Recently one of the journals I read decided to have a second, more personal journal in private. She felt that maybe some of her venting about family life would not be a good witness and defeat what she was trying to do with her public journal, plus she has a real privacy issue (understandable). Then one of the ladies from church read my journal (after I had given her the link to the breast cancer post) and read my rant about friendships and I know she is very sensitive and may of felt it was about all the women in my life including her. She e-mailed me and said we should make more of an effort to do things together. That was nice and great and made me happy but I don't know, I wasn't directing my vent at her and I feel like maybe I hurt her in some way. That is not my intention at all. I normally do not have a lot of ppl who know me off line read my journal (or if they do they are quiet lurkers, tisk tisk) so I have had the feeling of freedom to write what every comes to mind with little consequences and yet I WANT ppl to read my blog, because sometimes I can write what I am thinking much better then saying it out loud. Also my husband has asked that I keep some restrictions in my writing about his work life and the things he brings home and talks about not be put in here. And yes that is understandable but a bit frustrating when what happens to him does effect me and I can't talk about it.
So I am flirting with the idea of having a private journal. A place to keep the things that may not be appropriate in this one but things I want to write about to get off my chest. Then the whole thing about who would I invite to read it or not read it or should I just leave it for me and what not comes up. I have kind of been proud of the fact that my journal is public and ppl can see me live out my life in Christ, what a great witness I thought. But as we all know I am not perfect, so my walk is not always perfect. Some think that will effect how others see Christ, while I think all the more reason to let them see the good and the bad, so they know he is with me threw it all.
If you go back to some of my org. entries you will read why I started this one and the feeling of taking back the freedom and control to write my private thoughts. I thought if it was public no one could use it against me and hurt me, unlike what happen with my diary growing up. Thus it is called HUNYBEA'S OPEN JOURNAL! lol So I am wondering if I do have a private journal will I still be true to myself? Would I feel like maybe I should change the fabulous title on this one? And as scatterbrained as I am, can I keep up with two journals?? If you notice my journal jar entries are not very often lol. I deleted awhile ago the journal I had kept that was my more creative writing one, exploring more of the darker themes. It was just not fun and not honest or it got toooo honest and I didn't want anyone to read between the lines.
I guess I just need to really examine what I am trying to say and do with this public one and if my real private thoughts and rants will fit in with it. I have a feeling that more ppl I know offline will start to come here. The new church directory is coming out soon and I put my blog address with our personal info. Ya, I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing either LOL but I can't take it back.