Something that has been weighing heavy on my mind is my little brother Tommy. His last letter from prison is very depressing, not that they have ever been light reading, it is just this last one he seems even more sad. He has been moved to another prison and is in "Lock Down" because he lost his temper and threatened another inmate. He claims he is mentally ill and is hearing "voices" and is not getting any help for it. Now if you know my brother like I know him this is his MO.. attention getting.. poor is me..no responsibility..its not my fault.. what am I going to do..God doesn't love me and why would he bother with me.. same old same old. Some times I want to roll my eyes at his letters and other times they make me cry. There is NOTHING I can do for the boy but what I already have been doing.. praying for him. Last year when he had asked if you could call once a month from prison I agreed. I said ONLY once a month because it is VERY expensive to take his collect calls.. to the tune of $25 for every 15 min. call. (a scam to me) But he could not follow that and I had to put a block on my phone. Granted I have not written him like I could but I have a life. I did go up Sunday at church to have prayer for my brother and ask God to keep working on him and to silence the demonic voices he claims to be hearing. My church family is aware of what is going on and my pastor even has started writing him.
To bring newbies up to speed.. my brother lived with us for awhile and was doing well, graduated from Job Core, had a good job in security, moved in with a coworker who was very nice and kind of a father figure to him. But Tommy could just not stay away from drugs.. crack to be exact. He is a Crack Head.. in the real sense of the word.. he is not just an idiot. He lost his job and his co-worker at witts end form the lying and stealing kicked him out. Tommy was in and out of state rehabs and was at a half way house and then eventually homeless. He moved back up to Wis and got in more trouble there.. robbery and some other charges he had hanging over his head from before he moved down here and then got a prison term.
Any one else who has a friend or family member who is an addict can understand about how you have to come to a point and cut them off, tough love.. let them get to their lowest before they can find their way back. Addicts can be very manipulative and love those who are their enablers. I forgive him for all he has done to our family.. the money is written off.. we know we will never see that again. But I don't want to fall into a trap again of feeling so sorry for him that I let him back in and he screws us over AGAIN. And my husband wouldn't let it even get that far but I do love my brother. Our children do love their Uncle Tommy. We don't talk down about him to the kids.. we just use him as an example of what not to do. They write him and make cards for him. I had to hold in a laugh and tell my one daughter she might want to redo a card she had made.. she had a picture of Tommy in prison strips behind bars on the front of it.
The Lord says we are to forgive but he did not mean we had to let it keep happening to us. I want to say to him I love you and will let you back into my trust but that trust is so broken only an act of God can repair it. I want to take my block off my phone so we can talk and he can hear my prayers for him but I know that he will not keep his calls down to the once a mouth. I should talk to Josh about it and see if he is willing to at least try it and if anything if he starts to call more often we can put the block back on. He has at least another year in prison, if not two.. I am not sure. I know there is a scripture about visiting those in prison but since he is in a Wisconsin one it is just not economical for us to go often. My little sister and Mom go from time to time and that is encouraging to him.
When my brother is NOT on drugs and has his stuff together he is a decent person. He can be very kind and go that extra mile to help another person. He loves my children and my sister's children very much and feels ashamed that he is in jail and is not a good example to them. Tommy can be very loyal to his friends.. when he is not on the drugs. We grew up in the same household so I can see how he is screwed up and may want to go to the drugs.. but hey there comes a point when you have to grow up and deal with those hurts and find healing and not keep blaming others for your problems. If you have read my testimony at all you see that if it wasn't for the Lord coming into my life I may very well of been right where my brother is at today. My deepest desire for my brother is that he too can come into that relationship with Christ and know his LOVE and find that HEALING and PEACE that only Jesus Christ can give. With out it I don't think he will ever turn around and sadly will end up in HELL.. an even worst place than he is in now.
So Please friends keep my little brother Tommy in your prayers, for his recovery, for his redemption, for a life change. And if you do feel lead to write him an encouraging letter, e-mail me for his address.