steady work and we can catch up and maybe get a bit ahead.  I am just not thrilled about the fact that he has to be out of town and miss out on all these things that are going to be going on.  I am not sure I can stand it or that our marriage will hold up under him being a traveler.  And I know he feels the same way about leaving town.. happy about the work, sad about leaving.

What it is, is there has just been too many new things all at once.  New house and moving, New Job that takes him out of town more often, New schools for the kids,Me being out of town for a full week and coming home to new routines, basically a whole New Life. We are still adjusting and settling in.

Lord I am craving and needing your PEACE over all these things in my life.  Help!


  1. Gosh; Mary, I hope you can scramble around and get a babysitter for tonight so you can have some alone time with your hubby before he leaves for eight weeks. That would be so hard especially just getting used to him being around and then leaving again as well as the responsibilities of being a "single" parent in his absence. I know the Lord will give you the peace you seek and His grace is sufficient to meet your needs; just rely on Him.


  2. This entry made me very sad. I know exactly how you feel because Johnny and I went through this exact thing many times, including the moving and the sleeping on the couch thing. It is NOT good, but don't let satan get the best of you. NOW is not the time to fret, hon. It's time to make peace with GOD. That is what it will take to get things back on track. It's tough being separated from the one you love, but take advantage of it. Rather than let it get you down, determine to plan a surprise for Josh when he gets back home. It's not about money, hon, though GOD knows and understands our need of it. IT's really about our conception of what "love is' and our relationship with God. Your marriage will hold up, but only if you keep GOD in the picture and don't let satan keep you focused on all that is going wrong. What about those things that are going RIGHT? True, there might not be a lot of them but there is ONE HUGE RIGHT THING, which is GOD"S LOVE. Trust Him and everything will turn out all right. I PROMISE! I can promise because I have gone through all this too. Like you, I cried, felt discouraged, got angry and sad and wasted a lot of time doing nothing, except falling right into satan's hands. Once I realized the error of my ways, I asked God's forgiveness and asked Him to help me take it a day at a time; to guide my words and actions...and HE DID/
    BE strong in the Lord and He will not let you down. NOT EVER! if you can't trust the one who died for you, who then can you trust?
     Will be praying for you and Josh every day.
     Love you much

  3. ahhhh hugs mary. I cant see how you do it thats the one thing Todd and i dont do well with is being apart. now money problmes we just went thru per my journal and are coming out of but I tellyou we seem to not take that against one another. we jump to each ohters defense and you gotta figure out a way to do that how far away will he be??????????? cnat he find work elsehwere ????????? I know this is driving you nuts and if he could find work somepalce else you guys woudl dot hat but its jsut so hard on a marraige and you handling stuff on your own. good thing your not working. remember when he wanted you to get a job and you did not get one. well good thing you dont have one. you need to be home as much as possible. its hard to handle this stuff on your own. hey if i as there i d watch the kids and help you sew grass in yoru yard you poor hting.

  4. Hi! thanks for the support and sweet words in the email. I'll miss you, but plan on checking on you through your journal.
    Bless your heart, I can tell you are confused about the job issue. But, God will guide you through it and get you where you need to be. hold on to your striong faith,, He is always ther for us. God bless, Beckie

  5. Mary, I am sorry you are going through all of this.  I couldn't imagine not having a husband around for eight weeks.  Hang in there, and ask the Lord what to do about the situation, and to sustain you during the times that your hubby is gone.


  6. God bless the both of you.....take a page out of my book and use this time apart to re-establish a consistent time in the Bible and with God each day.  Ask Him to help you be the wife He knows Josh needs....the wife He desires you to be.....ask Him to help you to see Josh as He sees him.  Give God control of your days, ask Him to order help you chose what to tackle and what to let go.  If you are moving back closer to God when Josh returns again, you'll find that time together richer and smoother.  -  Barbara

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