You know.. I think I am going to stop signing up to go to things or making plans with people because when it comes down to it I never get to go or something happens and I am tiered of it.
This Saturday my church is hosting a Ladies Friendship Day, a luncheon and a conference. I was pretty excited to go and wanted to use it as an opportunity to invite some of the ladies in my life that I have met but haven't had a chance to really know well.. the mothers of my son's friends. I went all out and even got cards to invite them thinking if they saw it in writing they would remember it and couldn't use that tired excuse that they forgot. I only invited 3 ladies but they were ones that God has really put on my heart. One card I gave to the mother personaly and the other two I sent to school with Zane to give to his friends to give to thier moms. I did the follow up calls to make sure they got them but couldn't get anyone on the phone. Can you tell I was really putting an effort forth?? *sigh* Am I the only one on the planet that doesn't have a life and can make time for these things?? Seems so. So I am somewhat frustrated about all that. I really want to be closer friends with these ladies.. any one.. hello.. I am a lonely stay at home mom here who Loves God and wants to share that love with you!! As much as I love my online friends.. I need more.. I need some one here to hear ME, do things with, go places with, and share. I am always the one listen to these ladies vents and fears and all that but when it comes to me who is here for me? I have been kinka taking stock of my friendships lately.. and the truth be told.. I am a loner with no real close friends. Sure I have friends at church but I only see them at church lately..and any efforts I make to get closer is shut down it seems because ppl live busy lives.
Josh's Mom is coming to town this weekend and she was going to go with me to the Ladies Friendship Day but then Josh just called telling me he is working overtime the rest of this week and Saturday also. Gurr.. So I can't go because of that.. or I could go and ask his mom to watch the kids but that is not the point.. it would be nice to have some one go with me to this!
There is a Bible Study on Prayer that I was invited to go to from the Mom's In Touch group I am semi associated with. It is a six week study meeting on Tue nights. I would like to go but reading more about the author of the book they want to use makes me go gurrr because she is also mixed up with some false teaching.. so hard to find a good bible study book these days and I refuse to sift threw the bad to get to one nugget of good truth. And besides anytime I sign up for things my husband grumbles and rolls his eyes and some thing always comes up preventing me from going. Like my whole life is being sabotaged!!
Also I am getting sick of being the family secretary.. I hate talking on the phone with ppl because often I am not sure how to deal with ppl or the proper way to ask for things. I have to call two different doctor offices and get copies of physicals from two years ago for Josh and Zane so they can go to camp in June. Also I had to deal with TransUnion to get our credit reports.. they wouldn't let me do it on the phone so I did it online and it wont print right. I need this info so I can fax it over to the Grant Lady so we can get the ball rolling on us getting into a house. Josh wants me to call her and see if we can get in to see her and maybe show her on the computer from her office (somehow I don't think that will work or is what she wants) so I have to call her who is almost impossible to get on the phone.
I want to be left alone.. curl up in a ball and cry cry cry.. but I know that isn't right.. that isn't what the plan is for my life.. I am supposed to be out there and building relationships with ppl, being salt and light. Kind of hard to do that when no one wants to work with you on building those relationships.