Pimping out and some bable about the weekend..

Ya! I know most of you know about Pat's  new J but it is always being updated.  Worthy of being on the new alerts list! Here is a link to my bio write up and the directory.  That pic of me is over a year old and obviously differnt from the one I use in my side bar lol.  The one I sent over to Pat is the one I let AOL use when they fetured me once  upon a time.  It's my real deal pic, no make up, under eye bags and all.  Debating if I should do a re-take lol but that is me.. The one on the side bar is one of my fav pics of myself.  21, with only two kids, in our little apartment, me being silly with Annie's feathers.  I was still very much a kid in that pic (when I picture myself in my head, that is how I look) But you can see the stress of kids and married life starting to make its wear and tear in the eyes I think?  

Tuesday already?!! The weekend came and went, thankfuly but ugh a new week lol.  Confessing here, I am a bit hung-over this morning, so I am not ready to see the light of day just yet. YES, I said HUNG-OVER!  I think I have drinken more this last weekend then I have all summer lol.  It started out simple yesterday, a rum and coke over at the In-Laws but turned into another one with a bit more rum and a little less coke and carried over to our old friends house we stoped by at on the way home.  

Josh's Dad and Step Mom live about a 45 min drive away or so, depending on traffic ofcourse, so it is always a bit of a production in my mind's eye to get ready to go down there, and that is not often.  I like to plan and prepare but this time was a last min. trip.  We got invited to thier Holiday BBQ, as an after thought I think but we had nothing going on and it had been a while since the kids seen them we headed down there.  We are not terribly close with them but we are working on it.. those uncomfortable pauses are becoming less and less.  Sometimes Josh is so cute with his dad lol talking about guy stuff and cars and bikes and building and the mecanics of the World.  I know this is what Josh had longed for growing up and the part of why we moved down here from Milwaukee in the first place but it has taken a awhile to get to that.  I love them but Jeanne is a worry wart and control freak and that played a big part in us moving away lol we used to live right down the street from them.  Now when she says "I wish you guys lived closer so we could do this or that (false promises) I tell her she could always come out by us and that would settle everything lol. 

 I brought down the dig camcorder and let Zane go to town with it in the back yard, he wants to be a director and has been begging me for weeks now to use it.  I told him as long as he doesnt drop it or scratch it up go for it.  I will have to watch it today and see what he taped and what pics he took.  Pics I took from Sat are still on the memory card.  I did alot of close up shots of flowers and stuff in the yard, thinking of drawing from the pics.  So anyway, Zane killed the battery so when we went over to S and B's house down the street from the In-Laws I couldn't get pics with them.  

 I will have to dig back a few months about the post on S and B for all the back ground but it is always an ify thing to go and see them or even call them.  We used to be real tight neighbors and friends.  When we moved away from them that didn't change, only when we became Christians did the separation start.  And that stings still.  Last time we saw them I think was the begining of summer, a quick stop by to say HI and that was uncomfortable.  When we pulled up and all got out of the van they was in the drive working on an old truck S was trying to rivive from the dead, with a grill smoking in the back. S will always be a chief even if he cant work as one anymore. I saw them tense up when we walked up but that changed right away when I told B that I was a tad drunk from being over at the In-Laws and asked if she had any rum and coke to finish me off (her fav drink lol).  I anit going to lie, it felt nice to act like we was close again and nothing changed, even if it was only for an hour but I know that is fleeting and makes me sad. 

 OK MARY.. time to stop looking back, you keep saying you closed that door on your past, but for some reason lately you keep peeking in the cracks wondering what is still behind it!  YOU know what is there, and it may sound fun and all that, but it is heart break and a sad life, an old dead life with out Christ! 

 Focus.. Focus!!

  DC Talk/ Into The Light:

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from you
I am the king of excuses
I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do

What’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

(chorus)
I wanna be in the light
As you are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, lord be my light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the light
All I want is to be in the light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It’s a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus)

Honesty becomes me
[there’s nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[in your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[and riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[has been sentenced to this earth]
Has been sentenced to this earth

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior

(repeat chorus 2x)

[there’s no other place that I want to be]
[no other place that I can see]
[a place to be that’s just right]
[someday I’m gonna be in the light]
[you are in the light]
[that’s where I need to be]
[that’s right where I need to be]