I JUST SHOULD OF KNOWN better.. just another rant by me, no need to read.

(Can't believe I am posting my x-rays!)

 

Josh did come home today!  I had to pick him up at the shop around 11.  I felt like a hoosier (slang here in MO for white trash, not the basketball players from IN).  I had to go on the highway to pick him up so I found a bungie cord to tie my driver's side door shut, since I NEVER GoT THE THING FIXED.  And you know what?????????? Not two seconds after looking at it Josh had it fixed!  Seee, just like I showed you before huny.. gurrr.. But I had messed with it and messed with it to no avail but I am glad that is fixed now. Guess I am NOT mechanically inclined.

It took Josh about 5 min. to ask "hey, did you color your hair?"  Why yes I did, thanks for noticing.  He said it looked good and he liked it and that I did a good job for it being done by myself. (feel like I have had to do ALOT of stuff by myself lately) We did go out to lunch on our way home to the Old Style Country Buffet.  Got the idea from Sophia and Lilly, they was telling daddy about when Bob and Nancy took us. It was good, but I just didn't have an appetite today for some reason.  I even skipped the dessert they have laid out. mmm Cheese Cake, but I just wasn't in the mood.  By the time we got home it was already time for me to start getting ready for my appointment with the Oral surgeon (yuck) I totally had spaced it and didn't do the paper work they sent me ahead of time to fill out.

This was the first time I had been to this office and I got lost trying to find it.  I am not good with directions too as well as not mechanically inclined. So I was late 15 min.  Very nice office building and very nice waiting room. Artsy fartsy I would say but soothing. As I was finishing out filling the paper work Opera was on in the back ground.  The show was about transgender children, ugh, don't get me started, needless to say I wanted to scream, shut off that crap! But I held my tounge, I had plenty of other things on my mind than to be a ranting conservative at that moment.

I had brought in the pricey x-rays the dentist had taken of me, as instructed.  But apparently this office wanted their own set. So this very thick accented Hispanic assistant brought me back to take a second set, free of charge they assured me. (ya right I am thinking, nothing inthis world is free of charge) She makes me take off my glasses and my ear rings! I never take my ear rings off! I didn't have to before, but anyway.. She noticed my tat on my ankle and was trying to read it and she asked me about it.  Ohh that lol I forget I even have it.. You know the conversation I have had only a million times.  As she is putting me in the high tech face thingy she makes small talk and asks if I have kids, and as usual I floor her with my answer of 4.  I am used to that.  Some reason ppl find it fascinating that someone my age should have so many kids.

After the pamarammic x-rays I am lead to a freezing cold room and I wait.  This was just a consultation, no work to be done today. The doctor/surgan, what ever title comes in.  He is very nice, a nice Jewishboy as they say. He noticed and commented on my matching lime green sandals and toe nails and hair scrungie lol.  (maybe I DO have an eye for fashion?) And we have a chit chat about all the teeth I need pulled and if I was going to have a plate fitted right after or if I was going to wait the 8 weeks to heal and how also (ouch) how he was going to have to smooth things out and cut into some of my gums after wards.  It was decided that I should be knocked out with when the day comes (if the day comes). Yes, this is all stuff I expected and was ready for, I really wanted to know how much it was all going to cost and ofcourse the Doctor has nothing to do with that part and sends in another office lady. Clip board in hand and armed with forms she lays it out for me. OMG even with insurance it is going to cost such a pretty penny!  I knew it would, but I had tried to put that out of my head leading up to now.  Ofcourse they don't do payment plans and its all up front, oh but wait we could apply for a line of credit and have no interest for 3 months... I am shaking my head, knowing that would be a waste of time. I tell her thank you so much for explaining it all to me but ofcourse before I do anything I have to talk it all over with my husband.  OFCOURSE I HAD ASKED HIM TO COME IN WITH ME FOR THIS VERY REASON! But he opted to stay home with the girls.  I also find it ridiculous that I was charged $49 for this little appointment..

I get back to the van, and sit and have a good cry and pity party. Lack of sleep has also contributed to thislittle emotional out break among other things. I come to the realization that NO WAY am I getting my teeth fixed any time soon like I had so hoped. I kiss my smile good bye for what maybe another year, how ever long it will take to save the several thousands of dollars required.  (HELL NO, we will NOT  be asking for money from my mom or his parents) In the back of my head is the voice that says this is the exact thing I should stand on faith with and go to my Heavenly Father about it all. So this makes me cry even more for I so don't deserve to be blessed, but I look up and say "Daddy in heaven, oh how I love you and please forgive me for all that has been going on, help me get ahold of it all.  I know I don't want to come to you just when I am in trouble and need help, but it seems like that is the case here."  Normally this gives me great comfort but Satan has been doing a dance with my life it feels lately, and I have been holding his hand and not stopping it, so ofcourse I feel far away and disconnect from God. I think "resist the devil and he shall flee" but he knows when I am at my weakest it seems.. and he knows when I have not been straight with God.. So he throws in his voice saying "Ha ha, told you so, why did you even try or hope this time would be different. Money money, makes the world go round"

Another, almost sweet angelic voice plays in my head "I LOVE YOU MARY Bella & Amour" and tingles go straight down to my toes. *sigh* swoon* tug*

I get home and Josh is surprised to see me, since he had called the office I was at asking them to have me call when I was done. He was all suited up in is whites, ready to leave for a job he had been called to, but it was just down the street.  Before I go I lay it out for him what was said and how I had come to the conclusion that there is NO WAY this can be done right now.  He wrinkles is brow and says that I should get that factory job he had told me about that pays $10-15 an hour. gurrrrrrrr... he even went on line later to see if he could look it up for me.  Stomping my foot here! I DON'T WANT A FACTORY JOB DANG IT. But what choice do I have right?  I can just see how it's going to be (did I mentition I am NOT mechanically inclined?) where I am going to be some "Roseanne" busting her hump in a hot or cold, dirty, smelly, factory, wasting away knowing I can do better.  This is not how I had pictured my life, how did I get here?

And end of mindless ranting

BTW Josh will likely be going again out of town to that same job in the morning, that as he puts it, they can't just seem to get a break with it. He is waiting for the call in the morning. He says that if it is not done by Sunday he is coming home for sure and asking not to be placed on that type of jobs anymore. (like he has a choice in the matter?)