OH THE DRAMA.. And this will be the first and last I will ever speak of it.

What are these journals for?  What do they mean to you?  I am way too honest here for the most part and I leave myself very open at times.  Yes, that is probly stupid but what am I to do?  I am addicted lol  And I THOUGHT I had some really awsome friends threw it.  I have another journal but I keep that one separtate from this.  It is the one I go to write and explore my darker thoughts, my fluff, and my past.. but I say specificly what parts are embelished and what is truth.  I have no reason to suck someone in to a lie and make them think I am someone I am not.  Even that journal is much more laced with truth then fiction, it is very obvious who I am if you know me and read it.  On that screen name I DO NOT chat or make friends. (NO I AM not going to link ya there lol but it is easy to find)

J~Land is a very unique place.  We love deeper here, we feel deeper here and we fall harder here than what we probly would off line.  I know I am very trusting and take each post for what it says it is.  In J~Land it is not unconcivable that ppl make things up as they go or do not represent themselves correctly.. we all embelish here and there I am sure.  I do find it hard to belive that some one would carry a lie so far as to make tons of loving adoring friends with that personality they made up and keep up with what was said to who and live it out.  That would be too much effort for me but I guess that is how some ppl are.  You always hear the warnings about being careful who you talk to and keep in mind that ppl are not always who they say they are.  BUT HERE IN J~LAND??? COME ONE! NO ONE IS LIKE THAT REALLY HERE!? Are they??  Ya, well, anything is possible.  I know last year it was devistating to many when Truth came out about a certain fake journal and a fake death.. so much so it made a real friend's loss almost unbelievable.. I am still on the fence about Frank, thanks to Raven.

Why would a person feel compelled to make up a total alter ego?  I am sure there are papers written on that subject that would make us understand and even feel compassion for the ones who do this.  Does that make it hurt any less?? Do you feel less foolish knowing some one sucked you in and you wallowed there with them for a while?  What does it do to you when you find out some one you came to love and care for was totaly made up and you really can never know the truth about them?  It only goes to prove what Josh has been telling me for way too long.. I am way too involved here, too invested, this thing is a theif of my time and love and attention.  Yes I get that.  That is why I tried to stay away for awhile and get my head back.  Half tempted to just do what he wants and cancel AOL all together.   

I have felt that the ppl I meet on here have enriched my life, not taken from it for the most part.  I like to think I have touched ppl too and spoken into thier lives.  My hurt side wants to re-coil and build up a wall and shut everyone out and give ya'll a big middle finger and tell you where to go.  But that would not be fair to the honest friends I have and I would miss them alot.  All I can say is I don't care if some one is flawed or imperfect.. I do not look for that in friends.  I just want to know the core things about you are true, the essence of you, your soul.  I can handle a fake pic or an extravicant made up story here and there but a whole made up life... that is harder to go along with.  And the crazy thing is if some one had done this and later came clean about it all.. I CAN FORGIVE THAT.  Start over and come to know the real person behind the screen name.  The truth is so much better than a lie.  Not always pretty or easy to live with, but as the saying goes, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to decive".  What a heavy burdon it would be to live a life of lies day in and day out.  How freeing it is to tell the truth and have nothing more to hide.

I hate the rumor mill and I soooo try not to take part in gossip.  Gossip is what kills friendships.  But we all get sucked into it here and there and gossip and rumors always are abundant here online.  The internet can be like the Devil's play ground and he can set many traps here for some one who is not guarded.  Even the most honest and trusting person can walk into them.  Those are the ones he loves to ensnare!  He loves termoil and upheval.  He thrives on the Drama we allow ourselves to be in.  I hear him laughing saying " HAHAHAHA.. now you can never trust and look what I did to you.. you deserved it, you know you do."

I would rather beilve what ppl tell me.. trust and not always think bad about ppl.. I may never know the whole truth and who is who or what is what, it makes me feel sick that I was lied to, I don't lie to ppl but God knows the full truth and you can not hide anything from him.  So I may never know the full story behind Pat's entry lastnight on his journal and on his faces journal, and that is probly for the best.  I am glad I am going to be gone all weekend and step away from this Drama and let it all work it's self out on it's own.  I hope that with in a few weeks everything will go back to normal.. but I know we all get just a bit more jaded when these questions come up.  And that is so sad.

Satan.. Get Behind me... Away with you from my life!  I cast you and your demon's back to where you came and I will not entertain you anylonger in my life! You have distracted me long enough! My focus is totaly on the Lord now! IN JESUS NAME I CAST YOU OUT OF MY LIFE AND YOU SHALL NOT HURT ME LIKE THIS AGAIN!

*throwing some holy water onto my keyboard* oh no.. can't do that lol it would short it out! jk...