On Writing.. I SUCK..I SUCK..I REALLY REALLY SUCK(song adapted from some obscure AdamSandler movie)

OK. The Water Boy is not an obscure movie, but when I wrote the title for this post I couldn't think what movie it was.

A few days ago I DID get that book my mom had called me about. I failed to note it here because.. well I had other stuff going on right!  I tore into the vanilla envelope it came in with excitement. Aww Steven.. I thought we were threw! But you know my mom, always an avid fan of his and I did say I wanted this book of his.  Got to love my MOM, she is even trying to suck Zane into King's world with her Christmas gift of a pop up book based on King's, The Girl Who Loved Tommy Gordon.  I guess I am over how he ended The Dark Tower and this is not a fiction book. 

On Writing, may not be fiction but reading some of the antidotal stories from his childhood reads like horror. Poor guy.. no wonder he is twisted. LOL.  If I had a 200 pound babysitter sit on me and fart on my face over and over again I would probly be a nut job too. (jk I don't know if King is a nut job for real, I really do love him you know) 

I started to read it right away but with THREE forwards I  wondered if he would ever just get to it all ready!  With my handy dandy highlighter in hand I was ready to glean any pearls of wisdom this successful writer had to offer.  But then you know how life gets in the way and I had to put it down. *bla*  Tonight I got some quiet time and sat down with Mr King, with highlighter in hand again.  Josh thinks this is funny for some reason.  I think it reminds me of school daze and makes me thirsty to learn.

So I am reading this really informative book about King's life and about writing and highlighting thoughts that ring out to me and I realize.. I SUCK AS A WRITER AND WILL NEVER MAKE MONEY DOING IT! Why set myself up for rejection after rejection?

So thank Mr. Steven King for me quitting writing all together.. and that is the end. No more journal. Good bye.

 

YA.. AS IF!  You can't keep me away from my journal writing.  I was just Goshing ya.

But reading ON Writing and only being on  page 63 of 291, I do know that I have a lot of growth to do before I can remotely call myself a writer.  I think about that book I was working on, just siting in the computer file folder, all sad  and lonely, just waiting for major revision and rewrite and I want to just delete it. What's the point of finishing it if it will be rejected by an editor anyway? I look at all the awesome writers here in ~J Land, who I so respect and love, and I know they are more than I will ever be. I hear that song play in my head from above commented movie sung in choirs.. You suck, you suck, you really really suck!

Sure I love to write. But the most writing exercise I do is here and let's face it, it is not fiction, but real life, disorganized, after thought writing. I don't do poetry. I barely passed English and Composition in school (to my credit I was raising a brilliant baby boy, running a household and working). I AM the world's worst speller, my vocabulary could use a big kick in the butt and I must horrify Pat with my grammar.  I am a hack.  Where did I get this idea that I could be a writer?

Sure everyone here in Journal Land is a writer to some degree or why else would we be here?  But what makes some one a real bone-afied writer?  King suggest writers aren't made but are formed. He does say that he thinks a large number of people have at least some talent and that talent can be strengthen and sharpened.  So maybe there is hope for me yet?

Awww go away negative thoughts.. you mean demons.. shut up and leave me be!

I guess I am letting the negative voices attack in the area of writing so they will leave me alone in the others.  I guess this is my, oh poor is Mary, entry.

I can not even go into all the suckyness (great word huh) that has been going on this week.  I am trying to stay focused and positive and remember when I am at my weakest, The Lord is at his strongest in me.  Keep me poor Lord and dependant on you, you know how careless I get when I start to think we may actually pay the bills.  I won't call this week hungry week because nothing is in the cabinets.. no.. this is fasting. And he must figure I am spending too much time on the computer so the money I thought we would have for the phone bill and the DSL is being held for a time later, so I can sit and be still and undistracted. (plan on me making a lot of voice entries in the weeks to come, if I still have a phone) And there must be a reason why we can not keep two cars running and are down to one again. And Josh getting a ticket is a nice touch, he should of had insurance on it and had that tail light fixed after only having it barely a week.. silly him for being outside the law.

The Up Side, because there is always one as Barb will tell you, we did e-file our taxes and are getting more back then what Josh had figured on paper. I may acutely get that dental work done!!! But I am trying not to be to to hopeful about that and will refrain from throwing a party till the money does come in, the appointments set and the surgeon and dentists paid up front. Yeah!! I am really looking forward to two months with no teeth.

Ok enough of that.  I have entertained these demonic thoughts long enough. < : P